Title: Doloris
Author: Tina
Spoilers: All seasons, minor. No LHB, though
Feedback: Yes please, flame, praise or constructive
will all be much appreciated.
Anger, hurt were on two of the feeling that she was
currently experiencing.
Torment, anguish two more and she could go on like
that forever adding feelings that pained and tormented
her soul.
She wiped away the tear that had found its way down
her cheek and found it was futile when another one
replaced it.
'Damn you,' she gently cursed.
Why couldn't he just let her in, share some of the
feelings and thoughts that so obviously haunted him.
It hurt both her and him; it hurt their relationship.
'What relationship,' she exclaimed bitterly.
Whatever they had had, whatever it had been that had
made people talk that had made her husband jealous it
was all gone now. Whatever it had that been between
them it was gone.
She had always thought of it as a match being lighted,
the beginning of their relationship, that then ignited
some sort of inflammable material, the strengthening
of that relationship, the flames growing warmer and
higher, the passion that had started to build between
them, then even warmer, and she had thought if would
burn them, then he had backed away, slowly suffocating
the fire between them, it had become colder and colder
and she couldn't even remember the last time she had
felt warm.
She needed him, his warmth, his strength, his
friendship, and his love.
She had thought he needed her for the same reasons.
Maybe she had been wrong, she couldn't be sure.
She undressed and put on a terrycloth robe.
She needed to shower, to attempt to get warm again.
She slowly walked to the bathroom. The cold floor
against her bare feet sent shills up her spine.
When she finally reached the bathroom she discarded
the bathrobe and stepped into the shower before her
skin had developed too many goose bumps from the shock
of the sudden exposure to coldness.
She turned on the shower and set the controls to make
the water as hot as possible.
She stood under it fully aware of that it was
scorching her flesh but she couldn't feel it.
She could feel that it wasn't cold but she couldn't
feel it was hot either.
When she looked down at her skin she saw how red and
scorched it had become and realizing how hard it would
be to hide it at work she reluctantly stepped out of
the shower.
She still wasn't warm.
She didn't feel the pain of her scorched flesh.
The only pain she felt was emotional and it didn't
matter what physical pain she caused herself. The
emotional would always be worse because it was caused
by him.
The end