SPOILERS: none
RATING: PG-13
CATEGORY: Olivia/Elliot relationship, angst, sequel
SUMMARY: Fantasies may be wonderful, but what happens when reality hits? Sequel to 'Fantasies.'
DISCLAIMER: The TV series Law & Order: SVU are the property of NBC and Wolf Films. This fan fiction piece was created for entertainment not monetary purposes. Previously unrecognized characters and places, and the story, are copyrighted to the author. No infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended.
AUTHORS NOTES: A huge thanks to Becci for beta'ing this for me. This is the sequel to 'Fantasies.' You should probably read it first or this may be confusing.
DEDICATION: To my fellow Olivia/Elliot shippers, for hassling me to finish this and letting me know I'm not the only shipper out there.
FEEDBACK: Yes Please! I'd love to know what you think, but no flames please.
By the time Elliot got home, Kathy was in bed asleep. He watched her for a few minutes, wondering how he was supposed to crawl in beside her when he had been with another woman less than an hour before. He shook his head, deciding he should shower before he did anything. He could still smell Olivia on him, still smell that unique scent of sex.
He stripped off his clothes, throwing them in the hamper and grabbing a pair of sweat pants from his drawer, before he headed into the bathroom. He turned on the shower, watching the steam rise for a moment before getting under the needle hot spray. He needed it hot to wash away the feeling of her hands on him, her body under his. He closed his eyes, wondering how he would be able to look at her without seeing her flushed face and smouldering eyes.
Elliot stayed under the spray until the water started to run cold. Only then did he get out and dry himself. He threw the pair of seat pants on and then walked out of the bathroom. He paused beside the bed but realized that he couldn�t do it. He couldn�t get in bed with her after what he�d done. Sighing, he wandered out of the bedroom and down the stairs to the den where he grabbed the remote and stretched out on the sofa.
He was still in the same position when Kathy found him the next morning.
�What are you doing down here?� she asked, an eyebrow raised.
�I must have fallen asleep watching TV,� he replied, glad at least that hadn�t been a lie.
She shook her head, smiling. �What am I going to do with you? I hope you don�t start complaining about a crick in your neck, because I�ll have no sympathy for you.�
He managed a smile, rising to a sitting position and groaning as his neck and back protested. �What time is it?�
�Almost eight. You better hurry or you�ll be late for work.�
He nodded, getting to his feet and heading for the stairs. He sighed in relief when Kathy didn�t follow him, glad for the reprieve. By the time he made it back down the stairs, the children were up and getting ready for school. It gave him the excuse he needed to avoid telling Kathy, so after giving them all a kiss, he headed off to work.
*****
When he got to work, Elliot went straight to the locker room. As he walked through the door though, he stopped as he spotted Olivia sitting on one of the benches. She was leaning forward, with her elbows resting on her knees and looked lost in thought.
�Hi,� he greeted tentatively.
She jumped at the sound of his voice, startled from her thoughts. �Uh, hey,� she returned getting to her feet. She started rummaging through her locker but Elliot could see that it was only to avoid looking at him.
�Are you okay?� he asked.
�Yeah, fine,� she replied, but didn�t look at him.
�Olivia...�
�Did you tell Kathy?� she asked him, cutting off what he was going to say.
�No, I didn�t.�
�Are you going to?�
�I don�t know,� he told her honestly.
She nodded, turning back to her locker. A part of her had thought, or more correctly hoped, that he�d tell Kathy that he was leaving her. That he wanted to be with her instead. Of course her more cynical side soon asked her why he�d give up sixteen years of marriage for a screwed up detective with a load of emotional baggage.
Elliot reached out and touched her arm, feeling the muscles tense beneath his hand. She shrugged it off, closing her locker and moving away from him. �Cragen wants to see us in his office,� she told him, moving towards the door.
�Olivia,� he called. �We�re going to have to work this out.�
�There�s nothing to work out,� she replied and left the locker room.
Elliot sighed and sat on the bench that Olivia had recently vacated. Last night his fantasy may have come true, but the morning had come and reality had hit full force.
*****
Things didn�t improve as the day wore on, in fact they got worse. Sure, they both got the job done, but the tension between them had gone from silence to constant bickering. The others had started to notice, but no one had been game to ask what was going on.
Olivia had been the first to call it a day, needing to get away from Elliot and get things into perspective. She hadn�t thought it would be so difficult to be close to him, but she had constantly found herself reaching out to touch him or remembering how he�d looked as he�d moved above her. The only way she could cover her embarrassment was to start an argument with him. She needed some time to come to terms with the fact that all they would have was that one perfect time together.
She walked into her apartment and turned to close the door. Then she stopped, looking at the door. She remembered feeling Elliot push her against it, remembered reveling in the feel of his body pressing into hers.
She slowly let out the breath that had caught in her throat, turning and heading to the kitchen for a much needed drink.
*****
While Olivia had left work at the first opportunity, Elliot was trying to find work to do. He wasn�t sure he could deal with going home, but there was no way he could trust himself to go out to a bar again. He�d thought briefly about going to Olivia�s to try and talk things out, but he felt that she probably needed some time. Besides, he wasn�t sure if he could trust himself to be alone with her so soon.
�Are you planning on going home tonight?� Cragen asked, as he walked towards Elliot�s desk.
Elliot shrugged. �Just trying to clear some of this backlog,� he replied.
Cragen looked at what he was working on. �Seems more like you�re trying to create work, if you ask me.� He looked closely at his officer. �Are you having problems at home?�
�Things have been better,� Elliot admitted.
�You can�t hide away from your problems forever, Elliot,� Cragen told him. �You have to face them sometime.�
�I know. I�m just not sure that I can do it now,� Elliot replied. �If only you knew what my problem was,� he thought to himself.
�If you need to talk, you know where I am,� Cragen told him, placing a supportive hand on Elliot�s shoulder.
�Thanks, Don.�
Cragen nodded. �Sleep in the crib tonight if you need to, just don�t make a habit of it.�
Elliot thought about that for a moment, before shaking his head. �I better get home, before I make things worse.�
�Goodnight, Elliot.�
��Night, Don.�
*****
Over the next two weeks, things went from bad to worse between Olivia and Elliot. It seemed like they could no longer say a civil word to each other. Whenever they were together, the tension in the air was so thick you could cut it with a knife. The others tried to avoid them when they were together, but tried to find out what was wrong when they got them alone. After getting their heads bitten off more than once, they gave up and left them to themselves.
Two weeks to the day of their �encounter� they were at the precinct, doing some paperwork. Elliot heard Olivia sigh and looked across the desk at her. It was the first time he�d allowed himself to really look at her and he was horrified by what he saw.
She looked exhausted. He shoulders were slumped. Her face was pale and drawn, her normally sparkling eyes looked dull and that beautiful smile hadn�t shone for two weeks. It was as if the life had gone out of her and he hated it.
He saw what it was doing to her and he knew that he was the only one to fix it. They couldn�t go on like this. He couldn�t pretend that nothing had happened. Things had changed and he needed to face that or he�d lose everything. He had to be honest. Honest with himself, honest with Kathy and honest with Olivia.
*****
Elliot went home early that night, determined to tell Kathy everything. He was pretty sure their marriage would be over the moment he admitted his infidelity, but then he admitted that his marriage had probably ended the moment that he�d stepped into Olivia�s apartment.
He was happy to see that the children were all up in their rooms. The last thing he needed was for them to overhear what he had to say. He walked into the kitchen and Kathy looked across at him.
�You�re home early,� she stated.
�Yeah,� he replied. �We, uh... we need to talk.�
Kathy looked at him closely then, hearing the trepidation in his voice. She abandoned dinner and gave him her full attention. �What�s wrong?�
He sighed. �I�m not really sure how to say this... I had...� He shook his head, unsure how to proceed. �God, is it an affair if it�s just once?�
�You slept with someone,� she deduced, her voice soft.
�Yeah,� he replied, looking to the floor.
�Who is she?�
�It doesn�t matter,� he told her, finally looking at her.
�It does to me. Was she just someone you picked up at a bar, or...�
�It was Olivia, okay?�
She nodded. �I should have guessed. You spend enough time with her.�
�We work together,� he immediately defended, but realized how trite that sounded considering what he�d done. �I�m sorry. It was only once,� he assured her.
Kathy shook her head. �I want to hate you for this, but I can�t.� She looked at him. �Because I�m just as guilty as you are, probably more so.�
�You�re having an affair,� he deduced.
She nodded, knowing she had to be as honest as him. �I wish I could say it was only once. I wish I�d been as honest with you as you�ve been with me.�
�How long?� he asked, his voice catching. He knew he had no right to feel betrayed, but the fact that she hadn�t told him hurt worse than the act itself.
�A couple of months,� she replied.
�*Months*?!� he replied, shocked. �God, I can�t believe I was feeling as guilty as hell after one night and you�ve been screwing around for months!�
�I�m sorry,� was all she could say, her voice thick with tears.
Elliot sighed, slumping into a seat at the kitchen table. �Now what?� he asked, at a loss.
�Do you have feelings for her?� Kathy asked, moving to sit opposite him.
�Yeah, I guess I do. I don�t think it ever would have happened otherwise.� He looked at her pale face. �What about you?�
�Same,� she whispered. �He�s there for me, Elliot,� she confessed. �I�m not sure I can give that up.�
�So, you want out?� he asked, his voice hoarse.
�Don�t get me wrong. I love you. You�ve given me sixteen years and four wonderful children. I will never regret that.� She paused. �But I think I�d regret not seeing where things were heading with Robby.�
�I�m sorry,� he whispered, feeling like a failure.
�No, don�t be. This is nobody�s fault.�
�If I�d been home more...�
�Then you probably would have resented me and we�d have ended up in the same position.�
He took a deep breath, getting to his feet. �I guess... I guess I should go and pack some stuff.�
Kathy�s eyes widened. �You don�t have to leave straight away. Why don�t you wait until you find yourself a place?�
Elliot shook his head. �I think it�s better for everyone if we don�t drag this out.�
She nodded, seeing his logic. �Where will you go?�
He shrugged. �I�ll find a hotel for tonight. Start looking for apartments tomorrow.�
�Couldn�t you go to Olivia�s?� she asked, hating the thought of him staying in a hotel. She felt like she was kicking him out onto the streets and he didn�t deserve that. Not when she was as guilty as he.
He shook his head. �I don�t think that�d be a good idea at the moment. Don�t worry about me. I�ll be okay.�
*****
Elliot booked himself into a hotel, where he spent a sleepless night wondering what he was going to do. His marriage was over, that much he was sure of. His heart ached as he remembered how the children had reacted to the news. The last thing he�d ever wanted to do was hurt them, but they couldn�t have continued living the lie that had become their marriage just for the children. There was nothing he could do except hope that one day they would understand and pray that they didn�t blame themselves.
He sighed as the phone rang, no doubt reception making his wake-up call. After he answered the phone and confirmed his hunch, Elliot got out of bed and got ready for work. He arrived at the precinct late, having been caught in traffic. He was surprised to see that Olivia hadn�t arrived yet. It wasn�t like her to be late. Figuring that she�d probably been caught in the gridlock outside as well, he gave a mental shrug and started looking through the files on his desk.
�Elliot? Can I see you in my office?� Cragen called a few minutes later.
Nodding, Elliot took another look at Olivia�s empty desk and then headed to the Captain�s office. �Olivia�s not here yet,� he said as he walked in.
�I know,� Cragen replied. �Olivia�s requested some leave. She�s finished up all the cases she was working on, so I granted her two weeks.� He fixed Elliot with a stare. �I don�t know what�s happened between you and frankly I don�t care. As long as you two fix it before she starts work again. Understood?�
Elliot nodded. �I�ll sort it out,� he promised. He turned to leave before remembering something. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. �This is where you can reach me for the next few days.�
Cragen looked at the piece of paper, seeing the address was a local hotel. �Is this only temporary?� he asked.
�Kathy and I have separated,� Elliot told him.
�I�m sorry to hear that,� Cragen replied, his voice sincere. �If there�s anything I can do...�
�If you know of any apartments around here. You know a couple of bedrooms for when the kids stay...�
�I�ll keep an ear out. How are the kids taking it?�
Elliot shrugged. �As well as can be expected, I suppose. It�s hard to explain to them, especially the twins. They don�t understand why mommy and daddy can�t just kiss and make up like always.�
�There�s no chance of a reconciliation?� Cragen didn�t want to pry, but he liked Elliot and wanted to be there if he was needed.
�No. Kathy�s been seeing someone. She doesn�t want to stop.�
�That�s hard,� Cragen agreed, his voice sympathetic.
Elliot shrugged. �I�m not exactly blameless in all this.� Not wanting to say anything more, he nodded to his boss and started to walk out.
�Take a few days off, Elliot,� Cragen called.
Elliot turned. �I don�t need time off...� he started.
�I think you do. Find yourself somewhere to stay, get your head sorted and then come back to work.�
Elliot nodded and left the room.
*****
When Elliot got back to the hotel, he wasn�t sure what to do. Every fiber of his being wanted to go over to Olivia�s and refuse to leave until they�d talked things out, but he knew her and knew how she�d react to that tactic. He knew the only thing he could do was wait for her to come to him. He reached for the phone, realizing that he�d better tell her where he was in case she tried to get in contact with him.
He waited while the phone rang, not surprised when the answering machine picked up.
Olivia wandered out of her room towards the phone, hearing the answering machine beep.
�Hey, �Liv, it�s me.� Elliot�s voice floated through the air.
Olivia paused with her hand on the phone, unsure what to do.
�We�ve got to sort this out, Olivia. We can�t keep going on like this. Not only is it affecting the job, but... I miss you. You�re my best friend and I need that back, especially now.�
The tears started rolling down her face at his heartfelt admission.
�I told Kathy. Turns out she�s been having an affair for months and never told me. We�ve separated.�
Olivia�s heart went out to him. He had to be hurting and she hated the fact that there was no one there to comfort him.
�Look, I�m willing to give you whatever time you need to sort through this, so I�m not gonna keep calling or coming around. You call me when you�re ready to talk. The number here�s 555 6389. I�m in room 209.� He paused. �Bye.�
Olivia slumped onto the sofa. She had never been more confused in her life. Kathy was out of the picture now, but that just seemed to confuse her more. She got up, walking over to the answering machine and playing back his message. He�d said that he wanted their friendship back, but hadn�t mentioned anything about starting something romantic. Was it just a quick roll in the hay for him? He�d said it meant a lot to him, but had that just been a line?
�God Damn it, Elliot! What have you done to me?� she called into the empty apartment.
*****
The next few days were hard for Elliot. He hung around the hotel, not wanting to miss Olivia if she called him. The longer he waited, the less hope he held for them ever resuming their friendship, let alone something deeper. It hurt him that she was so quick to throw everything away. Even if she had regrets about them having made love - he refused to call it anything but that - surely their friendship meant something to her?
He sighed, getting up off the bed and deciding to get out of his room for a while. Olivia had his cell number after all, so she could always get in touch with him that way. He really should have started looking for an apartment days ago, but had thought that Olivia would have wanted to talk.
It didn�t take him long to find an apartment, something that surprised Elliot. The one he chose was perfect for him. It had two bedrooms and a study, plenty of room for when the kids came to spend the night. It was only a few blocks from work, so he�d be able to walk there and the rent was reasonable.
As soon as it was officially his, he drove over to his old house and started packing up all his things. He�d been worried as he drove over that Kathy�s lover would be there, but thankfully she was alone. It was awkward as they tried to sort out what he could take and what should stay, but at least they were civil and he was glad the children were at school. It was a hard enough task as it was. Once he�d finished packing, he organized a time to see the kids and then headed to his new place.
It wasn�t until he�d finished unpacking his things that Elliot realized he hadn�t thought about Olivia for most of the morning. Perhaps that was just what he needed, to keep himself busy so he wouldn�t have time to dwell on what had happened. With that in mind, he set out to buy all the things he needed for his new apartment.
*****
Olivia sat as she had for the last two hours. Staring at what could change her life forever. When she went to the drug store that morning she had been determined to find out, but now she wasn�t so sure. If she didn�t do the test, then there was still that doubt.
The thing that scared her the most was that she wasn�t sure what outcome she was hoping for. One part of her was irrevocably against the thought of having a child. But there was another side of her that loved the thought of having a new life growing inside her. A life that was half her and half Elliot.
She wondered how Elliot would feel about her having his baby. Would he be pleased? Would he care? Yes, she decided. He would care. Elliot loved children. But he already had four. Would he want another?
�You�re getting ahead of yourself, Benson,� she chastised. �You don�t even know if you are yet.�
That brought her back to her original dilemma. Whether or not she should take the test. She looked at the box for a minute longer before coming to a decision. Getting to her feet, she picked it up and headed towards her bedroom.
She was half way there when the doorbell rang, making her jump. Wondering who it could be, she tossed the box on the kitchen counter and headed for the door. She opened the door and just stared.
�I�m sorry,� Elliot started. �I know I said I wouldn�t come around, but I couldn�t wait any longer.�
Olivia didn�t say anything at first, just opened the door wider and allowed him entrance. They stood staring at each other for a long moment before she was the one to break the silence. �Do you want some coffee?� she asked, stalling the inevitable.
�Yeah, sure,� he agreed, removing his coat and placing it over the back of a chair. He watched Olivia walk out into the kitchen but decided to give her a few minutes to gather her thoughts. No doubt she knew that he had come to talk.
When she reentered the living room a few minutes later, she found him sitting pensively on the sofa. He smiled when she handed him his cup of coffee, his eyes staying with her as she sat in the chair opposite him. They each took a slow, deliberate sip of their coffee, neither knowing where to start.
�I�m sorry,� Elliot finally said.
�For what?� she asked, surprised.
�I didn�t mean to push you into anything that you didn�t want...�
�Elliot, you didn�t make me do anything. I wanted that just as much as you did.�
�Then why are we like this?� he asked.
She looked at him for a long minute. �Because neither one of us was thinking and we did something that we shouldn�t have.�
�Do you really believe that?�
�Elliot, you�re married. Do you know how it felt when you crawled out of my bed to go home to your wife?�
�So you�re angry at me for leaving?� he asked, trying to see where she was coming from.
�No... Yes... I don�t know. I�m angry at me for opening my mouth in the first place. I�m angry at you for coming over and being so damn irresistible. I�m angry at both of us for not having enough self restraint...� She broke off, giving a bitter laugh. �We jumped into something that neither of us was ready for.�
�So how do we get past that?� he asked, at a loss.
�I don�t know,� she admitted. �But seeing you here isn�t helping,� she told him. �I think we just need to stay away from each other for a while and get everything back into perspective.� She rose to her feet. �I think you should go, Elliot.�
He just sat there, looking so hurt that it was all she could do not to walk over to him and wrap her arms around him. To stop herself doing just that, she turned her back on him and walked out into the kitchen.
She assumed that he would get the hint and just leave, so she was surprised when she felt his hand on her arm, turning her towards him. �Olivia, we haven�t sorted anything out here. I don�t think we can keep sticking our heads in the sand and expecting it to go away.�
�Please?� she pleaded, her eyes getting suspiciously bright. �I need time, Elliot.�
He was about to follow her wishes when the box on the counter caught his eye. She tried to grab it but he was quicker. �Oh, God,� he gasped, seeing that the box was a home pregnancy test. �Are you...�
�I don�t know,� she replied, snatching the box from him. �But I�m late and we didn�t use anything.� She looked at him, trying to gauge his reaction. He looked pale and she noticed his hand was shaking slightly as he ran it over his face. She wasn�t sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing. Hell, she wasn�t even sure what she thought about it and she�d known about it for a lot longer than he had.
�I... I don�t know what to say,� he finally admitted.
�You don�t have to say anything. I�m not expecting anything from you, Elliot. This is my problem.�
�What?� he asked, shocked. �Olivia, we�re in this together. I�m not going to let you go through this by yourself.�
�I don�t need you to stick by me out of some sense of obligation.�
�That wouldn�t be why...�
�Just go, Elliot. Please, just go.�
�You can�t just lay this on me and then kick me out!�
�I can�t deal with this now. I don�t even know if I am.�
�And if you are?� he asked, suddenly scared. What if she decided she didn�t want to have his baby?
�I don�t know.�
�I want to be here for you,� he told her.
�I don�t want you here. Not right now. This is something I need to do by myself.�
He looked at her for a minute, incredulous. Seeing she was serious, he grabbed his coat and left, slamming the door behind him.
Olivia slid down the wall to the floor, burying her head in her hands as she broke down and cried. What had she done? He�d offered his support and she�d thrown it back in his face. Why did she have to ruin the best thing she had in her life?
*****
Elliot didn�t go and see Olivia again. His pride kept him away. It had hurt him that she had turned him away so easily. Hurt that she had been unwilling to listen to him. He did the only thing he could do. He threw himself into his work, trying to keep his mind from wandering to her and wondering if she was really carrying his child. It was only at night, when he lay awake in the large empty bed that he allowed his mind to think of the possibilities. Then he�d fall asleep and dream of a perfect reality, where Olivia was pregnant and they were happy.
Finally, the day came for her to start work again. Elliot woke up nervous. He was going to see her. She couldn�t avoid him at work and he was determined that they would come to some sort of understanding before they started their first case together. He got dressed and headed out of the apartment, taking the short walk to the precinct.
Olivia was already there when he walked into the locker room. He felt a sense of deja vu as he saw her sitting in the same position that she was in the night after their encounter. �Hi,� he greeted, his voice tentative.
�Hi,� she replied, making no attempt to move.
�Welcome back,� he continued, hoping she would start talking.
�Yeah, thanks.� She got to her feet and walked over to her locker.
Elliot gave a frustrated sigh, losing his patience. �Are you ever going to tell me the results? Or do I have to wait until your showing before I figure it out?�
�Why do you care?� she asked, voice resigned.
�Why do I... Damn it, Olivia, I have a right to know if the woman I love is having my child!�
She could only stare for a moment. �You just said...�
�I know what I just said,� he replied, defensive. He hadn�t meant to say that, it had just slipped out. He hoped he hadn�t made things worse.
�Did you mean it?�
He softened at that, realizing that it hadn�t been the wrong thing to say. �Of course I meant it. It just took me a little while to figure it out.�
�How could you love me? We�ve only... once and...�
He smiled at that. �Do you honestly think that we need to be in a physical relationship for us to have feelings for each other?� He walked slowly towards her, not wanting to frighten her away again. �I�ve had plenty of time to think and I realize that I�ve had pretty strong feelings for you for a while. I used to think that it was just friendship and camaraderie, but now I realize it�s something deeper.�
She smiled, but he detected a hint of sadness in her expression. �I�m not pregnant.�
He couldn�t stop the disappointment from flashing across his face. �It�s probably for the best at the moment,� he relented.
�Yeah,� she agreed.
He looked at her closely. �You wanted to be?� he asked.
She shrugged. �I guess I was getting used to the idea.�
�Yeah,� he agreed. He�d started to get used to the idea as well. Started thinking about how beautiful Olivia would look as her body changed, started imagining what their child would look like. It was definitely something he could get used to.
�What now?� she asked, a little unsure. He wasn�t off limits anymore, but a lot had happened between them and she wasn�t sure where they stood.
�I guess we just take one day at a time.� He leaned in close. �Just so long as you know I want to be with you,� he told her.
�I want to be with you too,� she admitted, a radiant smile gracing her features.
Their lips met in a soul searching kiss, both melting into the other as they held each other close. They could have stayed that way forever if a pointed cough hadn�t interrupted them. They sprang apart, their faces flushed as they looked across at their Captain.
�When I said work it out, this wasn�t exactly what I had in mind.�
�Don...� Elliot started, stepping forward.
Cragen raised a hand. �I don�t want to know. As long as I get my two best detectives working together again, I don�t care.�
�Thank you, Captain,� Olivia said, feeling strangely shy.
He smiled. �I need to see you in my office when you're finished here.�
�We�ll be there in a minute,� Elliot replied.
He waited until the Captain had left before turning back to Olivia. �Wasn�t exactly how I planned to tell him,� he quipped lightly. He looked at Olivia when she didn�t say anything. �Hey, you okay with this?�
She smiled then and Elliot was almost blinded by its beauty. �Yeah, I�m great. Let's get to work.�
�One thing first,� he replied, stepping close once more.
�Wha...� She started to ask, only to be cut off by his lips on hers.
�Just that,� he replied, when the kiss ended.
Olivia smiled and their lips joined in another gentle kiss. A kiss that symbolized the end of one journey and the start of another. One that they would travel together.
Reality could be pretty great sometimes.
THE END