CATEGORY: S/V, angst
STATUS: Complete
RATING: PG-13
CONTENT WARNING: heavy angst
SPOILERS: 'The Getaway'
SUMMARY: Why did Alice and Vaughn get back together?
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognizable characters and places are the property of ABC, Touchstone, JJ Abrams and Bad Robot Productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
AUTHORS NOTES: Steph's posts on what she thought was wrong with the date triggered this, so thanks hon! Please note I haven't seen season 2 yet, just the clips at Alias Media and the spoilers from the list. So sorry if there are any inaccuracies! Thanks to GG and Kerry for beta'ing for me! Any mistakes are mine.
FEEDBACK: Yes Please! I love to know what you think.
Copyright � Jez, February 2024.
Sydney walked briskly into the warehouse, butterflies fluttering in her stomach at the thought of seeing Vaughn. It had been three days since she'd handed over the gyroscope and she'd thought of little else but him since. She was glad she'd had the opportunity with him, to be relaxed in his company and hear a little more about the man she had fallen for. She still wasn't sure if she was grateful or not for Kane's men interrupting what had been about to happen. She had been unsure about sleeping with him. It would have been magical, but she also knew it would have been that much harder to stay away once she knew what it was like to be in his arms.
"Hey, Syd," a masculine voice greeted her, and the smile froze on her face when she realized it wasn't Vaughn.
"Where's Vaughn?" she asked, immediately on guard. Surely he hadn't told Kendall the truth? There was no reason to since she'd given him the real gyroscope.
"What, no hello?" Weiss joked.
"Don't mess with me," she warned. "Where is he?"
Weiss sighed. "He's on leave."
Her eyes widened. "On leave?" she repeated. "Without telling me?"
"It was a last minute thing." He cleared his throat, eager to move on to business. "Okay, so we know that--"
"What aren't you telling me?" she interrupted, intelligent eyes piercing through him. "Is it his mom?" She hoped it wasn't his mother, he'd mentioned how close they were. It would kill him if something were to happen to her.
"No. As far as I know, his mother's fine. Sydney, can we please get back to business?" He wanted to tell her what was going on, but it just wasn't his place. He still couldn't believe that Vaughn hadn't told anyone, not even Sydney. He should have at least told her.
"Weiss, please. Did he get in trouble because of what happened in France?"
He shook his head. "It's personal, okay? If he wants to tell you when he gets back, that's up to him, but it's not my place, even if I think you should know."
"But he's not in any trouble?"
Weiss threw up his hands. "God, I didn't think it was possible for anyone to worry as much as Vaughn. You two are as bad as each other. No, he's not in any trouble or danger."
Sydney nodded, satisfied he at least wasn't in danger. "Okay, let's move on to business."
"Thank you. It�s about time. I think three presidents have left office since we got here,� he deadpanned.
She shook her head at his antics, before listening to what he had to say.
*****
Sydney sighed as she sat down beside Will. He'd come over to their place for a pizza and movie night, but she just wasn't in the mood. She was still worried about Vaughn. It just wasn't like him to take off and not tell her. Clearly Weiss thought there was something she should be aware of, but she couldn't figure out what it could be. Was Vaughn keeping something from her in order to 'make it easier' for her? She thought she'd made it clear that she didn't need him to protect her, but perhaps there was something he thought would hurt her.
"Earth to Syd?" Will called, waving a hand in front of her face. "You okay?"
She looked up to see Will and Francie both peering curiously at her. "I'm sorry, guys. I had kind of a bad meeting today and I guess it's just gotten to me."
Francie gave her a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry, Syd. How about I break out the Ben & Jerry?"
Sydney smiled. "That'd be great," she agreed.
"Coming right up," Francie told her, getting to her feet and heading into the kitchen.
"Everything okay?" Will asked quietly, as soon as she'd gone.
"Fine," Sydney replied, the answer automatic. She sighed. "Vaughn took leave all of a sudden. It's not like him not to tell me what's going on."
"Syd, the guy is allowed to have a life, you know," Will pointed out.
She gave a humorless chuckle. "I sound really possessive, don't I?"
"Well, I'm not sure I'd call it possessive," Will replied, obviously trying to be tactful. "Listen, I know it's hard to watch the person you have feelings for and know that you can't be with them." He gave a lopsided grin. "Believe me, I became a master at it."
She chuckled again. "So, how do I cope with this?"
He grinned as he heard Francie close the freezer. "You eat lots of ice-cream."
"I can do that."
*****
"No, don't open that door!" Francie shouted at the television. They all held their breath before jumping in fright as the murderer leaped out from behind the door.
"It always amazes me that these women are so dumb," Will said, as the woman on the screen was brutally murdered. "Just once, I want to see a horror movie where the victims are smart."
Sydney chuckled, reaching out to snare a handful of popcorn only to realize there was none left. She picked up the bowl and got to her feet. "Yell if there's any action," she told her friends, before heading into the kitchen.
She'd just put the popcorn bag into the microwave when the phone rang. "I'll get it!" she called, reaching for the cordless phone. "Hello?"
"Joey's Pizza?" an anxious voice asked.
"Ah, sorry, wrong number," she replied, her heart thumping in her chest. She hung up and just stood there for a moment. She knew it had been Weiss and she knew him well enough to know he was worried about something.
Popcorn forgotten, she grabbed her keys off the bench and hurried into the living room. "Guys, that was my Dad. His car broke down and he asked if I could go get him and take him home."
"You want me to come with you?" Will asked, getting to his feet.
"No, you guys keep watching the movie. I'll try and be back in time to watch the next one." She waved to them as she hurried out the door.
*****
The drive to the warehouse was excruciating. Every scenario ran through her head. Had she been made? Did something happen to her father? Or Vaughn? She was surprised that the last thought troubled her the most. She sighed. No, if she was honest with herself, she wasn't surprised because he had come to be the most important person in her life. He was the only one who knew the real Sydney, the only one she felt she could turn to. He was the one who had well and truly stolen her heart. It scared her to think that she could feel this way after Danny. It was why she'd been reluctant to further things in France. Being with him meant finally letting go of Danny and it set her up to be devastated all over again.
Finally, she pulled up beside Weiss' car and hurried into the warehouse. "I came as fast as I could," she told him. "What's wrong?"
"Have you heard from Vaughn?" he asked, getting straight to the point.
She shook her head, her eyes going wide. "No, why?"
He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I'm worried about him. No one's heard from him since this morning and it's not like him to go incommunicado."
She paled. "Oh, God. What if SD-6..."
Weiss shook his head, cutting her off. "It's not SD-6 I'm worried about. It's... Damn, he should have been the one to tell you this."
"What?"
He gestured to one of the chairs, waiting until she was seated before he began. "You know he was back with Alice, right?"
She nodded, looking down at her hands. "Yeah."
"The thing he should have told you is they didn't get back together to rekindle their relationship. They... Alice was pregnant, the baby was Mike's."
Sydney felt like she'd been punched in the stomach. She stared at Weiss, mouth agape. A baby? God, how could she compete with that? Then, she did a double take. "Wait a minute, you said 'was pregnant'."
He nodded. "There was an accident yesterday morning and Alice lost the baby. Mike... he took it badly."
A hand flew to her mouth. "Oh, God."
Weiss sighed. "I just thought you might know where he'd go if he wanted to be alone."
She got to her feet. "Don't worry, I'll find him."
"Hang on--"
"You're not going to stop me, Eric. He's always been there for me, I--"
He held up a hand to stop her rant. "Look, Sydney, I'm not denying the fact that he needs you, but you have to be realistic. If you're seen with him..."
"I can't just sit here and do nothing!" she told him. She looked down, blinking rapidly to stop the tears welling in her eyes. Her heart ached for him and what he must be going through. The thought of him in pain cut through her like a knife. She hated that he was all alone and needed to be the one to comfort him.
She looked at Weiss and his face clearly showed his internal debate. Finally he sighed and nodded his agreement. "Okay, but I want you to call me and let me know when you find him."
She smiled, reaching out and squeezing his arm. "You're a good friend, Eric."
He nodded, his eyes serious. "Look after him?"
"You know I will."
He nodded again. "And... be careful, Syd. If something were to happen to you, it'd kill him."
She swallowed hard at his words. "I'll be careful," she promised.
*****
Sydney sighed in relief as she spotted his car sitting in the abandoned car park. She'd tried a few of the places that she'd remembered him talking about, but had come up empty. She wasn't sure what had made her try the observatory. It was her place more than his, but something had told her to try it. As she walked passed his car and headed toward the lookout, she wondered what she was going to say to him.
There was a part of her that was mad as hell. Angry that he hadn't thought she had the right to know and hurt that he hadn't wanted to share that with her. She'd been about to sleep with him, for crying out loud! Shouldn't she have been told he was expecting a child with another woman? She told him everything, shared everything and he hadn't even bothered to tell her something as important as becoming a father.
Then there was another part of her that was mourning for his loss. She could not even start to imagine how he must be feeling. To have lost a child, before it had even had a chance to take a breath, must be devastating. She hated the thought that he was alone and longed to ease his pain, if only for a little while.
To add to her jumbled emotions, there was a small part of her that was happy. He hadn't got back with Alice because he was in love with her but because he was an honorable man and he had wanted to do the right thing. She couldn't fault him for that and the worries she'd had about how easily he'd been ready to have an affair with her were eased by this knowledge.
Her eyes strained as she made it to the observation deck, eventually coming to rest on the dark figure at the other end. She sighed in relief, reaching for her phone and hitting speed dial.
"It's me," she quietly spoke. "I found him." She heard Weiss' sigh of relief before he asked her where she was. "At the observatory. I'll stay with him until you get here."
She returned the phone to her pocket and headed toward the black figure. As she drew closer, she could see he was sitting on the wall and seemed to be staring down at his hands. His shoulders were slumped and she could tell just by his posture that he was hurting.
"Vaughn?" she softly called.
He looked up sharply, jumping to his feet. "Syd," he breathed, before turning quickly so he faced away from her. He wasn't quick enough to stop her noticing the tears glittering in his eyes. "What are you doing here?" he asked her, his voice straining to sound normal.
She walked up to him and placed a hand gently on his shoulder. She felt a shudder go through him and it confirmed to her that he was barely hanging on to his emotions. "Weiss called me. He was worried about you."
"He told you what happened." It was a statement, not a question, and Sydney guessed he could hear it in her voice.
She tugged on his shoulder until he finally turned back toward her. One look at his face had tears springing to her eyes. His features were pale and drawn, his eyes bloodshot. She had to look away. Her eyes came to rest on his hands and what he held in them.
It was a blue baby's rattle.
He followed her line of sight. "We got some test results back last week and found out it was a boy. The doctor said everything was great and I just wanted to buy something, you know? To celebrate having made it through the first trimester. I know I should throw it out, but I just can't bring myself to do it."
"What happened?" she asked, her voice gentle and undemanding.
"Alice was trying to replace a light globe above the staircase and she fell off the ladder. She..." He broke off, swallowing hard. "I told her I'd do it when I got there but she's just so stubborn!"
"Shh," Sydney whispered soothingly, running a hand up and down his arm. "It's okay."
He shook his head, but said nothing and they stood in silence for a few minutes until Sydney couldn't help but ask the question that had been on the tip of her tongue since she'd found out.
"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked, unable to keep the hurt from her voice.
He sighed, looking back out to the blackness. "I tried," he told her. "After I came back to work from being sick, but you didn't want to hear it. After that, it just never seemed like the right time to tell you."
She bowed her head, realizing that she hadn't allowed him to explain because she had been too jealous to hear that he was still in love with Alice. "You could have told me in France," she persisted.
He nodded, looking down at the rattle. "I could have and I guess I should have, but... I was scared, Syd. I had no idea how I was going to make it all work and I didn't want to lose you. I'm sorry. I should have told you that Alice and I weren't together because we were in love and I know it's probably stupid to be with someone for a child, but I know what it's like to grow up without a father and I didn't want that for my son." He paused, looking to the ground. "I'm sorry for hurting you."
"It doesn't matter now."
"It does matter!" he shouted, his control breaking. He ran an agitated hand through his hair. "I feel like I'm giving up my whole life for this damn job! I can't even be in public with the woman I love, let alone harbor any notion that we'll one day have a family! I mean, we have no idea when, or even if, SD-6 will be destroyed. This was my one real chance!"
"No!" Sydney insisted, taking his face in her hands and making him turn to look at her. "It wasn't, Vaughn. We are going to take SD-6 and the Alliance down, you have to believe that."
"And then what?" he asked, looking back at her forlornly.
She smiled, stroking his cheek. "Then we can give us a go and maybe, one day..." She trailed off, knowing he'd understand. She'd tried hard to keep kids out of her mind since Danny's death and it had only been in her wildest fantasies that she had allowed herself to think that far into the future.
He shook his head, pulling away from her. "Syd..."
"You have to believe that," she insisted. "You know how much damage we've done so far. We are going to win this."
"I can't expect you to wait around for something that may never happen," he told her.
She turned him back to face her. She knew what he needed to hear. She took a deep breath, gathering her courage so she could be honest with him and honest with herself. "I will wait as long as it takes. I am in love with you, Michael Vaughn. You just have to remember that and keep it in here until this is over." She reached out and placed a hand over his heart.
She smiled as he covered her hand with his own. "I love you too, you know," he admitted.
She smiled wider, wiping the tears that started to fall at his admission. "I wouldn't go throwing the rattle out either. If our baby cries as much as its mother, you're going to need it."
He made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a cross between a laugh and a sob. She regretted the casual words immediately, cursing herself for being so flippant when he was hurting so much. She pulled him toward her and he buried his head against her throat, crying for a baby that never got the chance to live.
*****
Weiss hurried out onto the observation deck, scanning the area for his friends. He spotted them at the far end. As he neared, he noticed they were in a tight embrace. It wasn't a romantic one but a comforting one and Weiss finally admitted that Vaughn had needed to see Sydney. He'd been worried that he'd made a mistake in telling her, but Weiss knew that she could do more to help his friend then he ever could.
Still, he admitted, as he started toward them once more, this was dangerous and he really couldn't let it continue. "Hey, guys. Fancy meeting you here," he greeted, as he neared them.
They pulled apart, a bit reluctantly, Weiss thought. "Hey, Weiss," Vaughn greeted, his voice slightly hoarse.
"How ya doin', man?" Vaughn gave a humorless chuckle. "Yeah, stupid question," Weiss agreed. "Why don't I get you out of here?"
Vaughn nodded, turning to Sydney. "Thank you," he told her, his voice sincere. He looked down at his hands and Weiss saw the rattle. Vaughn stared at it for a moment, before handing it to Sydney. "Maybe you should keep hold of this."
She gave him a watery smile, reaching out and laying a hand over his heart. "Don't forget," she whispered.
"I won't."
She turned and smiled at Weiss. "Look after him for me?"
"I promise," Weiss replied.
She nodded, satisfied. "Bye," she whispered, before she turned and walked away from them.
Both Vaughn and Weiss stood and watched her go, before Weiss turned to look at his friend. He placed a hand on his shoulder. "Come on, Mike. Let's go get drunk."
Vaughn gave a small chuckle and followed his friend.
*****
As he walked to Weiss' car, Vaughn looked up at the stars and sighed. He'd gone to the Observatory to be alone and think about what he had lost. He hadn't been lying when he said to Sydney he had thought it had been his last chance. He couldn't see himself being with anybody but her now and he knew they couldn't be together while they were still fighting to bring down SD-6. He knew he was constantly trying to keep her hopes up with how far they'd progressed, but the truth was he had no idea how long it could take. For all he knew, it could take the rest of their lives. He didn't want her to be alone for all that time. Even though the thought of her being with someone else felt like a knife cutting into his heart, he'd bear it, if only to see her happy.
Now, he had renewed hope. She'd said she loved him and would wait for him. She'd said she wanted to have a family with him one day. She'd given him back his future and he would be eternally grateful for that.
He thought back to the previous day when he'd got the call at work saying Alice was in the hospital. He had been terrified as he'd raced across town. He'd got there just in time to hear that they'd lost the baby. What hurt him the most was the calm way in which Alice had accepted the news. He knew she'd been upset, but he'd expected her to be hysterical at losing their child. So, he'd lashed out at her, wanting her to be hurting as much as he was. He'd blamed her and a part of him still wondered if she'd done it deliberately. He knew she'd been scared at finding herself pregnant and he'd tried hard to alleviate those fears, but he kept coming back to the same question. Why would she take a risk like that if a part of her hadn't wanted something to happen?
He shook his head. No, he finally admitted, she would never have done that and he cursed himself for thinking so badly of her. She didn't deserve his blame. If she hadn't wanted the baby, then why would she have told him he was going to be a father? Why would she have asked him to be a part of the baby's life? She had wanted it just as much as he had.
"Come on, Buddy," Weiss coaxed, pulling him from his thoughts.
Vaughn got into the car and waited for his friend to get in the driver's seat. "What about my car?" he asked.
"We'll come back and get it in the morning. I don't think you should be driving."
Vaughn nodded, sitting back in the seat. He paused, before turning to look at Weiss. "Thank you."
"For what?"
"For knowing what I needed."
Weiss nodded. "Well, let's go and get what else you need. Our friend Jack Daniels."
Vaughn shook his head. "Actually, Weiss, there's someone I need to see."
*****
He was pretty sure it was past visiting hours, but he continued down the hospital corridor regardless, knowing he needed to atone for his earlier behavior. He soundlessly slipped into the room and his eyes were immediately drawn to the figure curled up on the bed. He thought at first she was sleeping, but then he heard a small sob and knew she was awake.
He walked quietly over to the bed and then paused, not sure what to do next. After all he'd said to her, did he even have the right to comfort her? Another sob tore at his heart and he knew he couldn't stand by and allow her to continue crying alone.
"Alice," he whispered, reaching out and placing a hand on her shoulder.
She tensed under his hand, before slowly uncurling herself. "Michael?" she asked, as though wondering if he were real.
"Yeah, it's me," he assured her.
She looked at him a moment before launching into his arms. "I'm sorry," she cried. "I'm so sorry!"
"Shh," he soothed, as his own tears welled. "It wasn't your fault, Alice."
"I shouldn't have taken a risk like that!" she insisted.
"It was an accident." He hugged her tighter. "I should never have said those things I did."
She didn't reply, just continued to sob into his chest.
Vaughn wasn't sure how much time had passed before she'd finally calmed down. He felt her pull away and let her go, easing her back onto the bed and straightening the blankets over her. "Maybe I should go," he suggested, seeing how drained she looked.
She shook her head, reaching out for his hand. "Don't go yet." She looked at their entwined fingers and sighed. "You have to know that I really did want the baby, Michael."
He squeezed her hand. "I know you did and I never should have suggested otherwise. I was just upset."
She nodded. "I know you were and I don't hold it against you. I just needed you to know that my feelings were genuine. I wanted to be a mother and it kills me that I couldn't protect our baby."
He reached for her once more as her tears returned and he wondered how he could have thought she was unaffected by their loss. How could he have been so cruel as to yell and curse when she was probably in shock?
They were quiet for so long that he thought she'd drifted off to sleep. He was therefore surprised when she spoke. "You can be with her now."
He pulled back slightly and looked at her. "What? With who?"
"Rita."
He shook his head. "Alice..."
"It's okay, Michael. We both got into this knowing that we were no longer in love. It's crazy for us to keep up the charade now that..." She faltered.
He gave her a squeeze. "I care a lot about you, Alice."
"I know you do and I hope we can still be friends after everything that's happened."
"I hope so too."
*****
Eric sat back in his seat and sighed. He'd been sitting in his car for the past hour waiting for Vaughn and he wasn't sure if he should continue waiting or go looking for him. His friend had been quiet on the trip to the hospital, but there wasn't the same barely concealed anger that he'd heard when Vaughn had called to give him the bad news. He'd seemed calm and Eric was once more glad he'd allowed Sydney to look for him. What she and Vaughn had was truly something special and Eric found himself wondering what it would be like to have a relationship like that.
He shook his head. "Definitely been waiting too long if I'm thinking like that," he muttered to himself.
He was reaching for the door handle when he spotted movement out of the corner of his eye. He looked up and spotted his friend heading back to the car. He sighed in relief, not wanting to admit how uncomfortable he would have felt seeing Alice. He hadn't exactly been supportive of the two of them getting back together, although at the time he hadn't known she was carrying his best friend's child either.
Vaughn opened the car door and got in with a sigh. "Sorry I took so long."
"It's okay," Weiss assured him. "Are you okay?"
"I will be."
Weiss reached for the keys and started the car. "Still want that drink?" he asked.
Vaughn shook his head. "I just want to go home."
Weiss agreed and steered the car out of the hospital parking lot. "How was Alice?"
"Upset."
"I guess that's to be expected."
Vaughn gave a snort but didn't comment.
They drove in silence for a while, before Weiss felt the need to speak. "I know I'm normally a sarcastic bastard, but I am here if you need to talk."
Vaughn nodded. "I know, thanks, buddy."
*****
Vaughn trudged into his apartment, trusting that Weiss would close the door behind him. He was immediately confronted with a barking, slobbering Donavon and took a moment to pay the dog some attention.
"You want a beer?" Weiss asked, heading toward the kitchen.
Vaughn nodded. "Yeah, thanks."
While Weiss went to get the beer, Vaughn checked his answering machine before reaching for his cell phone to check his voice mail. The majority of the messages were from Weiss, looking for him. He was about to give up listening to the rest when Sydney's sweet voice sounded in his ear.
"I know I'm not supposed to leave you a message, but I've broken protocol enough tonight so I figured once more couldn't hurt." She laughed and Vaughn found himself smiling at the sound. "I just... I guess I wanted to remind you that I'm here if you need me. Call me anytime."
The message ended and Vaughn tossed his phone back on the coffee table. He found it hard to believe that such a selfless person could love him and wondered what he'd done to deserve her. She had so much going on in her own complicated life, yet she still wanted him to unload his own burden onto her. If it was at all possible, he fell in love with her even more.
He knew there would be more questions about Alice. After all, he still hadn't told her everything and Sydney was a smart woman. It wouldn't take her long to realize it had been over a year since they had originally broken up. What he had tried to tell her was that he and Alice had met up at a mutual friend's party and decided to try and be friends. It had alleviated some of the loneliness he'd felt at not being able to be with Sydney.
What she didn't know was that the baby's conception had occurred after Weiss' shooting, when he'd been scared he was going to lose his best friend. He had needed comfort and Alice had been there for him. Sydney needed to know these things and he made a promise to himself that he would tell her. She needed him to be as open with her as she was with him.
Weiss walked back into the living room then, handing him a beer and taking a seat in one of the overstuffed chairs. His posture made it clear that he wasn't planning on leaving anytime soon. Vaughn smiled and sat down on the sofa, truly thankful for the people he had in his life.
THE END