SPOILERS: None
RATING: PG13 (Some swearing)
SUMMARY: Sam gets arrested and Jack has to bail her.
DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognisable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognised characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author
AUTHORS NOTES: This fic is my answer to the 1999 Get Out Of Jail Free Challenge. Must contain a speeding ticket, a night in jail, Sam and Jack having to pool their money for bail, the phrase "I live by my wits; a calling at times that leaves me no great measure of security.", and one or more of the following: fuzzy mirror dice, condoms, packing peanuts, Daniel's glasses (in use other than on his face), a cowboy hat, Pez dispenser, and/or the phrase "jailbait."
FEEDBACK: By law, you are required to send me feedback :)
Jack was just sitting down to read the paper when the phone rang. �Hello?� he answered, distracted.
�Colonel! Thank, God!�
Jack sat up straight. �Carter? Is that you?�
�Yes, Sir. I'm sorry for ringing this early but both Daniel and Janet weren't home.� She sounded a bit anxious and Jack was immediately concerned.
�It's all right. Is everything okay?�
�Not really, Sir. You see I got this speeding ticket last night and... well it's a long story but I was arrested. I need to be bailed.�
The silence on the other end of the phone was deafening. �Sir?�
�Yeah, Carter. I'll be right there.� Jack hung up the phone, clearly shocked.
He grabbed his keys and coat and headed straight to the car. It took him twenty minutes to reach the police precinct. Walking up to the front desk, he waited impatiently for someone to acknowledge him. Finally a young officer walked over.
�Can I help you, Sir?� he asked.
�Yeah, I believe Samantha Carter was brought in here. I'm her commanding officer.�
�Just a minute, Sir,� the officer said as he checked the computer. �Ah yes, here we are. Would you like to see her, Sir?�
�Would be nice,� Jack replied, with a hint of sarcasm.
Jack was led to a room where he was searched before he was led into the cells. Sam was seated on a bed in the first cell.
�Colonel!� she almost yelled when she saw him, jumping to her feet.
�You all right, Carter?� he asked, looking from Sam to the tall red head that had walked up beside her. Her attire - or lack of - made it clear that she was a hooker.
�Damn, Sister,� the other woman started. �Now I know why you don't want to turn tricks. Your man's a dish!�
Sam blushed. �Ah... thanks, Amber. Could you excuse us please?�
�Sure, Sam. You and your man have a talk.�
�Thanks,� Sam said with a fake smile, before turning back to Jack.
�How the hell did you get into this mess?� Jack asked, with a hint of amusement. �I mean a speeding ticket doesn't warrant a jail cell.�
�No, but assault of a police officer does,� the officer with them helpfully stated.
�Sam, you decked a cop?! What's wrong with you? Have you been infected with a virus again?�
�No! He was trying to crack onto me. What was I supposed to do, stand there and take it?�
�What, he asked you out so you hit him?! No wonder you never seem to go on dates.�
�Excuse me?! How dare you! My private life has absolutely nothing to do with you! As for that asshole cop, he wouldn't get his hands off me so I hit him!� Sam yelled at him. �I mean, does a speeding ticket warrant a full body search?�
Jack's jaw clenched as he turned to the officer next to him. �And you've got her locked up? Where's the bastard that assaulted her?�
�He's in the hospital. This matter will be dealt with when he returns, but as the charge of assault remains Miss Carter needs to be bailed.�
Jack sighed. �All right, how much?�
�Five hundred dollars, Sir.�
�Five hundred dollars!� Jack and Sam said simultaneously. �Are you serious?!� Sam finished.
�Consider yourself lucky, Miss. Bail is often refused for a charge of assault police.�
�God, this whole damn precinct is bent!� Sam growled.
�Carter, settle down or I'll leave you in here,� Jack warned.
Sam took a deep breath. �Yes, Sir. So are you gonna bail me out?�
�I was, but guess what? I don't have enough to bail you. Got any money tucked away that I can get?�
�Yeah there's some in...� She stopped and turned bright red.
�Come on where?� Jack asked, impatiently.
�Ah, in my underwear draw, next to my bed.�
�Oh,� was all Jack could say. He shook his head to clear it. �Okay, I'll be back.� He walked out quickly.
Jack walked into Sam's apartment and straight into her bedroom. Standing in front of the draws in question, he paused, taking a deep breath before opening the draw. Realizing that he would actually have to search for the money, he started rummaging around. There were lots of sports bras and cotton panties but there were also some daring lacy numbers, including a red lacy bra and matching thong. Jack swallowed hard then kept rummaging, trying to ignore all of the satin and lace. He found something hard at the back of the drawer and pulled it out, hoping for the money. No such luck. What he found was two boxes of condoms. Jack's face went bright red as he read the boxes. One pack contained glow in the dark condoms while the other had strawberry flavoured ones in it. He hastily put them back and kept looking. He finally found her stash wrapped up in a pair of lace top pantyhose.
�Man, she's really trying to kill me,� he muttered to himself. It was hard enough to keep his mind from wandering when he was around Sam but now he'd seen what she wore under her clothes so of course his treacherous mind was imagining the possibilities. He took a deep breath to calm himself before walking out the door to go and bail his Major.
It was an hour later by the time Jack was led back into the cells. He had spent most of that time filling out papers and being lectured on the responsibilities of bailing someone. In short, Jack was now responsible for Sam in the eyes of the law, so if she skipped bail or got into more trouble than he was to blame. �Nothing new there,� Jack thought to himself. He noted, with some amusement, that Sam was showing the hooker some self defence moves. �When you're finished, Carter, I wouldn't mind getting out of here,� Jack said, watching the brilliant smile that crossed Sam's face.
She accepted the hooker's hug and blushed a bright red as Amber whispered in her ear. �Try not to stab anymore clients, Amber. It's not really good for business,� Sam said as she walked out the cell door.
�You remember what I taught you too, Sam,� Amber called in reply.
Jack and Sam walked towards Jack's car quietly. He was curious about the hooker's last words to Sam. What could she possibly teach...? Unless... Jack looked quickly over at Sam, who was opening the passenger side door and shaking her head.
�How many times have I told you to remember to lock *both* doors of your car. It's gonna get stolen one of these days.�
Jack shrugged. "I live by my wits, a calling at times that leaves me no great measure of security."
Sam gave him a funny look. So, it wasn't one of his greatest come back lines. His brain had been too busy trying to process what the hooker had �taught� Sam and whether she'd do it to him one day. �God I'm a dirty old man,� he thought to himself, as he got in the car.
The trip back to Jack's was made in relative silence. Jack kept stealing glances at Sam who was dozing next to him. �Carter, we're here,� Jack said, as he pulled into the driveway.
She opened her eyes to see that they weren't at her place. She turned a questioning look at Jack.
�Since I bailed you, I'm responsible for you. I figured if you were here, I'd at least know you were staying out of trouble.�
Sam gave him an amused smile and got out of the car. She followed him up to the front door and preceded him in at his gesture. �Do you mind if I have a shower, Sir? That cell wasn't exactly the cleanest place to spend the night.�
Jack smiled. �Sure. Go and get cleaned up and I'll make some breakfast. Just help yourself to my wardrobe if you need some clean clothes.�
�Thanks, Colonel. I won't be long.� She turned and went upstairs.
Half an hour later, she still hadn't returned downstairs and Jack was getting concerned. He went up the stairs and saw, through the half open door, that Sam was sitting on his bed looking at a framed picture. He didn't need to guess what the picture was of. There were only two in his room and he could see the one of Charlie on the bedside table. That meant it was the picture of the two of them. It had been taken at her promotion party. They had been joking around and Daniel had taken a photo. It was a fantastic shot. Jack had his arm around Sam's shoulders and they were grinning at each other, eyes locked. If you didn't know any better, you'd almost say they looked in love.
Sam looked up as he walked over to her, a shaky smile on her face. �Sorry,� she said, putting the photo back next to the other one. �I was just trying to find some socks. Couldn't help but notice the picture.�
�That's okay,� Jack replied, sitting down next to her.
They sat there for a few moments, each lost in their own thoughts. Then Jack heard her whisper a single word. �Why?�
There was no question about what he would say. He refused to lie to her. He leaned across her and picked up the photo, smiling softly as he looked at it. �You and Charlie are the two most important people in my life. I want you both to be the last thing I see at night and the first thing I see in the morning.� He looked at Sam, who was very quiet.
She had tears trailing down her cheeks. �That's probably the most beautiful thing anyone's ever said to me.�
They leaned towards each other and their lips met in a tender kiss. As the kiss deepened Sam pushed Jack back on the bed, moving so she laid on him. They pulled back slightly and smiled at each other. That one smile conveying the whole range of feelings both were experiencing.
�I gotta ask,� Jack said as Sam's lips moved to his neck. �What did that hooker teach you?� He felt her chuckle as she lifted her head.
�She gave me some tips on how to keep my man happy.�
Jack's eyebrows raised at that. �Really? And just how might you keep me happy?�
A mischievous grin spread across Sam's face. �How �bout I just show you,� she replied in a seductive whisper.
A few hours later Sam and Jack were lying sated in each other's arms after Sam had demonstrated just what Amber had taught her. The phone rang and Jack reached for the receiver. �O�Neill,� he said, his free hand moving to stroke the head of hair on his chest.
�Mr O�Neill, this is Lieutenant Rogers of the Colorado Springs Police Department. Just wanted to let you know that all charges against Miss Carter have been dropped.�
�Really? That's great! How did this come about?�
�The officer's partner came forward and made a statement. It appears that he had been harassing her as well, that's why she lied in her initial statement. She had the patrol car's video in her possession so we now have video evidence that Miss Carter was merely defending herself. That's quite a woman you have there, Mr O�Neill.�
Jack smiled, looking down at the now slumbering Major. �Don't I know it.�
THE END