by Clara
Buffy and Angel belong to Joss. This is a kinda companion piece to First time I fell in Love. The Song the Hardest thing was sung by 98 degrees. This is set just after Angel walks away at the end of Graduation part 2 and is from his POV. Up until the last bit. The song is after the story.
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Dear Willow.
I just left her.
I can’t believe it. She’s the only girl I’ve ever loved and I’ve just walked away. She’s gonna be okay I know that. She’s strong its one of things I’ve always loved about her.
I feel like I’m dying inside and I suppose I am. Buffy makes up half of me and…God, I don’t know what to say.
The only way I can justify this to my self is that it’s the best thing for her. Me walking away is going to keep her alive. Oh, I know its not going to give her a normal life span but at least she’ll have one less distraction to deal with and that could be enough to keep her in this world at least for a little longer.
When I look at her all time stops and it has even less significance than it normally does for an immortal being.
Right now I’m so screwed up and I just needed someone to know that this isn’t the easiest thing I’ve ever done in fact it’s the hardest and it seems fitting that since you’re the only one who never for one second doubted the strength of Buffy and my love for each other, that you should have this letter.
Look after her Will, I know she’s the Slayer and can look after herself but she needs others more than she’ll ever admit and she needs a best friend like you more than anything.
Well I guess I’d better get going if I want to reach L.A by dawn. My new address is in closed write or call if you or Buffy need me…and Willow? Thank you.
Angel.
***
Willow re read the letter from Angel before looking at the sleeping form of her best friend on the bed opposite her. *I promise, Angel.* She thought *I promise.*
***
The Hardest thing.
We both know I shouldn’t be here. This is wrong and baby it’s killing me, it’s killing you. Both of use tryin’ to be strong. I’ve got somewhere else, to be promises to keep, Someone else who loves me and trusts me, fast asleep.
I’ve made up my mind, there is no turning back. (No turning back) She’s been good to me and she deserves better than me.
It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do. To look you in the eye and tell you I don’t love you. It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever lie to show no emotion when you start to cry. (Please don’t cry)
I can’t let you see what you mean to me when my hands are tied and my hearts not me. We’re not meant to be. It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do (Oh, Oh, Oh) To turn around and walk away, pretend that I don’t love you. (Love you)
I know that we’ll meet again, fate has a place and time. (Place and time) So you can get on with your life (Get on with your life) I’ve got to be cruel to be kind like Dr. Zhivago. All my love I’ll be sending (Yeah) And you will never know ‘cause there will be no happy ending.
It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do (Oh, oh, oh) To look you in the eye, And tell you I don’t love you. It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to lie, To show no emotion when you start to cry. (Cry)
I can’t let you see what you mean to me when my hands are tied and my heart’s not free. We’re not meant to be. It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do (Yes it is) To turn around and walk away, pretend that I don’t love you.
Bye bye, Baby bye bye. Maybe another time another day (You know I can’t do it girl) Bye bye, Baby bye bye. As much as I want to, I can’t stay (Oh, oh, oh)
I’ve made up my mind there’s no turning back. She’s been good to me and she deserves better than me.
It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do (oh, oh, oh) To look you in the eye (The eye) And tell you I don’t love you. It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to lie to show no emotion (Oh no) When you start to cry (Cry)
I can’t let you see what you mean to me when my hands are tied and my hearts not free. We’re not meant to be. It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do (Oh, oh) (Yes it is) To turn around and (Ah, ah) walk away. Pretending I don’t love you. (Love you)
You know I can’t do it baby (Yeah, yeah) Living a lie, (don’t wanna live a lie) Umm, umm, What can I do, Yeah (Bye, bye, baby bye, bye) Yeah (bye, bye, baby bye, bye) Oh uh, uh, what can I do.