When angels fall

By Amanda Hawthorn

RATING: PG-13

PAIRING: Grissom/Sara

CATEGORY: Angst/ romance

ARCHIVE: Sara and Grissom and my site  http://www.pink-martini.net/amanda/

FEEDBACK: Love it, but no flames please I’m fragile!!

EMAIL: [email protected] or [email protected]

SUMMARY:  A heart can only take so much before it breaks in two.

SPOILERS: Real tiny ones for crash and burn and Lady Heathers box.

DISCLAIMER: CSI belongs to CBS and Alliance-Atlantis Productions. No

infringement intended.

AUTHORS’ NOTES: This is for Niff who sent me these lyrics, we both agreed this was very Sara so I decided to write a fic sort of relating to them. Thank you Niff  for the long chat we had over IM, and for keeping me supplied with spoilers. You’re a star!!

Also to everyone on grissomandsara yahoo group. I’ve missed you guys.

The end of shift came to a slow end as Sara walked slowly into the locker room. Everything seemed to be merging into a timeless zone of unease just lately.

Grissom hadn’t spoken to her properly in months, he’d seemed to keep away from her, blocking any contact and she felt it burning into her heart, the sadness.

Keeping her head down, she wordlessly opened her locker door to pull out her bag and jacket. Another lonely day lie ahead for her. She had no one to go home to, no one to share her tiredness or her tears. No one cared.

Her eyes fell to the picture taped on the inside of her locker door of her parents, taken back in the days when they used to be close.

Silently her hand reached over to touch the photo, her fingers absentmindedly tracing their faces. She wondered what they were doing right now. She hadn’t called them for a long time and maybe they missed her.

The door opened again, making her snatch her hand away and close the door with a slam. She could feel the tears building in her eyes and tried desperately to keep them at bay.

The last thing she needed was to show her weakness here, in front of everyone. So taking a deep breath she turned towards the door and made her way outside.

Grissom’s office door was still open as she teetered towards the doorframe intending to say goodnight but stopped suddenly as she heard laughter coming from the inside. She remembered when she used to be the one he laughed with, the one he shared himself with. When had that changed into this mere existence they now had? When had he stopped trusting and believing in her? The truth was simple and hit her right inside her heart. She already knew the answer to her own question. She knew when it had all changed, she knew when the fondness had changed into this thing they now had, she knew. One word, one name sprang into her mind, screaming out its betrayal to her heart, driving more wetness into her eyes. Hank, Hank, it screamed. He had been her friend, nothing more until the day when Grissom broke her heart by straying towards Lady Heather, and she had sought some sort of comfort from someone, anyone, and it just happened to be Hank.

The tears building in her eyes began to burn her throat as she recognized that laughter. It was so obvious that Catherine and Grissom were good friends, and it was good that he had someone to talk to, but it hurt so much that he didn’t feel the want or the need to talk to her anymore.

Shaking herself, she carried on walking passed his open door, praying that he would call to her and at the same time praying that he wouldn’t.

Lowering her head again, she waited for him to notice, for either of them to notice, but they didn’t, no one did, except Greg who stood in her path as she tried to walk passed him.

“ Sorry,” she muttered, as they seemed to do a dance in the hallway as they both chose the same direction to walk in.

“ Hey my fault,” he grinned; only to have it die away as her eyes met his.

“ What?” she said sadly, hoping he could just let her pass without too many questions. All she wanted to do was get away from here, away into the open air so she could banish these treacherous feelings from her heart and regenerate by tonight into the Sara everyone knew.

“ Are you alright?” he asked worriedly, seeing through her façade as he reached out a hand to touch her arm      “ you look so sad.”

“ Do I?” she said softly, moving her eyes away from his to look off into space, if only things were different, if only the others could see. Turning her eyes back to Greg’s, she let the sadness seep through her words, “ how is it that you notice things about me Greg?”

He shook his head confused for a second, he was starting to get really worried, “ I’m sorry, what? I don’t get you.”

“ There are four people in there,” she pointed her thumb behind her, trying desperately to keep the hurt from her voice, but it came anyway, “ they claim to be my family, they claim to care about me, but you know what Greg?”

“ I…?”

“ They don’t give a rats ass about me, none of them do.”

“ Sara,” he started again only to have her cut him off once more, not listening to a word he was saying.

“ I thought I had someone who cared about me and he just went right out and cheated on me, so what does that say about me Greg?” Her voice seemed deflated, devoid of emotion as a tear slipped out from her eyelashes to roll down her cheek before she quickly wiped it away. She needed to get away and tried her hardest to cover herself in the wake of defeat, “ I’m sorry, it’s been a long night.”

“ You want me to get Griss? Or Nick maybe?” he asked quickly, not for a second buying her excuse as she began to walk passed him, only stopping when she turned back around to face him.

“ Why?” she asked quietly, her eyes staring into his.

Her question took him by surprise and he found himself stumbling over his words,“ Uh if they knew how unhappy you were they would want to help you,” he offered, “ well I know I would want to know if you were feeling this way.”

Sara’s eyes began to fill with tears again as she smiled at him, “ Thank you Greg.” Then she turned to walk away.

He watched her leave, worry eating away at his insides. He had never seen her like this and it scared the life out of him, so walking back down the hallway, he stopped outside Grissom’s office and tapped on the door.

“ Have you got a second?” he asked quickly, seeing both Grissom and Catherine turn to him.

“ What is it Greg?” Grissom asked, a hint of a smile still on his face.

“ I..” he stopped, choosing his words carefully “ Sara was crying. I think..”

“ What?” Grissom was on his feet in seconds and coming towards him, making him back away slowly.

“ She was upset about something, I’ve never seen her so…well..sad,” Greg looked back up to his face again.

“ What did she say Greg?” Catherine asked as she got up from the couch to come over to stand beside him.

“ She thinks no one cares about her,” he told them “ she tried to brush it off, saying she was tired, but I know she was upset about something.”

“ Where did she go?” Grissom asked as he pushed his way out of the door “ is she still here?”

“ She was leaving, I’m not sure where she was going,” he called out to Grissom’s retreating form as he hurried for the exit.

Sara walked out into the car park, her eyes focusing on the cloudy skies. The rain that had started to fall darkened the usual sunshine; it’s light patter wetting her skin, bringing a cool relief to her burning face. She closed her eyes as she lifted her face up into the rain; it’s welcoming wetness washing the tears from her face to mingle with the others that fell from her eyes.

The heaviness in her heart only increased with the heaviness of the rain, soaking her tired body in it’s bid to release the pain. How could it be that she felt so alone right now when there were people everywhere? Opening her eyes, she moved slowly towards her car to lean her head against the door before opening it to climb in.

Her hair dripped tiny droplets of water onto the dry seats and steering wheel, mesmerizing her as they plopped effortlessly onto her hands, to roll off of her skin.

Her cloths stuck to her skin where the rain had plastered them to her shivering body, but she didn’t care, not anymore. Why should she care when no one else did?

Starting the car, she thought about where she should go. Home was the last place right now with it’s empty rooms and cold welcome. She needed to go somewhere, a place where she could think and be alone.

Why had he changed? How could he just suddenly stop caring about her? How could he turn off his feelings when she struggled to control hers?

Sara tried desperately to rid the images from her mind, needing to get away from here before she changed her mind.

Pulling out of the car park, she drove towards the park, to the last place Grissom had treated her as a friend.

Grissom raced to the entrance and got to the doors just in time to see Sara’s car pull out into the road.

“ Dammit,” he cursed angrily as he stormed out into the rain towards his car. He needed to see her; he knew that now, more than ever. Deep down he knew he was hurting her with his actions, he knew how much she was losing her control, but still he had kept up this pretense. This anger at her betrayal fueled the hurt inside him. He should have dealt with his feelings before he ever let things get this far and now he had no one but himself to blame. Greg had said Sara was crying, his sweet Sara. He needed to see her, to tell her he was sorry. He had to make her understand that it wasn’t only her actions that had made him act this way; it was his too.

The rain hammered his body, drenching him as he fumbled with the lock on his car door, as if to punish him for his lack of interest in the woman who had just welcomed its wetness.

His hands slipped over the keys as he unlocked his door and climbed in to start the car. He only hoped he could catch up to her and tell her he did care, and he was so sorry for acting the way he had, maybe try to at least explain.

Pulling out of the car park, he sped off into the same direction as Sara had just a few moments ago.

Sara drove into the park to pull her car to a stop just beside the trees. She had always liked it here; it’s silence comforting her when she needed to be alone.

Opening her door, she stepped out onto the wet grass, her boots sinking into the mud making her slip as she began to walk towards the deserted swings.

The rain wasn’t so heavy now; it had seemed to lighten as she came here, welcoming her into its spray to mingle its wet tears with her own.

Sara started walking slowly towards the swings that swayed slightly in the wind, beckoning for her to come into its silent embrace. Here, in this sanctuary, she was loved.

As she sat down on one of the swings, her mind wandered to the time just a few weeks ago that she had been here on a crime scene with Grissom. He had treated her the same as he had always done before and the gulf that had developed between them over the months had seemed to close, if only for a brief time. This is where she had felt the hurt start to disappear.

Laying her head back against the chains holding up the swing, she closed her eyes and allowed herself to slip into memories, as the rain continued to spray her body surrounding her in its cool embrace.

Grissom was becoming frantic. He’d been to her apartment, she wasn’t answering her cell phone or her pages, and he was beginning to run out of ideas as to where she would go. By chance he found himself driving towards the park, hoping against hope that he would find her here in one of the last places he would ever think of looking. As he drove up towards the trees, relief clouded his heart as he spotted her car.

Pulling up alongside hers, he found her with his eyes. She sat in the rain facing away from him with her head pointed up towards the sky, eyes closed as she welcomed the rain pouring down over her body.

Grissom knew what he had to do, so climbing out of his car he headed over towards the swings, hoping that she would somehow be able to forgive him.

“ Is this seat taken?” he asked softly as she spun around to face him, letting him see for the first time how broken she actually was.

Grissom gasped, shocked. He had never in all the time he’d known Sara, ever seen her looking so lost and defeated before.

Her eyes were dull instead of the deep brown that had first enticed him to her all those years ago.

“ Sara?” he said at last as he slowly began to approach the next swing beside her.

She continued to watch him silently, her body shaking under the intense cold of her wet skin as rain continued to pour over both of them. She wanted to speak but couldn’t seem to release the words in her heart, so instead she watched him, her gaze sinking into his as he eased himself down onto the swing beside her.

“ Are you ok?” he spoke again as he sat down, unnerved by her silence. She hadn’t spoken a word since he arrived. He’d at best expected a stinging comment or at least an angry burst, but there was nothing, just silence.

Deciding on another tactic, he stayed quiet, his eyes leaving her face to look up into the cloudy skies “ You know I used to come here all the time, it’s a good place to think when you need to be alone.” He looked over towards her again in time to see her snatch her eyes from his face to look away.

“ Please talk to me?” he said softly “ I don’t know what you want.”

Sara closed her eyes against the tears that had once again started to sting her eyes; he really had no idea why she was so sad. How could he? He hadn’t spoken to her for months.

“ I don’t want anything,” she told him in a quiet dead voice.

Her voice startled him for a second and he found himself springing from the swing to come and stand before her.

“ You don’t have to be here,” she whispered as her eyes fixed on some place far behind him “ I know you don’t want to be here.”

“ What?” he gasped, hearing the depression in her words icing his heart “ that’s not true.”

“ I came here to think,” she told him, still avoiding his eyes “ I like it here, it’s silent and it listens to me.”

“ But it’s raining, and there’s no one here,” he protested worriedly “ you’ll catch your death sat here, please, let me take you home.”

“ I like the rain,” she closed her eyes, lifting her face into the water spraying her face “ and if I die who will even care anyway?”

Grissom felt his heart catch in his throat, “Sara, please don’t talk like that, everyone would care. I would care.”

“Oh please,” she hissed then, anger flaring in her eyes as she turned to face him squarely in his eyes “ I don’t think so Griss, I know you don’t mean any of these words. It’s just more of your beautiful lies, more words to make me believe that maybe, just maybe you might just care about me.”

“ I do..”

“ Of course you do” she told him bitterly “ If you cared about me you wouldn’t treat me as if I was something you just stepped in. You wouldn’t go out of your way to hurt me and make me feel like this. Let’s face it Grissom, you don’t care about me any more than you trust me.”

Standing angrily, she started to walk away from him, her body shaking violently against the cold sweeping over her defeated body. Why couldn’t he just let her get through this on her own? Why did he pretend to care when he so obviously didn’t?

“ What the hell does that mean?” he snapped angrily as he sprinted after her, grabbing her arm to pull her to a halt, feeling her skin icy cold beneath his fingers. The anger inside his heart melted away the second he touched her skin to be replaced with concern “ Sara you’re freezing, come on I’m taking you home.”

“ I’m ok,” she told him angrily as she tried to snatch her arm away from him but found her strength suddenly fade from her body, leaving her legs to crumble beneath her, sending her crashing to the ground in a soggy heap.

Her body betrayed her emotions as she found herself unable to stop the tears pouring from her eyes, wracking her body into shuddering sobs that showed no intention of slowing.

“ Why couldn’t you have left me alone?” she sobbed, “ I’ll do anything you want me to do. I’ll leave Vegas, I’ll go as far away as you want me to, I don’t care anymore.”

“ I want the Sara I know and love back,” he told her as he sank to his knees beside her “ I want her back more than anything.”

Sara shook her head against his words, tears washing over her face to mingle with the pouring rain. “ You don’t want me,” she sobbed “ you didn’t want me but you went so easily to someone else.”

“ Sara please,” he begged as he tried to pull her to her feet “ lets get you home and we can talk about this ok?”

“ It’s ok,” she told him through hiccupping sobs “ you don’t have to.”

“ I want to Sara,” he told her firmly as he finally succeeded in pulling her up to stand before him “ I’ll take you home and then we are going to talk.”

Wordlessly, she allowed him to take her hand as he led her towards their waiting cars, motioning for her to wait near his.

“ I can drive myself,” she told him tiredly, leaning against his window and closing her eyes.

“ No,” the tone in his voice told her that there was no point in arguing anymore, so she did as he asked and waited patiently while he unlocked his door to usher her inside.

Pulling out his cell phone he dialed in Catherine’s number “ I’m at the park, I need you to come and take Sara’s car back to her apartment.”

“ Why is she ok? Gil?” she asked him worriedly.

“ It’s a long story, I’ll call you later. Just bring Warrick so he can take you home when you drop off her car ok?”

“ Gil?”

“ Catherine, that’s all I can tell you right now, just trust me?”

“ Ok,” she agreed, “ I’ll wait for your call. See you later.”

Grissom found himself looking in through his car window to see Sara’s head leaned against the inside of the door, her eyes closed and her body shivering. He had to admit he was afraid. Whoever this was right now, this wasn’t the Sara he had fallen in love with so long ago and he vowed to himself that he would get her back, no matter how long it took. Moving towards the door, he threw his cell phone in his pocket and climbed in behind the wheel, his eyes instantly drawn to the drenched woman next to his seat.

“ I’m ok to drive myself,” she told him through chattering teeth, her eyes fixed firmly closed.

“ Maybe you can, but I want to take you myself.”

“ So what did you tell her?” she asked him, opening her eyes to stare into his.

“ Who?”

“ Whoever it is that you called,” turning her head away from him again, she knew her words were hateful and angry but she couldn’t seem to stop the flow “ if you want to get back to her then I’ll drive myself. I came here myself, I can take myself home.”

“ It was Catherine Sara, I called Catherine. She’s coming here to take your car back to your apartment, that’s all, nothing more,” his eyes roamed her shaking form, trying desperately to keep the anger from his voice as he spoke. He knew that her attitude was a direct result from hurt and self pity, but he also know that he had caused this.

“ Look,” she sighed again, turning her head to face him again, her hair dripping tiny wet droplets down her face making her nose run “ I’ll drive myself. I’m making your car all wet.”

“ I’m wet too, what’s your point?” he asked her, challenging her to defy his reason but she wouldn’t be baited, she just shrugged her shoulders and kept her eyes turned away from him.

“ Where’s your keys?” he asked her, his voice softer this time, trying so hard to let her see she could say anything to him at the moment and he would let her.

Shifting in her seat, she shoved her hands inside her wet pocket and pulled out her car keys to hand them to him before turning away from him again.

With a heavy sigh he watched her silently, not knowing what to say but knowing that she couldn’t stay mad at him forever. So sitting back in his seat, he kept the silence as he waited for Catherine and Warrick to arrive.

A few minutes later the bright headlights of Catherine’s car broke through the looming dullness of the rain. Grissom turned to watch Sara, as she seemed to shrink down in her seat, turning her head so far into her arms that he thought she would surely disappear, or maybe that was her intention.

“ I’ll be right back,” he told her softly as he opened the door.

“ Please don’t tell them,” her voice was so quiet he almost didn’t hear her.

“ I promise you Sara I would never do that to you,” his eyes roamed her defeated body, feeling the rising emotions surging into his eyes, wanting to make her see he really did care for her.

“ Ok,” she whimpered, her voice shaking into her arms as he exited the vehicle.

The rain pelted his body again, instantly cooling his skin as he approached Catherine’s car. She wound the window down to look at him “ What’s going on?”

“ Hey man what’s up with Sara?” Warrick asked from the other seat.

“ She’s not feeling well, I’m taking her home. That’s why I need one of you to drive her car back to her apartment.” He pulled the keys from his pocket to hand them to Catherine “ I’ll be staying with her for a while, so don’t expect me in tonight.”

“ Ok,” Catherine nodded as she took the keys from his hand “ tell her we’re thinking of her.”

“ I will,” he smiled as he started to walk away, leaving Catherine and Warrick to watch him silently.

Sara’s head snapped up as he climbed back into the car, her eyes warily watching him as he started the car.

“ It’s ok,” he told her softly “ they’re just worried about you that’s all.”

Sara felt more tears sting her eyes as she fought desperately to keep them from surfacing, her battle with her tears becoming a constant war of emotions inside her heart.

“ I can’t do this anymore,” she told him quietly, her voice quivering as she tried to get the words out without breaking down completely.

“ Sara, it’s ok,” he soothed, his hand reaching over to clasp her freezing fingers “ we are going to get through this together ok?”

“ I can’t fight you anymore Griss,” she whimpered, turning her eyes away from him “ I can’t pretend I don’t feel anything, I’m not that strong, not anymore.”

“ Sara?” he gasped, her voice striking ice-cold fear into his heart “ I promise you we’ll work this out.”

His eyes wandered to her face again as he drove them out of the park onto the road towards her apartment. Her eyes were closed again as silent tears slipped from her lids, one after another in a constant flow of defeat. He knew now more than ever that he had to make this right. Turning the car around he headed towards his house; he was going to take care of her no matter how much she might protest. He needed to show her once and for all that his feelings for her had never died.

“ Where are we going?” she asked worriedly, her voice trembling as her eyes scanned the scenery flying passed her.

“ I’m taking you to my house Sara, you’re staying with me.”

“ No,” she told him, suddenly panicking “ I can’t do this, please Griss, don’t make me do this.”

“ Honey I won’t make you do anything,” he told her “ I just want to help you that’s all.”

Her eyes flew to his face only to instantly draw away again as he turned to look at her. Her eyes had closed again against the shaking of her body, remaining in silence for the rest of the drive to his house.

Grissom stopped the car outside his house and looked over to the woman who sat uncharacteristically quiet in the seat beside him “ We’re here Sara,” he told her softly “ come on, lets get you inside.”

“ You don’t have to do this,” she whispered again, “ I can handle this if you just let me alone for a while, I’ll be ok, I’m always ok.”

“ Not this time,” he told her, reaching out to take her hand, squeezing it gently “ I’ve left you alone for too long. I won’t be doing it again.”

“ I don’t know what you want me to be anymore,” she whispered in a broken voice as another tear rolled down her cheek.

“ I want you to be yourself Sara,” he told her, his hand reaching over to slowly stroke the tear away from her skin “ that’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

His words seem to open the tiny crack in her heart to open the flood of emotions that had been filtering out for months. Grissom watched horrified, as she seemed to break in front of his eyes, her body crumbling in shaking sobs, sinking deeper and deeper into the ocean of pain she seemed to be drowning in.

Without thinking, he jumped out of the car to run around to her side of the car. Opening the door, he leaned over her cold shaking body to unclip her seat belt and take her in his arms, shielding her tired body from the rain with his own.

He was shocked to feel how light she had become and as his hands brushed her back he could feel her rib bones protruding through her skin and cloths “ God Sara,” he gasped through his own emotions, “ what have I done to you?”

Carrying her effortlessly towards his house, he leaned her body closer to his as he pulled his keys from his pocket and pushed open his door.

“ I can walk Griss,” she whispered against his chest, her body shivering in his arms as her skin drank in his body heat greedily.

“ I know you can,” he told her gently “ I just want to help you.”

He carried her towards his bathroom and sat her down on a stool while he turned on the shower. She watched him silently through the warm steam that had started to billow into the tiny room.

She watched him intently as he moved towards her, her voice beginning to tremble as she struggled with the words, “ I…” she started, but her voice died away as his hands began to move to the buttons on her shirt. Their eyes met and held as he slipped one button open before moving to another. Sara’s heart began thudding against her chest; she had to stop this before he saw how much his touch affected her. She couldn’t let him see the vulnerability in her eyes, so she tried to rid her fear by replacing it with anger, anger she could control. Her eyes left his as her hand came up to still his fingers on her shirt, the touch of their skin igniting her with fire, which she tried desperately to hide, “ I can undress myself.”

“ Ok,” he sighed heavily, his eyes roaming her face, his heart fierce with protection “ I’ll find you some dry cloths, and then you’re going to eat something.”

“ I’m ok Griss,” she told him through tired eyes “ you don’t have to do this.”

“ I do,” he told her firmly “ and the sooner you accept the fact that I am going to be here the easier this is going to be.”

Sara lifted her eyes to see the determination on his face. He was watching her intently, showing no signs of leaving, even as she began to undo the buttons of her shirt “ Are you going to watch me shower?” she asked him, the familiar anger rising into her eyes, giving her the strength to fight again.

“ Uh,” he started, instantly becoming embarrassed with the knowledge that he was staring at her intently, the old feelings she had stirred up in his heart all those years ago, still ever present even now. “ I’ll go and find you some cloths,” he stammered, as he backed away from her to exit the bathroom.

Sara watched the now empty space where he had just been. Part of her was disappointed that he had left her, the feelings of loss stirring inside her heart enticing more tears to form in her eyes, bringing a stinging burn to her throat. The other part of her was relieved; she didn’t feel strong enough to face him, not yet anyway.

As she peeled off the last of her cold wet clothing, she stepped into the shower; the hot burst of water roaming over her body to banish the coldness, welcoming its heat. Her skin burned as the water touched it, the steam enveloping her body in a warm caress as the coldness slowly left her body, washing the tears away with it to leave her tired body warm in it’s wake.

Reaching out, Sara turned off the hot water and pulled the towel from the rail to wrap it around her body, encasing her with the warmth from the shower to mingle with her body heat.

Slowly, cautiously, she opened the door of the bathroom to step outside.

“ There’s cloths on my bed,” he called as he came from the kitchen, his throat suddenly becoming dry as he caught sight of her clad only in a towel. She span around at the sound of his voice, jumping visibly. Her own heart was thudding in her chest so loudly that she was sure he could hear it.

“ Thanks,” she told him, her eyes caught with his unable to look away. She recognized the feelings that were seeping from her heart. She had tried to bury them for a long time only to have then resurface to bubble beneath her emotions, causing her breath to catch in her throat.

“ I’ll um get dressed,” she stuttered, needing to put some distance between them.

“Ok,” he nodded as he turned back into the kitchen, his own heart betraying his body as he tried to control his breathing.

Sara made her way into Grissom’s bedroom feeling her heart racing. What was happening to her? Only a few hours ago she had been ready to leave him behind for good, she had wanted to get away, far away, but now? The look in his eyes had been one of pure want and she had felt it too. She was so confused at the moment she didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t.

Her eyes drifted over towards his bed, scanning every tiny detail of his private room. Everything about this room screamed his name, his essence everywhere.

Moving over towards the bed where he had laid out a shirt and a pair of boxers, she reached out a hand to touch the soft sheets beneath her fingers, feeling her way over his bed with both her heart and mind reeling from the emotions gathering inside her body.

She found herself sitting down on the edge of the bed. Closing her eyes she let herself drift to images that had been conjured up in her mind a thousand times over, images of her and Grissom.

Sara felt a small smile creep over her face as she imagined her dream Grissom running his hands over her body, healing her heart with his touch alone. He loved her without question, he would never hurt her in the way that the real Grissom had.

Opening her eyes, the images melted away to replace the ever-present sadness, filling the voids of her heart as the tears returned, sweeping away the beautiful touch of the man in her dream.

A small tap on the door startled her out of her sadness as the door slowly opened “ Sara?”

“ I’m sorry,” she gasped and sprang to her feet away from his bed “ I only sat down for a minute, I didn’t mean to.”

Grissom watched her crumble and felt his heart break. Coming fully into the room, he reached out a hand to steady her shaking body, her wet hair dripping beads of water onto his hands “ Sara, you can sit anywhere you want to, you don’t have to explain anything to me.”

“ I,” she began, her tears stinging her words “ I shouldn’t be here. I should be able to handle this, why can’t I handle this Griss? Why don’t you want me?”

Her eyes found his face, begging him for answers, answers that he couldn’t possibly give her.

Grissom felt the breath leave his entire body. She thought he didn’t want her? Oh god if she only knew what she did to him. He didn’t know what to say to her, didn’t know how to make this right so he said the first thing that came to mind “ I want you here Sara. I want to understand.”

His words seemed to stop her trembling as she found his eyes again with her own. Tears flowed freely from her lashes, as she tried to steady her uncontrollable emotions.

“ Get dressed Sara,” he told her softly “ then we will sit down and talk ok?” As he spoke, he started to back out of the room, his eyes watching her intently as she breathed.

Sara’s heart was racing, she wanted his touch back, her skin cold where his fingers had burned so without thinking she lurched forward to grab his hand, stopping his retreat “ Don’t go,” she whispered.

Grissom was caught in her touch. The power she had over him capturing him into stillness, powerless to deny her this one thing she asked for “ You need to get dry,” he told her, his voice cracking through ragged breath. She had an effect over his body that enticed feelings in him, welcoming them with a burst of love.

“ Please stay,” she whispered again, her grip on his hand tightening “ I don’t want you to go.”

He was lost in that one precious moment. He knew he couldn’t deny her, not anymore. She was in his heart, buried so deep that no other woman had ever came close to the feelings he had for her. So moving towards her he moved his hands to her cold shoulders and slowly began to pull the towel away, watching her intently for any signs of rejection.

The towel fell away into his hands as she watched him, her eyes never leaving his in what was the most intimate of moments. He began to run the towel over her damp body, drying her skin of the last remnants of water. Her body moved all on it’s own, leaning into him as he moved closer to dry her shoulders.

Her eyes fluttered closed at the sensations he was evoking in her body, reveling in his touch. Her body was screaming in wild abandonment, begging for the man behind her to cool her burning skin with his ministrations.

“ Turn around,” he whispered into her ear causing a shiver to travel over her body in quiet tremors, rendering her powerless to his touch.

Closing her eyes, she did as he asked, turning away from him, trusting him with her body completely. Behind her, Grissom felt his breath catch in his throat. Only now that she was turned from him did he let his eyes travel down her body, drinking in the perfect sight before his hands followed the path of his eyes to dry her.

His breathing was becoming harder to control, as was hers, both of them reeling from the new feelings coursing through their bodies in a powerful burst of emotions.

His hands came to her hair, running the towel over her silky strands to dry the last of the water from her, leaving no trace behind.

“ Griss?” she whispered as she leaned back into his body, her skin coming into contact with his clothing, causing her to shiver.

“ Shh,” he told her, leaning his body into hers as he stooped to pull the shirt from the bed.

Sara couldn’t breath, his touch was intoxicating. Even now as he pulled the shirt over her arms and onto her back she knew she couldn’t leave here, not now.

Grissom was battling with his own body, it’s demands becoming overpowering as he stood close to her, barely touching. Reaching out to her other shoulder, he turned her around to pull the other sleeve over her arm, his eyes burning into hers, never daring to look away for fear he would lose this fragile control he had over his hands.

Sara’s eyes fluttered closed again the second his fingers moved to the buttons on the shirt, fumbling to close it before he lost the battle to look further.

His fingers brushed against the bare skin of her breast as he fastened the buttons closed, his hands shaking uncontrollably with the knowledge that he was just a whisper away from her body. With a ragged gasp, Sara’s eyes snapped open, darkened with desire. She caught him in her gaze, her eyes transfixing him into powerless as he stood motionless, unable to break away from the captured hold she had over his body.

“ I..” he started, but found the words on his tongue dying as she took a tentative step towards him, her body so close he could feel her heat seeping into him.

“ Can you hold me?” she asked him softly, moving a hand to glide over his chest, her eyes linked with his            “ please?”

Grissom felt his heart burst as she moved closer, his breathing ragged and broken. He felt her arms wind around his back to pull him into her body as she laid her head into his chest, soaking up the heat he offered.

His hands shook as he moved them up over her back, her shirt clad back burning his fingers, her closeness rendering him into a quivering wreck.

“ I’m sorry Griss,” she whispered into his chest, closing her eyes against the warmth that surrounded her. She loved this man with all of her being. He was buried so deep inside her soul she knew no other man would ever be able to compare to him. Maybe that’s why she didn’t enter into relationships with other men, they never seemed to be able to match up to the man she now held onto.

“ Don’t,” he told her, his voice whispered into her hair, kissing her with his warm breath “ you’re here that’s all that matters now.”

“ I’m sorry about Hank,” she told him, tightening her hold on him, squeezing him so tightly to her she was sure he would pull away any second, but, he didn’t. His silence gave her the courage to continue, needing to tell him her reasons “ I don’t love him, I never did, he wasn’t you and I couldn’t even fool myself into thinking he could ever compare. I know I hurt you.”

Grissom’s eyes filled with tears as he heard her quiet confession, relief flooding his heart pushing a confession of his own to the surface “ I’m sorry too,” he whispered into her hair “ I hurt you too and I knew I was doing it but I just wanted to distance myself from you.” He pulled away from her slightly to look down at her, lifting her head gently to look into her tear filed eyes “ I could never do that to you Sara,” he told her quietly, his voice shaking with emotion “ I saw you with him and I just knew at that moment I was going to lose you.”

“ Never,” she shook her head venomously as a tear fell from her eyes “ you could never lose me Griss, even now, even after I had decided to let you go and move away and give you back your life, I couldn’t ever leave you behind. I can’t Griss.”

“ Oh god Sara,” he gasped and pulled her into his arms again with a forceful tug “ I can’t lose you, and I have been such a fool.”  

“ Me too,” she sniffed, holding onto him tightly unwilling to let him go as she moved her head up against his chest to nuzzle his neck with her lips, kissing away the tears that fell down his face to mix with her own.

His breathing was becoming more and more erratic as she began kissing his throat, reveling in his scent, his shaking urging her further as she lost herself in him.

Grissom’s hands began to stroke her back, tracing gentle circles over her shoulders, he head angling to give her better access to his throat. He was falling, teetering over the edge of desire as she continued to kiss him. His gentle strokes became more forceful, kneading her skin as his hands moved up to tangle in her damp hair.

Sara couldn’t take much more of this, she needed to feel his lips against her own, the overwhelming domination of passion blinding her senses, as she craved his touch.

Her lips left his neck to place gentle butterfly kisses up his jaw and chin, enticing him further towards her lips, needing his kiss more than she needed her next breath.

Grissom felt her heart thudding against his as she moved her arms further around his body, pressing herself into him, increasing contact between their bodies with every possible movement. Her kisses fogged his brain, leaving him a willing prisoner in her embrace. Her kisses fueling pure passion inside his body as he gave into her and found her lips with his own, binding them together in a kiss so full of pure need that their bodies started acting on their own.

Grissom found himself walking her backwards towards his bed as he kissed her. Deepening the kiss by plunging his tongue deep into her depths causing hers to tangle with his. She surrendered to him fully, letting him guide her blindly as they sank down onto the bed.

Sometime later, Sara awoke to a total feeling of contentment. Her head was rested on Grissom’s chest, moving up and down with the rhythm of his breathing. Smiling to herself, she moved her head to press a gentle kiss over his heart, as her fingers stroked his stomach.

“ Hey,” he smiled on a deep breath as he looked down at her sleepily.

Her eyes lifted to meet his, greeting him with a huge smile of her own “ Hey yourself.” Lifting up on one elbow, she moved to his lips to kiss him soundly, reveling in the love she felt bursting from her heart. Her lips left his to kiss his chest again, only to return her head over his heart, listening intently to his gentle rhythm.

“ Sara?” he sighed happily.

“ Hmm?”

“ Why did we wait so long?”

Her hands glided over his chest to cross beneath her chin lifting her head. She rested her head on her hands and gazed up into his face “ I love you.” The words left her lips so easily that it startled her momentarily. She had told him those words over and over again in her mind, never daring to say them aloud for fear of being hurt again, and now, as she watched his eyes close she felt that fear rising, and cursed herself for saying them.

“ I’m sorry,” she whispered worriedly, biting her bottom lip as she waited for him to speak, not daring to move for fear of breaking the spell.

She felt his chest shake slightly and found her eyes drawn to his face and was shocked to see tears leaking from the corners of his closed lids “ Oh god Griss,” she gasped, sliding her body up towards his, kissing his tears away “ I’m sorry.”

“ No,” he shook, opening his eyes to gaze into hers, the watery haze still glistening in his depths as a smile formed on his lips, “ do you know how long it is since I’ve heard someone say those words to me and mean it?”

“ I?” she started but was silenced by his finger on her lips, halting any further explanations from her heart.

“ I never thought I’d hear those words again Sara,” he breathed “ and to have you say them to me is the most beautiful thing I ever heard.”

“ I thought you was mad,” she told him with a smile “ I thought I’d said the wrong thing again.”

Wrapping his arms around her shoulders, he pulled her down to him again, his lips finding hers in a blinding kiss that left her reeling all the way down to her toes. She could feel her heart swelling with pure love for this man, wanting nothing more than to give him everything, and she knew the second her drew away from her lips to open his eyes, she was lost, totally and completely.

“ I love you Sara,” he whispered hoarsely “ so much.”

Sara’s heart burst, bubbling a happy smile to her lips “ You do?”

“ I do.”

His words seemed to heal her heart that had for the last few months been defeated and lost, but now, she could feel again, be happy with the one man who was her entire world. Laying her head onto his chest again, she felt his fingers begin to stroke lazy patterns over her back “ Tell me about Heather,” she whispered.

Grissom felt his heart clench at her words. He knew they both had to heal fully before they could move on from this misery they had both created for themselves, so pulling her closer to his body he told her the truth, “ There’s not much to tell Sara,” he began “ she seemed to understand me, and at that time I was hurt that you were seeing Hank and well I let my hurt control my actions. I wasn’t thinking clearly, I just needed to be wanted.”

“ I wanted you Griss,” she whispered sadly, her next words looming on her lips, tumbling out of her mouth before she could stop them “ did you sleep with her?”

“ I won’t lie to you Sara,” he breathed “ I wanted to, but I just couldn’t, it felt as if I was betraying you. I know that sounds stupid.”

“ No,” she gasped, leaning up on one elbow so she could see his face “ That’s not stupid at all.”

His fingers left her back to come up to her face, stroking her cheek with the tips, tracing her lips “ What about you?” he asked.

“ What about me?”

“ Did you sleep with Hank?”

Sara closed her eyes against the building tears “ You know I told you the truth about him, we were only just friends.”

“ Were?” he asked, his hand stilling as he watched her.

“ When I found out about you and Heather I was angry and hurt. I decided then that if I had to make do with Hank then that’s what I had to accept, but I couldn’t. No matter how hard I tried to make myself love him, I couldn’t.” Her eyes met his again, love shining from her depths “ No I didn’t sleep with him.”

Grissom’s eyes melted into hers, his heart bursting with love for this woman beside him. Leaning down, he sealed his lips to hers in a kiss so tender, it stole her breath away.

Sara’s hands glided up over his chest to bury themselves in his hair, linking her fingers into his soft curls, as she sought to deepen their kiss, needing him again in a possessive motion.

He held onto her tightly, his own need building inside as he let her take control, losing himself to her completely as she climbed up to straddle his thighs.

Sara broke the kiss suddenly, gasping for breath as his hands glided up the side of her body “ Griss,” she whimpered, biting her bottom lip to stop herself from crying out as his hands found the soft skin of her breasts.

Opening her eyes slowly she watched his eyes darken as they blazed with desire, sparking the flame of pure want inside her once more. Her hands found his chest, dragging her fingers over him, delighted with the ragged gasp that stuttered from somewhere deep inside his throat.

“ I want you,” she groaned, grinding her body into his, needing him again to make her complete. Dragging her eyes down to his once more so her could see the desire in her eyes, she smiled at his seductively, enjoying the effect she controlled over his body, making him blind with passion.

 Grissom thought he was going to explode with pure abandonment any moment, finding his speech momentarily grounded. Finally, he managed a meager sentence, one which he hoped would banish all fears from her heart forever, “ You have me,” he told her hoarsely, fighting to make her understand the forever meaning in only a few words. Moving his hands from her breasts, he smiled at her frustration, as she moaned with disappointment, only to have her gasp again as his hands moved up to her face, grasping her tightly to pull her down into a deep passionate kiss, all the while his body moving with hers, taking them to heaven only to cling to each other desperately as they floated back down to earth once more.

Sometime later, Grissom awoke to his phone ringing. For a second he forgot where he was, his body screaming out in places where he hadn’t hurt for a very long time. Through a foggy haze, his gaze wandered down to the beautiful woman curled up into his side, a tiny smile gracing her soft face.

She looked so peaceful now and the colour had started to return to her face, leaving her cheeks tinted with a rosy flush.

Smiling, he let his gaze wander over her body to come back to rest on her face. He loved her with every ounce of his soul, every breath he took, and he took it with her.

“ Mmm,” she moaned slowly, coming awake with a stretch as she slowly opened her eyes “ Hey,” she smiled sleepily.

In answer, he leaned his head down to capture her lips in a soft kiss before moving away to gaze down at her as his fingers began tracing tiny patterns over her skin.

“ Isn’t that your phone?” she asked him on a sigh, her eyes closing at the sensations his touch was evoking inside her body.

“ Shhh,” his lips whispered into her skin as he leaned down to kiss tiny kisses over her neck “ they’ll go away soon.”

“ But?” she gasped, moving her head to give him better access to her neck, her voice dying away as she lost herself in his touch.

“ This is just about us,” he told her, as he pulled up to gaze into her eyes “ you and me, no one else.”

“ Just us,” she nodded hazily, her voice catching in her throat as she kissed him lazily, looping her arms up around his neck.

Grissom let his heart speak for him this time as he let her kisses drown his senses, needing to tell her she was his world.

“ Sara,” he breathed, halting her kisses to make her look up into his eyes worriedly, only to smile when she saw the love in his eyes.

“ You are everything,” he whispered, placing kisses on her cheeks “ I don’t want to ever be without you.”

“ You never were,” she smiled “ even though we have been apart for so long, you never lost me.” Her hands came down to cup his face, holding him a willing prisoner in her grasp “ It doesn’t matter where we are, whether you didn’t love me or not, I would still love you. I always have, I always will.”

The smile that broke from his lips caused her heart to burst all over again as he leant down to seal his lips to hers once more, sealing a promise that he would be with her always.

“ I loved you too,” he whispered between kisses “ I always will.”

As the shrill of the phone died away, the caller giving up on their quest, Sara and Grissom lost themselves in each other once more, finding their way back to the warmth and love that kept them bound to each other forever…….