If you’re not the one
By Amanda Hawthorn and Geena
 

RATING: PG-13

PAIRING: Grissom/Sara

DISCLAIMER: CSI belongs to CBS and Alliance-Atlantis Productions. No infringement intended.

AUTHORS’ NOTES:

Amanda: When Geena asked if we could write together again, I loved the idea. We’ve had great fun with this as always. Huge hugs to everyone. Have a very happy Christmas and an even better new year. Thanks for this opportunity Geena, as a friend you’re the best and as a writer you rock hun.

Geena: As always it was a great joy to write this fic with you, Mandy! I don’t know why but it always seems to be that writing with you is a lot easier than writing a fic on my own. We decided for fluff because we didn’t feel like angst. Beside with Christmas coming, who wants angst?! Mandy, as always you did a great job. You are a great writer but most important you are a great friend. You are the best!! It’s always wonderful to write with you. You rock!!

Sara smiled over at Nick as he sat down beside her. Nudging her shoulder, he urged her to take a sip of the coke she had requested when he’d offer to buy her a drink.

“You okay?” he asked quietly when she shifted a little uncomfortably in her seat.

“I don’t think this was a good idea for me to come Nick,” she started, her voice in a hushed whisper. “I’m not up to the socializing thing.”

“Course you are,” he grinned, nodding towards Greg who gazed at her adoringly. “How can you resist that?”

“Quite easily,” she muttered as she leaned forward to pick up her drink to bring it to her lips. For the tenth time in five minutes she relayed their earlier conversation over in her mind, wondering what had possessed her to agree to this.

“Awww come on Sara. It’ll be fun,” Nick had followed her out of the break room, determination in his voice.

“I don’t think so Nick,” she had sighed, turning around to offer him a slight smile. “I don’t do Christmas.”

“What do you mean you don’t do Christmas?” Nick gasped, reaching out to stop her movements. “Everyone does Christmas, Sar.”

“Well not me,” she’d told him. “Besides I’m working.”

“Come on Sara all we’re talking about is an hour before work. Everyone’s going to be there.”

Taking a deep breath, Sara had turned to him prepared to protest once more, but the hope in his eyes deflated her defenses. “Okay.”

“You will?” He’d beamed, picking her up in his arms to spin her around to replace her feet firmly back on the floor. “You won’t regret it.”

“I’m already regretting it,” she’d groaned. “Why do you want me there anyway? I don’t even go out with you guys anymore.”

“That’s why we want you to come to the party. You hardly ever spend time with anyone now.” Reaching out to squeeze her shoulder, he offered her a warm smile. “I’ll even drive you back to the lab afterwards if you want me to.”

“Okay, but I’m not dressing up.” Stepping back, she had smiled briefly before turning to walk away.

“Sara…”

“Nope.” She told him defiantly. “You get me as you see me, that’s the deal.”

“If that’s the deal then you’re on.”

“What are you thinking Sar?” Nick asked softly as he shuffled a little closer to her side. “You haven’t been happy for a long time.”

“I’m fine,” she sighed sadly, leaning slightly into his warmth as she spoke. “Tired I guess.”

“You?” he asked incredulously. “Sara Sidle. Tired?”

“It happens occasionally,” she grinned, instantly warmed by his ability to chase away the icicles surrounding her heart.

“Grissom and Catherine just walked in,” he whispered into her ear. “I thought he wasn’t gonna show up, he never does.”

Sara’s heart began to thud painfully in her chest with the mere mention of his name, and she found herself unable to lift her eyes. Taking a deep breath, she wished she had dressed up and worn something a little different instead of the close fitting burgundy, spaghetti strap top, and black cords. Her mind drifted, creating another scenario where she was the one who Gil Grissom actually wanted, a scenario where she was beautiful enough for him to love her. She could feel the lump burning inside her throat and swallowed back the stinging tears that threatened to fall. She needed to escape from this situation before she totally embarrassed herself in front of him again.

The moment he entered the bar his eyes drifted to Sara. For years he had been fighting his mind and body for that reaction but his eyes always seemed to go to Sara. And right now, he didn’t mind that reaction. She looked like Sara, she looked beautiful. Sara had captured his heart a long time ago. Though he had tried for a long time to ignore his feelings, to push her away, he knew now that there was no point in fighting anymore. His heart belonged to her, if only she would have it.

“I should really be going soon,” she said quickly, turning to Nick in desperation.

“You can’t go yet,” Greg whined, his voice carrying across the table, bringing all eyes to her.

“Great,” she muttered when everyone around the table fell silent. “I was just thinking out loud that’s all.” When everyone carried on with their conversations, she turned to send an ice-cold glare in Greg’s direction causing him to shrink down into his seat.

“I’ll take you to the lab when you’re ready to leave Sara,” Grissom’s voice broke through her glare, defrosting the coldness that had kept her frozen for so long.

Sara lifted her eyes in surprise. Opening her mouth, she tried to form coherent words, but nothing would come out. He wasn’t supposed to be nice to her; she hadn’t prepared herself for this. “Uh,” she managed weakly, “I don’t want to put you out.”

“You’re not,” he told her with a warm smile. Walking around the table, her surprised her even more when he came to take the seat beside her, immediately placing her body on high alert.

Sara tried not to look at him, tried not to show him that this new course of events was interfering with her rational mind, but his magnetic pull drove her closer towards him.

‘Don’t fall for it Sara,’ she told herself, ‘he’s playing games with your heart again. Don’t let him do this to you anymore.’

“Are you okay Sara?” he asked suddenly, his voice close to her ear, causing her to almost jump out of her seat.

Nodding numbly, she turned to offer him a thin smile before averting her eyes just as quickly. Her mind was screaming questions at her. ‘What was he doing? He never chooses to be this close to me anymore. Maybe he’s been drinking, yes that’s it, he’s had a few drinks and that’s why he’s being nice to me.’

Grissom watched the battle warring in her eyes and suddenly found himself drawn towards her. Reaching out a hand, he hovered over the expanse of bare skin that she exposed so close to him. He decided that touching her would be too soon, seeing as she was uncomfortable. He settled his hand and arm at the back of her chair. They were still close, but there was no physical contact. He had fought his defences for so long, and now, after all this time he was finding the power of his feeling for her overwhelming his senses. He didn’t want to fight the attraction anymore. He knew he had hurt her but he hoped she would be willing to give him another chance. He was going to fight for that chance.

“Sara, you wanna dance with me?” Greg asked, raising his eyebrows. Though she felt uncomfortable with Grissom’s arm behind her, she had to laugh. Greg, the person who could make her laugh. He was indeed a good friend.

“No, thanks Greg. I’m not in the mood.”

“Let me get you a drink.”

“Fine. No alcohol though, I don’t want you getting me drunk right before shift.”

Greg went to get Sara a drink. Nick looked at Sara she seemed so troubled. He knew the reason for her troubles was sitting next to her. Yet he also knew that Grissom was the only one who could make Sara really happy. She deserved it and well although Grissom had been resentful towards Sara, he also deserved happiness. Because it was Christmas he felt it was time to help them a little, and he knew Catherine would be a willing accomplice. He leaned towards Sara and whispered to her. “I’ve got some things to take care of. You’ll be all right?”

“Just be back soon, okay.” Sara didn’t like the idea of being alone with Grissom too long.

“Relax, Greg will be here soon and I’ll send Warrick your way also.”

Sara nodded her agreement and watched Nick walk to Catherine.

“Catherine, I need your help.” He said as he stood beside her.

“What can I do for you, Nicky?”

“Just look at them.”

Catherine knew whom he was talking about. Sara was sitting stiffly beside Grissom, avoiding his eyes and talking to Greg. Grissom on the other hand had his eyes on Sara, observing her.

“I know, Nick.” Catherine sighed as she observed the two people who sat close together, yet were so far apart.

“It’s Christmas and they deserve to be together but they’re both so stubborn.” Nick’s eyes fixed on Sara, watching for any signs of her ready to bolt from the scene.

Beside him, Catherine sighed sadly. “Yeah, I know. Grissom is trying though, look at him.”

“I know but he really hurt her this time.” Nick told her, his protectiveness for Sara etched in every word.

“That he did.” Catherine agreed.

“So what can we do, to get them to talk?”

Catherine was silent for a moment. Getting Sara and Grissom to talk was a big problem. How to get them together without one of them walking away. This was a tough one but she might have a good solution. “I know Gil wants to talk to her. Are you bringing Sara back to the lab?”

“Yeah she wants me to.”

“Let Grissom take her. Then they’ll be alone to talk.”

“I don’t know.” Nicky hesitated. Sara and Grissom had been along before but never had they talked. They both seemed very good at avoiding some issues. “You know how Griss gets, he can’t seem to find the words. And if he finds the words they just come out all wrong.”

“Right and that’s where we come in.”

“What?” Nick questioned her. What was Catherine going to do?

“We’re going to request a song for them, a song that tells Sara how Grissom feels. Hopefully that’ll get a reaction.”

“I don’t know, Catherine. You don’t know if they’re going to listen to the radio.”

“I know they will. You know Grissom always listens to the same radio station.”

Nick nodded, Catherine was right. “Okay, maybe this can work.”

“Now we have to get them in the car together.”

“That’s no problem at all. Look at Sara. She’s ready to go. Just wait and see.”

Sara was looking anxiously at Nick, hoping he would be back soon. She wanted to get away from the party. Grissom was sending her mixed signals again. He was trying to talk to her, he was being nice. She wondered how long it would take for him to get mad with her. Greg and Warrick were joking with each other. She was bored and Nick wasn’t going to come back. She decided to take matters in her own hand. She excused herself from the group and walked to Catherine and Nick. What she didn’t know was that Grissom followed her.

“Nick, I think we should go.”

Nick smiled, the plan was working. Grissom heard Sara and before Nick could answer he answered.

“I can take you to the lab if you want, Sara.”

Sara gasped and turned to Grissom who had come up to stand beside her. Her stomach was full of butterflies as she caught the softness in his eyes. He wasn’t supposed to be like this with her, was he upping the stakes in this game of his?

“Um, thanks, but Nick is going to take me.”

“Actually Sara, I’ve had a couple of drinks. Grissom’s going to the lab anyway aren’t you Griss?”

“Yes I am,” he nodded. “You stay and enjoy the rest of the party.”

“But…” Sara cast Nick an accusing glare and found herself caught between fear and unbelievable excitement when Grissom reached out to touch her bare arm. His skin touching hers cast a jolt of electricity to coarse up through her body and she had to fight to stop herself from shaking.

“I’m sorry honey,” Nick apologized, reaching over to plant a soft kiss on her cheek. “I’ll call you later.”

“You’ll pay for this Nick Stokes,” she whispered, gripping his hand tightly as she cast an icy glare into his eyes. Pulling away from him, she saw him smile sweetly and wave as Grissom ushered her out of the door.

As soon as they had disappeared, Catherine pulled her cell phone out of her bag and started to punch in a number while Nick moved across to the window to see if Sara was okay with the situation. He could see her nervously buckle her seatbelt and close her eyes as if waiting for the forthcoming doom that would no doubt befall her soon. Nick couldn’t help feeling a little guilty, but Sara and Grissom needed to work things out between them. Turning away from the window, he glanced over at Catherine who nodded acknowledging that their plan was now in progress.

Sara sat bolt upright as Grissom pulled the Tahoe out of the car park. Her mind screamed at her to say something, but what could she say that wouldn’t get her into more trouble? Nervously, she began to drum her fingers against her thigh, hoping that this nightmare would soon be over.

“You okay?” Grissom asked suddenly, sensing her discomfort.

“Me?” she asked quickly, alarm rising in her voice. “Um, yeah…fine.”

“You seem a little…tense.”

“No, no. I’m okay, really.” Turning to look out of the window, she felt her body begin its slow but steady trembling that was raging throughout her body. She felt Grissom shift beside her and reach out to turn on the radio. Soft music filled the silence and she found herself relax with the welcoming distraction.

“And now we have a request from a woman who asked me to play a song for two very special people she works with. She wants you both to get your head out of the microscope, whatever that means guys it doesn’t sound healthy so I suggest you do what the little lady asks!”

Grissom gasped when he heard the same description used from Catherine not that long ago. Glancing at Sara, he gulped nervously. She hadn’t seemed to notice the voice on the radio, or maybe she had but was refusing to acknowledge it.

“Okay, this is for all you love birds out there tonight…” Strums of soft music started to play and Grissom found himself increasingly torn as the lyrics started to fill the air around them.

“If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today…

If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?

If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?

If you are not mine then would I have the strength to stand at all?”

Sara sat up a little in her seat, the words screaming into her heart. Was this fate or something?

Grissom’s mind was racing as the lyrics hit him full on and he made a quick decision that could either heal them or cause the rift between them to widen. Turning off of the main road, he headed down towards the Lake, intent on having this thing between the two of them out in the open once and for all.

Sara didn’t seem to notice that they were heading towards Lake Mead, her heart still thumping wildly as she listened to the lyrics that could have been written for her and Grissom.

“I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with.”

 

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?


 

Sara’s eyes filled with tears as she finally focused on the surrounding trees that they were passing. Gulping visibly, she turned to catch a glimpse of Grissom beside her and could see his taught muscles, knowing that he too felt the sting of truth from the lyrics that surrounded them. Leaning forward, she reached out a hand to switch off the radio but his voice stopped her.

“No, leave it on.”

“If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

Grissom’s resolve was quickly slipping away with every new verse of the song and he couldn’t remember why he was fighting her.

 

“I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true

We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life.”

“Grissom,” she whispered hoarsely, the ache in her heart becoming almost unbearable.

Bringing their Tahoe to a stop beside the lake. He finally turned to face her. “Shhh,” he whispered, his own voice dragging out from his lips.

Sara closed her eyes as the song on the radio continued, the words reaching down into her soul, speaking their empty love to her alone. She couldn’t do this anymore. Unclipping her seat belt, she threw open the door and bolted from the Tahoe, her need to escape both Grissom and the haunting melody spurring her on.

Grissom swallowed the lump down in his throat as he unclipped his seatbelt and opened the door to follow her. The man’s voice continued with his words of love, filtering through the cold night air.

“I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?”

Sara stood with her back to the intruding words, their unspeakable truth breaking her heart all over again. She should have gone to work and refused to attend the stupid party. If she hadn’t then none of this would be happening now.

“Sara,” Grissom whispered, reaching out a hesitant hand to touch her shoulder.

“‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘ Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side.”

“I can’t take this any more,” she whispered brokenly, wrapping her arms around her stomach, blocking out as much of the song as she could from her mind.

“I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?”

“He’s right,” he whispered, reaching for her with his other hand so he could turn her around to face him. “The words are right.”

Sara’s eyes closed with his touch, shaking her head defiantly. “No more Grissom. I can’t.”

Another song came on the radio, this time a warm wordless melody filled the air around them. “Dance with me?”

“What?” she asked in a whisper, “I don’t think I heard you right, did you just ask me…?”

“Yes, you heard right.” Stepping forward, he closed his fingers around one of her hands and pulled her into his body. Both of them felt the jolt of electricity course between them as their bodies came into close contact. The moment he had her in his arms he knew that this was what he had been waiting for. He was home, she was home to him. It felt so incredibly right to have her in his arms. Sara was confused. She too felt the connection between them. She’d also known it was there and how powerful it was. Although everything felt so wonderful she didn’t want to give too much. He could still be playing games with her. Grissom felt Sara tense and it hurt him. He wanted her to feel save, to feel comfortable. “Relax, Sara. I’m through hurting you.”

She wanted so much to believe him, to trust him but it was hard. She couldn’t deny her body’s reaction to his words. She relaxed and felt save in his arms.

“I’m sorry for everything, Sara. I’m sorry I pushed you away. Holding you like this makes me realize how right this is. I’ve tried so hard to ignore my feelings but there was no use.” He grabbed her hand and placed it on his heart. “You’ve always been there, from the very first time I laid my eyes on you.”

Sara laid her head on his chest. His words had real impact on her. She couldn’t fight him anymore, she wanted this too much. She felt Grissom pulling away, immediately thinking he had been playing with her again. She was wrong. What she saw in his eyes told her everything. She saw love, passion, concern and even a bit of fear. He cradled her head in his hands and touched her lips with his. The jolt of electricity from the embrace was nothing compared to the electricity that they both felt as their lips touched. Grissom soon deepened the kiss, wanting to convince her that he was serious about this. He wanted to show her how much he wanted and needed her.

Sara was the one to pull away this time. Not because she didn’t want to continue but because she did need to breath. They stood there with their foreheads against each other, both catching their breath.

“Are you okay with this?” Grissom was the first one to speak.

Sara nodded. How could she not be okay with this, this was all that she wanted. Grissom pulled her back in his arms. He kissed her, this time a slow, tender kiss that told Sara how he felt about her.

“We have to go to work, Sara.” He said as he reluctantly pulled away.

Sara sighed, work she hated that word at this moment. “I know.”

“Shall we?” He asked as he took her hand to walk her to the car.

They arrived at the lab five minutes before the start of shift. Grissom looked around and quickly gave Sara another kiss before they exited the car. Together they walked to the building. Once inside, Grissom felt Sara tense again as he placed his hand on her lower back. “It’ll be okay.”

She was surprised he wasn’t as nervous as she was about this. She didn’t know how things were going to be around the lab now that things we’re…going to change. Grissom seemed relaxed as if this was something they did every day, so why was she so scared? After a few minutes they both went their separate ways. Sara walked to the break room as Grissom went to his office to get the assignments.

The rest of the team was in the break room, discussing the events of the Christmas party earlier that evening. Catherine and Nick were nervous. They’d expected Grissom and Sara to be at the lab when they arrived but they weren’t there. Maybe things turned out wrong and Sara was at home. Looking up, Nick saw Sara approaching the break room. He nudged Catherine with his elbow.

“Showtime.” He whispered to Catherine.

“Hey Sara, where have you been?” Greg asked, fluttering his eyelashes seductively as she entered the break room.

“Here” Sara answered as calmly as she could.

“Really because we didn’t see you when we arrived.” Catherine asked her.

“Oooh well, I must have been outside.” Sara theorized as she turned her back to them and grabbed herself a cup of coffee and walked back to table to sit down. A few seconds later, Grissom entered the break room. His eyes immediately settled on Sara’s, holding her gaze for longer than he should have.

“Good evening everybody. I hope you all enjoyed the party. Warrick and Catherine I’ve got a robbery at the Tangiers for you. Nick why don’t you go with them. Sara, you and I have a hit and run.” While handing out the assignments Grissom had come to stand next to Sara who had made her way back to the coffee pot. She felt his presence, but she didn’t dare move for fear of everyone discovering the blush creeping up her cheeks.

Nick looked over at the two of them and lifted his eyes up to the ceiling unable to hide the big smile on his face. Looking over towards Catherine, he nodded his head in the general direction of Grissom and Sara. Catherine looked above their heads and secretly rewarded herself with a pat on the back. They had decorated the break room earlier and of course there was mistletoe. It just happened to be that Grissom and Sara were unknowingly standing under it.

“Grissom, Sara, you’re under the mistletoe.” Greg announced pointing to the ceiling.

Grissom and Sara both looked to the ceiling and then at each other, their eyes holding each other’s gaze.

“Kiss!” Nick and Catherine both said insistently. “Come on, it’s tradition.”

Grissom’s gentle movements caught Sara off guard. She expected him to kiss her on the cheek but instead he leant forward capturing her lips in a passionate kiss. Sara was swept away, her hands found their way in his hair to tangle her fingers between his curls. He pulled her closer to his body, their surroundings forgotten as they lost themselves in each other.

“Whoa, would you look at that.” Greg groaned in shock, which quickly turned to amusement when the others in the room stared on with gaping mouths. Catherine sat forward, her absolute joy spilling over into a huge smile as she looked on.

Finally the kiss ended, and Grissom pulled his lips from Sara’s with a loud smacking sound, then turned around as if nothing had happened. “I’ll see you outside in five, Sara.” And with that he walked away, leaving a very flushed Sara in the break room.

“You go girl!” Nick grinned, pulling Sara into a huge brotherly hug before she could escape the break room. Leaning into him, she smiled up into his eyes affectionately before pulling away to leave the room.

“We did good, Nicky.” Catherine patted him on the shoulder. Their mission had succeeded. After years of struggling, Grissom and Sara had finally found each other. It was going to be a happy Christmas for everyone…..

The End