Sacrifice
By Amanda Hawthorn

CATEGORY: Angst/Eventual Romance
ARCHIVE: Grissomandsara.com and my site http://www.pink-martini.net/amanda/
FEEDBACK: Love it, but no flames please I’m fragile!!

DISCLAIMER: CSI belongs to CBS and Alliance-Atlantis Productions. No infringement intended.
AUTHORS’ NOTES: Thank you to Marlou for excellent beta reader services. Also to Burked who also helped beta. Thanks also to Laura Katharine who searched the Internet for me and has made sure I stay in character with each new chapter. Finally, Niff and Phon, who with Marlou and LK have been a tower of strength for me over the past few weeks. You guys are the best.

This fan fiction comes from Phon’s music video ‘Missing.’

Missing by Evanescence

 Please, please forgive me,
but I won't be home again.
Maybe someday you'll have woke up,
and, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:
"Isn't something missing?"

You won't cry for my absence, I know -
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?

Even though I'd be sacrificed,
you won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,

I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?

Please, please forgive me,
but I won't be home again.
I know what you do to yourself,
Shudder deep and cry out:
"Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?"

And if I bleed, I'll bleed,
knowing you don't care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you
and wake without you there,
Isn't something missing?
Isn't something...

Sara took another sip of her coffee, swallowing the burning liquid as it raised her already tired senses. Scanning the list of names that cascaded one by one in a long seemingly endless line, she closed her eyes briefly to keep them from blurring her vision.

Sara’s mind fluttered back to Suzanne, the young rape victim who had tragically lost her life only a few months ago. She had been too terrified to identify her attacker and as a result had lived her final hours in dreadful fear. Sara was determined she would find the murderer, presently occupying her new case, who had raped and murdered a young student in her own dorm room. She vowed to find him for Suzanne, as if in some way his capture could help her even though she was gone.

Placing her coffee back onto the table again, she worked the crick out of her neck by moving her head from side to side. She was tired, her muscles ached and her eyes were sore, but she couldn’t give up, not when she was so close to finding the suspect.

Turning her attention back to the computer screen again, Sara looked at the growing database of offenders giving each name and photo as much of her attention as the next. Clicking the down button she carried on her vigilance, hoping she would find something, anything to identify him.

Grissom came to a stop outside the open doorway and watched her as she kept her eyes fixed onto the screen. He could see how she would straighten her back to try and release some of the pressure only to return to the same position and start again. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he tried to force himself to say something, anything to let her know she could talk to him, but since her confession a few weeks ago that she over talked around him, she had barely spoken one word to him since.

Everything haunted him; from his refusal of her dinner invitation, to his reproach of her when he was handing out assignments. So many regrets, so many mistakes. He had started to wonder if they would ever be able to straighten out the mess they seemed to be in now.

Sara sat up again, leaning back in her chair. Her neck was burning with stinging defiance to her five-hour vigil. She needed a break, but she knew if she closed her eyes she wouldn’t be able to persist. Lifting her hands to her neck, she started to massage the stiffness from her shoulders, hoping that she could erase the aching pain herself. She caught something out of the corner of her eye and turned to see Grissom hovering in the doorway. Her hands dropped from her neck and she sat herself up straighter. Snatching her eyes away from his, she turned back towards the computer screen, tears blurring her vision.

Grissom’s heart sank when she avoided his gaze but he couldn’t seem to pull himself away from the doorway. Instead, he stepped over the threshold, walking over to her. He saw her stiffen with his approach, her defensive barriers snapping up around her as she eyed him warily.

“Sara,” he started, his voice echoing in his ears. “Shift ended an hour ago, why don’t you go home?”

“Can’t,” she muttered, turning her eyes once more back to the screen. “I have to find him.”

“Sara,” he said again, his voice softening as he pulled up a chair to sit down beside her. “You need to rest.”

“Tell that to Suzanne,” she snapped, turning her burning eyes to him. “She died because I let her down, because I couldn’t help her…It’s my fault.”

Grissom sat forward, the urge to touch her consuming his senses. Lifting a hand to her arm, he encased her cool flesh with his fingers, burning her with his own body heat. “Sara, it’s not your fault.”

“Then whose is it Grissom?” she asked anxiously, her eyes shining with unshed tears.

“It’s not yours.”

Closing her eyes, she sat back in her chair to ease a little of the pain away from her tired muscles. “I see her face every time I close my eyes. I tried to help her but it wasn’t enough. I should have done more.”

“What more could you have done Sara?” he asked softly. “You talked to her, you took her to the hospital, you stayed with her in the line up. It was you Sara who helped her more than anyone.”

“But she still died anyway,” she whispered sadly, opening her eyes to catch his for a brief moment before turning back to the screen. Sitting forward, she felt his hand squeeze her arm gently.

“Go home.”

“To do what?” she asked irritably. “To sit in an empty apartment? I don’t…” her voice died away and she suddenly felt exhausted. Reaching out to the computer, she regarded it carefully as she considered her next words. “Sorry, I keep talking too much around you.” Marking her page, she switched off the computer. Pushing her chair back, she stood abruptly, his hand dropping from her arm. “I…I’ll go,” she muttered, backing away quickly before turning completely to practically burst from the room, leaving Grissom to stare in shock behind her.

Outside, the bright morning sun had started to cut through the clouds. Sara sat inside her Denali and lifted her tired eyes into the sun, anything to stop them stinging. She felt the brightness scorch her eyes, lifting her tiredness long enough for her to recover her senses. Taking a deep breath, she reached down to start the car and left the lab behind her.

Chapter Two

The next night Sara came into work feeling the abundance of her emotions weighing her down once more. Walking into the break room she noticed that Nick was already there and offered him a small smile.

“Hi Sara,” he grinned, lifting up his mug. “I just made a fresh pot. Hey did you get that memo about the exchange scheme?”

“Yeah,” she nodded, turning away from him briefly to grab her mug.

“What do you think?”

“I haven’t thought about it much at all,” she lied, her mind screeching inside her head, yelling at her to make the decision.

“So…” he continued, sensing her avoidance of the issue. “Did you find anything on our rape case?” He asked, taking a mouthful of coffee as he waited for her to join him.

“Nope,” she muttered with a groan, pulling out the seat next to his to sit down. “Grissom made me go home.”

“Oh.” Nick looked nervously down at the magazine on the table, his fingers folding the ends over only to straighten it and start again.

Sara watched him warily as he continued with his meticulous folding. Placing her mug on the table, she nudged his arm gently. “What’s up?”

“Nothing,” he told her, his reaction to her closeness causing him to jerk away quickly.

“Nick?”

“I…err…the rape case…I…” turning to her slowly he took a deep breath. “Grissom has asked me to…”

“Spit it out Nick,” Sara told him, her voice rising a notch as she sat up straighter in her chair.

“He’s taken you off of the case,” he blurted quickly. “Catherine’s working with me now.” Moving back slightly he waited for the oncoming eruption, knowing that a pissed Sara was dangerous and deadly. But she didn’t move. Her eyes showed little emotion as she stared at him silently.

“I see.” She muttered restraining her anger to swallow it down as she silently pushed her chair back, away from the table.

“You’re angry,” Nick stated, reaching out to take a hold of her arm before she could move away from him.

Sara lowered her gaze to his eyes and then down to his hand on her arm. Moving her other hand to his, she lifted his fingers one by one, removing his burning touch from her skin. “Contrary to what you all believe Nick, I can separate my emotions from my work.”

“Sara, wait, maybe he thought he had good reason to take you off the case,” Nick theorized.

“Oh yeah well you would agree wouldn’t you Nick,” she told him calmly. “You already got the promotion, you don’t have to agree with every decision he makes you know?”

“Sara,” he told her quickly as she moved towards the door, stopping briefly before turning back to look at him. “You’re my friend and you know I support you right?”

Sara’s eyes clouded over with emotion as she nodded slowly before turning around to walk out of the door. She needed to regain her composure and hide the burning hurt and anger that rose up inside her chest. If she lost control and showed everyone just how weak she was then no one would ever respect her again. If Grissom wanted to inflict further pain upon her then she would take it and add it to all the other memories of rejection and agony that were building inside the darkest reaches of her mind. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing how broken she was.

Walking into the woman’s washroom, she walked over to the large mirror that hung above the row of sinks and reached down to the tap to run some water into her hand. The cold liquid soothed her burning hands and she bent over to splash the cool droplets over her face. She could feel hot tears pricking her eyes, but she blinked them back in a furious attempt to keep them at bay. She had to be strong; she had to show everyone that she was unaffected. She could crumble later when shift was over, but for now, she would show them all.

More and more the opportunity to take part in Cavalla’s new CSI exchange program was becoming more and more appealing. Reaching down into her jacket pocket she pulled out the letter from the Director and read it over again. Maybe this was what she needed, a total break away from everyone so she could regroup her emotions and banish Gil Grissom from her heart forever.

Turning the letter over in her hand, she took a pen out of her pocket and began writing her acceptance to the opportunity. “The sooner the better,” she muttered to herself as she folded the letter back up again and shoved it into her pocket.

Taking one last look at her reflection in the mirror, she turned away and headed back towards the door and out into the empty corridor. Deciding to set the wheels into motion, she headed down the corridor towards Robert Cavalla’s office with a new resolution in her heart.

When she came back into the break room a short time later, everyone was already there waiting for her. Grissom looked up as she entered and started to take in a deep breath before he could trust his own voice. “Sara, I have decided that Catherine will be working with Nick on the rape case as of now.”

Sara came over to the table and pulled out a chair to sit down. “Fine,” she told him, congratulating herself for containing her biting anger that ached to roar free and burst through her senses.

Her coolness threw everyone slightly, both Catherine and Grissom expecting her to turn into an exploding firecracker at any moment, but she refused to let them have the satisfaction. She kept her eyes carefully avoided from everyone, knowing too well that all attention was now focused on her. Grissom let out a shuddered breath; exchanging glances with Catherine as both she and Nick stood up to leave the room quietly. Turning to Warrick he handed him a slip of paper, “You’re with me. We’ve got a DB at the Tangiers, suspicious circumstances.”

“Okay I’ll grab my stuff,” he nodded, offering Sara a smile before he left them alone inside the room.

“Look Sara,” Grissom started. “I know you must be angry…”

“What’s my assignment?” she asked abruptly, cutting him off in mid sentence.

“You were becoming too involved, I had to remove you.”

“Fine,” she nodded, keeping her emotions in check as she pushed back her chair to stand up and face him. “Do I have an assignment or have you got something else intended for me to work on?”

Grissom’s heart pounded in his ears as he resigned himself to the fact that the void between them had opened even wider now. Lifting up a sheet of paper he handed it to her. “You’re solo. Breaking and Entering.”

“Thanks,” she muttered, taking the paper from his hands and turning away.

“Brass will meet you there,” he called to her retreating form. “Sara?”

Stopping in her tracks, she turned to face him, waiting for him to speak. His mouth opened and closed a few times before he opted for offering her a hint smile, hoping to receive one in return, but she left the room quickly, a quiet goodbye on her lips.

Grissom stared after the empty void that she had left behind and drew in a shaky breath. Somehow he had managed to place further distance between them, and he was unsure if they would ever be able to recover.

Chapter Three

Grissom stared open mouthed at Robert Cavallo, as he tried to comprehend what he had just heard. “Did you propose what I just think you did?”

“Yes, you heard correctly. I want you to select a member of your team to transfer for six months as part of our new exchange program.” Pushing back his chair, Cavallo regarded Grissom carefully, his fingers pressing together at the ends. “We have a new sheriff and new policies, an exchange program is an excellent way to share our resources with the other branches throughout the country.”

“I can’t ask a member of my team to leave their job and their home for six months,” Grissom protested.

“I assumed I would receive this kind of reaction from you, so I already sent a memo out to CSI’s Sidle and Stokes.”

“What?” Grissom almost growled. “I can’t believe you did this without asking my opinion first.”

“Your opinion would be just that Grissom, an opinion. The guiding principles have already been placed into the system.” Cavallo reached down to a piece of paper on his desk and handed it to Grissom. “I suggest you read this response I received a short time ago from CSI Sidle.”

Grissom took the paper with shaking hands and looked down at it warily. The words Sara Sidle and Accept seemed to leap out of the page towards him, and he found himself drawing in a breath. “I…Sara wouldn’t just do this without mentioning it to me first.”

“Maybe you underestimated her abilities,” Cavallo told him, his voice almost sympathetic. “She has expressed an interest in the exchange and as a direct result, you will receive a substitute CSI for her time away.”

Grissom’s mind was spinning. There could never be anyone who could substitute her. He knew Sara had become distant of late, but she’d given no indication of anything to suggest she was considering something like this. “When does the exchange take place?” he asked, hoping his voice hadn’t betrayed his treacherous emotions.

“As soon as we can arrange the paperwork,” Cavallo replied, his eyes dropping to the forms on his desk that required his signature. “A week, maybe two.”

“Oh,” Grissom said softly, shifting slightly in his chair as he fought to remain in control of his senses.

“I’ll obviously need to see CSI Sidle to finalize the arrangements, so if you could inform her that I am expecting her some time in the next day or so please.” He failed to look up from his task as he lifted another page to read it slowly before signing it.

“Uh…yeah,” Grissom stuttered, getting to his feet. “I…is that all?”

“Yes for now,” Cavallo nodded, lifting his head briefly to acknowledge him. “Thank you.”

Grissom left the office in total denial. His mind was spinning out of control, his thoughts and feelings in turmoil. He and Sara’s strained relationship had all but deteriorated over the last few months, but he had hoped to reconcile some of the distance and begin to build their friendship once more. True, the ground was incredibly rocky, but he had to admit to himself that somewhere deep inside of him, he had missed her. He had to make things right between them.

Chapter Four

Grissom looked up from his desk as he caught a glimpse of someone walk past his office. His heart sank when he realized it wasn’t the one person he wanted to see more than anything right now.

His whole world was falling apart around him and for the first time in his life he was lost. Sara’s absence would forge more than an aching chasm in his heart; she would take the very essence from him that had made him the man he had become. Six months without her might as well be a lifetime, and he didn’t know what to do.

Reaching up to remove his glasses, he rubbed his eyes tiredly as he fought to control his breathing. Had she thought about this before accepting? What had drove her to make such a rash decision? Sudden images of her smile invaded his mind and he felt the raw emotion surge up into his eyes. Then her smile faded away to bring more potent images to the fore, his constant capacity for causing her pain. At this moment in time his mind became clear and he suddenly realized he was the probable cause for her departure.

Outside in the corridor, Sara hesitated as she stepped closer to Grissom’s office. She knew she should just walk right on by without giving him a second glance, but she couldn’t do that, not to him. Despite everything he had done, every rejection, every ounce of pain he’d caused, she still loved him. Closing her eyes briefly she summoned every ounce of courage she could muster. She would need to be strong and meet her heart head on if she was going to purge him from her heart and mind. He had possessed every part of her over the years but now it was time to walk away and start over. She needed time to lick her wounds and repair the damage he had ripped through her battered heart.

Stepping up closer to his door, she took a deep breath before she took the final step that brought her closer into the threshold that encased him. Sara watched him silently, unsure of her pounding heart as she watched him read through a file that lay open upon his desk. The mere sight of him always took her breath away and she was finding it more difficult to release herself from his clutches.

Calming her trembling body, she fought with every ounce of control she could muster and finally found the courage to speak. “You…uh…wanted to see me?”

Grissom’s head snapped up and his pen fell from his fingers. “Sara…”

“Sorry, I had a message from Judy saying that you needed to see me, so here I am.” She watched him as she spoke, careful to keep the emotion from spilling out into her words.

Grissom suddenly pushed his chair back and stood up to walk around the desk to her. Sara watched stunned as he pulled on her arm to propel her into his office only to close the door behind her.

For a moment they both eyed each other warily before Sara suddenly realized that his hand was still on her arm. Her eyes slipped down to his fingers, noting how soft his hand was upon her skin, and she found herself fighting to remind herself as to why she had to leave him.

Stepping back, she pulled her arm from his touch and swallowed down the burning tears that ached to release her of the burden she carried, but she couldn’t do that. Not yet.

Grissom watched the myriad of emotions cascade in her eyes and felt himself slipping down the steep slippery slope that he had clawed his way up from. He was losing her because of his actions and as much as he tried to form a coherent sentence to reveal to her how important she was in his world, he couldn’t.

“If it can wait until tomorrow I should head home,” she told him, surprised at the calm tone of her voice. She waited for him to respond to her voice but he seemed to be lost somewhere behind her. Taking a step towards the closed door, Sara reached for the handle and started to pull when she heard him.

“You’re leaving.”

Sara’s heart thudded in her ears as her hands dropped from the handle to hang limply at her sides. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she slowly turned around to face him. “It’s only six months.”

“Six months is a long time,” he whispered, his voice dropping as he fought to control his raging emotions. Grissom had felt many things in his life time, but a loss such as he was feeling right at this moment brought so many different sensations that he found himself totally numb.

“It’s an opportunity,” Sara told him, hoping he couldn’t hear the sadness in her voice. “I think we could both benefit from my absence.”

“Benefit?” he asked incredulously, the sudden anger surprising him. “Benefit how?”

“Do we have to do this now?”

“Yes we do,” he told her, his own voice scaring him as he careered out of control. “Explain to me how it would benefit us because I have been trying to figure that part out since Cavallo landed this on me.”

Sara watched him with a mixture of hurt and anger and found her emotions rising, “You’ve wanted this for a long time and don’t tell me you haven’t because I can see it in your eyes.”

“Want what?” he growled. “You think I want you to leave?”

“Yeah I do,” she retorted, her voice low in her throat. “I can’t seem to do anything right anymore and quite frankly, I’m tired of it.”

“So this is about the respect thing again?” he asked angrily. “Okay, what have I done this time?”

Sara’s mouth dropped open, his cutting words seeming to mock her. “You have done nothing Grissom,” she told him, the pain in her voice dripping into every word.

“No tell me Sara. What do I have to do now to make you reconsider this action?” His anger was apparent, and it coursed through him like molted lava, burning a hateful path in its wake. “Maybe you should do us both a favour and stay wherever it is you’re going and don’t bother coming back…” the words erupted from his mouth before he had a chance to stop them and he saw her face pale. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…”

Sara backed away from him, her eyes bright with tears as she pulled open the door to escape the burning realization that he didn’t want her near him. She barely heard him call her name as she increased her pace, her need to be away from here fuelling her movements.

Chapter Five

Grissom sank back down into his chair cursing himself for his mistakes. How could he speak the words that caused him more fear than anything else in his life? He was fighting with every ounce of control he could muster to resist her temptation that he craved on more than a daily basis, so why did he deliberately set out to hurt her?

His words and actions had been brutal, ripping her heart from her chest. He could see the raw emotions in her eyes every time he chanced a glance in her direction. Had he unconsciously hurt her in his quest to drive her away? If he didn’t see her then he wouldn’t be tempted right? Is that what he kept telling himself, because it wasn’t working.

Pushing his chair back he leapt to his feet, the aching in his body commanding his movements. Sara’s image dominated his mind and he knew what he had to do to take back the cruel words he had carved into her heart. She occupied his thoughts, her smile haunted his dreams and it was time she knew he could no longer keep up this barrage of lies that wove an intricate web around him. He needed her, he needed to love her and the time for resistance had to end.

Sara kept the burning tears from falling until she was in the safe sanctuary of her car. Slamming the door closed, she started the engine wasting no time in escaping from the one place that constantly caused her pain. One tear fell from her eyes to tumble down her cheek, its watery path creating a cascade of emotion to follow in its tracks until she could no longer see through the veil of pain. Sniffing back the tears, she drove her car out of the car park, her need to be free overpowering her tattered senses. Tears fell down her cheeks as she drove. The pain in her heart burning shuddering sobs through her body. Everything over the last few years had been a lie. The hidden glances, the innocent touches and his beautiful smile, lies, all of them.

This exchange couldn’t happen quick enough as far as she was concerned. She needed to be free from him, his powerful bonds slowly squeezing every last drop of emotion from her, and she needed to go away, to leave. Maybe his words had been spoken in anger when he told her she should go away for good, maybe he didn’t mean them, but he spoke them all the same.

Turning down the road that led to her apartment block, she drove on autopilot. Her life was in a shambles; everything she had based her whole existence on had crumbled around her in a shattered heap. Grissom’s stinging words had all but stripped the boundaries away to leave her broken inside. It was time to move on and try to salvage what little she could from this chapter in her life.

Stopping her car outside her apartment, she took a few moments to try to regain her composure before opening the door to climb out. The ground beneath her feet felt unsteady and unfamiliar now. Maybe she was seeing things clearly for the first time in many years. With her tears still flowing and a heavy ache in her heart, she walked towards her apartment, silently seeking the solace within the four walls. That’s all she had right now.

Opening her door slowly, she heard her phone ringing only to click onto the answer machine. Closing the door quietly, she heard her own voice, the happy twang casting an empty eeriness inside her. Had she really been so happy here once?

As the beep sounded she listened, holding her breath while she waited for the caller to respond, but all she heard was silence, as if someone was fighting to speak.

“Sara…I…please forgive me, I didn’t mean to say it. I really am sorry…are you there…? Sara…?”

Sara fell back against the door, her breath coming in rasping sobs as she slid down the hard wood to sit in a crumpled heap on the floor. Wrapping her arms around her bended legs, she buried her head into her knees, his voice haunting her.

“Okay…I’ll call you again in an hour. Are you sure you’re not home?” Grissom’s voice died away softly and she could hear him draw in a haggard breath. “Bye.”

Silence echoed around the room casting a lonely solitude that encased Sara as she sat on the floor, her back resting against the closed door. She couldn’t seem to move from the doorway, the silent wooden door providing a covering screen of sorts, shielding her from all the pain that seeped from the cracks in her heart. Why did he have to call her? He’d never called her at home, never, not once.

Taking a deep breath she started to move, her joints aching as if they were lined in lead. Everything hurt; her body, her heart, her soul. No part of her remained untouched by Grissom’s repetitive torture and she was tired of it all.

Lifting her body off the floor, she pushed herself up to stand on shaking legs. Her eyes lingered over the red blinking on her answer phone, its innocent alert casting uncertain gloom around her. Closing her eyes, she tried to focus on the weeks and months ahead, knowing that the break she needed to recover from the wreck of her life was awaiting, new faces, new air to breathe, and no Grissom. That last thought struck an emotional chord inside her, bringing a fresh onslaught of tears to her eyes. No Grissom. It seemed so final, so desolate. Even though she knew she had to leave to repair the damage he had caused, she couldn’t stop her wavering heartache.

Sudden anger flared through her body, her inner pain rearing itself higher to spark a simmering light into a burning, angry flame. Her hands ripped at her shirt, stripping it off of her body only to throw it against couch as she made her way towards the bathroom.

“Damn him,” she seethed. “Damn him for making me fall in love with him.”

Walking into the bathroom, she inserted the plug and turned on the taps until the burning steam had started to filter around the room. Thoughts of Grissom invaded her mind, determined to wreak havoc with her already crumbling defenses. She pushed him away, every thought, every memory, banished from every region of her mind. Tomorrow, she would show everyone the new Sara Sidle. The new Sara would not cry over something that could never be. The new Sara would erect a wiser, stronger barrier around her heart to protect her from further heartache.

But the new Sara was slowly sinking back into the Sara of the now. Tomorrow hadn’t arrived yet, and as memories of the past flooded her eyes, Sara unleashed the final onslaught of tears that she would ever spill over a man who didn’t want her.

Removing the rest of her clothes, she allowed her sobs to overtake her body as she stepped into the hot water in the tub. The more she cried, the more hopeless she became until every last tear had escaped her to leave her exhausted. Lying back in the tub, she closed her eyes to let the heat of the water cleanse her tired body and erase the pain that seemed endless in its torment. As fresh new tears formed inside her closed lids, she felt them leak down over her face. And for the umpteenth time since this whole nightmare began, she wished for the pain to finally end.

Chapter Six

The following evening, Sara arrived at the lab with a new resolve in her heart. Grissom had called a further three times and she had let the machine pick up his wavering voice which had sounded near to desperation when she failed to answer again.

Sara wasn’t a cruel person, it wasn’t her nature to deliberately hurt someone’s feelings, but her avoidance had been part of her own cure to repair the widening cracks inside her. She would speak to him and be civil, she would answer his questions with polite retorts, but she would no longer smile for him. Why waste something that was uniquely hers and give it to someone who neither cared or needed it.

Pulling open the doors, she walked into the lab feeling weaker than her appearance portrayed. She walked with a confident air, her stance and posture creating the necessary façade that everything was fine.

“Sara,” Judy called, holding out a note for her. “Director Cavallo asked to see you as soon as you arrived.”

Sara reached out and took the note from her and looked down at it blankly. “Thanks,” she whispered, only to look up and plaster a false smile on her lips.

“You’re welcome,” Judy smiled as she watched Sara’s retreating form.

The director’s door seemed dormantly still as she came to a stop outside of it. The hard wooden obstacle created a path of choices for her to ponder over. If she opened the door she could step inside and change her fate, if she backed away, then nothing would change.

Taking a deep breath, Sara lifted her hand, hesitating for a few seconds before she finally wrapped the door with her knuckles.

“Come,” a voice called from inside the room, and she found she had to force herself to enter. Opening the door, she stepped inside slowly to see the Director with his head down as he read a file on his desk.

“You wanted to see me,” she stated, her voice sounding more confident that she actually felt.

Cavallo’s head lifted and he smiled politely. “Ah, come on in.”

For a moment Sara could feel her heart thumping wildly inside her chest, but she tried to ignore the intrusive pumping. Walking over towards the chair opposite his desk, she sat down slowly, her mind suddenly blank as she stared at him, waiting for him to speak.

“Thank you for you response to the exchange program,” he told her, his eyes meeting her directly as he spoke. “I have been in discussions with the police department in Brunswick, Maine. They currently have an all male CSI unit and current policies state that they need to employ a female member of staff.”

“I see,” she nodded, relief flooding her mind. “I’m familiar with the area.”

“You are?” he asked in surprise. “Excellent. As I understand it, the exchange will take place for a period of six months, with the option to extend if both parties feel necessary.” Pulling a sheet of paper from the folder he handed it to her.

Sara’s eyes looked down to the paper he had placed in her hands, which contained a number of addresses and telephone numbers.

“The officer you are exchanging with is Jared Peters. You will find his contact number and address on the information sheet. I have put the necessary paperwork through, and I’m expecting it to take a week or so to finalize. I hope that meets with your satisfaction.”

Sara looked up at him, her eyes linked with his. “Uh…yes, that’s fine.”

“Excellent.”

“Do I contact Brunswick personally?” she asked, her eyes drifting down to the sheet again.

“Yes, you can then acquaint yourself with your new supervisor and colleagues, it just makes the process easier on your part.” Pushing his chair back, he came around the desk to sit on the edge of his desk. “You will be the first person to experience this particular program and I would like to thank you for your willingness to accept it.”

“I’m sure the experience will benefit me as much as the department,” Sara told him, her voice sounding foreign to her own ears. Standing up quickly, she clutched the paper to her chest. “Is there anything else I should know?”

“No that’s all,” he smiled. “I will inform you as soon as I know the exact date for transfer.”

“Thank you,” she nodded, stepping over towards the door silently before opening it to step outside into the corridor. Taking a deep breath, she finally realized that she had achieved her objective, she was finally free. So why didn’t she feel better?

Walking into the break room, she was greeted by a smiling Nick. “Hey Sar.”

“Hey,” she smiled, his grin infectious. “What’s got you so chipper?” To her surprise he stood up from his chair and met her as she came further into the room.

“I’m proud of you,” he beamed, reaching out to pull her into a quick hug. “You completely confused Catherine by keeping your temper yesterday.”

Sara reveled in his embrace, his warmth seeping through her skin to lighten her darkening mood. Pulling away slowly, she stepped back to hold onto his hands, giving them a small squeeze before releasing him. “Well this job isn’t about who gets to work the case, it’s about finding the criminals. I trust you to catch him Nicky.”

“You know I’ll do all I can, I promise I won’t let you down,” he told her as he stepped away from her. “You want coffee?”

“Yeah,” she smiled, feeling the ache inside her heart growing deeper when she realized she would miss him. “Um…Nick?”

“Yeah?”

“You know that exchange program?” She started, her voice dropping slightly as she tried to break her news to him gently.

“Yeah, what about it?” he asked, turning back around to face her, his eyes lifting to see Grissom hovering in the doorway. “Hey Grissom.”

Sara’s senses leapt to full alert as the hairs on the back of her neck stood up on end. She could feel him watching her, his eyes burning her skin, but she couldn’t bring herself to turn around.

“Nick, Sara,” he nodded casually, crossing into the room to walk over to the coffee pot. “Sara would you come to my office please?” he asked quietly, his voice unwavering as he walked back out of the break room, his coffee in his hand.

Sara watched him leave and felt her heart sink down further into her chest. What further torment did he have planned for her?

Nick came to sit down beside Sara, his eyes following hers. “ What was all that about?”

“You know Grissom,” she sighed as she made a move to stand to her feet, wishing she did know him, but the truth was she barely knew him at all anymore.

“So Sar what was you gonna tell me?”

“Oh…nothing…it’s not important.” Her voice was shaking, she could hear it clearly in her ears, but she tried desperately to stop it.

“You sure?” he asked worriedly.

“I promise,” she smiled, reaching out to squeeze his hand.

“Hey listen, after shift how about we grab some breakfast, my treat.” His grin spread wide across his face as he waited for her answer.

Sara couldn’t help it, his smile was infectious and she found herself nodding. “Okay, as long as it’s not that greasy diner you and Warrick like so much.”

“Nope,” he told her with a smile.

“Okay, you’re on.” Her eyes drifted back towards the door and she felt her mood darken slightly. “I should go.”

“Good luck,” he told her as she exited the room.

Sara’s feet felt like lead as she approached Grissom’s office. She knew he would probably berate her for something, or maybe he wanted to tell her again that she should leave and never return. Lifting her hand to knock on the door, she didn’t make contact before the door was yanked open and he pulled her inside.

Chapter Seven

Grissom closed the door once Sara was safely inside, his eyes glowing with something unreadable.

Taking a deep breath, Sara opened her mouth to speak but her words remained tangled inside her throat, unable to release her torment from the heavy burden within her. She knew he was struggling to speak just as much as she was, but right now, she couldn’t ease his pain, or tell him what he obviously needed to hear.

“I’ve spoken to Cavallo,” he told her, his voice croaking out from his throat in a graveled whisper. Moving away from her, he walked unsteadily over towards his desk and sank down into his chair.

His slumped figure brought a wave of painful guilt rushing through her heart, she knew he was hurting, and though some tiny part of her wanted to tell him he deserved this agony, the other part of her ached to go to him and enfold him in her protective embrace. Burning emotion crept into her eyes; the stinging tears building to create overflowing pools. “I’m sorry,” she whispered painfully, and she was sorry, so desperately sorry for letting herself fall for a man who couldn’t love her.

Grissom’s head snapped up, his own eyes showing a ragged edge of their own. He knew he had pushed her away one too many times, and she had warned him, she had told him that one day he would be too late. Had that day come back to haunt him yet again? His words that fateful day already kept him awake at night, haunting his dreams in chaos as he tried to hold on to her only to watch her walk away. “I…” he stopped, closed his eyes before carefully choosing his words. “I’m sorry too. I didn’t…what I said to you yesterday was totally unforgivable…I was surprised… and I want you to know that you will be missed here.”

For a heartbeat Sara almost saw the light filtering in through a small clearance, as if Grissom’s stone wall defenses had finally started to crumble, but the moment he met her eyes, she knew it had only been a tiny second in a lifetime of disappointments.

“The lab will miss your expertise,” he added, shattering what could have been a precious moment and before he realized his mistake, he saw her eyes mask over with unbearable pain. “Sara…”

“Grissom,” she muttered, pulling herself up straight so she could face him with dignity. “I’m sure the lab will survive quite well without me. I am only one person and I’m expendable, just like everyone else.”

Grissom watched her tough mask return to her soft features and he found himself mourning for the loss of the Sara he so desperately wanted to return. It seemed every time he opened his mouth he hurt her, and he wished he could erase the past year to start afresh, but real life wasn’t like that.

“I will be sorry to lose you,” he told her carefully, every word guarded against another bruising remark. The last thing he wanted was to drive her away forever.

“Thanks,” she nodded, swallowing down the lump in her throat. “It’s for the best.”

“You keep saying that,” he sighed, his eyes closing against the burning anguish inside him. “I don’t see how you leaving is best for us.”

“Us?” she whispered sadly, avoiding his eyes as she tried to find the courage inside her to look at him. She churned his words over inside her mind and sudden realization crept into her thoughts. “You will all be fine without me.”

“Sara…”

“Look, I haven’t told the others yet, and if you don’t mind I would like to tell Nick and Warrick myself.” Stepping over towards the door, she looked down towards her hand on the door handle. “You can tell Catherine. I’m sure she’ll be overjoyed with my departure.”

Grissom drew in a deep breath, her last sentence cutting deeply into the truth surrounding him. He had witnessed the hostility of late but as always, he had done nothing to prevent it or to defuse the situation. This was just another mark of regret to add to his ever-growing list. “Sara. Listen…I”

“No it’s okay Grissom, really,” pulling open the door she turned to catch his eyes in the briefest of glances. “Shift has started, maybe you should give out assignments.”

“Yes, maybe I should,” he nodded sadly, knowing that he was running out of precious time with her. Taking a cleansing breath, he vowed to himself that he would make the most of his time with her, keeping her close until she left him behind, maybe this time for good.

When she returned to the break room, Sara took her seat beside Nick, his warm smile bringing a certain amount of courage to her battered defenses. He leaned in closer to her side, offering his closeness as a barrier to whatever was causing her pain.

“You okay?” he asked softly, keeping his voice low in his throat as he spoke.

Lifting her eyes to his, she reached out to lace her fingers through his, drawing as much of his strength as she could. His dark eyes bored into hers as if he was trying to fathom her every thought. “I’m fine,” she lied, her voice airing a confidence that she didn’t feel any more, but she knew it would be enough for now.

“Sar. I know this rape case is important to you. I’ll do everything I can to find the creep that did this to her.”

“It’s not for me,” she whispered shakily, her voice breaking as she met his eyes once more. “I wanted to put him away to help Suzanne. I needed to do this for her.”

Warrick came in through the doorway, lingering for a moment before approaching to sit down opposite them, the worry in his eyes furrowing his brow as he reached out to take her other hand from across the table. “How you doing girl?”

The warmth that surrounded her seemed to lift her spirits higher, banishing the darkness away for a blessed eternity. Sara’s eyes traveled down to Warrick’s fingers as they softly stroked her knuckles. Leaving these two men would break her heart, and maybe leave a void in their lives too, but she had to do this before she lost herself completely.

“I have something to tell you,” she whispered, looking to both of them in turn. “To tell both of you.”

“I don’t like the sound of this,” Warrick started, his soulful voice filling the air around them.

“You know I love you both,” she whispered, her eyes seeking first Nick’s and then Warrick’s. “You two are the best friends a girl could ever want.”

“Hey, you’re not too bad yourself there Sar,” Nick grinned, squeezing her hand a little tighter in reassurance.

“You’re gonna hear something pretty soon, and I want to tell you myself before someone else does.” Sara had been unprepared for the amount of emotion that suddenly bombarded her body with sorrow, but she held back the tears that ached to flow. “I’ve decided to take the director up on his offer about the exchange program.”

Both men stared at her for a moment, the shock registering plainly in their eyes. Suddenly, Nick moved forward to wrap his arms around her tightly, keeping her close to him as he tried to understand what she had just told them. Warrick released her hand from across the table and pushed back his chair to walk around to crouch down the other side of her.

 “God Sar,” Nick whispered mournfully. “Why?” Pulling back, he held onto her hand, his eyes pleading with her to make him understand.

“I need space,” she whispered, her words failing to hide the anguish as she tried to keep the tears at bay.

“Dang Girl,” Warrick muttered as he placed one of his large hands on her shoulder, unable to think of anything supportive to say apart from how much she would be missed. But his eyes held the same sorrow filled expression as Nick’s, and he found himself unable to form the words.

“It’s only for six months,” she told them quickly as if the time span would soften the blow of her departure. “You can call, and we’ll email, hey I’ll even IM you both.” She tried to smile through the lump forming in her throat, but nothing would take the ache away from her heart. “Support me…please?”

A strangled sigh emerged from Warrick’s throat as he lunged forward, engulfing her in his arms only to rock her from side to side. “Always,” he whispered, his breath fanning the flailing strands of her hair that refused to lay flat. “Always girl.”

His arms loosened around her and she sat back to smile down into his sad face. Lifting her hand, she stroked his cheek gently before dropping her hand back down into her lap and turning to face Nick who was uncharacteristically quiet. “Talk to me,” she whispered quietly. “I need you to understand.”

Nick’s dark eyes met hers, unable to hide the sadness as he reached forward to pull her into a tight embrace. “I understand Sar,” he whispered, his voice cracking as he tried to keep his emotions from surfacing. His eyes closed tightly to prevent the wetness from reaching them, but the thought of losing someone who had become like a sister to him hurt like a thousand stakes driven through his heart. Pulling back suddenly, he held her hands in his lap, stroking her skin as he tried to smile. “You’d better write.”

“I will,” she nodded, fighting the tears that fought to control her.

“And you’d better call,” Warrick added calmly as he stood to his feet to walk back around to the other side of the table.

“I will,” she told them, “I promise.”

“Okay,” Warrick sighed, regaining his composure to send a warm smile in her direction.

“Where are they sending you?” Nick asked her, still not convinced that he totally agreed with this turn of events.

“Brunswick, Maine,” she stated, “I’ve been there once but it was a long time ago.”

“We’ll find it,” Nick nodded as his lips curled up into a smile.

Sara was suddenly overcome with the urge to pull these two men to her and hold them forever, but she settled for reaching out across the table to take Warrick’s hand, much like he had done earlier. Nick still held one of hers firmly in his grasp, and she found that now she could allow herself to draw from their strength.

From the corridor, Catherine’s voice filtered through the silence and Sara reluctantly released their hands as she sat back in her seat before both Catherine and Grissom walked into the room.

“Nick, Catherine,” Grissom stated, his voice strictly business, “how far are you with your case?”

“Brass is arranging a warrant for us today,” Nick told him, his eagerness to please apparent in his voice. Turning quickly, he nodded a silent promise to the woman beside him, reading her brown eyes as they registered sorrow for more than just this case. “He’ll pay,” he whispered.

 Grissom nodded, the whispered exchange between the two younger CSI’s not going unnoticed before turning to Warrick. “Anything new on the Henderson case?”

“Not yet,” Warrick shook his head. “I’ve got the prints that we found yesterday in TRACE.”

“Okay,” Looking back towards Sara, Grissom kept his voice leveled as he spoke. “How are you coming with your case?”

Sara sat herself up straighter in her seat. “I wrote the final case notes up last night. Evidence and case are closed.”

All eyes turned to her and she felt herself shrink down slightly under the scrutiny. Grissom nodded, his eyes hinting at the pride her felt. “Good, then you are with me.”

“Oh…okay,” she muttered, her heart protesting with what she knew would be a torturous event.

Grissom watched as Warrick looked across the room, his gaze lingering over the brunette for a fraction longer than usual before smiling slightly. Turning away, he walked out of the door soon to be followed by Catherine. Nick pushed his chair back and grinned down at Sara as he squeezed her shoulder in reassurance. She smiled back up at him, something that was not lost to Grissom, and he felt the stirrings of something he thought long gone begin to awaken.

“Grab you stuff,” he muttered, walking out of the room before Nick reached the door.

“See you later,” Nick told her, offering her a sympathetic smile.

“Yeah,” she sighed as she stood to her feet. “Later.”

As soon as she was once again alone inside the break room, she felt the gloom start to smother her, choking every last ounce of exhilaration out of her. Walking towards the door, she swallowed what was left of her pride and made her way to the locker room and awaited for the new wave of depression to reach her. She knew everything would be gone the second Grissom made an entrance.

He was waiting for her when she emerged, and she braced herself for the start his tirade, but it never came. Sara watched him as he smiled softly, his friendliness throwing her off balance and creating havoc within her. Silently, she followed him, knowing that her time left in Vegas wouldn’t pass quickly.

Chapter Eight

The drive to the crime scene started off with an air of silence, neither of them speaking a word. Sara could feel his eyes on her every so often, but she refused to turn and meet his gaze, because she knew if she did, her resolve would crumble.

“I take it you told Nick and Warrick?” he asked suddenly, breaking the silence with his graveled voice.

Sara was taken aback when his voice cut through her thoughts, and it took a few moments before she could bring herself to answer. She knew he had a right to know, but somehow she couldn’t bring herself to release her pain and speak to him with the gentleness she had always used for him. Closing her eyes, she turned to look out of the window, using the passing view as a shield for her welling tears. She couldn’t let him back inside, not now.

“Sara?” he asked again, this time a little louder. “Are you okay?”

“God,” she whispered, her voice filtering through as a whimper before she turned to him. Her eyes failed to hold the tears no matter how many times she tried to blink them away. Lifting her hand, she swiped angrily at an escaping tear, only having to return to the task as another fell.

“Sara…” he whispered, his shock registering in his eyes as pulled the car over to the side of the road. Only when the car had stopped did he turn around to face her. “What’s wrong? Talk to me…”

Sara watched him with disbelief, was she hearing right? This man had all but ignored her for months and now he wanted to talk? “It’s nothing,” she told him quickly, the defiance in her voice wavering as a sob caught in her throat.

“You’re crying,” he stated. “Honey this isn’t nothing.”

His words caused a long distant memory to melt into her mind. He had called her ‘honey’ so long ago that sometimes she thought that maybe she had just imagined it. Lifting her eyes to meet his, she swallowed the lump in her throat. She hadn’t prepared herself for this, for his gentleness. “I’m fine.”

“No you’re not,” he insisted as he fought the urge to reach out and touch her hand. “I can’t help you if I don’t understand.”

His words cracked through her heart to bring a wave of anger to rise up through her like a lightening bolt. “I told you I am fine. This is nothing okay. I’ll be alright in a minute.”

“Sara…”

“I said I’m fine,” she told him again, her voice softer this time. Why couldn’t he still be an ass? Why did he have to start being like this towards her again? Didn’t he realize how much harder it would be for her to walk away if he kept acting this way?

“Okay,” he nodded, his voice holding an amount of defeat as he started the car again.

Sara was suddenly compelled to touch him; her sudden need overpowering as she reached out to touch his arm softly. She withdrew it after a few seconds, but the touch had spoken volumes between them. Their silent communication echoed a remnance of the past, one that had been forgotten or dismissed into the far reaches of time and space, but here, at this moment, everything passed between them in a soundless understanding. Grissom caught her eyes with his own and granted her a soft smile before pulling their Denali back out onto the road again.

They worked in companionable silence, their working prowess reliving memories of the past when they used to be linked together, moving as one.

Grissom watched her as she carefully gathered samples, her eyes scanning the ground around the victim’s body with her undeniable scrutiny. He’d missed this. Had it been so long ago that he had been with her and revelled in watching her work? This, to him was sacred, a memory he would treasure forever. The more the realization dawned on him, the more he began to fear the inevitable parting. He couldn’t let her go, not now, maybe not ever.

Feeling his eyes upon her, Sara glanced up to see him watching her. At first she looked down at herself, wondering why he was regarding her so carefully. She had often caught his silent scrutiny many times in the past, but he had always broken eye contact and looked away before she could question it. This time however, it was her who broke the contact, unwilling to lose herself in the very eyes that had captured her so many years ago.

Returning to her task, she tried to ignore the effect he continued to have over her, even now. Allowing a few seconds to pass she chanced another glance over towards him and found his eyes still watching, as if he was memorizing every detail of her. She smiled slightly, unable to hide the red flush creeping over her cheeks. There was a time, long ago, when he would look at her and she would feel like the most beautiful woman in the world, but she couldn’t dwell on the past, she knew that. But just lately it seemed the harder she fought, the stronger the urge became to be near him.

With a heavy sigh, she lowered her eyes and fought the overwhelming sorrow from imprinting itself into her features again. Soon she would be out of his life long enough to mute his presence from her heart. It wouldn’t be easy, but maybe with her out of the picture he could get his life back together. She loved him enough to let him go. After all, he wanted it this way even though he would never willingly speak the words. His actions over the past year had all but spelled it out for her. She had just been unwilling to listen before now.

Grissom watched the smile fall from her face and felt the hand of regret reach up inside him to take his heart in a vice like grip. How could he have let things get this much out of control? Averting his eyes from the woman before him, he turned to David who was bent over the body to prepare it for transport. “It’s all yours David.”

The younger man nodded, his eyes filtering over towards Sara to offer her a shy smile. It was no secret that he had a crush on her, but he had always known that Sara was off limits for him as well as any other man who wasn’t Gil Grissom. He watched her silently, her returning smile warming him considerably. Every time she granted him the gift of her warmth he held it close, embedding it inside his memories. Shaking himself out of his musings, he caught Grissom’s glare and returned to the work at hand, content to bask in Sara’s smile, one that would sustain him for a very long time.

Grissom turned away from David; his shoulders aching as he begin the walk back to the stationary Denali. Sara felt the shift in his mood and prepared herself for the Grissom she had become accustomed to seeing over this past year, but when he turned to her and gazed upon her with such adoration, she lost herself completely.

“Ready to go?” he asked softly, his voice velvet to her ears.

“Yeah,” she nodded quickly, hoping her body would stop this involuntary shaking. She couldn’t fall now, not after everything that had happened. She had offered him everything, she had bared him her soul, and he had repaid her with misery. She had loved him, and still loved him, she knew that much would never change, but she didn’t have to open herself to more of his hurtful torture. With silent defiance, her heart still flipped when he offered her another smile, and she knew the battle to remain in control was only just beginning.

When they arrived back in the lab, Sara took her samples across to Greg, while Grissom made his way to Trace. When he returned, he saw something that caused his heart to jolt painfully and his knees to almost buckle beneath him. Nick was approaching Sara in the corridor, and something about the love in his eyes caused Grissom concern. Nick’s huge smile coaxed Sara closer and he reached out a hand to squeeze hers. “We got him.”

The smile that appeared on Sara’s face rivalled that of the light of a thousand stars in a dark blanket of night. She reached closer to him and hugged him quickly, her uncharacteristic display of affection brandishing a crashing pain of awareness through to Grissom’s body. When had Nick and Sara become so close? How could he have missed this? He wanted to look away, but the power of the beautiful scene before him kept him grounded and he felt compelled to watch.

“Thank you,” she beamed, her arms reaching for him again. “I knew you would solve this.”

Nick held her closer, his head appearing over her shoulder as his arms encompassed her body. “I promised I would do this for you,” he whispered, his voice lowering as he pulled back to look down at her. “And for Suzanne.”

‘Suzanne.’ Grissom’s thoughts were suddenly transported to the young blonde haired teenager who had affected Sara so completely. Suddenly, everything started to fall into place as the clouds fogging his memory began to clear away. Sara had worked so hard for Suzanne and he had only succeeded in preventing her from cleansing herself of the anguish. Instead he had only intensified the pain, adding to the steadily growing list of things he needed to resolve with her before she left.

Unable to watch any longer, Grissom turned away. He had screwed up royally, and he could now understand why she wanted to leave. This was his doing, his fault. He had driven her away because he was afraid to let allow her to become close to him. What had he done?

Chapter Nine

A few days later, Sara was leaning over the evidence table, her eyes examining the crucial evidence to her most recent case. She knew that the gossip mill had already churned around the lab and news of her impending departure had travelled the circuit at least twice.

She had long since given up trying to justify her reasons to everyone, especially Greg, who was more disappointed that her replacement would be male. So many times since he learned of the news, he would watch her longingly, his eyes showing a sheen of sadness that she had been unaccustomed to seeing from him, but she knew this was his way of showing her she would be missed.

Everything had been set in place, her new supervisor, Andrew Dale, informed, her living accommodation arranged. Sara had even spoken to the man she would be exchanging with over the phone. Jared Peters had been the first to call, his deep voice calming her tattered nerves. He was actually looking forward to stepping into her job for the next six months, and reassured her that her new male colleagues were ready to welcome her with open arms.

Sitting back in her chair, she took a moment to relieve the stiffness in her shoulders. So much had happened in just a short time and she found herself lost, often in a dark cavern that immersed her in depression. Her moods shifted between elation and despair, and more often that not, her sorrow won the battle to bring the edge of defeat to crash down around her.

Grissom had all but avoided her, as if he was in some way preparing himself for her absence. In a way she welcomed the silence, her battered heart unable to cope with the emotions that she had so many times deigned to bury. His avoidance made the inevitable pain of separation almost bearable, she was grateful for that at least.

 His avoidance was something she had become accustomed to over the last year, and for him to suddenly change now could almost certainly upset the fragile balance that he had come to depend on to protect himself from surrendering to her. Sara understood that aspect of him, and she still loved him despite his flaws. She knew he could never allow his walls to crumble, even for a few seconds, and that’s why she had to leave. She had to free him from her binds, no matter how much it cost her in tears.

Sensing a presence behind her, she turned slightly to see who had invaded her solitude and found herself face to face with someone who had her own agenda.

“Catherine,” Sara nodded, her eyes defying the spark of triumph that appeared in the other woman’s eyes.

“Sara, I…” Catherine stopped mid sentence, as if she was trying to rethink the words, knowing that either way the deliverance would sting just as much. “I’m sure you’ve heard this so many times in the last few days, but I do think you’re doing the right thing. I really do wish you luck.”

“Thanks,” Sara nodded, holding Catherine’s eyes for a few seconds more. “I sense a but.”

“Nope,” she muttered, a little flustered as she started to edge from the room. “You and Gil would never have worked, I have to commend you for doing what’s right.”

Sara watched her retreat, the disguised compliment only a mere weapon to further strike another stake through her heart. Did the whole lab know how much of a fool she had been? Turning away from the vacant doorway, Sara bit down the soaring anger. She had no doubts in her mind that Catherine’s comments were designed to hurt her, but she would be damned if she let her think she had won.

A humming on her hip caught her attention, and she looked down to her pager that was hooked onto her belt. Unclipping it, she lifted it up to read the text message, its bold writing casting another blow to her already cracking reserve.

Please come to Director Cavallo’s office ASAP

She looked at the message as if it would change any moment, but she knew it wouldn’t alter. This meant only one thing. Cavallo had news of her transfer and at the present moment, it couldn’t come quick enough for her. The lab had become nothing but an empty casket, the once vibrant essence filling her with excitement as she waited for a new case. Now it was hollow and numb, holding no interest for her except for the people she loved here. With a heavy sigh, she returned to the evidence on the table, intent on finishing before going into the lion’s den.

An hour later, Sara stood outside the same wooden door that she had done only a few days ago. Lifting her hand, she knocked on the door and waited until she heard his authorization to enter. For a moment, she almost lost her nerve, wondering for a split second how she was going to survive this, but as soon as his ‘enter’ cut through her thoughts everything seemed to clear.

Opening the door, she poked her head inside. “You wanted to see me?”

Cavallo looked up, an immediate smile forming on his lips. “Yes, come in.”

Sara’s body seemed to move of its own accord, working on autopilot to relieve her from the burden that only acted to weigh her down. Closing the door behind her, she moved to one of the chairs opposite his desk and sat down.

“I am pleased to tell you that the authorization has just come through,” he told her. “Do you have any impending cases open?”

“Yes,” she nodded, her voice croaking softly through the sudden dryness in her mouth. “It’s the hit and run outside the Mayfair.”

“I’m sure your supervisor can hand the case over to another team member,” he nodded as he handed her a sheet of paper.

Sara took it and started to read it carefully, her hands trembling as she read the information. “Tomorrow?” she asked suddenly, her eyes widening in a mixture of shock and despair as the sudden realization that this was actually happening, struck her.

“Is that a problem?” Cavallo asked, his eyes indicating that this wasn’t an option.

“Uh…no…no of course not. I just wasn’t expecting it to be so soon.” Calming her thoughts, she sat up a little straighter in her chair. “Actually this is perfect. I’m not really that big on goodbyes.”

“Excellent,” he smiled. “I’ll inform Grissom that he should expect your replacement in two days.”

“Actually, sir,” she started, her voice slightly hesitant. “Um…I know this isn’t standard procedure, but would you mind waiting until I’m on my flight before you inform him.” Her face fell slightly as she tried to come up with a reasonable reason to explain her request. “I really, really hate goodbyes.”

Cavallo regarded her for a moment, pondering. “What time is your flight?” he asked, nodding his head towards the airline ticket she held in her hand.

“Oh…” she gasped, her eyes dropping to the envelope in her hand. With trembling fingers, she pulled the ticket out to read the departure time. “10.30 tomorrow morning.”

“That shouldn’t be a problem,” he nodded, a smile now accompanying his study of her. “I assume you are already packed and have taken care of personal arrangements.”

“Yes,” she nodded. “Jared Peters, the man replacing me is going to rent my apartment for the six months. It seems a little impractical that he should find somewhere to rent when my apartment will be empty.”

“I see,” he told her, obviously impressed with her answer. “I trust you have also arranged accommodation in Maine?”

“Yeah,” she smiled. “I’m trading jobs with Jared, so I might as well trade apartments too.”

“Good, good.” Standing up, he offered his hand to her as she mimicked his movements. “I would like to take this opportunity to once again thank you for participating in the program. I’m sure our loss will be Maine’s gain.”

“Thank you,” she smiled, his words lifting her spirits slightly. “I’ll…I’ll see you in a few months.”

“Good luck,” he told her as she pulled open the door.

“Thanks,” she smiled, before leaving his office for the last time, in what would be an eternity.

Her heart leapt inside her as she started to walk towards the locker room, her airline ticket clasped tightly in her hands. The time had come, speeding her towards a separation that would almost certainly rip open her healing wounds. The distance would forge a void inside her, adding to the emptiness and loss that she had been feeling for so long.

Stepping inside the small room, she looked around at the dark locker doors silently. This room was nothing but a storage space, a place where they began and ended their days. As she looked around, her eyes fell onto the individual lockers of her teammates. Her eyes caressed the metal, as if willing them to open so she could feel the person inside. She’d always known leaving was going to be hard, but now as she felt the sting of sorrow wash into her soul, she realized just how much she would miss them.

Sara struggled with the tears that ached to control her, their stinging presence casting a guilty awareness to linger inside her heart. She had four hours until the end of shift, ample time to bid her farewells without actually revealing the truth. She only hoped she could say goodbye without breaking down. With silent acceptance, she opened her locker door to pull her bag down from the metal shelf. She found her eyes lingering over the ticket, mesmerized by the freedom this small piece of paper offered her, but at the same time knowing how much pain it would cause in its wake. Taking a breath, she shoved the ticket into her bag and zipped it up, then placed it back onto the shelf and slammed the door closed.

For the next few hours, Sara rifled through her paperwork, her intension to tie up any loose ends she may have left untied. Being in the lab for her final hours seemed to calm her senses, highlighting her departure even more.

“Hey Sar,” Nick called from the break room doorway. “Me and War are gonna grab some breakfast after shift. You wanna come?”

Swallowing the growing lump in her throat, she turned slightly in her chair and watched him silently before she could trust her flailing voice. “I can’t today Nick.”

Her answer tugged at his curiosity, and he came further into the room to pull out the chair next to hers. He could see the sheen of tears that made her eyes glisten and immediately launched into his protective mode. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she lied, her heart thumping wildly inside her ears.

“There is. I know you Sara, now spill it, what’s wrong?”

For a moment, she contemplated not saying goodbye to him, the impending farewell already causing her heart to ache. She could see his worry, his natural ability to heal with words softening the ache in her heart. She turned to him then, her trembling hand reaching out to clasp his tightly. “I’m leaving.”

“Hadn’t we already established that?” he asked quietly, squeezing her hand tightly in his. The smile dropped from his face when he caught her eyes. “Sara?”

Sara watched him quietly, his dark eyes emanating such affection that she couldn’t bear to see them immersed in grief. Grief that she would cause. She knew she should embrace the moment, say her farewells and hold him close to her before she left, but she couldn’t. Instead, she pulled her hand from his and offered him what she hoped was one of her best smiles. “I’m gonna miss you.”

“Awww Sar,” he grinned, reaching out to pull her into a bear hug before pulling back to kiss her cheek. “Better stop with the mushy stuff,” he warned, his voice softer as he regarded her with adoring eyes. “Word might get out that you’ve gone soft.”

“Soft,” she gasped, their light banter causing a flurry of laughter to escape her lips as she instinctively whacked his arm playfully. “You are so gonna get it.”

“Oh I’m scared,” he grinned, his eyes lingering over hers for a few more seconds before he pulled away from her. “I’ll see you later.”

Sara’s mood shifted from happiness to one of sadness in less than a second, but she hid the emotions well from his prying eyes. “Later,” she smiled, savouring her last moments with the man who had become a close friend.

She watched him until he disappeared from view, his departure leaving her feeling drained of complete emotion. She was going to miss them, all of them, and no amount of delaying the inevitable would change things. Picking up the file from the table, she pushed her chair back and stood to her feet. She had some people to see, and tomorrow would be too late.

Chapter Ten

Warrick was waiting in Trace when Sara eventually found him. Feeling her presence, he looked up, his soulful eyes piercing hers. “Hey.”

“Hey Warrick,” she smiled, stepping closer into the room to stand next to him.

“Something you need?” he asked with a growing smile.

“Huh? … Me?” she asked, breaking out into a soft smile. “No I just spoke to Nick. He said you guys were going out to breakfast.”

“Yeah we are,” he nodded. “You gonna join us?”

“No, I can’t today.” Her voice dropped when his eyes melted into hers, leaving her fighting to conceal the truth from him. “I…um, I just wanted to let you know.”

“You okay?”

“What?” she asked, a smile forming on her lips. “I just wanted to let you know that’s all.”

“That you can’t make breakfast?” His eyes narrowed as he spoke, casting her a suspicious stare. “You sure you’re okay?”

“I’m sure,” she smiled, catching his hand in mid air before he could reach her forehead to see for himself. “I am okay,” she told him. “I just wanted to let you know.”

“Okay,” he nodded, his hand clasping hers before she could pull away from his grasp. “We’re sure gonna miss you around here.”

“Yeah?” she smiled, her eyes glistening with his soft admission. “I’ll miss you more.” Pulling away from him, she backed out of the door, taking the memory of him with her before she turned away and hurried away to continue her silent goodbyes.

By the end of shift, everyone except Grissom had gone home. As she sat inside the now empty locker room, Sara had contemplated leaving without a word to him, but she couldn’t do that, not to him or herself. If nothing else, he deserved one last smile from her, even though he wouldn’t know it would be the last time he would see her, for a few months at least. Pulling on her jacket, she opened her bag and pushed her badge inside before zipping it up. Her eyes slid down to her gun and pager, their dormant silence only serving to add to her heartache. Soon she would leave this place and take her memories with her.

Moving towards the doorway, she turned back to take another long look around the room. She was really doing this, she was leaving, and the painful truth was that she would miss the people here more than the lab itself. Reaching down to the bench, she picked up her belongings and headed out of the door towards Cavallo’s office for one last time.

As she walked along the deserted hallways, she found herself memorizing each window, each door, everything that would stay locked inside her mind until she was strong enough to return. Passing Greg’s lab, she felt a twinge in her heartstrings. She would miss his flirtatious glances and his countless attempts to ask her out. A smile formed on her lips as she pictured his face in her mind. She hoped he would be happy for her.

“I didn’t expect to see you again before you left,” Cavallo smiled as she came into his office quietly.

“I know, but I needed to give you my weapon and pager. They are the labs property after all.” Handing them over to him, she smiled slightly before turning around to head back out of the door.

“Good luck,” he offered, his smile only increasing the emptiness inside her.

“Thank you,” she whispered quietly before closing his door behind her, and walked the slow walk down the corridor towards the exit. Her pace slowed as she came closer to Grissom’s office. She could practically feel him, his powerful essence reaching inside her to burn her heart. She wanted to tell him so much, but the words would always have to remain unspoken. She longed to whisper I love you, the words aching to be released. Her tongue already practiced the truth, desperate to spill out and declare everything to him. Taking a deep breath, she fingered the edge of the envelope in her pocket, her letter to him a heartfelt goodbye, saying the words that he may never get to hear her say aloud. Closing the distance, she came to a stop in the doorway and peered inside.

Her heart dropped when she saw him, and she found herself mesmerized by his presence. She memorized every detail of him, from his greying hair, to his powerful shoulders then down to his forearms that were left exposed beneath his rolled up sleeves. In this silent memorization she realized just how much she loved this beautiful man, and no amount of distance would ever change that, no matter how deep she would have to bury her emotions. At first he didn’t realize she was there, but when he finally looked up and caught her gaze, Sara felt her heart break completely in two.

“Sara?”

“I…” she stopped, her voice unsteady as she fought with the need to touch him. “Goodnight.”

“Night,” he answered, his eyes continuing to watch her curiously. When she didn’t move, he took a moment to study her, his investigative mind regaining control. Without thinking, he opened his mouth, his voice sounding cold and unfeeling, something he hadn’t intended. “Was there something else?”

His voice had seemed cold, colder than she had ever heard before and at that precise moment Sara realized just why she had arrived at this decision. Shaking her head sadly, she sighed before she offered him a faint smile. “I just wanted to say goodbye, that’s all.” Taking a step back, she saw the confusion sparking in his eyes and she couldn’t bear to watch the flickering denial cause another wave of pain, so she turned away before he could respond.

“Sara.” He called just as she was about to walk away, his soft voice halting her retreat. Turning slowly, she blinked back the tears in her eyes and watched him expectantly

“I’m sorry I accepted the transfer without telling you,” she whispered softly, her voice tumbling from her before he could speak. “Things haven’t been right between us for a long time.”

“No,” he nodded, pushing his chair back slowly as he stood up. “I’m sorry I over reacted.”

For a heart stopping moment, Sara thought he was going to step closer to her, but he stopped beside his desk. She wasn’t sure what she wanted him to do now; maybe secretly she had hoped he would try to change her mind. Lifting her eyes to his, she gave him what she hoped was a reassuring smile. “Goodbye,” she whispered quietly as she stepped out of his doorway knowing he wouldn’t follow. If he responded, she couldn’t have heard his voice above the screaming inside her heart. She was leaving him and her insides felt like they were being ripped apart with every step she took away from him. 

Grissom stared at the empty doorway, her loss instantly aching upon his tired body. He had wanted to say so many things to her, so many things he should have told her a long time ago, but he didn’t know where to start. In a week, maybe less, she would be leaving a void inside him that no other woman had ever managed to fill. He would miss her more than he could ever admit, even to her, but he knew she needed to hear it.

 His heart already knew the answers and the beautiful words he would need to say to reveal a tiny measure of his feelings for her. She needed to know he was trying so hard to open up to her, even if it took him a long time to do it. With a heavy sigh, he returned to his desk, oblivious to the fact that her words of ‘too late’ would come back to haunt him when he learned of her departure. In just a few hours, Gil Grissom’s life would be turned upside down, but for now, he worked in blissful solitude, unaware of the darkness approaching.

Day shift had already started to arrive by the time she made it to the front desk, and she was increasingly grateful that Judy was no longer on duty.

“Can I help you?” Sandy Marshal, Judy’s dayshift counterpart asked with a smile.

“Yes. I’d like to put this package into the internal mail.” Sara opened her bag and pulled a medium sized Jiffy bag out. Taking the letter out of her pocket, she placed it inside with a battered copy of a book of sonnets that Grissom had given to her a long time ago. She had planned on finding an appropriate page to pop the letter into, it’s place marking a particular verse, but she couldn’t find anything that met her mood. Instead she had quoted something inside her letter, a verse that he alone would understand.

Handing the sealed package over to Sandy, she watched as the young woman put the package into the correct tray and then turned around to leave, taking an internal note that everything was going to change.

The warm morning sun caught her face as she walked over towards her car. Everything seemed to weigh twenty times heavier than it actually was, and her keys were no exception. As she finally placed the strip of metal into the lock, she turned to take one final look around and then climbed into her car. Tears welled up inside her eyes the second she started the engine; its steady hum only increasing her internal pain. Leaving here was the right thing to do, she knew that, she really did, but why did it hurt so much to leave? Reaching up a shaky hand, she wiped her eyes before leaving the car park. It was time for her new life to begin.

Chapter Eleven

10.00 am the following morning, Sara sat in the departure lounge awaiting the call for her flight. Surprisingly she had managed to sleep for an hour before her taxi arrived to bring her here. Her heart ached with sadness as she remembered the last time she had arrived here, her excitement at the time causing her body to ooze with excited energy.

When she had arrived here three years ago, she was on her way to see the man who had caused her heart to leap into a rhythm all of its own. The very thought of him had excited her, his memory bringing her body to an almost fever pitch. But, back then she was naïve, her feelings for him influencing her actions. Back then she would have done everything in her power race to his side, his telephone call to her sparking years of adoration into a powerful burst of need. Little did she know that three years later she would be running away from him, the very man who had brought her here had now all but driven her away. She shouldn’t love him, she knew that. Her heart should have cast him out a long time ago, but how do you suddenly stop loving someone who has been your entire world for so many years?

“Flight 139, departing 10.30 am, please make your way to gate number 2. Thank you”

Sara looked up as soon as she heard her call and gathered up her bag. With a final look behind her, she drew in a heavy breath as the words to the song leaving Las Vegas sprang into her mind. Making her way to gate number 2 she suddenly felt something release the pressure inside her. Her heart was crying, screaming for her to reconsider and call a halt to this absurd idea, but she forced the image of Gil Grissom away from her mind. This was a new beginning, one that would consist of an empty existence, but one which would be devoid of feelings that in the past had only made to cause her pain.

Smiling at the stewardess who checked her ticket, she walked calmly along with the other people who were boarding the same flight, surprised by the decreasing numbness that had possessed her for so long. Every step released a little more of the heavy burden until she was convinced she had made the right decision to leave.

The second she stepped onto the plane and sat down in her seat it hit her. A sudden thunderbolt that brought a guilty possession crashed down into her heart. She was leaving, she had chosen to walk away from the only people she cared for, and it was killing her.

Sitting back in her seat, she swallowed the aching pain, trying to repress it with everything she possessed. Only now, when the faces of her co-workers projected into her mind did she regret not being able to tell them the truth of her sudden departure. Nick would probably be the most affected, but Nick being Nick, he wouldn’t show it. A small smile crept to her lips as she thought of her friend. He was someone very special, someone with the unique qualities that she had always searched for in another human being, but never thought she would ever find. Would he hate her for this? Would he ever forgive her for not saying goodbye? Biting down on her bottom lip, she closed her eyes to stop the stinging tears in her eyes from spilling over onto her cheeks.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the seat next to her dipping slightly as someone took up residency beside her. She tried to ignore them, too wrapped up in her own turmoil to make small talk with some stranger. Opening her eyes, she directed her gaze out of the small window to her side, her eyes scanning the outline of Las Vegas, a place that had once offered her a promise, but had only succeeded in breaking her heart.

Grissom’s face burst into her mind to take her breath away along with it. She would miss him most of all. His tendency to conceal his feelings from everyone, including her, only caused her more heartache. She knew he and Catherine had a special relationship, and his ease with her had always been a force to reckon with. But dreams were precious, and those dreams of an existence where she was the person he confided in had sustained her for so long. Her thoughts drifted to the book she had returned to him, along with the letter she had secured inside the envelope.

The book of sonnets had been a treasured memory, something he had given to her as a gift almost six years ago. To part with it had broken her heart almost as much as leaving him, but it was the only thing she could think of to give him that had any meaning. She just hoped that as soon as he saw the book and read the enclosed letter that he would understand that he had already succeeded in capturing her soul. Even if her love were unwanted, even if it was not returned, she would live with the consequences of finally admitting the truth to him. If he could never forgive her for stepping over the line, she always had the option of staying on at her new position, or move on and push him away forever.

The throbbing ache inside her had cast a somnolent weariness to surround her. She could almost feel the pull of sleep tighten around her, but she had promised herself that she would watch the disappearing Las Vegas horizon from the clouds, just to convince herself that this was all real and not some surreal dream that had forced itself into her consciousness.

The signs for seatbelts clicked on above her head, followed by the pilots voice welcoming the passengers aboard his flight. His voice was effervescent, the cheeriness an act to calm those nervous travellers that had already started to grip their seats and look around nervously. Sara had always found this behaviour odd at times. Why would a person fly if it terrified them so much? Sitting back in seat, she closed her eyes as the roar of the engines powering up took all coherent thoughts from her mind. Turning to the window, she watched in silent misery as the scenery started to flitter away outside the window until the only thing she could see was increasing cloud. Leaning her head to the side, all thoughts of watching the evaporating horizon disappeared. Suddenly, as raw emotion reared up into her eyes, she didn’t want to witness the separation anymore. 

Almost seven hours later, Sara’s connecting flight landed in Bangor, Maine. The journey itself had been tiresome, even though she was doing none of the piloting actions. Images had haunted her mind from the second she boarded her first flight, only to increase in their guilty power as soon as she stepped foot into the second plane that would bring her here. She knew she shouldn’t feel this way, after all they all knew she was leaving anyway. But still, she felt the stinging guilt leap up into her heart and almost swallow her whole.

Once she had picked up her luggage, she walked over to the main entrance and looked around at the other people who were busy making their own personal transitions. Her legs felt like lead as she moved out of the main doors and walked over to a nearby wall where one of her new colleagues had arranged to meet her.

With the quietness surrounding her, she pulled out her cell phone, knowing that Nick would be asleep. Dialling in his number, she held the phone to her ear and closed her eyes as the connection clicked over and his voice mail answered. Her breath caught in her throat as she waited for the beep so she could leave him a message. “It’s me, Sara,” she sighed sadly. “I’m in Maine, I… I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you I was leaving, I really wanted to. Please forgive me. I…um…I miss you. Tell Warrick I’m sorry.” Her voice caught on a sob as she tried to choke out the last word. “Goodbye.”

Shutting the phone off, she shoved it back into her pocket and tried to regain her composure. She’s finally done it. She was free at last. So why wasn’t she smiling?

A beeping of a car horn interrupted her thoughts. Looking up, she watched curiously as a dark haired man jumped out and walked over towards her. “Sara Sidle?” he asked with a smile.

Sara couldn’t help herself, his warming smile seemed to ease her trembling nerves and she heard herself introduce herself to him.

“Hi I’m Treyson Barrett,” he beamed, shoving out a hand to introduce himself. “Pleasure to meet you.”

“You too,” she grinned.

“Come on, I’ll take you over to Jared’s place so you can settle in. You must be exhausted.” Reaching down, he picked up her suitcase before she had a chance to stop him.

“Thank you,” she told him, her voice losing some of its tension. She hoped the rest of her colleagues would be just as welcoming. “Actually, if you wouldn’t mind, could you take me to the lab once I drop off my bags. I’d like to acquaint myself with the surrounding before I start officially tomorrow.”

“Of course,” he grinned. “The guys can’t wait to meet you.”

“Uh…guys?” she asked nervously, her mind picturing a long line of men with pearly white smiles ogling her.

“Yeah, there’s Joe Wilson. He’s a lot like me, just don’t let him fool you into thinking he’s cool.” He met her eyes and winked mischievously. “There’s also Mason Patterson, he can be a little above himself at times, but he’s a good guy.”

“Sounds okay,” she nodded confidently, her smile becoming more relaxed as she climbed into the passenger seat beside him.

Offering her a beaming smile, he started the engine and drove them away from the airport and launched her into a new chapter in her life.

Back in Las Vegas a few hours later, Grissom arrived in his office two hours before the start of shift. He’d been unable to sleep, the unsettling distance he’d forged between himself and Sara causing him to merely toss and turn.

Walking over to his desk, he saw a stack of mail vying for his attention, but he paid it little interest as he pulled out his chair and sat down. His mind refused to let him rest, its unrelented accusations provoking his consciousness. With a heavy sigh, he looked down to the envelopes on his desk, his eyes drawn to a small brown jiffy bag that was poking out from beneath the pile.

Reaching down, he picked it up and studied the writing on the front, recognizing instantly the unique scrawl. His heart began to thud loudly inside his chest as he slid a finger beneath the seal and pulled it open.

Chapter Twelve

For a few seconds, Grissom could hardly breathe. Nervously, he peered inside the now open envelope, as if whatever was inside would leap out and rip out his heart. With tentative fingers, he pulled out the tattered book, holding it in his shaking hands. He could feel the pain reaching out inside his body, numbing his senses as he realized that the book he held with such delicacy belonged to Sara.

The tension in his neck reared up higher to take his head into an aching strain, his mind reeling with questions and regrets. Placing the book on the desk, he opened up the envelope and pulled out the sealed letter inside, treating it with as much care as he had done with the book.

Every kind of scenario passed through his thoughts, any tiny detail that could piece together the puzzle that was Sara. As he opened the envelope and unfolded the single sheet of paper, he recognized the dread in the pit of his stomach.

Tears sprung to his eyes as he tried to focus on the words that would in a few seconds no doubt shatter his soul into a thousand pieces. Blinking furiously, he tried to calm his breathing before he turned to the written letter, its hidden words terrifying him to his core.

Dear Grissom,

                      Please forgive me for leaving this way, but I just couldn’t bring myself to look into your eyes and tell you goodbye.

                  I made myself a promise a long time ago that I wouldn’t lose sleep over any man, but I guess I broke it when I met you. I know you don’t see me as anything but a CSI anymore. I wish I could pin point the exact moment when we stopped being friends, but no matter how many times I go over and over it in my head, I can’t.

           I don’t want to be the woman that you despise anymore Grissom. I never wanted you to hate me so much, but whatever I did to hurt you, I am sorry.

       Take care, and know that I will miss you and everyone so much, but I can’t stay anymore. You know that as much as I do.

      ‘The supreme happiness of life is the conviction of being loved for yourself, or, more correctly, being loved in spite of yourself.’

I guess Victor Hugo’s words have a new meaning for me now. Goodbye Grissom.

Yours,

Sara

“Oh God,” he groaned, his breath rasping in sheaths of painful echo’s. How could this happen? Why hadn’t he stopped her last night before she left his office? His mind cast over the previous night, his memories glistening into tiny droplets that coursed their way down his cheeks. He should have known, he should have called her back and straightened out this sham of an existence that he had seemingly been trapped in for years. Now, she was gone, taking her thoughts and her smile, leaving him bathing in emptiness.

Beside him, his pager beeped inside his pocket, its low hum cutting a mournful wail through the gloom. Placing the letter on his desk, he wiped his face with the back of his hand before retrieving the pager from his pocket. The very foundations in which he had come to depend on had now cracked open, sucking everything and everyone he cared about down into the dark chasm that used to be his heart. He’d driven her away; he had pushed her so far that she thought he didn’t care. Oh God what had he done?

Sniffing back the emotion that ached to possess him, he lifted his pager to read the message that blinked at him wildly.

     ‘Please come to the directors office as soon as you arrive.’

Grissom stared at the words on the tiny screen, knowing that the official blow to Sara’s departure would come soon enough. Her image suddenly found its way into his mind; bringing a painful wave of longing he hadn’t allowed himself to feel before. He had no doubts about the impending conversation with Cavallo, but he couldn’t allow his emotions to cloud his eyes. 

Turning his attentions back to her letter, he remembered her words saying she couldn’t bear to look into his eyes and say goodbye. He understood it now, more than anything else in the world. He had been offered the love of a beautiful young woman and had been frozen by fear. Sara had been the courageous one; she had borne the pain of his seeming rejection, alone. She had been the one who was willing to risk everything to be with him, and he had been too blinded by terror to notice.

Closing his eyes briefly, he replayed their last conversation over and over inside his head. She had tried to talk to him in his office this morning, but as always she had sparked the panic and he’d cut her down before she had a chance to explain her actions. He hadn’t meant to be so harsh. All he ever wanted was to be able to bathe in her beauty and relish her closeness. Loving her from afar had been the safe way out, the coward’s way out. Yes, he was a coward, a lonely, empty shell of a man who had nothing.

His heart ached with heaviness, the burden of guilt laying heavy on his mind. He loved her, and he had driven her away. One way or another he needed her to know how he felt about her. His mind started reeling with endless possibilities from writing letters to calling her, but he didn’t know if he could trust his tempestuous emotions right now. With new resolve, he caressed her letter, carefully folding it to return it inside the padded envelope along with the treasured book. Opening his desk draw, he placed the letter inside, encasing it in security until he could go home and take a piece of her with him.

If she had taught him anything, it was to seize the moment and embrace every possibility. He loved her enough to try, he owed her that much at least. Pushing back his chair, he took a deep breath to steady his racing heart. He would meet Cavallo and keep with the charade; he would be strong, even if he were dying inside without her.

The walk to Cavallo’s office took longer than he had anticipated. Every step seemed to plunge another dagger into his heart, splintering his resolve until he could barely breathe. Seeing Cavallo would only make Sara’s absence that much more painful, but he had promised himself he would try, if for no one else but her.

Regaining his composure, he walked slowly up to Cavallo’s door and lifted his hand to knock. He waited for a few seconds until he heard Cavallo’s voice from inside, and opened the door quietly.

“I got your message,” he muttered. “You wanted to see me?”

“Yes. Come in and close the door,” Cavallo told him, waving him in as he searched through some papers on his desk.

Coming into the room, Grissom felt another presence before actually seeing the young man who watched him quietly. As Grissom turned, the younger man stood up, holding out his hand. “Dr. Grissom,” he smiled. “Sara spoke highly of you, I am looking forward to working with you.”

Grissom stared at him blankly; unable to find anything coherent to say that wouldn’t betray his emotions. Instead, he offered his hand, shaking the younger mans loosely as he struggled to remember his name.

“I’m Jared Peters, Sara’s replacement.”

Replacement…Grissom could almost feel the breath chocking from his throat, and sat down in a nearby chair before he fell.

“Grissom, CSI Peters will be starting officially from today, his request not mine.” Nodding towards the younger man, Cavallo offered him a strained smile knowing that the atmosphere in the room would change as soon as he broke the news of Sara’s departure to Grissom. “Would you give us a moment alone please Jared,” he asked quietly, his request adding to the tension in the room.

“Sure,” he grinned. “I’ll grab a coffee.”

“Try the break room,” Grissom offered helpfully, “it’s not great, but it’s better than the machine.”

“Thanks.” Standing up, Jared moved over towards the door to step outside into the corridor.

As soon as they were alone, Cavallo regarded Grissom, choosing his words carefully. “I suspect you already know what I have to tell you,” he said with sympathy. “I know that you and your team have a close working relationship and I suspect that is why CSI Sidle wanted me to keep her departure from you until she had actually left.”

Grissom stared at the other man, unsure what he was supposed to say to him. No words could soften the blow for his loss; no amount of soul searching could ever describe his feelings. Sitting up in his chair, he coughed a little to clear his throat. “We knew she was leaving us,” he said softly, surprised at the strength in his voice. “I expect she wanted to leave with little fuss.”

“Yes I think so too,” Cavallo nodded. “Actually I have already spoken to her new supervisor and he seems suitably impressed by her attitude towards her work.”

“Sounds like Sara,” Grissom mused quietly, the hint of a smile on his lips. “Where exactly has she transferred to?”

“She didn’t tell you?”

“I…no, we didn’t really get the chance to talk about it actually.” His voice dropped lower, the misery in his heart aching to know where she was.

“Oh,” Cavallo nodded, “She’s gone to Brunswick, Maine. As I understand it, she and CSI Peters have exchanged jobs and apartments for the duration.”

“Maine?” Grissom asked calmly, even though inside his internal wail couldn’t be heard aloud. “That’s a long way.”

“It is, and that in itself benefits our department as well as theirs. I’m sure there are certain things that CSI Sidle can offer her new department, she has more knowledge in some areas that could benefit another lab.” Looking up, Cavallo watched Grissom carefully, “Don’t you agree?”

“Yes,” Grissom spoke up, his voice masking his pain. “She has a lot to offer.”

Nodding slowly, Cavallo looked back down to the paperwork on his desk. “I trust you will introduce CSI Peters to the rest of your team.”

“Yes, of course.” Grissom, sensing this conversation was over moved to stand from his chair and walk over towards the door.

“Good, good,” Cavallo nodded. “I’ll need to see Peters before he officially starts working for us, so if you could ensure he arrives…”

“Of course.” Grissom nodded, as he pulled open the door to the outside corridor, escaping before his breath choked him.

Once he was outside again, he could feel the pressure burning inside his gut. He hadn’t realized that losing Sara would hurt so much, and now she was gone, taking part of him with her, he knew he had to contact her. He needed her.

Sara made her way into her new department building. It had felt a little strange when she came here a few hours earlier, but the other men put her at ease on her shift. Treyson held the door pen for her, and smiled at her reassuringly as he escorted her towards the small locker room. “It’s a little small,” he smiled when she looked around the tiny room, which held around 20 lockers.

“It’s okay,” she smiled, slipping her coat from her shoulders. “Which one’s mine?”

“Oh,” he grinned. “Sorry. Here this is Jared’s.”

The second Sara pulled open the door she was met with shrine of pictures, many of them women. Treyson gasped quickly when he suddenly remembered the strict instructions from Jared that he was supposed to remove them before she arrived.

“Oh God I’m sorry. Jared told me to take them down and I guess I forgot.”

“Well it’s a little different to what I’m used to,” she laughed as he hurriedly removed the pictures to leave a blank metal carcass for her.

“Sorry about that.”

“No problem,” she smiled. “Really, it’s cool.” Reaching inside, she hung her coat up on a hanger and opened her bag to pull out a photo of her own. Gazing down at it, she smiled with the fleeting memories that encased her heart. Reaching up to the door, she took some of the blue-tack and stuck it to the back of her photo and placed it on her door.

“Boyfriend’s?” Treyson asked inquisitively as he gazed over the photo.

“No,” she smiled, her eyes focusing on the photo of her, Warrick and Nick at a Christmas party two years ago. “No they’re both friends.”

 She had another photo in her bag, a photo of her and Grissom at the same Christmas party when they had been close. This one photo would remain hidden, until she experienced one of those rare moments when she needed to feel something, anything to prove to herself that she was still alive. The photo sprang into her mind to leave a trail of emptiness in its wake, and she found herself bite back the unending sorrow.

“You look pretty close,” he observed.

“Yeah,” she smiled, placing her bag inside the locker and closing the door. “I’m ready to work.” She told him bluntly, ending the conversation as she tried to force the images from her mind.

Chapter Thirteen

Back in Vegas, Nick stood in his kitchen numbly as he listened to Sara’s voice mail. His heart thudded inside his chest as he heard her voice crack under the strain of her sorrow. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath before the ache in his body began to rise up into his eyes. His best friend was hurting, she had been hurting for a long time and that last thing she needed was him adding to her pain. He would miss her enormously, they all would. Making a decision, he decided to send her a message, one that would make her understand that she would always have him, no matter what happened.

He stared down at the blank screen for a few seconds as he tried to think of what to say. His first instincts were to call her and tell her that everything was all right, but what if she was in the middle of a case? What if….

His finger hovered over her speed dial number, his aching need to hear her voice overwhelming his logical brain. In a few seconds he pressed down the button before he could talk himself out of it and held the phone to his ear.

After a few rings he heard her voice, a heavenly sound that calmed his aching heart.

“Hey, it’s me.”

“Nick?” Her voice shook a little as she whispered his name, and he could tell by her breathing that she was fighting for control.

“Honey I just wanted to call you and let you know that it’s okay.” Nick tried to hide his own tempestuous emotions, knowing that she needed to hear this from him. “You know I’ll miss you right?”

“God Nick,” she whispered hoarsely, “I was so scared that you’d be mad at me for not saying goodbye. I just couldn’t do it. I’m so sorry…”

“Hey, it’s okay Sar, I understand, I really do. You know I’m here for you right?”

“I do,” she whispered softly, her voice breaking slightly. “I have to get back to work now, I’ll call you later okay?”

“I look forward to it. You take care you hear me? No working yourself into an early grave or else,” he told her, smiling through his tears.

“Okay, I promise. You take care too and say hi to Warrick for me.”

“Will do, talk later then okay? Bye Sara.”

“Bye.”

The other end of the phone went silent, her absence only causing the silence to escalate even higher. Hearing her voice had only increased the ache inside him, but he was glad he’d called. She needed him just as much as he needed her. They’d get through this absence, they all would.

An hour later, Nick walked into the break room to be met by his colleagues sitting in silence. Part of him knew that the news of Sara’s departure had hit, and other part of him was grateful for the closeness he shared with her. Looking over at Warrick he offered him a smile. “Hey bro why the long faces?”

Warrick lifted his eyes to his friend, knowing that he would be most affected by the news. “Nick, Sara’s gone.”

Before Nick could reply, Catherine bristled and sat up higher in her chair and glanced nervously over at Grissom who was silent beside her. “Didn’t say goodbye to anyone apparently.”

“She’s fine,” Nick said quickly, watching the reactions of his colleagues, which ranged between utter disbelief and hurt.

“You’ve spoken to her?” Warrick asked quickly, his eyes losing their worry as he started to smile. “She okay?”

“Yes she’s great, busy working as usual,” pulling out a chair he sat down beside his friend and grinned. “She told me to say hi and sorry for not telling us.”

“Man as long as she’s okay that’s all I need to hear,” Warrick drawled. “Everything else we’ll work out later.”

“Yeah that’s what I told her too.” Nick nodded, “she’s calling later so you can talk to her.”

Warrick’s lips turned up into a beaming smile, accepting the situation as best he could. Sitting up, he moved to grab his coffee, only to stop when he heard a voice from the doorway.

“Uh…Grissom is this where I’m supposed to be?”

Grissom’s head snapped up, his mind still reeling with swirling pain. Sara’s image floated through his mind to take a firm grip over his heart and there was nothing he could do but let her take this time to breathe. Somewhere through the fog in his brain, he saw Jared standing at the door, his questioning eyes breaking the spell that bound him to Sara.

“Come in Jared,” he managed, his voice sounding foreign to his own ears. Turning to his team, Grissom stood up and went to stand beside Jared. “This is Jared Peters, he’ll be taking over for Sara in her absence.”

The others stared at him silently, both Warrick and Nick trying to absorb the new information. Catherine was the first to move, pushing back her chair to stand up and hold out her hand to the new man. “Hi I’m Catherine Willows.”

“Hi,” Jared smiled, shaking her hand gratefully.

Nick was the next to stand, walking over to offer his own welcome. “Nick Stokes.”

“Oh yeah, Sara’s friend right?” Jared grinned, “She told me you’d be cool about everything. Nice to meet you.” Jared’s eyes drifted over towards Warrick, who hadn’t moved. “You must be Warrick?”

“Yeah. That’s me.” Standing up, he walked over to the other man and offered his hand. “Warrick Brown.”

“Good to meet you Warrick, Sara speaks highly of you both.”

“You talked to Sara already?” Nick asked with a widening grin. “She kinda gets under your skin doesn’t she? In a good way!”

“Well I’ve met her briefly when we exchanged keys and stuff, but yeah she seems a great girl,” Jared’s eyes lit up when he saw the two men’s acceptance, and he found himself sinking into their light banter. “She’ll be treated like a princess when the guys meet her back home.”

“A princess huh?” Nick beamed, “now that I would like to see. She’ll eat them alive!”

Grissom watched the three younger men bond immediately and felt a growing sense of loss overcome his swaying senses. They spoke of Sara like a supreme being, a thing of magical beauty, which she would always be to him. Swallowing back the biting jealously in his heart, he coughed slightly to clear his throat. “Okay, let’s get some work done shall we?”

Warrick and Jared looked up, their smiles dropping from their faces. Nick shrugged, then turned back around and gave Grissom his full attention.

“Okay, Nick, Jared, you have a suicide over at the Plaza,” he told them officiously, handing over the slip. Turning to Warrick he held out another slip of paper. “You have a hit and run, it’s similar to the case Sara was working on.”

“Okay, I’ll head right out,” Warrick nodded, taking the piece of paper and heading out the door.

As soon as the break room was clear, Grissom turned to Catherine. “We’re going to go over Sara’s case and see if there’s anything there that could connect anything to Warricks hit and run.”

“Nice,” Catherine grinned, her eyes holding a certain amount of delight. “Sara probably missed something.”

Her words struck an angry chord deep inside Grissom’s chest and he spun around to face her. “Sara is the most thorough person I know. She would never miss any piece of evidence no matter what was on her mind at the time.”

“Come on Grissom,” she snapped, “ she’s too argumentative and she’s too confrontational. Sara is not the saint you make her out to be Grissom so stop treating her like it.” Stepping closer, she lowered her voice as she touched his arm gently. “Look I know she has a thing for you, and the distance will be good for her, you know, to give her time to get over her little crush. I’m glad she’s gone.”

Grissom lifted his hand to hers and removed her fingers from his arm. He pulled his hand away violently, letting her hand fall limply to her side. “Don’t ever condemn the woman I…Don’t speak ill of her when she is not here to defend herself.” His voice came out as a growl as he spoke, lowering his voice so only she could hear him. “If you insult her, you insult me.” Turning abruptly, he left her side to walk out of the door, taking angry strides as he did.

Catherine stared after him in utter shock; she couldn’t believe he had spoken that way. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she started to walk after him, hoping to somehow apologize and erase the last few minutes from his memory.

It was the early hours of the morning in Maine, and Sara had settled in completely with her new work colleagues. Treyson had made her feel welcome and at ease the second he’d met her.

Sara’s first meeting with Mason and Joe had been an experience she wouldn’t forget in a hurry. Mason was a tall muscular, dark haired and extremely handsome man. The smile that he had greeted her with could have melted all the ice caps, defrosting them with intensity.

“Hi,” he’s drawled, taking her hand in between his. “I’m Mason. You need anything, don’t hesitate to ask.”

She’d giggled nervously, pulling her hand from his as she tried to hide the blush creeping up her cheeks. “Um…okay I’ll remember that.”

The other man stepped up to her, his eyes sparkling as much as his greeting smile. “I’m Joe,” he’d told her. “You need protecting from Mason here, just let me know.”

Sara met his eyes and found herself smiling. He reminded her of Nick, his eyes holding the same dark soulful depths as her best friend. His smile held a certain mischief and his warmth reached out to embrace her, making her feel like she belonged. For the first time in a very long while, Sara felt at ease with herself. Leaving Las Vegas behind was probably the one single thing that she had done right in her life.

Chapter Fourteen

Three months later, Sara had settled into her new job with surprising ease. Nick called her regularly, keeping her ties with Vegas open just enough so that he knew she would eventually return. As time moved on, Sara too had tried to forget the past. Gil Grissom’s name had remained unmentioned, banished from her mind as she forced herself to forget him. But every hour seemed longer than the last, and she couldn’t deny the fact that she still loved him, even after all this time.

“Hey Sara,” Andrew Dale, Sara’s new supervisor called from his office.

Looking up, she offered him a smile. “Yeah?”

“Can I see you for a few minutes please?” he answered, ignoring the sympathetic glances of the three men around the table.

“Yeah, sure.” Standing up, Sara was greeted with her colleagues humming the death march, their laughter escaping as she swatted each one in turn. Walking towards the door, she scowled at her three work mates before turning around to follow Andrew into his office.

“Well,” he started as soon as they were both seated. “You have been with us for three months now, and our solve rate has doubled.”

Sara sat in silence for a moment not sure if she was supposed to say anything to him. Her eyes scanned his face as her lips turned up into a warm smile. “Well considering Maine is smaller that Las Vegas, that hardly counts.”

“It counts,” he told her seriously. “I have spoken with the director, and he has made his thoughts clear on more than one occasion.” Sitting forward, Andrew smiled softly, his blue eyes sinking into hers. “We would hate to lose you and wanted to know if you would consider staying on here permanently.”

Sara’s smile dropped from her face, and the slow torturing ache inside her began to rise up inside her throat. Could she live with the possibility of never seeing her friends again? Sure, they would keep in touch for a while, but then life would get in the way and they would slowly drift apart. Could she do that? Lifting her eyes to his, she forced another false smile to her lips. “Do I have to answer right away? I…I need to think about this…”

“Of course,” he smiled. “Take as long as you need.”

“But what about Jared? If I stay on here then what about him?”

“Jared wanted a clean break away, that’s why he volunteered for this exchange. He has made it clear that when he returns, he wants to be transferred to days.” Andrew pushed his chair back and stood up to walk around the desk. “I approached your supervisor in Vegas.”

Grissom?” she asked, her heart lurching inside her as she thought of him. “What…Um…what did he say?”

“Well,” he blushed slightly as he thought of the right words to say. “He accused me of stealing his CSI.”

“Yeah,” she sighed sadly, knowing that all she would ever be to him was just a CSI. “Sounds like him.”

“He also said he doesn’t want to lose you from his team and that he would like the opportunity to speak to you first before you make your final decision.”

“Oh,” she whispered, looking down into her hands to avoid his prying eyes.

“Days have a decomp infested with bugs and stuff,” he told her, screwing up his nose as he spoke. “They need an entomologist and I hear he’s one of the best.”

“He is the best,” she told him quietly as she finally looked up to meet his eyes.

“He’ll be here in this evening.”

Sara’s eyes widened in shock, “He…he’s coming here?” Looking down at her watch she saw that it was 7am. “He’s here in a few hours?”

“His flight leaves at 10.30am.”

“Oh,” she nodded, “the same flight I came in on.”

“He arrives in Maine around 6pm, and you have tonight off.” He watched her reaction, his eyes boring into hers a knowing smile forming on his lips.

“Me?” she gasped. “You want me to…to meet him?”

“Yes, and take him to his hotel.”

“But…”

“That’s settled then,” he smiled, pushing himself up from the desk to walk back around to his chair and sit down.

Sara sighed, her heart flipping inside her chest. She hadn’t seen or spoken to Grissom in three months and now she had to face him again? Swallowing the lump inside her throat, she stood up from her chair and walked over towards the door. “Did he say anything else? Does he know that I’ll be meeting him?”

“No, I didn’t tell him that part,” he grinned. “Think of how surprised he’ll be to see you.”

“Oh I very much doubt that,” she sighed sadly as she turned the handle to walk out of the door.

“Sara,” he called, causing her to face him. “You asked if he said anything else? It’s not what he said, it’s the way he said it.”

Sara watched him for a few moments and nodded slowly, understanding his remark more than anything else in her life. Grissom was coming here to see her and using work as the excuse he needed. With a heavy sigh, she walked out of the door and back towards the break room.

Back in Vegas, Nick and Warrick were in the locker room opening their independent lockers to pull out their jackets.

“So all he said was that he’d be away for a few days?” Nick asked quietly, keeping his voice low in his throat as he leaned in closer towards Warrick.

“Yeah that’s all.”

“Sounds kinda fishy if you ask me,” Nick told him with a smile. “I bet he’s…” His cell phone started ringing at his side and he broke off mid sentence and pulled out his phone to flip it open. “Stokes.”

Warrick pulled on his jacket, watching his friends face light up into a beaming smile. Stepping closer, he was about to tap his friend’s shoulder to let him know he was leaving, but Nick stopped him. “Honey Warrick’s here too, wanna say hello before he leaves?”

Holding out the phone to Warrick, he grinned, mouthing the word Sara before Warrick took the phone from him.

“Hey girl,” Warrick spoke, his soulful voice echoing around the locker room. “We miss you, when you coming home?” His smile widened as she said something in return, and laughed aloud with her. “Cool. Listen I have to go, I gotta be somewhere, but I’ll talk to you soon okay? Great, see ya.” Handing the phone back to Nick, he slapped his shoulder and smiled, his emotion shining clearly in his eyes. Nodding to his friend, he left the locker room in silence, leaving Nick to wonder what she had told him.

“Hey Sar it’s me again.” Keeping the phone to his ear, he started walking out of the small room and along the corridor.

“Where are you?” she asked, her voice still tingling with laughter.

“I’m going past Greg’s lab,” he grinned, “Wanna say hi?”

“Do I have to?” she whined playfully. “Okay, just tell him I said hi.”

“Okay,” he grinned. With the phone still next to his ear, he leaned in towards Greg’s doorway. “Greg Sara says hi.”

“Sara?” he gasped, jumping up from his chair to look around only to blush profusely when he realized she was on the phone. “Lemme say hi.”

Passing the phone over, Greg took it gratefully and grinned. “Sara, you okay? I miss you, I mean, we miss you.”

“Hi Greg. Yeah I miss you guys too.”

“Even me?” he drawled, his voice quivering as he spoke.

“I wouldn’t say that,” she laughed quietly only to replace it with a sigh. “Of course you too you dope.”

Greg handed the phone back to Nick, his smile reaching from ear to ear. “She misses me!”

Shaking his head, Nick headed off out of the door and smiled into the phone. “Okay now you’ve started something, Greg’s all misty eyed.”

“Really? I wish I was there to see that?”

“So, you okay?”

“Yeah…well no, not really. They…they asked me to stay.”

“You’re kidding me right?” His voice softened as he spoke, trying to stop the shaking inside his body. “What you gonna do?”

“I don’t know Nick,” she sighed, “has Grissom said anything about me? Mention me?”

“Only to ask if I’d heard from you.”

“Oh.”

“Sar what’s going on? You’re okay aren’t you?”

“Yeah I’m fine Nick. I’ve got to go now,” her voice ended on a sigh as she spoke. “Talk to you soon.”

“Okay honey,” he grinned. “You take care now you hear me?”

“I will, and you. Bye Nick.”

The phone went silent and Nick couldn’t help but fear the worst as he made his way over towards his car. Life without Sara? That’s something he didn’t even want to think about right now.

Sara stared into her phone, her heart aching as she closed her eyes briefly. In a few hours she would have to face Grissom, something that made her heart sing and shake in fear all at the same time. Her wounds were still raw, but she had managed to cope with his absence for all this time. Could she handle seeing him again so soon? Taking a deep breath, she tried to pull herself together, knowing that in just a few hours she would learn the answer for herself.

Grissom wandered around his town house shoving clothes into his bag. When the crime lab in Maine had called, asking him to help out with one of their cases he had said yes without hesitation. Now though, as he tried to control his tempestuous emotions, he realized that this was his only chance to make things right between himself and Sara.

The thought of seeing her again caused his whole body to ache with anticipation. He had longed to call her frequently, his fingers lingering over her speed dial button on his phone so many times. He had started to write dozens of letters, but each one had been screwed up and discarded, his courage leaving him before he had a chance to send it. He had missed her desperately; enough to know that she belonged here, with him. If only she would be able to forgive him for not accepting her love when she offered it to him. He had been a fool, a stupid fool.

The first week of her absence had torn his heart apart, everything a reminder to him at what he had let go. The second week was even harder, especially when he knew Nick spoke to her regularly and she hadn’t called him, once. One month turned into two, and he had started to count down the days until she would return to Las Vegas, and return to him. But a few days ago, the third month of her absence, he had received a devastating call that ripped his soul apart. They had asked her to stay. At that moment, everything merged into one powerful entity, stealing the very essence of him to leave him an empty shell of the man he used to be. He couldn’t let them take her from him, not when he had left things unresolved between them.

Picking up the book of sonnets that she had returned to him, he ran his fingers tenderly over the cover. He could almost feel her presence leaping out of the book to caress him, her smile warming his heart even now. Placing the book into his bag, he zipped it closed and looked around the room for anything else he might need to take with him on this momentous journey.

Chapter Fifteen

At 5pm, Sara looked down at her watch for the tenth time only to see that a minute had passed. Her whole body was tense and on high alert as she tried to figure out what she was going to say to Grissom when she saw him. Should she shake hands? No he didn’t like anything formal like that, she countered. Maybe she should take advantage of his surprise and give him a kiss on the cheek? ‘Yeah, like that was gonna happen anytime soon,’ she mused.

Closing her eyes with a groan, she leaned back against her seat and fought with everything she could to focus on something else, anything that would stop her heart from exploding with nervous tension. She had left him behind after all, she had made the ultimate sacrifice and given him everything he’d wanted. She’d given him back his life, everything exactly how he had it before she arrived, before he had ever known her. After all, she loved him enough to walk away, making her absence her final gift to him.

The last few months had been torture and she felt as if she had been put on trial, her loneliness being her sole punishment for falling in love with a man she couldn’t have. Was this his way of ensuring that her penance would be paid? Did she have to atone forever for her sins? Was he coming here to act as the judge and executioner to finally tear away the tiny strip of hope that she’d clung to in her desperation to keep her connection to him? Perhaps he wanted to finally see for himself that she had lost everything in her quest for his love.

The small space inside her car had started to become almost claustrophobic, it’s closing barriers incarcerating her inside a metal tomb. Pushing open the door, she climbed out into the warm evening air, gasping lungfulls of air into her tired body. A few days ago she had finally started to feel the tiniest piece of courage inside her to convince herself that she was going to survive this separation, but now, he was coming back into her life to reopen the old wounds that hadn’t had a chance to fully heal.

More and more she wished that Nick was here with her, he would know exactly what to say to her to keep her grounded. Thoughts of her friend manifested inside her mind, his presence there calming her nerves and giving her the courage she needed to do this.

Taking a deep breath, she looked over towards the airport with increasing anxiousness. Part of her held a nervous excitement to see him again, and the other half if her was dreading the encounter. She had no idea how he would react to seeing her, even if he would react at all.

Bringing herself up to her full height, she forced her courage to combat her fears, taking this forced air of confidence with her as she slowly began to walk towards the main entrance to the airport. Every step felt heavier than the last, as if one more step would lead her closer and closer to her own execution. The automatic doors parted for her, their phoney welcome only imposing more anguish onto her battered heart. Finally, she stepped over the threshold of sanity and walked blindly into the gates of torment, not knowing what punishment lay in wait for her this time.

Half an hour later, Sara sat on a seat inside the lounge and stared down at her hands. It seemed that every time she lifted her head she could see people staring at her. They all seemed to know what she had done, their pitying eyes unable to hide their sympathy. She felt raw, exposed to everyone. Standing up quickly, she could hardly hear the sounds around the airport over the thumping inside her heart. She wanted to run, she wanted to escape and hide away to stop the emptiness from spilling over to consume her completely.

Her body stiffened as the hairs on the back of her neck stood on end. She could feel him, her finely tuned senses homing in on his presence and she found herself slowly turning around to scan the crowd for him.

Grissom stilled, rooted to the spot as his eyes caught sight of her through the passing crowd of people that separated them. His heart lurched inside his chest as he took in her features. He had almost forgotten how beautiful she was, and now, when she looked over the sea of faces, searching for him, he knew she felt their connection too.

His eyes burned with unshed tears, his emotions finally unable to withstand the barriers around them any longer. With deliberate slowness, he started to walk towards her until her eyes suddenly found him, locking them together in a steady gaze.

Sara’s heart leapt inside her throat the second she saw him. His slow approach allowed her time to take in his handsome features, igniting the spark inside her that she had deigned to bury so long ago. Her eyes filled with burning tears until she could no longer fight the need to be close to him. Moving slowly, matching his unsteady pace, she began to move towards him.

Grissom’s eyes roamed her face when she came to stop before him, her gaze just as tremulous as his own.

“I…Sara,” he said softly, his voice dying on his lips as he longed to let his emotional rambling escape him and confess to her that he had missed her, but the fear in her eyes held him back.

“Grissom,” she whispered, her own body trembling as she spoke. “I…um…”

Grissom had never been a man to show his emotions, but he was very aware of how emotional he was right at this moment. He could see her fighting to control her tears, and right at this moment he couldn’t think of anything more than needing to hold her.

Dropping his bag at his feet, he stepped forward and pulled her into a tight embrace. For a brief moment, Sara stayed deadly still, her hands hung limply at her side. He had been here all of a minute and already had started to confuse her again, but she was still unable to allow these feelings to claim her once again only to consume her with sorrow, but he was holding her. Gil Grissom had his arms around her and she may never have this feeling again. Slowly, she raised her arms to embrace him, holding him with as much force as he did her.

Their bodies shook with desperation as they clung to each other for what seemed like an eternity, but the time for their brief encounter soon came to an end, and he felt her start to pull away from him slowly.

“It’s good to see you,” she whispered, the honesty in her eyes almost bringing him down to his knees.

“Sara…” was all he managed to say before she pulled back from him completely, placing distance between them.

“Andrew said you’re here to help day shift with a decomp,” she told him, her rambling words hiding the emotion that laid buried beneath. “Which hotel did he put you in?”

Grissom watched her, his stunned silence masking the anguish inside his heart. He hadn’t seen her for three months, three whole months, and she was treating their encounter, albeit brief, as fleeting as an empty greeting. For a moment, he just watched her mouth move, until he finally registered what was actually happening. Holding out a hand, he touched her bare arm and watched her voice die on her lips.

“It’s good to see you too,” he told her, his lips turning into a soft smile.

“Sorry,” she muttered quietly as a rosy flush crept it way up her face. “I talk too much, I know.”

“I’ve missed it,” he told her as he picked up his bag with one hand, while keeping his other against her skin.

Sara lifted her eyes to him, knowing that his words would be the closest that she would ever hear to him telling her that he’d missed her. As much as she wanted to believe that, part of her still held back, afraid to open herself up to more pain.

“Well I’m sure by the time you return to Vegas you’ll be glad to get away again.” Turning away from him, she dismissed the thumping inside her heart, and waited for him to follow her towards the exit.

Grissom followed numbly, unable to believe that this was the same Sara he had known for so many years. Maybe he had just gotten used to her automatically falling for his charms, and her refusal to succumb now was his punishment for his betrayal. As he followed her, he focused on her bare shoulders and felt his pulse rate rise up another few notches.

“So, how are they treating you here?” he asked, starting a conversation to combat the painful silence that had surrounded them.

Sara turned quickly, watching him warily for a few moments before answering. “Great,” she breathed, “they’re great.”

“Oh,” he sighed, nodding quietly as he walked beside her.

“How’s Jared doing?” she asked quickly, cursing herself for cracking and giving into the temptation to need to hear his voice.

“Oh, he’s okay. Not like you, but yeah, he’s doing good.”

Sara looked towards her stationary car and held her hand up towards it. “Uh…here we are.”

They both stopped beside the vehicle, both lost in conversations that had bound them together so long ago. Grissom could feel the tension rising inside his body, had he left it too late? After all that had passed between them, was he so easy to forget? Her final letter to him flashed into his mind, the words ‘I never wanted you to hate me so much, but whatever I did to hurt you, I am sorry.’ And then suddenly everything fell into place like the final piece of the puzzle creating a clear picture before him.

As she unlocked the doors and pulled the passenger door open for him, he knew what he had to do to regain her trust and repair the damage that he alone had inflicted upon her. Reaching out a hand to her arm. He stopped her before she could retreat from him. “If I tell you how sorry I am will it make a difference?”

Sara watched him in surprise, catching the honesty in his eyes. For the briefest of moments he actually reminded her of the Grissom she used to know so long ago and felt her heart melt just a little bit more. Unshed tears stung her eyes as she smiled softly. “I think it would.”

“Then I am sorry Sara,” he told her sincerely. “I never meant to hurt you.”

Sara pulled away from him quickly, desperately needing to end this conversation before it had a chance to begin. She wasn’t ready to hear this now. Maybe she never would be. “Thanks,” she told him simply, knowing him well enough to know that this would be enough for him right now.

Nodding quietly, Grissom threw his bag onto the back seat and climbed into the passenger side of the car and waited for her to join him.

When she climbed in next to him, he waited for her to say something, but when she sat so still, silence surrounding her, he felt compelled to speak.

“Are you scheduled to work tonight?”

Sara almost choked on the breath she sucked in as she turned to him. “Um, no.”

“I should go to the lab and introduce myself, maybe you’d like to come with me?”

“I…” she tightened her hands on the steering wheel, gripping it with tense fingers. Her heart was thudding painfully inside her chest as she tried to fight her feelings, but she found herself turning to him and nodding her assent. With a slight tremor in her voice, she tried to smile in reassurance. “Where are you staying?”

“Oh,” he whispered, shaking himself out of his trance to delve into his breast pocket to pull out a piece of paper with an address on it. Leaning closer to her, he held the paper out to her, his body jolting as her fingers brushed against his when she retrieved the offered address.

Sara looked down at the address, trying to focus on the words instead of the heat rising inside her body. There was no escaping him anymore, she knew that now. He had a deepening effect on her that would never go away, and that was something she would have to live with.

Turning to him slowly, she focused on his eyes and smiled softly. “I know where this is. We’ll settle you in and then I’ll take you to the lab. Okay?”

Unable to control his actions any longer, Grissom found his hand reaching up to trace her face, his fingers lingering over her soft skin as he watched her eyes close with his touch. Her reaction caused his heart to flutter out of control and into the realms of joyous celebration. Whatever they had once had between them was still there, and knowing that all was not lost lit his heart with fire. “Okay,” he whispered softly, allowing his fingers to slide from her face down to her arm, until he broke their heavenly contact.

Opening her eyes, Sara started the car and offered him another shy smile, before driving them out of the car park and towards his hotel.

Chapter Sixteen

The drive to his hotel was made in relative silence, only Grissom breaking it every now and then to keep her talking. She knew what he was trying to do, and part of her was bathing in joyous revelations, but the other part of her, the part that couldn’t get past the hurt and rejection, wouldn’t let her make the same mistakes again.

Turning down a street that led to his hotel, Sara kept her eyes on the road as she spoke, unwilling to let him see the confusion in her eyes. “I have to get some sleep. Why don’t you book in and then if you still want, I can drop you off at the lab.”

Grissom turned to her, his heart thudding painfully in his chest as he realized that somewhere along this journey she had used their silence to rethink everything she had only moments ago agreed to. His body protested with the strain upon him, and he knew he should have expected this. He had said and done things that were unforgivable, he couldn’t even forgive himself, so how could he expect her to? With an understanding nod, he tried to calm his voice as he spoke to her, keeping his tone soft. “Of course. If you want to go home to sleep I can make my own way to the lab.”

She cast him a quick glance and swallowed hard. “Don’t you want me to come with you?”

“I thought you were tired.”

Realizing what she had said, she shook herself out of the stumbling block that seemed to constantly keep her tripping over her own words. “What I meant was, don’t you want me to take you?”

“Oh,” he nodded, smiling inwardly as he longed to answer her first question but bit his tongue quickly before he could. The impulse to touch her was becoming almost impossible to resist and he found his hands reach out to her arm once again. He could feel her skin prickle into goose bumps beneath his touch and he knew she still had the same reactions to him. She had such a power over him too, and fighting her seemed to be the last thing on his mind right now. “I would,” he smiled, answering her question softly. “But only if you are not too tired. You have been working all night.”

Spotting his hotel, she decided not to answer his question, fearing that her voice would catch in her throat and he would know how she was still unsure of herself. Driving slowly along the road, Sara pulled up outside of his hotel and stopped the car. “I’ll wait here for you while you’re checking in,” she told him, his presence and his touch infiltrating her senses and causing havoc with her pulse rate.

“Sara, come inside with me, this may take a while.”

“I’m okay,” she told him quickly, biting down the aching words that wanted to pour from somewhere deep inside her heart. She chanced a look in his direction only to be caught in his deep blue depths and found herself increasingly drawn to him.

“Sara,” he insisted, his voice coming out as a sigh as he tried to convince her that he wasn’t here to hurt her. “Please come inside with me, at least until I have put my bag into my room.”

Sara was lost, her emotions holding her to ransom as her heart continued to argue profusely with her mind. The time when she had used to trust him completely had all but gone, his bluntness shattering her soul into thousands of tiny pieces. She may never be able to trust him with her heart again, but maybe she should try and open up what little trust she still clung to where he was concerned. Nodding slowly, she watched as his eyes melted into relief and waited until he had pushed open the car door and climbed out. Only then did she allow herself to breathe.

 Turning off the engine, she opened her own door and tried to control her racing heart. He was only here to talk her out of staying, that’s all. He needed to convince her enough that she was needed in Las Vegas, she knew that. There were no personal reasons for him to be here, he didn’t want her and he certainly didn’t care about her anymore. But as she turned to face him and caught the burning desire in his eyes when he looked at her, she found herself fighting to hold onto those negative beliefs. As long as she didn’t succumb to him and fall in love with him even more than she already had, then she could survive this encounter.

Grissom could see the war that raged inside of her and he cursed himself again for doing this to her. There was once a time when he could look into her eyes and know instantly what she was thinking. And many times more when he could feel her presence without seeing her. He wished more than ever that he could turn back the clock and erase the last few months. Go back to where they began where there was no Hank, no Lady Heather and no regrets. Given the chance over, he would have accepted her dinner invitation, he would have lowered his defences and let her explore her promise of keeping his heart safe. She was already deeper inside him than any other woman had ever been.

He watched her silently as he waited for her to step up beside him, his own feelings battering down his walls, causing them to crumble and fall. As she stepped up beside him, close enough to feel her body heat, only then did he allow his heart to beat again.

“You okay?” he asked quietly when she started to walk beside him.

She turned to him briefly only to look away again a second later. “Yeah,” she lied. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I…I’m…I just wanted to make sure that’s all,” he told her carefully as he pushed open the door to the hotel and stepped inside to hold it open for her.

Sara had vowed to herself that she wouldn’t fall for this again, that his presence and his closeness would no longer have the effect over her that they once had, but as she brushed against him while he held open the door for her, she couldn’t help but feel the spark of love ignite inside her once again.

Grissom too had felt it, the unmistakable heat that started in the pit of his stomach to reach every part of his body. She was everywhere, her presence, her essence, she possessed him with a power that he longed to succumb to. Steadying his breathing, he moved to stand beside her at the front desk where a young woman was watching them.

“Hi I’m Gil Grissom, I have a reservation.”

The woman started tapping the keys on her keyboard and looked up towards him and then Sara. Instantly picking up on a problem, Sara stepped closer to the desk, standing against Grissom’s shoulder as she leaned closer towards the desk. “Is there a problem?”

“I’m sorry, but we only have a reservation for one.” Looking up at Grissom, the woman watched as his confusion suddenly started to melt away.

“Oh…Um” he started, his voice catching as he tried to swallow down the heat burning over his face.

Stepping closer, Sara saved him from embarrassment as she smiled acidly at the woman. “He’s on his own. I’m just waiting for him.”

“Oh,” she said brightly, sitting forward as she offered him a bright smile. “Well in that case Mr. Grissom, here’s your key.” Turning around, the young woman picked up a lone key and passed it over towards him, her fingers catching his hand gently as she smiled.

Sara hasn’t missed the interaction, and suddenly moved forward to pull Grissom by the arm. “Why don’t you go up and put your things in your room and I’ll wait here for you?”

Grissom seemed unaware of the silent exchange that crackled between the two women, their eyes locked in secret deliberations. Looking back at Sara, he touched her arm quickly to break her eye contact with the other woman. “I’ll be two minutes okay?”

Usually Sara would just nod briefly and just wait for him, but this time she smiled warmly. “Okay.”

Grissom nodded, his own smile lingering over his face as he watched her curiously. Then suddenly his confusion drifted away like the sun peeking out from behind the clouds, and he finally understood what was actually going on. Something inside him snapped, and he decided to use this moment to his advantage. Leaning closer to Sara, he took hold of her hand, ignoring her sudden intake of breath. “Honey why don’t you come up with me for a few minutes?”

Sara’s eyes snapped up to his, quickly coming to her senses as his smile reached through the fog that had encased her in sudden possessiveness. She knew she should pull away from him, but his touch was intoxicating. The heat from his hand seeped into her skin and she could feel his touch spreading warmth throughout her body. As he pulled on her hand, she followed slowly, shock still keeping her joined to him.

When they walked through the double doors that led to the corridor towards the hotel rooms, he still hadn’t released her hand and she had made no attempt to remove it either. Both seemed silently content to bask in each other, their lingering closeness healing some tiny part of the past.

Sara was fighting with everything she had inside her. After all of her sacrifices, after every single one of her self promises, she had still succeeded to ignore each and every one. Now as Grissom released her hand as they reached his hotel door, she came to her senses and shoved both of her hands in her pockets. He had already breached her armoured defences without having to work hard to do so. Stepping back, she focussed on the patterned carpet that lined the floor, anything to regain some of the composure she’d had before he came here.

“You coming inside?” His voice broke through her inner musings, causing her to snap her head up to see a warm smile on his lips.

“Sorry?” she asked quietly, a little nervous that he could still render her into a jibbering wreck.

“I asked if you were going to come inside.” His smile lingered over his lips as he watched her curiously before gesturing with his hands towards the open door.

“Uh…” Her heart rate doubled when she realized he was gazing at her with an odd expression in his eyes. “I’ll wait here.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. I mean, maybe another time when you don’t have to go to the lab. Um…sorry.” She dropped her eyes from his and looked back down towards the floor again. This was embarrassing enough without her falling apart now.

Grissom’s whole body was aching. He could see how she was still, even now backing away from him and who could blame her? He missed the old days when they used to be so close that they could hear each others thoughts. He wanted those days back, if only she would let him make it up to her. Making an instant decision, he closed the distance between them and encircled her arm in his hand and gently pulled her towards him.

Her head snapped up, fully intending to fight him, but the second she met his eyes she lost all the power that had held her strength. “Grissom,” she whispered worriedly, trying to keep herself grounded. “I’ll stay here, it’s okay really.” Pulling her arm from his grasp, she shifted back against the wall and watched as the hurt flashed across his eyes. “You’ll only be a couple of minutes right? You might want to change or something and…”

“Sara,” he whispered softly as he once again reached for her arm.

“…You like your privacy, I know that. I’ll…” Her voice broke off suddenly when she felt his fingers once again tenderly reach out for her again.

“Please come inside for a few minutes. I promise all I am going to do is throw a different shirt on and then I’ll be ready to go to the lab with you.” He could see her resolve starting to slowly melt away as she slowly stepped a little closer towards him.

“Two minutes?” She asked in reassurance.

“Yes, I promise.”

“Okay,” she sighed, silently cursing her treacherous emotions for abandoning her when she most needed the strength. Following him inside the room, she kept her eyes diverted from the single bed that stood out in the centre of the room, and turned away from him completely when he started to rifle through his bag for a clean shirt. Going over towards the window, she gazed outside into the evening sky to count the few twinkling stars that had suddenly appeared in the atmosphere.

The bathroom door closed and she finally let out the breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. Yesterday she had been in control of her emotions. Yesterday she had been content with trying to live her life and get by without feeling anything. Today, she had been thrust into the lions den, immersed in feelings that she hadn’t yet come to terms with, and now she was back to square one, totally confused and fighting to breathe. Gil Grissom was a force to be reckoned with, and she knew that where he was concerned she had a weakness, and he knew it.

The bathroom door opened again and she found herself compelled to turn around and face him. He looked up at her as she turned, his lingering smile causing her heart to flip and do summersaults inside her chest.

The shirt he had changed into was his midnight blue one, her personal favourite. If she had been a betting woman, she would have been sure that he wore that one just for her. Taking a deep breath, she forced her emotions down inside her chest and walked back over towards the door to wait for him.

“I’m about ready,” he told her, sensing her need to escape the confines of this small room.

“Okay,” she muttered, pulling open the door as quickly as she could to step outside into the hallway again.

As he locked the door, Grissom could almost feel her eyes boring into the back of him, and as much as he tried to stop it, he could still feel her lingering touch from only a few minutes ago. Turning around to face her, he watched her cautiously before stepping closer towards her. “I’m ready if you are.”

“Great,” she whispered, gazing up into his eyes, mesmerized by the rising emotion she could see in his deep blue depths. His ability to render her powerless had always scared her, but this terrified her. Stepping back quickly, she swallowed the lump rising in her throat and drew in a shaky breath. “We should go.”

Nodding reluctantly, he watched her turn away from him and quickly started to follow her down the corridor.

The woman behind the desk looked up as first Sara and then Grissom walked towards the main doors. Grissom turned around quickly and nodded to her, offering her a courteous smile before following Sara out of the doors and over towards her waiting car. He had four days here and he would not let them go to waste. If he had to change everything to be with her then that is what he was prepared to do. Climbing into the car beside her, he made a silent vow to himself that this was the moment in his life when he knew for the first time just exactly what he needed to do. Looking towards her, he returned her offered smile, and sat back in his seat as she started the car and drove them towards the lab.

Chapter Seventeen

They entered the lab side by side, their shoulders bumping occasionally as they walked. Grissom watched her silently, his mind overcome with regrets. He had wasted so much time when he could have been close to her. Sara had offered him a heavenly opportunity to embrace a better life and he had turned his back on her and walked away.

These last three months without her had been almost unbearable. At first he had managed to fool everyone into thinking that her absence had not worried him, but as the days wore on and he became more reclusive, he started to fear that his colleagues would see right through his façade

.

“You okay?” Sara asked suddenly, breaking him out of his reverie.

Looking down at her he tried to hide the emotion that had managed to creep its way up into his eyes. After everything he had put her through, she still had the capacity to forgive him. That in itself only endeared him to her more. “I’m fine.”

Sara watched his eyes soften as he spoke and found herself mesmerized by him. He had always had the power to command her affections, and even after all these months apart, he still held her captive. He still managed to cause her heart to beat faster whenever he deemed her worthy of a smile, and she realized a long time ago that she was tired of fighting him. If anything, these months apart had only increased her love for him, but it wouldn’t do her any good, she knew that, but she couldn’t seem to let him go.

Swallowing down the growing sorrow, she guided him towards a small room that had a large table and six chairs in the middle of it. As she entered, she turned slowly to realize that he wasn’t following her and looked over at him worriedly. His eyes were looking around the small room from the doorway to slowly fall back to hers again. His sadness caused her to catch her breath and she was suddenly fraught with the urgent desire to hold him. Stepping closer to him, she pulled him by the arm to guide him into the room. Her touch seemed to bring him closer and he found himself willingly following.

 “The coffee pot is over there,” she told him, pointing towards a set of cupboards. “I’ll go and see if Andrew’s here.”

“Andrew?” he asked quietly, his body still aching for her touch.

“Yeah my supervisor, Andrew Dale.” Turning back towards the door she looked back at him briefly as she forced a nervous smile to her lips. “Make mine sweet.”

“Huh?” he asked quickly as he tried to find something to say to her that wouldn’t scare her away..

“My coffee,” she told him quietly as she backed towards the door. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“Oh,” he nodded, his own smile dying on his lips as he watched her walk away from him. Maybe it was the change of scenery that had lifted his hope a notch, or maybe it was seeing Sara again. Hs money was on the latter of the two. He had missed her so much and seeing her now had only increased the growing love he harboured for her, yet still he felt incapable of controlling his tempestuous emotions. Everything he tried she shied away from, but he wasn’t giving up on her, ever.

He turned from her retreating form to take another look around the room. It was much like their lab back in Vegas except this one was smaller. Turning towards the counter, he picked up two mugs that were upturned on a tray and set them up the right way. This didn’t feel right, none of this did. Sara should be in Vegas where she belonged, not hundreds of miles away. Closing his eyes briefly, he tried to calm his shuddered breaths bringing them somewhere near normal.

“Dr. Grissom,” a cheerful voice chirped from the doorway, causing him to turn around to see an older man a little in front of Sara. Coming further into the room he held out a hand. “Andrew Dale, it’s good to finally meet you. Sara here speaks very highly of you.”

At his side, Sara looked away as the slow blush crept up over her cheeks giving her a rosy glow. This was far more information than she had wanted Grissom to know, so she decided to let the comment pass. “Who wants coffee?”

Grissom watched Sara with a mixture of love and pride, a look that didn’t go unnoticed by the other man who stood in the room with them. His eyes lingered over her body for a few seconds more before returning his attention back to Sara’s boss. “Thank you,” he nodded. “I understand from the sparse details that you faxed to me that you needed my help with some beetles.”

“Yeah,” Andrew nodded, taking the offered mug from Sara as he pulled a chair out to sit down. His eyes met the young brunette’s with a smile, silently thanking her.

She held another mug of coffee out to Grissom, motioning for him to sit down before she took the seat next to him, close yet not enough to touch him. Her eyes lingered over his face as he smiled at her and for a moment she couldn’t seem to turn away.

“I thought you needed to sleep,” Grissom said softly, nudging her arm lightly.

“Me? Sleep?” she asked quietly, leaning into him unconsciously. “I will when I take you back to your hotel.”

“Sara…”

“I’m off tonight, I’ll sleep then,” she told him firmly indicating that she wasn’t going to argue.

Admitting defeat, Grissom couldn’t keep the smile from lingering over his lips as he turned to the other man across the table. “I’d watch out for this one,” he smiled, directing his comment to the other man while his eyes lingered over the woman beside. “She’d work a double shift and still be able to survive on very little sleep.”

“I’m fine,” she told them both defiantly, her eyes sparking with annoyance as she unconsciously moved away from Grissom.

For a few moments both Sara and Grissom lost themselves in an uncomfortable silence, the light banter that had brought them so close together in the past all but lost to them. In some ways the distance from Vegas and the lack of protocol here had somehow eased an enormous amount of tension away and Grissom could feel the emptiness lifting, little by little until he couldn’t remember why he should be fighting her. Venturing a brief look into her eyes, he caught her looking at him only for her to avert her gaze and look down into her hands. With a heavy sigh, Grissom turned back towards the other man, noticing instantly the curiosity in his eyes.

“So,” he said quickly as he sat up straighter and cleared his throat. “What kind of beetles?”

Sara’s cell phone started ringing suddenly and she reached down to retrieve it from her belt. Looking up apologetically, she nodded to both men as she stood up. Looking down at the screen she saw Nick’s name light up and smiled brightly. “Grissom page me when you want to leave okay?” Glancing towards the other man she offered him a bright smile. “I’ll see you later.”

“Okay,” Andrew told her, instantly returning her warm smile.

 Grissom just nodded silently, his mind screaming out to him that he should have done something about this a long time ago instead of running away. He watched her, slightly miffed as she walked towards the door, watching as she put the phone to her ear.

“Hey sweetie what’ya doing up at this hour?” Her laughter filled the room before she left it completely to leave Grissom gulp down the growing fear inside his chest.

“Her brother I think,” Andrew offered gently, his own knowing smile forming on his lips as he watched Grissom’s face pale considerably.

“Yeah,” Grissom nodded, hoping that she hadn’t moved on and left him behind, even though he knew he deserved everything she threw his way.

“From what I gather,” Andrew pushed, “she’s at least thinking about staying on here…”

Pushing the fear away, Grissom sat up a little straighter as he fought to control his racing heart beat. “So,” he continued, pretending that Sara had no effect on him at all. “These beetles…”

*****

A short time later, Sara sat in the small locker room smiling at something that Nick had just told her. Catching a glimpse of Grissom and Andrew in the corridor, she lowered her voice slightly. “Sweetie I gotta go, say hi to everyone for me okay?”

“What got some hot date you’ve got to get to?”

“Oh yeah sure,” she laughed, “of course, you’re talking to Sara Sidle here, the take out queen.”

Nick erupted into laughter at the other end which only caused her to plaster a huge smile on her face. Grissom heard her unmistakable laughter and stepped closer to the door, nodding silently to Andrew as he went back to his office. Leaning against the doorframe he watched her quietly. He was torn between waiting outside, wanting to give her some privacy but at the same time wanting to be sure she didn’t have someone else who had captured her heart.

“I miss you honey, you take care.”

“Awww, you going soft on me?” she laughed, only to soften her voice as she closed her eyes. “I miss you too. Give the guys my love?”

“Count on it. I’ll call you in a few days, oh and I better go before Greg realizes it’s you I’m talking to and harasses you!”

“Oh my hero,” she beamed. “Okay go now before Greg gets the phone. Talk to you soon okay?”

Sudden relief flooded Grissom’s heart as he realized whom she was talking to, and he started to relax as he watched her, keeping a safe distance away.

“Sure will, bye sugar.”

“Bye Nick,” she smiled, pulling the phone from her ear. Snapping it closed, she stood up and offered Grissom a small smile. “You ready to go?”

“Um yeah,” he nodded, “you sure you’re okay with this? I can call a taxi.”

“Grissom of course I’m okay with this,” she told him as she pulled open her locker to retrieve some letters from inside.

From his place in the doorway Grissom could see clearly the photo she had taped to the inside of her door. His heart sank when he recognized the two men in the photo with their arms wrapped around her. Sara watched as the sadness rose up into his eyes and found herself following his gaze. She turned to see the cause of his distraction and smiled softly as she let her eyes fall over the two men in the photo. “That was two years ago,” she mused, “my second Christmas in Vegas.”

Stepping closer, he came to stand behind her to take a closer look. “That was the same Christmas that Greg chased you around all night with that sprig of mistletoe,” he smiled, nodding at the memory.

“Yeah,” she sighed, her sadness reaching into her voice as she remembered that year. Her memories flooded back to the past when Greg had finally cornered her with his damn mistletoe. He’d almost succeeded in kissing her until Grissom had appeared and pulled him away from her. Back then she had thought that there was some unspoken commitment between them, but soon discovered that thinking and actually feeling were entirely two different things. Closing her door with a slam, she turned around to face him. “I’m ready.”

Grissom watched her carefully. He could see the sheen of tears that had built up inside her eyes, the welling pools aching to escape. Stepping closer, he took a deep breath before he spoke. “I remember the dress you wore that night, you had all the guys falling at your feet.” Moving a little closer he continued softly, “I remember how I couldn’t take my eyes off of you when you walked into the room, and I regret to this very day that I didn’t ask you out.”

Sara’s head snapped up in shock, had he really just said those words to her? A tear escaped from her eyes to run a wet track down her cheek, why did he have to come here and stir up old wounds that hadn’t even healed. When she suddenly realized that he was coming closer, she started to panic and backed away until one of his hands reached out to tentatively touch her face. Sara seemed rooted to the spot, unable to back away. Moving closer, his other hand joined in with the first as he carefully cradled her face in the palm of his hands and brushed the tear away with his thumb.

“Grissom,” she started, her voice cracking beneath the strain of her heart.

“Shh,” he told her gently, “I have a lot to apologize for Sara, if you’ll let me.”

His touch was causing her body to react in ways she had only ever experienced in dreams. He was intoxicating, like a drug that coursed through her body to render her powerless against him. Sudden flashes of pain passed through her mind to bring the remnant rejection that haunted her heart. Lifting her hands up to his, she encased his fingers and slowly pulled his hands from her face. Stepping backwards, she released his hands to let them fall to his sides and for a moment he thought he had lost her completely, until she made to move past him. “Let’s get out of here.”

He followed blindly, thanking whomever in the heavens for giving him this chance to make things right between them. Quickening his pace, he caught up with her, matching her strides.

As the approached the exit, two men came in through the door before they reached it. “Sara,” one of them beamed as he reached out to squeeze her shoulder. “I thought you were off tonight.”

“I am, I was just showing my…” her voice trailed off as she thought of a word to describe the man beside her. “…Old boss around.”

The other man looked over to Grissom and then cast Sara a sympathetic smile. Leaning towards his colleague he nudged him in the arm. “Mason leave the poor woman alone will ya.”

Mason flashed him an angry glare then dropped his hand from her arm to wink at her. “Sorry about him, he’s cranky.”

“Hey, I’m Mason Patterson.” He smiled, directing his gaze towards the older man and held out his hand all the while watching for Sara’s reaction.

Grissom shook the offered hand, “Gil Grissom.”

“Get outta here,” Mason grinned, dropping Grissom’s hand to nudge Sara’s arm. “Sara’s Grissom?”

“He’s not mine,” she told him haughtily, her face flushing slightly as she looked away.

Stepping closer, Treyson steered Mason away from her and motioned for him to leave her alone. Holding up a hand to Grissom, he offered him a smile. “Treyson Barret.”

“Hello,” Grissom nodded as he shook his hand.

“Good to finally meet you,” Treyson smiled, “listen ignore Mason, he has a tendency to rub everyone up the wrong way.”

“We have to go Trey,” Sara interrupted before Grissom could respond. Stepping away from him she leaned over to embrace the younger man. “Thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Grissom watched the brief embrace with a mixture of jealousy and fear. Sara had made new friends here and maybe he wasn’t doing the right thing by coming here. Sudden sadness leapt up once more to engulf him, but Sara’s brief touch on his arm caused him to hold onto his hope as she guided him towards the exit, “Come on, let’s go.”

Letting her touch entice him outside into the warm evening air, he clung to the far distant optimism that he still held some tiny part of her heart. Even if it meant her never coming back to Vegas, he needed her to know that he was willing to sacrifice everything for her; he just had to figure out a way to tell her.

Chapter Eighteen

The drive back to the hotel was made in virtual silence, both of them uncomfortable with the situation they had found themselves in. Sara’s knuckles were white with tension as she gripped the steering wheel so hard. His touch in the locker room had sent shards of passion to ignite something inside of her, but she was still hiding behind a wall of fear, one which he alone had created.

“Sara…” he started, his voice breaking the silence. He swallowed hard as he fought to find something to say, anything that would break the thick atmosphere around them. “I’m sorry if I pushed you. I never wanted to hurt you.”

His words caused her heart to surge inside her chest and she fought for control as she pulled up outside of his hotel. Looking out of the window, she tried to find a tiny piece of hope to cling to before she turned around to face him. “You didn’t push.”

“What?” he asked quickly, his eyes snapping to hers as she regarded him with her dark eyes

“I said you didn’t push me Grissom.” Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes briefly before she could trust her voice again. When she finally met his worried gaze she felt another piece of ice melt away from her heart. “I don’t know what to feel anymore. I don’t know if I even know how.”

Grissom’s guilt leapt up to grip an icy hand around his heart and he become acutely  conscious with sudden clarity that he had broken her spirit and left her a mere shell of who she was. This painful realization surged through his senses to wash a veil of pain to his eyes. “I know you must hate me,” he whispered painfully, his words aching with remorse.

The pain in his voice brought tears to Sara’s eyes and she fought with her own emotions that endeavoured to claim her, but she blinked them away. He had hurt her, yes. He had caused her more pain than any other man had ever inflicted upon her, but he had also given her so much more. Now, as she turned to him slowly she could see how much his actions were haunting him, and something broke inside her.

Her hand trembled as she reached for his own that rested on his thigh. He was dangerous, she knew that, but at the same time she had never loved any man in the way she loved him. He’d come all the way out here and maybe deep down inside he felt something for her too.

When her hand touched his, his eyes snapped to hers, their emotion causing her to take a breath. He was battling with his own demons and the liquid emotion in his eyes only made her love him more. She tightened her fingers, squeezing his hand in a gesture that she hoped would indicate that he still held her heart, no matter how many times he had broken it.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, his voice shaking under the intense emotions that were coursing through his body. “If I could change it all, I would. I really would.”

Sara’s whole body shook as her pooling tears welled up in her eyes. She wanted so much to believe him. But this was too much too soon, he had only been here a few hours and already he was causing her to falter and surrender to him. She couldn’t do it, not yet.

Giving his hand one final squeeze, she let him go to pull away from him. “I don’t hate you,” she whispered, her voice so soft he almost didn’t hear her. She gave him not time to respond, her tone so soft as she broke through the haze as she spoke again. “What time are you going in tomorrow?”

“I can suit myself,” he told her softly, his whole body aching in defeat. “There’s no time scale,” he whispered sadly, her separation causing his body to shake.

“Then,” she started, her own voice unsteady as she fought to control her raging emotions. “Do you want to have dinner…” her voice faltered and she took a breath to steady her nerves. “Some time… I mean.” Swallowing hard she added, “…with me?”

He looked at her with hopeful surprise in his eyes and reached out to wipe a single tear away from her cheek. “I would love to,” he whispered.

For a few seconds Sara stared at him, her mind reeling with his answer. Part of her had expected another rejection, but his answer had all but set her senses ablaze.

“When?” he asked quickly before she took back her invitation.

“When what?” she asked softly, her eyes still dazed as if the last few minutes had been a blissful dream.

“Dinner,” he smiled, his own heart racing as he realized that he had just fallen in love with her all over again. He watched her in total adoration, her dark brown eyes slowly comprehending the situation and a small blush started to rise up into her cheeks.

“Oh,” she smiled shyly, averting her eyes until she could trust herself to look at him. Everything about this encounter seemed to be dreamlike, throwing her off balance and into total confusion.

“Sara?” he asked softly as he fought with the urge to reach for her again. “It doesn’t have to be here…if that’s not what you want.”

“Huh?” she asked quietly, lifting her eyes to his to capture his sadness in her gaze. With sudden understanding she sat up a little straighter in her seat and moved to comb her fingers nervously through her hair. “I…” she muttered, her voice faltering as she tried to gather her courage together to face him. Lowering her hands, she turned to him and watched him carefully. “When do you want to go?”

Grissom was taken by surprise by her answer and knew that the ball was firmly back in his court. His mouth suddenly felt very dry and he couldn’t shake the nervous tension that surrounded him. “Tomorrow?”

She stared at him in a daze, her eyes focussing on his mouth as she waited for him to say something else. When it became apparent that he wouldn’t, she snatched her eyes away, causing herself to jump back into reality and she heard herself answering before she had a time to think. “Okay.”

“Okay,” Grissom nodded, his voice filtering out with a sigh of relief. “Are you working tomorrow?”

To anyone else this conversation might appear bizarre. The sight of two people who had known each other for many years, were now dancing around each other like nervous teenagers on a first date. Sara shook herself out of her daze and tried to smile, unsure if she had made the right choice. Tomorrow was a long way away, and it gave her enough time to cancel if she couldn’t go through with it. His question from a few moments ago still hung in the air and she had to fight through the fog in her brain to remember the answer.

“Yes,” she told him, her voice causing him to jump when she broke the silence. His tentative smile brought a bright one of her own to her lips, and she couldn’t help but find the situation so incredibly cute, not to mention the most intimate they had ever been with each other. This moment between them may not have meant a lot to someone else, but to her, it was beautiful.

“Are there many places to eat?” he asked quietly, unsure of himself under her scrutinizing gaze.

“Um…” she thought for a moment, but she couldn’t think of anywhere, except one place. “I could cook,” she suggested softly, her voice shaking with anticipation.

His eyes met hers and answered with their own endearing gaze. Smiling, he nodded slowly, hoping that she understood how much he wanted to be with her. Her movements jarred his senses and he watched her as she leaned across him to the glove box, only to stop suddenly as a thought struck her. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow,” she told him quickly before she could change her mind. “6.30 okay?”

“Fine,” he nodded, his heart leaping up into his throat when she smiled.

“Okay,” she nodded, her voice shaking nervously as she watched him reach for the door handle.

“I’ll…see you tomorrow,” he told her as he tried to bite down his own nervous butterflies that occupied his stomach.

“Tomorrow,” she smiled, nodding earnestly as he exited the car slowly. Her eyes stayed with him while he closed the car door and poked his head down to the window to offer her a parting nod, and then he turned away. Sara couldn’t seem to tear her eyes from him, watching entranced until he disappeared into the hotel foyer.

With a heavy sigh, she started the engine and silently berated herself for losing what little control she had over her turbulent emotions. Once again he had enticed feelings inside her that she had tried to bury so deep so they could never be found, but he had unearthed them with a simple smile. Taking one last longing glance behind her towards the hotel doors, she sighed heavily before turning back to the road and drove away.

Chapter Nineteen

Sara couldn’t sleep. Silent memories washed over her mind to occupy her every thought. Images of happier times bombarded her, bringing a wave of melancholy sadness along with them. She had left Las Vegas to escape the desolation, and the meagre existence that her life had become. She had always known that banishing Gil Grissom from her heart completely would be an almost impossible task, but she’d thought that in time she might have succeeded in combating her desires. As the months past, she began to feel the pain ease a little more allowing her to breathe, until yesterday when he had returned to her life bringing chaos in his wake.

His presence had filled her with a sense of dread, her defensive walls instantly snapping up around her in emotional protection. But instead of causing her pain like she had expected, he had turned her whole world upside down once more with his words of regret, leaving her bathing in confusion.

Rolling onto her side, she looked over at the bedside clock to read the red LCD display. For a few seconds she tried to focus on the numbers, her eyes protesting as she moved closer to read 2.30 a.m. With a heavy sigh she rolled back onto her the pillows and cursed herself for not sleeping, but sleep had never been something that came easy to her.

Grissom’s face drifted into her thoughts again, his constant presence bringing a wave of love and fear to her heart. She wanted to believe him so badly when he’d told her he was sorry for hurting her, but not everything could be erased or forgotten so easily. He’d still hurt her incessantly; ignoring her anguish when others like Nick had quite clearly seen her turmoil. How could he insist on moving forward when she was still trapped in the past?

Sara could feel the heavy lumber of her emotions once again stinging in her eyes, making her painfully aware that no matter which way she tried to turn, all paths would eventually lead back to Grissom. She had moved hundreds of miles away to escape him only to find that he occupied her thoughts even more. Throwing back the duvet she swung her legs over the side of the mattress and sat up. Sleep would elude her once again tonight, which in some aspects was a blessing because she knew that he would haunt her slumber as well.

Moving towards the bedroom door, she padded bare foot out into the kitchen and clicked on the under cabinet lights, their soft glow instantly flooding the small room. When she had first moved in here three months ago, she’d instantly felt at home. She had thought that she would feel uncomfortable living in someone else’s house, but by all accounts the apartment was ideal. Reaching over to the kettle, she clicked it on before reaching for a mug.

As she busied herself with preparing some coffee, she failed to hear the soft knock on her door. It was only when it sounded again, only this time a little louder, that she heard it. For a few moments she contemplated on leaving her disruptive visitor on the doorstep, but the louder the knock sounded the more insistent it became.

“God, I don’t believe this,” she muttered as she walked over towards the door to look out of the spy hole.

“Sara, it’s me. I need to talk to you.”

For a split second Sara froze unable to unscramble the conflicting emotions inside her heart. The object of both her desire and fear was outside of her door imploring her to open the door. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes to steady her nerves before unbolting the door to pull it open slightly. Standing back, she opened it silently and waited for him to come inside.

The moment Grissom stepped into her apartment; he was drawn to the soft glowing lights that emanated from the small kitchen. His eyes drifted over the quaint living area to travel around the room to fall back onto Sara who was locking the door.

At first he took a moment to catch his breath when he caught sight of her. She was wearing pyjama shorts that showed a large expanse of her long legs, causing his heart rate to speed up a few beats. When she turned around to face him, he let his eyes linger over her bare shoulders to fall onto the spaghetti strap top which barely covered her. He could feel the warm flush rise up into his face but he was unable to turn away from her.

Sara watched him warily, for a moment wondering what had caused him to become so quiet until she rapidly became conscious of what little clothes she was wearing. With an audible gasp she moved backwards, edging towards the bedroom door all the while cursing herself.

“Sorry,” she muttered, “I’ll put some clothes on.”

“It’s my fault,” he told her quickly as he tried to memorize her body before she covered it, hiding herself away from him.

“Make some coffee,” she told him, waving her hand in the air towards the general direction of the kitchen. “I’ll be right back.”

Grissom’s heart was thudding inside his chest. He couldn’t remember a time when he had seen so much of her body, and still the image she conjured up for him was still vividly imprinted inside his heart and mind. He stayed in the same place where she had left him, unable to move. He still didn’t know what had spurred him on to come here tonight, all he knew was that seeing her again after so long had only heightened his feelings for her, making them almost impossible to ignore. Casting his mind back to a short time ago, he could still hear the uncertainty in Nick’s voice when he had asked him for Sara’s address.

“I don’t know Griss,” he’d said warily. “Sara would have told you if she’d wanted you to know.”

Grissom had sighed slightly when he’d heard the worry in the younger man’s voice, instantly feeling jealousy creep into his heart when he finally understood just how much Nick cared for her.

“I’m going to stop by to see her on my way back,” he’d lied, hoping his voice had been steady.

“I don’t think that’s wise Griss. Maybe you should let me call her first, you know she did leave to put some distance between you two.”

“How…?” His voice had broken then, the deep hurt rising up inside his chest as he’d tried to comprehend just how much Sara shared with her friends.

“I love her, she’s my best friend. We share things that we wouldn’t tell anyone else, just as you do with Catherine.”

“Catherine?” he’d muttered, “What has she got to do with this?”

“Sara knows that Catherine was with you when you went to hospital, she knows Grissom. Do you have any idea how much you hurt her?” There was a slight pause before Nick drew in a shaky breath. “Catherine made sure she knew. I like Catherine Grissom but she deliberately set out to hurt Sara and I won’t let you do the same.”

“I promise I won’t hurt her again Nick and I’ll deal with Catherine when I get back.” His voice had shook while he spoke, his mind and heart duelling with the other to make some sense of this whole mess. “Nick please tell me where she is.”

“I won’t let you hurt her, if you do Grissom I swear you’ll be looking for two new CSI’s. I won’t stand by while you tear my friend apart.”

“I won’t Nick. I promise you I will fix this mess” He’d heard Nick’s heavy sigh as his resolved slowly receded into surrender. In a few seconds he’d relayed her address only to once again reiterate his previous warning.

Sara watched him quietly as he stared out of the window, his mind lost in secret thoughts. While he was distracted, she let her eyes linger over his body, drinking in his presence. Whatever she had always felt for this man was still there, its lasting existence possessing her soul. She couldn’t fight him anymore and she wasn’t sure she even wanted to try.

Sensing her, he turned around to meet her eyes and lost himself in her. She had covered herself in a short towelling robe, but she still managed to make the simple garment look beautiful. His mouth was dry and his heart ached to spill out every thought and feeling she had always invoked within him. Stepping a little closer, his eyes lingered over her features. “Sara…”

“Grissom it’s 2.30 in the morning, what are you doing here?”

“I needed…” he took another step towards her. “I wanted…to see you.”

“I don’t understand Grissom,” she told him carefully, swallowing hard as he slowly approached her. “You’re seeing me tomorrow…I mean today…for dinner remember?”

“Sara…” his voice drifted on a sigh, her name caressing his lips as he spoke. “It couldn’t wait.”

Sara stared up into his eyes helplessly as he came close enough to share her breath, causing her whole body to flare on high alert. When he slowly lifted a hand to her face she involuntarily closed her eyes with the tenderness of his touch.

“No words can ever express how much I regret the pain I’ve caused,” he whispered softly lifting his other hand to frame her face. Taking another step closer, he could feel the heat from her body seeping into his and he willed her to open her eyes to witness for herself the change in him.

Sara’s body was shaking, he was so close. His breath fanned her lips and she found herself torn between welcoming his invasion or turning to flee. Opening her eyes, she found his gaze and instantly saw the transformation in his deep blue pools.

Grissom saw a flash of understanding in her gaze, but with it also an underlying essence of fear, one that he had caused her. He knew he didn’t deserve her and she would be totally justified if she sent him away now and told him to never darken her door again. “I’m sorry,” he whispered softly, begging her to understand that he meant it.

Sara wanted to believe him, she needed this so badly. Lifting her hands up to his on her face she encased his fingers to pull away from his touch just as she had done earlier in the locker room. She saw his eyes cloud with regret when she took a step back and she could feel herself slipping into the chasm of his eyes. Lifting one of his hands back up to her face, she leaned against the palm as she encased his fingers with her own. All the while her eyes gazed into his, searching for the truth inside him.

“Sara…”

“Shhh,” she whispered softly as she turned her face to place a soft kiss into his palm and then released his hand and stepped away. “I know you want me to fall back into the same pattern as always Grissom, but I’m not going to, not this time.”

Grissom’s eyes closed in sorrow as her words encased his heart with aching understanding. He had finally figured it out but true to her warning he was too late. “I’m so sorry.”

“For what?” she asked softly, “you’re just being you, this is who you are Grissom. I know that you’re not prepared to sacrifice anything for me. I’ve known it all along I guess it took me longer to finally get it.” Looking up into his eyes, she tried to smile but her emotions had started to overtake her body with aching numbness. “I get it now Grissom. I’m just really sorry I put you through all that stuff.”

Grissom looked at her in confusion as she spoke, he had no idea what she was talking about. “Sara, what are you apologising for?”

“Catherine was right,” she whispered, swallowing hard against the tears that ached to claim her. “I know your career is your life and there’ll never be any room for me in it. She said it would never work, and I should have known that before, but I guess I didn’t want to see it.”

“Sara … Catherine has her own reasons for saying what she did, but please don’t believe her. She’s my friend, but she doesn’t know everything about me.” Stepping closer he captured one of her hands and pulled her closer.

His warmth seeped into her body and she could feel the welling tears begin to trickle over onto her cheeks. As he stepped closer to encase her in his arms she knew she didn’t have the strength to resist him. Her arms wound around his waist as she buried her face into his chest. Every tear she had shed for this man had only increased the pain, and now as he surrounded her with his tenderness it was as if the floodgates had opened to wash every ounce of sorrow from within her, allowing him to comfort her, and see the consequences of his torment for the first time. He pulled her closer, kissing her hair while her body shook with emotion, unleashing her sobs into him.

“It’s okay,” he whispered soothingly, his own emotions pricking his eyes as he held her. “Honey don’t cry, it’s okay.”

His words caused her to sob harder and she tightened her arms around him. Looking around him, Grissom spotted the small couch and without hesitation moved to scoop her up into his arms and carry her towards it, sitting them both down so he could hold her while they both released the pain within.

Chapter Twenty

Time seemed to slow down while they held each other on the small couch. Sara’s sobs had lost their heaviness, only to merge into soundless, shaking quakes. Grissom held her close to him, her sadness causing his own heart to break with remorse. He had witnessed first hand the power of her unhappiness and it shook him to his core. The harder she sobbed the tighter he held her. He was determined more than ever that she would understand once and for all how much he loved her.

She shifted against him to lean into his warmth, her whole body craving his touch as she buried herself deeper into his chest. Her head moved so she was cradled beneath his chin, seeking his comfort as her sobs slowly died away to hiccups. Closing her eyes, she clung to him, desperate for his healing presence to banish every ounce of sorrow from her heart.

Grissom slid one of his hands up to her shoulder, his soothing touch sending waves of comfort through her tired body. He wanted to hold her close and keep her safe forever, to banish the demons that he had created. Leaning down slightly he kissed her hair and tilted up her chin so he could get a better look at her face.

“Honey, you okay?” he asked quietly as his breath fanned her face softly.

“Tired,” she sighed, keeping her eyes closed so she wouldn’t have to see the obvious disappointment in his eyes. She had broken; her defensive walls tumbled around her to leave her vulnerable against him. He’d witness just how weak she actually was, so there was no point anymore in pretending.

Grissom gazed down at her in awe. Her face was pale and streaked with tears, but to him she had never looked more beautiful. He fought the urge to kiss her, her lips calling to him begging him to do the one thing that he had wanted to do so badly since coming here. Lifting a shaky hand to her face, he touched her skin with a feather light touch stroking a finger across her damp cheek. He wanted her to feel safe with him; he wanted her to know that he wouldn’t cause her any more pain. Caressing her face gently, he hoped the touch would entice her to open her eyes. When she leaned into his hand and a sigh escaped her lips, he found his voice once more. “Sara?”

“Hmmm?” she mumbled as she burrowed herself into his warmth, her entire being content to stay in his arms.

“Do you want me to leave?”

Sara’s eyes snapped open with his words and looked up to gaze into his eyes. The thought of him leaving her had suddenly become almost terrifying and sparked a fresh onslaught of tears to her eyes. Swallowing them back, she tried to keep her voice calm as she spoke. “Do you want to leave?”

“No,” he whispered, his voice catching in his throat as he shook his head. “I would understand if you didn’t want me here…I…”

“Stay,” she told him quickly breaking off his words. “Please.”

Grissom swore his heart stopped beating the second she uttered those words. Her acceptance of him warmed his whole existence and he thanked the heavens for her forgiveness. He smiled down at her as he tightened his hold on her body. “I’ll stay with you, but you should sleep.”

“So should you.” She whispered as she shifted slightly, pulling away from his embrace to stand up and face him. Her mind told her that everything about this encounter could lead to disaster, but her heart told her to trust him. Despite all that he had done in the past, the only truth that had kept her whole throughout this entire nightmare was her trust.

Grissom felt her withdrawal deeper than anything he had ever experienced before. His heart sank into his stomach when she left his warmth and he looked up at her worriedly while she regarded him with all-seeing eyes. When he finally thought he would melt under her gaze, she did something that almost shattered his self-control. She held out her hand to him.

“We’re both tired,” she told him softly, her voice hesitant for a moment until she once again found her strength. “Come to bed.”

Grissom’s mouth suddenly became dry as he tried to make sense of her words. When she stepped a little closer to him, she offered him a shy smile. “Sleep with me Grissom, just sleep. I don’t have anything else to offer you right now.”

Her words caused a jolt of lingering passion to fire up inside his heart. He loved her so much, and what he felt for her went far deeper than anything purely physical. She needed his comfort just as much as he needed hers and he lifted his hand to wrap his fingers around hers. “That’s all we both have to offer right now Sara,” he whispered.

“Then come to bed,” she told him softly as she pulled him up from the couch to lead him towards the bedroom, clicking the kitchen light off along the way.

Sara held onto his hand as she led him into the darkened bedroom, her warmth giving him the courage to comfort her. Releasing his hand, he watched as she slipped the robe from her shoulders and climbed into bed to wait for him. His whole body shook as he walked around to the other side of the bed to tentatively sit down on the edge. He shakily removed his shoes and looked down at himself. He was still fully dressed, and he couldn’t decide if he should lay down with her in his full attire or strip down. Sensing a shift behind him, he started to turn around but stilled when he felt her warm hand on his back.

“What’s wrong?” she asked in a whisper.

“Uh…I’m a little overdressed for bed…”

“Then undress,” she told him tiredly, her fingers gliding down his back to fall away as she lay back down. “For once in your life don’t over analyse this.”

Her words struck a chord inside him and he suddenly realized how trite his actions were becoming. He owed her this part of himself; she needed to feel his attachment to her as well as his physical body. Before he could change his mind, he started to undo his shirt buttons one by one until he let it slip to the floor. Standing up, he unbuckled his belt and faltered slightly before removing his pants and socks until he was clad only in his boxers. Lowering his eyes, he looked over her face once again, seeking acceptance.

Sara could feel his resolve slipping and held her hand to him, urging him to lay with her. For a moment she thought he might actually turn and flee, but when he took hold of her hand and lowered himself onto the bed, she felt every ounce of denial come crashing down around her. She loved him, body and soul, and nothing would ever change that.

Grissom lay down onto the bed and pulled the covers up over his torso before turning to her and lifting one of his arms. She shifted a little closer, lowering her head onto his chest and wrapping an arm around his waist. When he lowered his arm to encase it around her shoulders, he heard and felt the deep sigh that escaped her lips.

“Goodnight Grissom,” she smiled softly, her eyes already closing while her body drank his warmth greedily.

“Goodnight Sara,” he whispered, his lips grazing her forehead before he closed his eyes and allowed her tenderness to sink him into slumber beside her.

The first thing Grissom became aware of a few hours later was how incredibly warm he felt. For a few seconds he thought he’d woken up from a wonderful dream in which the warmth still embraced him, but slowly as he opened his eyes, he remembered where he was and whom he was with. Shifting slightly, he looked down towards the woman who was still asleep beside him. They had shifted in their sleep so that they were both on their sides and he had both of his arms wrapped possessively around her stomach while his legs spooned against hers.

A feeling of contentment washed over him and he suddenly couldn’t remember anything that had felt so wonderful in his life before. Breathing deeply, her scent invaded his senses, causing him to possessively pull her closer to his body, his need to feel her closeness overwhelming every other conscious thought. Time had seemed to stop, enclosing them into a world of their own where nothing else existed but them. He knew that after tonight, nothing would compare to the feeling of having her in his arms, safe and warm where nothing or no one could hurt her for the time being.

Sara started to stir beside him, her contented sigh rasping from her lips as her fingers threaded through his on her stomach. She mumbled something as she started to wake and pushed herself further back into his body. Slowly, as she opened her eyes, thoughts of the previous night started to seep back into her consciousness and her hand stilled on his.

“Morning,” he whispered, trying to soften the blow of the ominous morning after. Even though they had done nothing sexual to have conflicting feelings of regret, he still worried that she would withdraw from him, or worse still, forget everything they sought to achieve last night.

Taking a deep breath, Sara turned in his arms to face him. Blinking the tiredness from her eyes she offered him what she hoped was a reassuring smile. “Hey.”

Relief flooded Grissom’s eyes and he found himself breaking into a warm smile. Lifting a hand, he traced the outline of her face and leaned forward to press a light kiss on her forehead. “Feeling better?”

Sara could feel the swell of her affection combating her resolve to keep things purely emotional between them, offering herself to him would be disastrous right now, when neither of them was ready to embark on something physical. Too much had happened between them to simply brush aside, but for now, what they had was worth everything.

“I think you are better for me than any sleeping aid,” she smiled.

“Really?” he grinned, his eyes gazing over her features as his fingers continued to stroke her skin.

“Oh yeah, that’s the best night’s sleep I’ve had in a very long time.” She could see the love in his eyes now as he watched her with such adoration, and for a moment she sought to bathe in his watchful gaze. Her feelings were conflicting as she suddenly found herself drawn to his lips, seeking out the essence that embraced her, but she stopped herself from the abyss before she slid over the edge.

Lifting herself up on one elbow, she smiled down at him as his hand came up to frame her cheek. Turning her head slightly, she kissed his fingers before pulling herself up. “Are you hungry?”

Her departure left him feeling cold, but he knew she was still with him, buried deep inside his heart. Lying back onto his side, he returned her smile. “I am.”

“How about I find us something to eat?” Climbing out of bed, she pulled her robe around her body and padded towards the door. She stopped and turned, gazing at him with adoration before leaving him alone in the bed.

Grissom groaned softly when she left, his heart aching with her absence. Sitting up, he slid his legs over the side of the bed and reached for his pants. Pulling them on, he stood up and made his way towards the kitchen.

Despite his fears, as the morning wore on Grissom felt incredibly relaxed. She’d greeted him with a beaming smile when he’d entered the kitchen, her obvious happiness brightening his soul. They had talked about non-essential things, just as they had always done in the past before the last year had all but erased their connection. Grissom knew that they needed to talk about the past, and in some aspects to help close the wounds that he had managed to inflict.

Walking into the living room with his coffee, he sat down tentatively beside her. She looked up to offer him a warm smile as he picked up the newspaper that was laid crumpled up on the middle cushion between them and held it up in front of his eyes, anything to stop the compelling urges his body was causing him to feel.

Sara closed the small distance to sit beside him on the couch while she sipped her coffee. She could feel him shaking, and while he was incredibly cute, she couldn’t help but watch him with an amused smile while he pretended to read.

“You know it would probably make more sense if you actually read the news instead of the advertisements,” she told him, her growing smile beaming towards him as he lowered the paper to look at her. “But if you want to read about…” leaning over his shoulder to read one of the boxes, “Uh…cosmetic surgery, then this is probably for you!”

 “Oh,” he whispered as a warm blush rose up his cheeks. Seeking a diversion, he looked over towards the large clock on the wall and groaned lightly. “I should go in soon, I told Detective Miller that I’d be there by 11 a.m.”

“Oh don’t mind Jimmy,” she smiled, “he’s a sweetheart when you get to know him.”

“To you maybe,” he told her, a mock scowl on his face. “I doubt he’ll be interested if I tried my best smile on him.”

“Get outta here,” she grinned widely as she turned to him. “Gil Grissom, you have a best smile?”

“You are so amusing,” he told her, his voice wavering as he tried not to smile. This was a side of her he had very rarely seen, and he had to admit that he liked being with her like this. Looking down at himself he sighed heavily, “I think I should call a taxi, I really should go and change these clothes”

Sitting up beside him, Sara leaned into him before pulling herself up to stand before him. “I’ll drive you.”

“I can’t ask you to do that Sara, you should be resting.”

“You didn’t ask me, I offered,” she told him softly. “I’m surprised Andrew didn’t lend you a car.”

“He has, but I couldn’t pick it up until today.” Standing up beside her he gave in to the compulsion to touch her. His fingers grazed her arm and his gaze locked with hers as everything they needed to tell each other was conveyed in one simple touch.

“Let me drive you to the hotel first and then we’ll go to the lab,” she told him, her need to be with him for a little while longer urging her closer.

“Okay,” he whispered, his eyes following her as she broke away from him to grab her keys from the counter. She moved with such grace and beauty, commanding his full attention while he almost lost himself in her presence. He had missed her so much over the past three months, and seeing her now, being close to her, he knew he couldn’t ever be without her again.

“You okay?” she asked softly as she came to him worriedly.

“What?” he muttered, her closeness jolting him out of his reverie. “Oh…yeah…I’m fine.”

“You sure? You kind of zoned out on me there for a second.” Sara regarded him with concerned eyes and reached out to place a reassuring hand on his arm.

“I’m fine,” he smiled softly, his hand covering hers to squeeze her fingers. “I was just wondering if you still wanted to have dinner tonight.”

Her face lit up in a bright smile. “Of course. Why don’t you come over when you’re done for the day and I’ll cook us something to eat?”

“That sounds good,” he nodded, excited by the prospect of her company for another evening.

Nodding her assent, she released his arm and walked over towards the door and waited for him to follow. They had overcome a huge obstacle in their tenuous relationship, one that would unite them in strength and affection. As he followed her out of the door, Sara suddenly realized she hadn’t been this happy for a very long time.

Chapter Twenty-one

Later that afternoon, Sara was preparing the vegetables for the upcoming evening meal that she was going to share with Grissom. Her mind was swimming in waves of doubt as she focused on the events of the previous night. Grissom had held her, giving her his warmth and tenderness, and she had taken everything he’d offered, closing down on the thoughts that had screamed out inside her mind. But in the moment of comfort she had all but ignored them, pushing the logical part of her brain to shut down.

After everything she had been through and the distance she’d forged between them when she left had all but been erased with one touch of his hands. Yet he had managed to banish her fears to leave her aching for him, and that thought alone scared her more than anything.

A loud knock invaded her silent musings and she wiped her hands on a towel before walking over towards the door to open it.

“Hey,” Grissom greeted, his voice slightly hesitant as his eyes lingered over her body adoringly. He was unsure, even now how he would be welcomed into her home. Last night had been a wonderful healing experience for both of them, yet still he was afraid she would turn him away.

“You coming in?” she asked quietly as she watched the inner battle in his eyes. He was shaking, looking every bit like a lost puppy dog and she felt her heart melt once again. A large smile formed on her lips as she tried to ignore the heat that was flaring inside her body, focusing instead on the man who stood before her and the powerful emotions he evoked within her.

“Am I too early?”

“No you’re fine,” she told him gently, her hand reaching out to pull him inside. She could feel the slight tremble in his body as she touched him, and for that one single moment she fell in love with him all over again. The sensation shook her soul to bring a burst of longing to her eyes and she stepped back, breaking the contact that had bound them together for those few beautiful heartbeats.

Grissom could sense a switch in the atmosphere but didn’t question her. His own rapturous feelings were becoming all empowering and he was finding it difficult to hold his tongue and stop the words of love from spilling out to her.

“How did it go today?” she asked, breaking the silence around them to offer him a small smile before walking back towards the kitchen.

Taking this as his cue to follow, he walked behind her, his eyes snaking over her body appreciatively. “I’ve done as much as I can for them.” Moving into the kitchen to stand beside her, he reached over for the knife in her hand, the sweet contact of their fingers causing them both to stop what they were doing to bask in the charged ambience that surrounded them.

“Uh…” Sara whispered, at last finding her voice and relinquishing her hold on the knife. She watched in amusement as he removed his jacket and threw it onto one of the bar stools beneath the breakfast bar. He offered her a smile as he started to chop the vegetables, taking over from her as if he had been this comfortable around her for years.

Sara watched him for a moment, her eyes languishing over his body from his head, to his strong shoulders and back, then down to his rear and legs. This man had always caused her senses to sway and her knees to buckle when he deemed her worthy of his attention. She had to remind herself on several occasions since his arrival here that he had come to her, not the other way around. Taking a breath, she moved to stand next to him, leaning against his shoulder while she gazed up into his face.

“So if they only wanted you to come up here and identify a few bugs, why did they ask you to stay for four days?”

“Oh I’m not finished, did I say that?” Turning his head, he smiled down at her affectionately knowing that he had deliberately misled her in search of her reaction.

“You said you couldn’t do any more,” she whispered hoarsely, her voice becoming stuck in her throat.

“I’ve identified the beetles and flies for them, initially that’s all they needed from me, but I informed them that I had some more work to do before I could be sure of timelines. I’ll be going in early tomorrow to start charting.” His eyes lingered over her face as he watched her confusion blossom into full understanding.

“Oh, the timeline,” she smiled. “Remember when we sat up all night watching that dead pig?”

How could he forget it? His body ached for her as the memories washed over him. Leaning close, he nudged her shoulder. “I remember.”

“You need any help with this timeline of yours?” she asked softly, cursing inwardly for her imminent surrender to him. “Er…I mean…”

“I know what you meant, and yes, I’d love for you to help me if you get time.”

“I can help you for a few hours tomorrow after shift,” she offered, her whole body tingling with anticipation for his answer.

“You’re working all night Sara,” he told her softly, “I know you can pull double shifts on multiple occasions, but I don’t want you to tire yourself out.”

“Me tired?” she grinned. “I can sleep when we’re done.”

“Okay,” he nodded, his smile lingering over his lips a little longer that normal. Turning back to the vegetables, he tried to ignore the fact that she was standing dangerously close to him right at this moment and managed to nick his finger with the tip of the knife.

“Grissom you’re bleeding,” she told him quickly as she grabbed his hand before he could object.

“It’s a scratch,” he told her calmly, letting her lead him over towards the kitchen sink.

“You won’t be saying that if it becomes infected and your fingers fall off will you,” she grinned as she turned on the cold tap to shove his hand under the stream of water. “I’m not sending you back to Vegas with battle scars Grissom.”

“Okay mom,” he chuckled, at last giving up the fight to pull his hand away from her touch. His eyes lingered over her features while she continued with her task to clean the small cut. Words bubbled on his tongue, and feelings ached to be released from their locked up prison. Her touch only served to fuel his desires for her and he started to forget about the reasons why he had been resisting her for so long. Before he could stop his tumbling confessions, three simple words slipped out on a whisper. “I miss you.”

Sara gulped visibly with his words and became acutely aware of his closeness. Reaching out to turn off the tap, she tried to twist around him but found herself trapped between the sink and his body. “We…we should put a band aid on that.”

“Later,” he whispered, stopping her escape with gentle pressure that kept her ensnared. “I really did miss you,” he told her softly, finding more courage with every passing second.

Sara closed her eyes briefly and leaned into his touch. She wanted to throw her arms around him and melt into his powerful embrace, but so much had happened between them. Opening her eyes, she found her eyes locked in his gaze and the power to resist him slowly ebbed away. So many words needed to be spoken but she knew she only needed to speak honestly for him to understand his importance in her world. Taking a small breath, she lifted a hand to caress his bearded face and watched with overwhelming affection as he closed his eyes. “I missed you too.”

Slowly, his eyes opened and he found himself unable to pull away from her beautiful eyes. She held his gaze, enraptured, silently willing him to understand that every emotion he could possibly be feeling, she was feeling it too, because she loved him so much.

Time slowed as they slowly moved closer, their lips seeking an end to all the pain and sorrow they had caused each other over the past year. Grissom watched her eyes flutter closed as he descended on her, so close that her breath mingled with his. Every second brought them closer, until his lips grazed hers lightly to bring a life time of longing to the fore, bursting through their barricades to leave them vulnerable to each other.

Pulling back, Grissom opened his eyes to gage her reaction, desperately hoping that she was as scared as he was right now. He knew, the second her eyes opened and linked with his that she felt it too, and he took the courage she gave him to lower his lips to hers once more.

She met him half way, her fears melting along with any thoughts of resisting him the second his lips touched hers. Every thought, every fantasy that she could have possibly imagined didn’t even come close when compared with the real thing. He pressed closer to her body, the firmness of him lips becoming more demanding and she whimpered softly when she felt his tongue probing her bottom lip, begging for entry.

Sara’s hand slid up his chest to his neck as she opened her mouth to him, giving him everything she possessed. He moved closer, his kisses becoming almost desperate as he pulled her against his body. He needed to feel every inch of her, just to prove to himself that this wasn’t a dream, but when she reached up behind him to pull his head down forcefully, he knew he was lost in her forever.

She groaned softly when his fingers traced the small of her back and sank further into him. Standing on tip toe, she edged closer, her desperate need to sheath his body with her own overpowering every other thought in her mind. She needed this, she needed him.

As the kiss deepened, the ringing of Sara’s house phone brought an annoying disturbance into the room. At first, when the shrill of the phone invaded their senses, Sara had only pulled him closer, urging with more ardent kisses as she silently begged him to ignore it.

Pulling away slowly, Grissom gazed down at her breathlessly. Her hair was tousled and her lips were swollen, and at this precise moment he had never loved her more. Leaning his forehead down to hers, he tried to catch his breath. “Might be important,” he managed to whisper.

“Maybe,” she breathed as she leaned closer to him to wrap her arms around his waist and tuck her head beneath his chin. She resented the intrusion when they had only just begun to bridge the divide between them, and for a few moments she drank in his warmth before untangling herself from his arms.

Walking over towards the phone she picked it up and almost growled her name when she answered. Grissom chuckled softly, his own frustrations flittering away as he slowly made his way towards her.

“Okay,” she sighed after listening for a few minutes. “I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

She placed the telephone back in its cradle and turned to him apologetically. “I have to go to work.”

“So I heard,” he smiled, reaching out to gently trace his fingers over her arm. His lips still tingled from her kisses and if he was honest he wanted to pull her to him and never release her, but he was sure she would cause him bodily damage if he tried. Stepping up to her, he placed his other hand on her opposite shoulder and turned her around to face him. “Want me to come with you?”

His question sparked a burst of love to her eyes and she smiled up into his eyes. “Aren’t you tired?”

He matched her smile with a warm one of his own and pulled her against his body to wrap her in his tight embrace. “Me? Tired?” he grinned, matching her words from earlier.

Pulling back, she gazed up into his eyes and lifted her hand to his cheek to trace his lips with the tip of her thumb. “This could take a while.”

Pursing his lips, he kissed her thumb before encasing her hand with his own to place a soft kiss in her palm. “I have no where else I’d rather be.”

Sara’s lips merged into a bright smile as she pulled away from him slightly. “I’ll grab my jacket them.”

He watched her as she turned away from him to walk down the hall towards her bedroom. Smiling to himself, he looked down at his finger and realized that everything in his life had suddenly changed, and he liked it.

Chapter Twenty- Two

Mason Patterson looked up when he heard Treyson call over to Sara as both she and Grissom made their way through the small crowd that had gathered in a semi circle a small distance away from the crime scene.

“Sara,” Mason nodded when she came to stand beside him. His eyes drifted over to the older man by her side. “Mr Grissom.”

Grissom nodded, acknowledging the other man. “Just Grissom,” he told him politely, “no Mr.”

Stepping towards the body on the ground, Sara crouched down to gain a closer look. She surveyed the scene around her with her piercing scrutiny, ignoring the sounds around her to focus on the young woman on the ground.

Both Treyson and Mason watched in silent fascination as Sara slowly stood to her feet and shone her torch around her. Her eyes scanned the area around her searching for anything that could lead to a crucial clue that could be the case opener. Feeling a familiar presence beside her, she smiled inwardly. “What you think Grissom? Look to you like she fell?”

Leaning closer, his hand closed over hers holding the torch to turn it upwards. Leaning together, their eyes followed the beam of light to a steep bank that levelled up into a concrete platform. “Could be.”

“I should go up there and take a look,” she told him quietly, her smile lingering slightly as she moved away from him. “Shine the torch up for me would you please Grissom?”

Mason came over to them, concern in his eyes. “Sara, that looks dangerous, I’ll do it.”

The second the words left his lips he felt two sets of angry eyes on him. Swallowing quickly, he turned to look at Grissom first and then back to Sara. “She can do this,” Grissom told him, his voice taking on an annoying tinge as he turned away from Mason to watch Sara avert from them and walk towards the bank.

Andrew Dale, who had watched the entire scene unfold stopped what he was doing and came over towards the two men who both watched Sara begin the climb up the grassed bank. “Mason,” he said, keeping some authority in his voice as the younger man turned to him. “I need you to do a sweep of the perimeter.”

“Okay,” he nodded quietly, his eyes sneaking back to Sara briefly before turning to walk away.

“She’s an amazing CSI isn’t she?” Andrew spoke softly as he came to stand directly beside Grissom.

“Yes she is,” Grissom smiled, his eyes unable to tear themselves away from the woman he loved.

“I don’t mean to be rude Grissom,” Andrew started, his voice hesitating slightly as he spoke. “But what are you doing here?”

“I was with Sara when she got the call to come here, so I tagged along.” Turning his head briefly, he caught the other mans eyes with a knowing look and instantly turned back to Sara again.

“I see,” Andrew nodded as he patted Grissom’s shoulder in a friendly gesture. “Will you be accompanying her back to the lab as well?”

“Is that a problem?” Grissom asked quickly, his heart almost leaping into his throat as Sara slipped slightly. Letting out a slow breath, he watched helplessly until she reached the ledge. “I still have a few days here and I usually work nights anyway.” He offered the older man a small grin and shook his shoulders, motioning that either way he was staying.

“No, no, that’s great actually. Joe Wilson is off tonight, so if you’re free to help out it’d be very much appreciated.”

“Consider it done,” Grissom nodded, his eyes instantly lifting to the ledge when Sara’s voice called out to him. “Excuse me.”

“Of course,” Andrew smiled knowingly as he turned away from the scene before him to make his way over towards Treyson who stood waiting for the coroner to prepare the body for removal.

Sara’s eyes surveyed the ledge around leaned over slightly to watch Grissom as he carefully followed her pathway up the grassed bank. After a few seconds she stepped closer to the edge to help pull Grissom up onto the concrete ridge with her. Their hands joined and held for a few seconds before they released each other. “Hey,” she grinned, her excitement indicating more than just her happiness to see him. “Come and look at this.”

Walking towards the far corner of the platform, she crouched down to pick up a piece of material in her gloved hands. “What do you think? Could be the victims.”

Coming beside her, Grissom crouched down to gain a closer look at the shredded material. “Could be,” he nodded, his eyes looking around the immediate perimeter. Standing up again, he pulled the torch from his pocket and shone it above them to a set of steps. “Where do those steps lead?”

“No idea,” she grinned, standing up beside him to gesture with her hands. “Shall we?”

“We shall,” he smiled, their light banter filling his whole body with a peaceful clarity that he had never felt before. Moving towards the five steps, he proceeded to walk up them until he reached the top then turned to offer his hand to her, helping her climb up the final step.

“Thank you,” she smiled, releasing his hand to survey the scene around them. “What is this?” she asked, “Could be a car park,” she reasoned, answering her own question.

“One car,” he nodded, the single torch light highlighting the solitary car that stood sheathed in darkness. Walking slowly towards it, he lifted the torch higher, shining the beam of light in through the window.

“Looks like a vagrant’s been living in there,” Sara muttered quietly, screwing her nose up in disgust as she took a closer peek in through the window. Scanning the back seat, she spotted what looked like a bloody sheet. “Over here.”

Pulling the light away from the front seat, Grissom came closer to her to shine the torch into the back seat. “What am I looking at?”

Sara’s sigh unveiled more than words as she leaned away from the window. “Nothing, I thought it was blood.”

Grissom nodded quietly when he took a closer look, “Yeah in torch light it does seem like blood, good for us it’s not,” he smiled.

“Hey Grissom,” she told his quietly as she walked around the car to the passenger side. “Door’s open.”

“Wanna call it in?” He asked quickly, his own pulse rate rising in anticipation as she pulled her cell phone from her pocket.

Turning away from her, he started to walk around the ground around the car, Sara’s voice drifting through the growing darkness to bathe him in awareness. Her footsteps coming towards him caused a new flutter to his heart and he looked up just in time to catch a glimpse of her soft features break into a warm smile. “David’s on his way.”

“David?” he asked curiously when she stepped close to him and link her arm in his.

“Detective Charlton,” she smiled. “A lot like Brass in some ways.”

“Oh,” he nodded, “I’ve yet to meet him.”

“Well it must be your lucky day,” she beamed, “today you meet all the people I work with.”

“All male,” he sighed, his eyes lingering with hers before he nudged her gently, indicating he was merely joking around with her.

“Yep all male, lucky me,” she grinned. “But honestly Grissom you’ve seen who I work with and they’re all like older brothers to me.”

“Hey I believe you,” he smiled, reaching his hand to hers to caress her gloved fingers. “Sara you’re freezing.”

“That’s because it’s cold,” she smiled as she stepped closer to him to wrap her arms around his waist.

Grissom felt her settle against his chest and lifted his arms to wrap them around her protectively, shielding her from the cold breeze that drifted through their clothes.

“I’m glad you’re here,” she whispered against him, tightening her hold on him as she spoke.

“Me too,” he told her with a smile as he placed a soft kiss on her hair. “You know we technically shouldn’t be doing this, we are at a crime scene.”

“Well the car’s not going anywhere,” she smiled, lifting her head to kiss the underside of his chin before untangling herself from his arms. “But you’re right.”

Grissom felt her withdrawal and pulled her back to him briefly to place a soft kiss on her lips, then released her again just as quickly. He watched in amusement as she stared open mouthed at him while he walked back towards the abandoned car.

A few minutes later the sound of a cars engine driving along the pebbled track alerted them to a new presence. Sara looked up as the car pulled alongside them, the lights shining brightly to highlight both of their faces.

Grissom watched her lips turn upwards into a bright smile when the car door opened to reveal a middle aged man, who offered her a warm smile of his own. “Sara,” he grinned. “What we got?”

Grissom watched their interaction and tried to ignore the jealousy creeping up into his heart. Swallowing down the heavy ache, he focused on the cars interior until he felt a warm hand on his arm. “Grissom, I’d like you to meet David Charlton,” Sara smiled, her eyes gazing up into his to banish his fears into submission.

“Mr Grissom,” David smiled holding out his hand in greeting. “Sara’s told me a lot about you, it’s nice to finally meet you.”

Grissom tore his eyes away from the woman beside him to shake the offered hand. “Oh she has?”

“All good I assure you,” he nodded with a smile before overlooking the car behind them. “So, on the phone you said you thought this was abandoned.”

“Uh…yeah,” Sara told him quietly, stepping away from Grissom to return to full investigator mode. “Could be our vic’s.”

“Yeah could be,” he nodded as he took a note of the licence plate and walked back to his car to call it in.

Shining her torch inside the back seat again, she caught site of the red material that she’d first mistaken for blood. Sighing heavily, she lifted her eyes to watch Grissom as he walked around the perimeter, his piercing eyes regarding the scene with as much scrutiny as he always had. His presence filled her with a new sense of peace, one which she hadn’t felt in a very long time, but that feeling was soon quashed when confronted with his return back to Vegas where the same problems awaited them both, if and when she decided to return.

David slammed his car door and made his way back over to her again, breaking her out of her silent musings. “The car is registered to a Sandra Cavendish, aged 27. She lives right here in Brunswick.”

“Our vic looked pretty young,” Sara nodded, returning to the vehicle again. Opening the door slowly, she bent down to shine her torch inside, then moved to open the glove box. Reaching inside she pulled out a folded sheet of paper and looked down at it curiously. Slipping a gloved finger under the fold, she opened it and began to read, the words on the page leaping out into her eyes. “David,” she called as she stood up, “look at this.”

Grissom looked up from the edge of the path and began to walk back over towards Sara and the detective, his curiosity peaked.

Sara lifted the paper higher and began to read. “I leave this note to whoever finds my car and my body. Please tell my mom I’m sorry, I don’t know where to turn and this is my way to end my problems. Please forgive me. Sandra”

“Suicide,” David sighed, his breath huffing sadly as he looked over the car once again. “Such a waste.”

“Yeah,” Sara nodded, her eyes leaving the sad words in the note to catch Grissom’s gaze. Her lips upturned into a slight smile when he came closer to her, his warmth seeping through into her body as he tried to offer a tiny piece of light to illuminate the darkness surrounding her.

“I’ll arrange for the car to be taken back to the lab,” David told her while she bagged the note up. “I’ll never understand why people do this.”

“Maybe their problems seem worse than they actually are,” Grissom sighed sadly, his eyes lingering over the woman beside him as he spoke. “Or their will to live has slowly slipped away.”

“Whatever the cause, the outcome is always the same,” David said quietly as he pulled his cell phone from his pocket. “I’ll just call this in and I’ll leave you both to wait for the truck.”

“Sure,” Sara smiled, her voice drifting through the darkness. She felt Grissom step a little closer to her and instantly felt her senses enhanced by his closeness.

Grissom watched her carefully as she looked down at the note again which was now bagged up inside a clear plastic evidence bag. “Hey,” he whispered, touching her arm gently. “You can’t save everyone Sara.”

“I know, but why kill yourself? If things are bad why not just distance yourself from the problem…” sighing heavily, she smiled nervously up at him. “I’m sorry.”

“Is that why you left?” he asked, his voice void of anger, unlike anything she was expecting.

Before she could answer, David came back to stand beside them. “Change of plans folks, I’ll be waiting here for the truck to arrive. My cousin Brian’s coming out here, he works in the department”

“That’s great,” Sara nodded, turning to Grissom quickly before he had a chance to hear her answer. “You ready for the climb back down the hill?”

“As I’ll ever be,” he concurred before turning his head back to the detective. “It was nice to meet you.”

“Likewise,” David nodded, shaking the offered hand. “You take care now.”

“Oh we will,” Sara smiled as she placed the note carefully inside her jacket pocket and proceeded to step down the steps after Grissom.

The slope going down was much muddier than on the journey upwards making their destination much quicker. As he reached the bottom a few feet ahead of Sara, Grissom turned to hold out his arms for her. Her face lit up into a bright smile and she held out her arms to him, allowing him to hold her around the waist and lift her the final distance to place her once again on solid ground.

Around them, Mason and a few of the gathered crowd still littered the roadside, but neither Sara nor Grissom noticed. Their eyes locked and held, their silent communication conveying more in one smoldering gaze than any words could ever say. There was still so much that needed to be resolved between them, but right here, at this moment, everything was how and where it should be. They were together.

Chapter Twenty- Three

Back at the lab, Grissom left Sara with the evidence they had collected to make his way over to the small room he had been designated to work on his timeline. Even now, after working with her most of the night and spending time with her personally, he missed her presence. He had another day or so left here and he didn’t want to waist anymore time.

Pulling out the stool beneath the table, he proceeded to sit down and mentally draw a picture in his mind of the crime scene where the various flies and insects were found. Pulling a sheet of paper towards him his brain began to numb the feelings of Sara’s absence to begin charting a timeline, occupying the thoughts that would otherwise be disengaged.

Some time later, Sara left the morgue and headed off to the break room. The official cause of death for their victim had been ruled a suicide and Mason had gone out with Detective Charlton to inform her next of kin, leaving Sara with the monotony of the final paperwork.

Looking down at her watch she sighed heavily. Shift was officially over in an hour and she hadn’t seen Grissom since she got back. Stifling a yawn, she tucked a file beneath her arm and poured out two mugs of coffee, picked then up and went in search of Grissom

He was pinning the last of the flies to a board when she found him, and for a few moments she watched him silently, content to observe his concentration creasing his brow. She had always found him utterly adorable when he stuck his tongue out when he worked, and she was pretty sure he had no idea he was actually doing it. After a few more seconds of gazing, she finally brought herself out of her reverie to cough loudly, alerting him to her presence.

Turning quickly, his lips melted into a smile and he stepped towards her. “Hey.”

“Brought you coffee,” she smiled, handing him a mug so she could use her now spare hand to remove the file tucked safely beneath her arm.

“Thank you,” he told her gratefully as he instantly lifted the burning liquid to his lips and took a sip. “I needed this.”

Walking over to the table Sara placed her mug and the file on the wooden surface to cast an amazed eye over his work. “Wow you’ve finished.”

“Yeah, well this part of it I have,” he told her as he pointed to various parts of the chart. “I still have to establish time of death by doing the math, but everything else is done.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t help you,” she sighed, pulling out a stool to sit down. “I’ve got a tonne of paperwork.”

“Ah, yes the paperwork, that’s something that always rears its head after every case.” His eyes scanned her face as she took a sip of her coffee and noticed how tired she seemed. In all the years he had known her there had been odd times when she had seemed fatigued, but right now, at this moment in time, she appeared to be exhausted. “What’s wrong?”

Looking up at him questioningly, she saw the worry in his eyes and instantly felt her heart flood with warmth. “I’m fine, don’t worry about me.”

“But I do worry,” he whispered softly as he stepped a little closer to her. “How did it go with the victims family?”

Letting out a sigh, Sara gazed up into his eyes to find the solace she so desperately craved, and he didn’t disappoint her. “Mason volunteered to inform her parents, he said I looked tired.” She chuckled quietly as she spoke the last words and reached over to pick up the file on the table. “I think he just did it to get out of paperwork.”

“You do look tired Sara,” he told her honestly, his hand reaching out to land gently on her shoulder. He could feel her tense muscles beneath his fingers and squeezed slightly to elicit a soft moan from her lips. “Turn around,” he commanded, his eyes silently begging for her to do as he asked.

“Grissom,” she whispered quietly, her eyes closing when he gently helped her turn around to offer her back and shoulders to him. “I’m not sure this is such a good idea….oh…” her voice trailed off as his hands massaged her tired muscles, the sensations causing her to sigh in contentment. “That feels… good…mhmm.”

“You’re as stiff as a board,” he told her, only to blush when she giggled quietly with his choice of words. Choosing to ignore her sexual undertones, he continued to press his fingers into her shoulders; her soft moans coaxing him closer to her body.

Sara was well aware how close he was and found herself leaning backwards to place her back in direct contact with his mid-drift and chest. His closeness ignited something deep inside her, and she slowly lifted her hands to slide her fingers over his, caressing his skin.

Grissom could feel the atmosphere in the room shift from comforting to a feeling that resembled something far more intimate. The second her hands touched his skin he had felt the jolt of electricity course through his body to bring his senses alive. “Sara,” he whispered softly when she lifted one of his hands to her lips to kiss his fingers. His body started to shake on it’s own accord, her power over him almost causing his knees to buckle beneath him.

Sara could feel the smouldering heat inside her body begin a surge of fire from her heart through to every part of her body. She tingled with his touch and suddenly the call of his body urged her to turn around. Standing up quickly, the stool toppled backwards with the intensity of her movements and she lunged towards him, her arms wrapping themselves around his neck.

Forgetting where they were, their lips mashed together in a demanding kiss that outshone any kiss previous to this. Grissom lost himself in her and pulled her body closer to his as he ran his tongue across her lips, demanding entry that she readily granted.

He plunged his tongue into her depths, his aching need for her drowning out how wrong it was to be doing this here, but he couldn’t seem to stop. Her hands clawed at his back, her fingers desperately trying to pull him closer to her, and he complied with her fully, his own body’s response to hers causing him to forget where he was.

 Sara was drowning in him, her thoughts scattered in a thousand different directions as she gave in to her aching desire. Their tongues duelled in a passionate frenzy and she was faintly aware of pushing him backwards against the wall. She felt one of his hands leave her waist to slide around to her stomach and find its way beneath her shirt. Her body trembled in anticipation as his fingers reached the edge of her bra, and whimpered into his mouth when his hand cupped her breast and began to gently knead her flesh.

Sara knew they should stop but the feel of him against her was overpowering her senses to leave only thoughts of him and the feelings he was stirring up inside her body. His fingers slid over her breast to tease her taut nipple through the material of her bra and for a few mind-numbing moments Sara found herself unable to breathe.

Pulling her lips from his, she forced her hands to his beneath her shirt to stop his exquisite ministrations, and for a heart stopping eternity their eyes met to suddenly realise where they were.

Grissom groaned softly when he forced himself to slide his hand from beneath her shirt and move away from her slightly. “I’m sorry,” he whispered breathlessly as he tried to hide his body’s reaction from her. “Uhm…I…”

“Shhh,” she whispered softly, her lips still tingling from his touch. Stepping closer, she straightened her shirt and lifted her fingers to pat down her hair. “I can do the paperwork at home,” she told him hoarsely, hoping he would see her need for him in her eyes.

He nodded slowly, understanding what she was asking and felt his body quake with anticipation. “I…I just need to take this to my car,” he told her, hoping his voice was steady as he placed the insect timeline carefully into its box.

“I’ll meet you at my apartment in twenty minutes,” she told him hoarsely as she grabbed the file from the table. Her eyes brandished him with her own personal desires and she slowly backed out of the room only turning when she stepped outside into the corridor.

Back at her apartment, Sara threw the file and her keys onto the dining table and made her way into the kitchen. Her eyes lingered over the withered vegetables that they had started to prepare for their meal, and her body remembered her reaction to him. Closing her eyes briefly, she let the memories consume her with bringing a surge of heat into her heart. She had pulled him over their imaginary line and thrust him into a world where their desires took over. She just hoped he hadn’t changed him mind and turned tail and ran away from her again.

A small knock on her door brought her out of her musings to jolt her into sudden awareness. He was here. Sara’s body started to tremble as she made her way towards the door to slowly pull it open.

“I brought breakfast,” he told her with a smile, his voice fighting through the trembling in his body.

“Great, we didn’t get a chance to eat anything last night.” Opening the door wider, she stepped aside, enough for him to enter before she closed the door behind him.

“Um… I didn’t really know what you would want to eat so I just brought waffles and fruit.” Walking into her kitchen, he placed the grocery bag on the table and tried to calm his tattered nerves.

Sara watched him silently, his trembling utterly adorable and before she could stop herself she stepped up behind him to run a hand over his back. “Are you okay?”

Swallowing the lump inside his throat, Grissom slowly turned around to face her, his eyes gazing adoringly into hers. “I’m fine.”

“Then are you at least going to take off your jacket?” she asked with a smile as she stepped a little closer to glide her fingers up his chest.

Grissom’s whole body was trembling with anticipation as her fingers slowly began to push the material from his shoulders. He moved with her, the jacket sliding down his arms to fall into a heap on the kitchen floor. “Sara…?”

Her fingers stilled on his shirt and her eyes lifted to gaze up into his. For a few worrying seconds she thought he was going to withdraw again and started to move away, but his hand snatched hold of hers to keep her where she was.

“I don’t want you to do something you might regret later,” he whispered softly as he brought one of her hands to his lips to kiss her palm.

“I won’t regret it,” she assured him, her voice hoarse as she stepped a little closer to his body. “Will you?”

Her words filled his heart with an ache so powerful that it flooded his heart with emotion. After everything they had been through, after the passionate kisses they had shared, she was still afraid. Trying his best to reassure her, he lowered his head towards her, his lips finding hers in a soft seal of a promise between them. Pulling back slightly, he brought his hands up to frame her face and smiled down into her eyes. “My only regret is that I let you go.”

His breath fanned her face and her eyes fluttered closed as he descended on her lips once more, this time giving in to the passion that coursed throughout her body. Unable to wait any longer, she sank into him, her tongue begging for entry into his mouth, desperate to feel the same sparking connection to him that they had experienced a short time ago.

He readily complied, his tongue meeting hers with equal passion. He released her hands to reach behind her to pull her closer to his body, his aching arousal pressing into her. One of Sara’s hands reached up to thread her fingers through his hair and the other encircled his back, pulling him enticingly closer.

One powerful kiss followed another until they broke apart gasping for breath. Their eyes met and held, powerful desires speaking volumes inside their eyes. Wordlessly, as if by some silent understanding, he released Sara’s body and she stepped back slightly to reach down for his hand. His fingers wrapped around hers and he willingly followed as she gently tugged him towards the bedroom.

The bed was bathed in soft light that filtered through the blinds, highlighting the room. Releasing his hand, Sara walked towards the window to close out the light before turning back towards him. His legs moved on their own accord, walking over towards her as she turned to face him. Their lips met again in a soft kiss that quickly turned into passion. Fingers raked over clothes, popping buttons and zippers to remove the offending items leaving them both exposed.

Pulling his lips from hers. Grissom trailed a burning path of kisses down her throat and turned her to gently push her backwards until she was lying beneath him on the bed. Lifting his head slightly, he found her eyes once more, seeking reassurance that she wanted him.

Sara’s eyes opened when his lips left her body to find herself captured in his gaze. Lifting her fingers to his bearded face she trace the outline of his lips. “Grissom,” she whispered softly, her voice causing his body to react against her. “Make love to me.”

“Are you sure?” he asked quietly, unaware that he was holding his breath while awaiting her answer.

“I want you,” she breathed, pulling his head back down to hers, unwilling to wait any longer until they were coupled together.

Grissom groaned into her mouth as she lifted her legs to cradle him between her thighs and found that every other thought flittered away to leave only her and the incredible emotions she was enticing throughout his body.

Sinking into each other, they both surrendered to passions that had previously been denied, and as he entered her, they both felt the walls that had kept them apart crumble away to shatter the final barrier between them.

They moved as one, joined in intimacy, and when she cried his name upon release, his body soon followed to bring him crashing down to earth beside her. Afterwards, they lay together, silently bathing in the afterglow of each other, her fingers stroking his back as he nestled his head between her neck and shoulder. Their breathing had become shallow and laboured, but neither cared or wanted to move.

Grissom lifted himself up on his elbows and leaned down to kiss her glistening cheek. He ached to tell her everything, and suddenly the words he had longed to tell her on so many occasions didn’t seem so frightening any more. Kissing her lips soundly, her pulled back slightly to gaze down into her eyes. “I love you.”

For a second Sara was stunned, then, sudden awareness followed to flood her eyes with tears of emotion. Lifting a hand to his face, she stroked his cheek softly as a tear escaped her eyes. “I love you,” she whispered hoarsely, “So much.”

Grissom’s heart swelled with love as he leant down to kiss away her tears. “Don’t cry anymore sweetheart,” he whispered. Bathing her in sweet kisses. “Don’t cry.”

Lifting her arms, she pulled him back down to her. She found his lips, kissing him with more passion than she had ever unleashed on him before. She felt him respond to her touch and lifted her leg to roll him onto his back so that she straddled his thighs. When she moved over him, he surrendered to her, sinking back into the pillows. All thoughts scattering as she claimed his body as her own, and he willingly complied, allowing her to consume him into eternity once more.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Some time later, Grissom rolled onto his back with a contented groan. His muscles ached, a heavenly reminder of the passionate activities he had shared with Sara only a few hours ago. Turning his head slightly he gazed in wonder over her sleeping face. She had given him everything he desired, as well as so much more, and yet, his happiness was still tinged with sadness because of all the time he had wasted in pushing her away.

Rolling onto his side to face her, he reached out to gently skim his fingers over her skin, amazed, even now by how soft she was. She had accepted him last night despite everything he had inflicted upon her over the last year, and he thanked his lucky stars that she cared enough to stay.

Sara drew in a deep breath and slowly opened her eyes. Light invaded her vision causing her to blink back against the brightness, but when she felt warm hands stroke her skin, sudden memories returned and she opened her eyes again to find her gaze drawn to a pair of beautiful blue eyes that had haunted her dreams for an eternity.

“Mmm…Hey,” she smiled, her sleepy voice slurring as she stretched languidly against him.

“Hey yourself,” he smiled as he leaned down to hover over her lips.

Reaching up against his chest, Sara pushed herself up on one elbow to press her lips to his, bridging the gap between them to steal the breath from him. Laying back down against the pillows, she took him with her, their kiss deepening as she encircled him in her arms.

Everything from their past had all but been erased, themselves deciding to put an end to the pain that had kept them apart for so long. Grissom groaned into her mouth when her fingers skimmed over his back, her nails delicately stroking his skin. Pulling away from her lips, he leaned up on his elbows to gaze down into her eyes. “I love you,” he whispered, amazed at how easily the words slipped from his lips. He was pretty sure that he had never been in love before, nothing that he had experienced before had ever compared to how he felt when he was with her.

Sara’s eyes swam with unshed tears. The sincerity in which he spoke those three words of love caused her heart to swell with every emotion she had ever felt. Sliding a hand from his shoulder, she traced a finger over his beard and then his lips. “I love you too,” she told him honestly, the simplicity of those tiny words meaning so much for them both. With a beaming smile, she pulled him down to her again kissing him with everything she possessed. He sank into her body, willingly following wherever she led him, eventually falling over the brink of paradise once again.

An hour later, Sara came into the kitchen, fresh from the shower and drying her wet hair. Grissom smiled at her when she stepped up to him to stand on tip toes as she kissed his lips soundly. “Mmm, that smells good.”

“Good,” he smiled as he slid an omelette onto a plate and handed it to her. “I hope you’re hungry.”

“I’m starved,” she beamed, her eyes meeting his in a smouldering gaze.

Grissom gulped visibly, he was pretty sure she knew exactly how much she affected him when she looked at him like that. Taking a deep breath, he watched her wordlessly as she made her way over towards the table. He knew that tomorrow evening he would be travelling back to Las Vegas, and that whatever time they had left here he wanted to spend together, even if it meant going into work with her tonight.

“What’s wrong?” she asked suddenly from the table, her worried eyes scanning his defeated body.

Looking up, he picked up his plate and walked over to join her, taking the seat opposite her before reaching across the table to take her hand. “You think I could come into work with you again tonight?”

The smile that graced her features brightened his heart as she leant forward to pull him across the table slightly to kiss him soundly. Releasing him, she sat back down and clasped his hand. “You leave tomorrow,” she said sadly, her words more of a statement than a question.

“Yeah,” he sighed “5 p m.”

She dropped her eyes from his to look down onto the table, then slowly skimmed back up again to catch his gaze. “I still have another three months left here.”

“I could come visit,” he suggested, his other hand reaching out to clasp her fingers. “We could arrange to stay somewhere other than here if you want to be away from work…” his voice died away slowly as he took in a shaky breath. “I should have stopped you from leaving before. I should have said something.”

“You didn’t know,” she whispered, her voice aching with sadness as she blinked away the fresh tears that threatened to fall. “If I’d have stayed we never would have come this far.”

Pushing his plate away, he stood up, his hands still linked with hers and came around the table to crouch beside her feet. “I’ve been such a fool. I wasted so much time.”

Sara smiled down into his, untangling one of her hands to cradle his face in her palm. “When I get back to Vegas will you still love me?”

“I could never stop loving you Sara, I guess that’s been my problem all along.” Lifting one of his hands to hers on his cheek, he caressed her fingers and leaned in closer towards her to nestle his head in her lap. “Forgive me…I should have told you a long time ago.”

The welling tears that had gathered in her eyes finally spilt over onto her cheeks and every ounce of love she felt for this beautiful man washed over her. Leaning forward, she shielded his body with her own, her free hand threading fingers through his hair as she whispered words of love in his ear. “You’re here,” she whispered softly. “You came, and there’s nothing that could ever stop me from loving you.”

Pulling back slightly, his eyes found hers and he felt his worries disappear into nothingness as she banished everything from his mind but her. Lifting to his knees, he encircled her waist with his arms and pulled her forward, to nestle his body between her thighs to hold her. An eternity passed between them as the past melted away with the last of their fears, to replenish them both with the freedom to open their hearts without concealing any hidden uncertainties.

Grissom’s cell phone rang noisily, its hum breaking through the emotionally charged atmosphere around them. “Your phone,” she whispered, her voice absorbed into his chest as he pulled her tighter.

“Let it ring,” he told her, unwilling even now to relinquish his hold on her.

Pulling back slightly, she smiled up into his eyes and reached up to place a tender kiss on his cheek. “It could be important,” she whispered, her lips placing feather light kisses over his skin as she spoke.

“Let it ring,” he groaned defiantly, angling his neck so she could continue her heavenly torture down his throat and chest. But the caller was refusing to go away, the insistent ringing becoming annoyingly persistent. Groaning in frustration, he pulled away from her only to cast a mock glare at her when she found the situation highly amusing.

Finding his phone in his jacket which Sara had hooked over the back of a chair, he pulled it open and put it to his ear. “Grissom,” he growled.

“Hey Gil how’s Maine?”

Grissom’s anger suddenly died away when his friends voice registered in his brain. “Jim?”

“Yeah, it’s me. I’ve just got home and thought I’d give you a call.”

Grissom looked up when Sara ran a hand across his shoulders before walking towards the kitchen. He smiled silently, his heart suddenly quickening its pace. “Uh…Jim, was there something you wanted?”

“Can’t an old friend just pick up the phone and call?”

“Yeah, they can…but I can’t remember a time when you just called for the sake of it.”

A loud knock sounded on he door and before Grissom could cover the mouthpiece, Sara called out from the kitchen. “I’ll get it.”

Grissom coughed slightly when she walked past him, and fought to find something to say, but before he could speak he heard Brass’ knowing voice at the other end of the phone. “Was that Sara?”

“Uh…” he swallowed hard and tried to deny the obvious. “Jim…”

“Hey did you two get some things sorted out? Oh wait, no don’t tell me…” Brass chuckled quietly before he made his excuses to leave. “Tell Sara I said hi.”

“You… you want to tell her yourself?” Grissom asked quickly when Sara pulled open the door to let Treyson in.

The other man stopped deadly still in the living room, his eyes registering with amusement when he spotted the older man in Sara’s apartment. Looking up, Sara followed Treyson’s eyes and found herself smiling.

“Honey, Jim wants to talk to you.” Grissom couldn’t help himself. The unnecessary need to prove to the other man that Sara was his reared out to the fore. Sara stepped towards him and took the phone from his hand, but not before shooting him a warning glare that told him that this whole performance was totally superfluous.

“Trey,” she called, her eyes still linked with Grissom’s as she spoke. “Make yourself a coffee, you know where everything is.”

“No it’s okay Sara, I’m just running an errand to pick up the bug data for Brewster, he figured that Grissom would be here because he wasn’t at his hotel. Quick off the mark those day shift guys.” Flashing a smile towards Grissom, he nodded knowingly and winked at Sara. “You two gonna show today, or should I drop the files off?”

“We’ll be in within the hour,” Grissom told him, masking the annoyance in his voice.

“Okay,” Treyson grinned as he walked over towards the door. “See you both later then. I’ll let myself out.”

Sara closed her eyes in infuriation, when she heard the door close, but the feeling quickly vanished when she opened her eyes again to see the apology in Grissom’s expression. Reaching out a hand, she cupped his cheek as she spoke softly into the phone. “Hey Brass.”

“Sara.” His voice held a softness that Sara was unaccustomed to hearing from him, and she suddenly couldn’t keep the smile from forming on her lips. “How are you doing kiddo? They treating you okay out there?”

“I’m fine Brass,” she beamed as she gazed up into the eyes of the man she loved. “Everyone has been great here.”

Grissom lifted a hand to hers and pulled her palm to his lips to shower it with nuzzling kisses. Drawing in a breath, she tried to focus on the phone in her other hand but it wasn’t working.

“We all miss you here. It’s been pretty quiet, but…oh look at the time.” His voice quivered slightly as he tried to hold back the humour in his voice. “Early morning here, so I guess you’re into the afternoon there. I’ll let you kids go, I’m sure you have better things to do that talk to me.”

Sara sprang back from the brink of ecstasy when Brass’ words seeped into her foggy brain. Pushing the ache that was growing in her centre away, she focused on her voice. “I don’t know what you’re hinting at Brass, but you’ve got the wrong idea.”

Grissom lifted an eyebrow when she looked up into his eyes and stifled the chuckle that was building up inside his chest. Moving closer to her, he aimed to be distracting as much as he could. Creeping around behind her, he dipped his head to plant tiny kisses on her bare shoulders, delighted in the sharp intake of breath that escaped her lips.

“Okay…that’s my cue to leave.” Brass’ voice echoed in her ears, and she vaguely heard him mutter goodbye before she shut of the phone and let it fall from her fingers. Turning quickly, she captured Grissom’s errant mouth and kissed him with a force so strong that he lost his balance and fell backwards onto the floor. His body registered with pain which was quickly urged away when her hands raked at his body enticingly. Surrendering to her, he pulled her down on top of him and cast aside every other thought that still lingered in his mind, and let her take control of him completely.

An hour later, Grissom opened the doors to the lab to allow Sara to enter. She smiled up at him adoringly as she brushed past him, and turned around to wait for him to join her.

“I’ll take this over to Brewster and explain how it works,” he told her, lifting the timeline folder slightly as he spoke. “Then I’ll come and help you.”

“Well you know I am technically four hours early,” she beamed. “Time for me to file my report, and for you to finish up. Then maybe we could grab some dinner before I come back to work.”

“That sounds great,” he nodded, fighting the urge to kiss her goodbye as they went in different directions down the corridor.

“Call me when you’re done,” she called, her smile lingering as she walked backwards, using her hands on the wall as a guide.

“Of course,” he smiled, his eyes lingering over her form until she finally turned and disappeared around a corner. Sighing heavily, he made his way towards his temporary office to put the final touches to his report before handing it over to Eric Brewster for completion.

Tomorrow would come soon enough, but he was trying to avoid the inevitable sadness that would envelope him the second he stepped foot into the airport. They had a little over 24 hours together before he had to leave her again, and he wasn’t going to waste a second of his time with her. Walking into his office, he forced himself to focus on the case and it’s eventual conclusion.

Chapter Twenty-five

Walking past Andrew Dales office half an hour later, Sara called out a greeting and told him that she’d see him later.

“Sara,” he called out, causing her to stop in her tracks and take a step back to poke her head around the open doorway.

“Yeah?”

“Come in a second please,” he smiled, motioning for her to come inside and close the door.

“Oh okay,” she smiled, her eyebrows creasing into a frown as she stepped fully inside to click the door closed behind her. Eyeing the chair opposite his desk, she sat down. “What’s up?”

“Good work on the suicide case,” he told her, his eyes watching her as he spoke. “I hear Gil Grissom’s also finalized the bugs time line for the Brewster.”

“Yeah,” she beamed, her eyes sparkling with pride. “He’s putting the finishing touches to it now.”

“Good…good.” Sitting forward in his chair, he smiled, his eyes meeting hers knowingly. “He’s due to return to Las Vegas tomorrow.”

“Yeah I know,” she sighed, the sadness in her eyes forced away quickly, to be replaced with a smile. “He’s offered to help out again tonight.”

“Things are pretty quiet,” he told her quietly before letting a soft smile grace his face. “I think you’ve earned an extra night off around here. Why don’t you and Grissom head off for the night and spend some time together before he leaves?”

“What?” she asked quickly, her eyes snapping up to his with shock. “Um…you know I don’t know what Treyson thinks he saw, but…”

“Relax,” Andrew grinned as he sat back in his chair. “I was at the scene last night and I saw for myself that you two have something special going on, not to mention that kiss...”

“Oh God, you saw that?” she groaned, closing her eyes and burying her head into her hands.

“Even if I hadn’t seen it, I would have to be blind not to notice the thing going on between you.” Pushing back his chair, he stood up and walked around the room to sit on the edge of the desk beside her. “I guess this means you won’t be staying on here.”

Lifting her head, she bit her bottom lip as she tried to control her breathing. “I don’t know…I…no I can’t…talk about this…not right now.”

“If it helps, I happen to know there’s an opening coming soon for an entomologist,” he offered hopefully.

“What?” she gasped, her mind trying to register what he just told her. “I…I don’t know if we’re ready for…” Taking a breath, she shook her head to try and calm her tattered nerves. “What I’m trying to say is that…we…I need to work this whole thing out in my head first. I can’t decide anything right now.”

“I understand,” he smiled, “ we’ll do anything to keep you here, even if it means offering your boyfriend a job.”

“He’s not my…” her voice trailed off as she sat back into her chair. What was he to her? Taking a breath, she forced a smile to her lips before standing shakily to her feet. “Thank you Andrew…for everything.”

“No problem Sara. You kids have a good time tonight and send my regards to your…Grissom.” Andrew Dale beamed a knowing smile in her direction, knowing she was teetering between staying and going.

“Uh…see you tomorrow,” she nodded finally as she headed for the door and made good her escape.

Grissom looked up when she came to a stop just outside the door to his office. His welcoming smile died on his lips when he caught the worried look in her eyes. “Honey, what’s wrong?”

His choice of endearment had always melted her heart, and this time was no different. His sultry voice broke through the worry and the sadness that engulfed her to lull her gently, beckoning her close to him. Stepping into the small room, she ached to put her arms around him and take comfort in his sheltering embrace, but she held back.

“Are you about done?” she asked quietly, her low voice tinged with longing as she ignored his worried eyes.

“Sara…”

“I have tonight off,” she told him, the smile on her lips reaching her eyes as she stepped a little closer. Holding up a hand, she pressed a finger to his lips and shook her head slowly. “Ask me later okay?”

“Okay,” he whispered softly, his lips kissing the tip of her fingers before lifting a hand to wrap around hers. “You’re okay though…right?”

“I’m fine,” she smiled. Taking a breath, she pulled her hand gently from his grasp and gazed up into his beautiful eyes. Memories from a year ago drifted into her mind and she found herself captivated by his gaze. Lifting up on tiptoes, she placed a soft kiss on his cheek before stepping back again. “Dinner?”

“Love to,” he told her, his smile matching hers as he picked up the file from his desk. “Just have to drop this off to Brewster and then I’m all yours.”

“All mine huh?” she grinned, her light banter reaching its way into his heart to take possession of his soul.

“Always have been,” he told her seriously, his voice lowering to a soft hum as he lifted a hand to stroke her cheek before lowering it again. “Come on, let’s go.”

“Yeah,” she nodded, turning to walk out into the corridor to wait for him to join her again.

They walked on in virtual silence, their eyes meeting every now and again to reiterate the unspoken promise of forever in one simple glance. Sara’s cheeks would flush a rosy pink when she caught the desire in his eyes and she would look away only to return a second later, her eyes causing a trail of passionate fire to course through his body.

Catching his breath, Grissom reached Brewster’s office and stepped forward to tap his knuckles onto the open door.

Looking up, the other man stood to his feet and held out a welcoming hand. “Dr. Grissom.”

Handing over the file, Grissom inclined his head towards it. “Everything you need to know is in there. I’ve calculated time lines and various species of beetle’s and flies from the pupa state onwards.”

“Excellent,” Brewster nodded, his enthusiasm apparent. “We could use a man like you on out team, too bad you’re leaving us tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” Grissom sighed, although his reasons for leaving and the reasons he wanted to stay were totally diverse. Leaving behind the woman who waited for him in the corridor was going to be hard enough even if he hadn’t fallen in love with her a second time. Stepping away from the other man, Grissom nodded and smiled kindly. “I was glad to help out.”

“Thanks again Dr. Grissom, if we need any further assistance…”

“Don’t hesitate to call,” Grissom nodded. “Thank you for your hospitality while I have been here.”

Turning around, Grissom met Sara’s eyes and focused all his attentions on her. He had one day left, one last opportunity to embark on emotions and desires that she deserved. Neither spoke, both content to be walk side by side, basking in each other’s presence. Only when they reached the parking lot outside did they allow themselves to breathe.

“I have to go to the hotel,” he told her quietly, his eyes lingering over her body for a fraction of a second longer than usual.

“Yeah,” she nodded, her voice breaking as she fought to keep the sorrow from seeping through her words. “Check out.” She told him suddenly, the ache in her voice causing him to return her intensive gaze with perfect clarity.

“Are you sure?”

“I want you with me Grissom,” she whispered as her eyes gathered with tears. Swiping them away, she cursed herself for succumbing to the inevitable separation that would consume her again as it did three months ago. Without waiting for an answer, she unlocked the SUV doors and climbed into the drivers seat to silently wait for him to join her.

Grissom knew how she was feeling because he felt it too. Every second that ticked by only made his departure even more imminent, and the painful roar of his heart ached with a sadness he hadn’t felt in such a long time. Climbing in beside her, he closed the door and sat back silently as she started the engine. He didn’t want to leave her.

“They asked me to stay,” she whispered softly as they drove, her eyes never straying from the road ahead.

“I know,” he sighed sadly. “Your supervisor mentioned it to be a few days ago.”

“No,” she sighed, her heart lurching in her chest as she tried to find the right words. “He asked me again today, just before I came to find you.”

“Oh…” Grissom’s voice started to shake softly as he looked over towards her. “Are you going to?”

“I haven’t had time to think about it,” she told him. “Everything has happened so fast.”

“But you’ve thought about it?”

“Honestly?” she asked quietly, although he knew it wasn’t a question that needed an answer. “Before you arrived,” she continued, her voice reflective as she revisited old memories that imprinted themselves into her mind. “I thought you hated me.”

“What?” he gasped, the words from her letter to him suddenly bursting through his memories. “Honey whatever gave you the idea that I hated you?”

“We hadn’t been friends for a long time…I just figured you didn’t want me”

“Oh Sara…I wanted you. God I wanted you so much.” Gulping back the heavy breaths that ached inside his chest, he reached a hand over to her legs and caressed her thigh gently. “I really screwed things up didn’t I?”

“You would have done if I’d have been able to stop loving you,” she smiled, her sadness slowly seeping away with his warm touch. “But I do still love you, so I guess you’re still in with a chance.”

“Phew,” he grinned, puffing out a breath in mock relief as she squeezed her thigh again. “I’m glad you didn’t give up on me Sara.”

Pulling up outside his hotel, she turned off the engine and leaned over towards him to place a soft kiss on his cheek. “Me too.”

“What did I do to deserve you?” he asked tenderly as he lifted a hand to caress her cheek.

Sara’s eyes once again filled with tears when she thought of all the reasons why he still held her heart and yet she still came back to the fact that he had always been the one for her. Lifting a hand to cover his on her cheek, she smiled adoringly, her eyes gazing into his. “Andrew knows that the only way I will stay here is if you’re here too.”

“Really?” he whispered as he started to close the short distance between them.

“Yeah,” she sighed, her eyes focused on first his lips and then his eyes, silently begging for him to take her, her voice lowering into a sultry whisper “He offered you a job.”

Grissom stopped his descent and pulled up to cast her an unbelieving stare. “What?”

Sighing in frustration, she lifted her hands to his face, framing his cheeks to pull his head closer to hers. “His exact words were, if the only way to keep you here is to offer your boyfriend a job, then we’ll do it.” Closing her eyes briefly, she opened them again to find his face alight with desire. “Uh…I think that was his exact words anyway…I may have…”

Sara’s voice died on her lips as he snapped forward to claim her, his mouth covering hers to steal the breath from within her. She whimpered softly as he pulled her closer to his body, his aching touch igniting fires inside her. She needed him to make her feel, his burning love for her the only remedy to lift the lonely days ahead without him. Pulling back quickly, she gazed up into his eyes. “You still have a room right?”

“What?” he panted, trying to catch his breath.

“A room,” she whispered softly as she leaned in closer to feather soft kisses over his cheeks. “A bed…” she kissed his chin. “A door that locks…” Feeling the shudder than ran through his body, she delighted with the effect she was having on his body and dropped a hand to his lap to slowly slide her fingers to his groin. “I want you.”

Wordlessly, he moved forward to take her lips in a searing kiss only to pull away from her. Opening the door, he climbed out and made his way towards hers. Their eyes met and held as he pulled open her door and offered her his hand. When she reached out to take it, he helped her climb out and leaned in closer to her ear, a soft whisper filling her body with shuddering desire. “You have me.”

Wordlessly, they walked towards the hotel, the beckoning doors welcoming them. Opening the door for her, he watched her move past him, her body brushing against his as she did. Their eyes linked once again and an eternity of emotions passed between them, then, reaching for her hand, he clasped her fingers and offered her a promise of forever in his eyes.

Chapter Twenty-six

When they entered the foyer the receptionist looked up from her desk and smiled slightly. Nodding her head in acknowledgement, she tried to ignore the fact that the two people who had just entered the hotel were emitting an erotic charge that glowed directly from their eyes. Turning away from them, she looked back down to the papers on her desk so they wouldn’t see the embarrassed flush rising up over her face.

Pulling on Sara’s hand, Grissom took her through the double doors that led to his hotel room, all the while fighting off the reactions of his body to her presence. Sara Sidle was causing havoc with his sanity, her touches igniting him in ways that no other woman ever could.

When they came to a stop outside his door, he pulled his key from his jacket pocket and slid it into the lock. Grissom’s eyes held hers possessively, his endearing gaze souring through to every part of her body causing her to gasp in a shaky breath. The door clicked open and he quickly ushered her inside as if this encounter was something under scrutiny from outside forces.

“What are you doing?” she chuckled softly when she turned to find him looking both ways down the narrow hallway.

Closing his eyes briefly, he suddenly realized how trite his scrutiny must have appeared to her and gave himself a mental shake before he pushed the door closed and locked it. Turning around to face her, he smiled lightly, his shoulders shrugging. “Sorry.”

Sara’s smile lit her face mirroring his own as she stepped closer to him. Coming closer, she trapped him, pinning him up against the door so she could wrap her arms up around his neck. Leaning towards him, she placed a soft kiss on the underside of his chin before trailing a path of butterfly kisses down his throat, to linger over her Adams apple. The sheer intimacy of this moment caused so many words to simmer inside her mind, but she couldn’t think of a single thing to say right now. All she wanted to do was feel him, and hold the love he poured into her. She needed his reassurance that this turning point in their relationship wouldn’t dissolve into a far distant memory. Part of her still feared that he would run away once he returned to Las Vegas, and that’s what scared her most of all.

Feeling her heated kisses on his skin, Grissom could feel the intensity in every touch she empowered over his body and he felt himself starting to shake slightly. He met her with his own powerful caresses as he slid his hands around her back to hold her closer to him, his own exploring kisses begging to be joined once again with her lips. She could sense him, his desperate need for her aching into her own body and she felt herself surrender to his touch. Lifting her head, she caught his lips with her own, kissing him with something bordering near desperation. Pulling him closer, she groaned into his mouth as he slid his tongue into her depths, causing her whole body to ignite.

Sensing his body’s growing need for her, Grissom pushed them away from the door, using his leverage to walk them backwards into the general direction of the single bed in the centre of the room. Lips still joined, she willingly walked with him, content to be wrapped in his arms even when they hit the edge of the bed and toppled over onto the soft mattress.

A sudden need exploded within her and she pulled her mouth from his. Reaching up her hands to cradle his face, she held him above her, her eyes memorizing every feature. She watched him as he opened his eyes to gaze down into hers, their shining love a guiding light for the truth she needed to know. Tomorrow he would be gone, and no matter how many times she told herself to embrace the moment and accept the love he offered, she still couldn’t keep the underlying sorrow from veiling her heart.

“Honey what’s wrong?” he asked softly, his concern bringing a pool of tears to well inside her eyes. Lifting himself up on one elbow, he covered the hand on her face with his own. For a few breathtaking moments he fought to understand why she was crying, and then it hit him with perfect clarity, tomorrow he would be on a plane bound for Las Vegas and he didn’t want to leave.

Sara felt a soft sob escape her throat as she shook her head and lifted herself up so she could meet his lips again. She kissed him with an intensity neither of them had known before, and he willingly sank down into her arms to let her take control of their love making. He felt the desperate need she showered over him with every single touch. Every kiss of her lips brought a new wave of desire to mingle breathlessly with the sorrow they both felt inside.

When Sara hooked his legs, rolling them over so that he was laying flat on the mattress and she loomed above him, he allowed his hands to fall back on the bed, his willing surrender, he hoped, proving to her that she was all he ever wanted.

Sara watched his eyes flutter closed as she slid her hands beneath his shirt, her nails raking sensually over his skin. With every sigh that escaped his lips another salty droplet fell down her cheeks. The sheer beauty of their closeness and the impending separation soon to befall them only fuelled her tears.

 Grissom understood her emotions because he could feel them too. Lifting his hands to her face, he wiped the tears away with his fingers and gently stroked her lips with his right thumb. Sara leant against his palm, as more tears came to cascade over his fingers. Opening her eyes, she offered him a watery smile and kissed the tip of his thumb before leaning down to hover over his face. “I love you,” she whispered shakily, hoping he would understand just how much she meant the words.

Moving his hands that framed her face, he pulled her slowly down so that he could gently kiss her eyes. “I love you,” he whispered against her skin, his lips tasting the saltiness of her tears. “I love you so much.”

His words opened a floodgate of emotions and she buried herself into his kisses, giving as much as he gave her. Their hands lost themselves in each other, seeking comfort as they silently stripped the clothing barriers away from their bodies. Moving over him, Sara closed her eyes as she took him into her body, the burning love uniting them together in a beautiful union of coupling souls. Tears fell from both of them, this moment speaking volumes in a relationship that had joined them together for over a decade.

Her soft groans coaxed him closer, and soon the sadness that had caused them to weep with abandon gently ebbed away to leave them breathless in the wake of passion.

Sara moaned his name when she came, bringing him over the edge along with her as they sank down into the bed, their arms tightly wrapped around each other. Their bodies slowly disengaging, no longer joined, they laid together in the afterglow soaking up each others love, neither willing to speak of the separation looming in the distance.

Grissom lifted one of his hands to her back, his fingers dancing circling patterns over her silken skin. He wanted to tell her everything that she stirred within him, but no words would ever compare to how she made him feel. Instead, her pulled her closer to him, encircling her sweat sprinkled body with his arms.

Sara buried her face into his neck, her breath coming in raspy waves as she tried to calm her aching heart. They had shared something powerful tonight, something that went far beyond making love. For the first time in her life Sara knew she had experienced the power of real love, something that would stay with her forever.

“What are you thinking?” he asked softly as he angled his head to kiss her hair.

“I’m thinking…I…” she closed her eyes as the burning rose into her throat once again, constricting her voice.

“I know…” he whispered, his arms pulling her closer. “I don’t want to go either.”

Sara could feel the sadness seeping into her heart but tried as much as she could to bury it. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t ever be sorry,” he whispered softly, his words soothing the pain with every kiss he showered over her skin.

Lifting up onto her elbows, Sara smiled down into his eyes and knew instantly that she was cherished by a man who had held her heart for an eternity. Moving one of her hands to his cheek, she traced the outline of his beard, tenderly memorizing the feel of him beneath her touch. “I wish…” she started, her pain drenched words aching a path of sorrow deep down into his soul, but before he could speak, she silenced him with a delicate kiss, her sole possession of his heart hers for the taking.

“I don’t know if I can handle you coming to the airport with me tomorrow,” he whispered sadly when she released his lips.

“I don’t know if I can either,” she told him tenderly, her eyes blurring with tears again as she spoke. “Do you know how hard it was for me to leave you three months ago?”

“God honey, I should have begged you to stay, I should have…”

“Shh,” she whispered, her tearful smile causing his hand to caress hers. “In three months time, when I get back to Vegas…”

“I do want you back,” he told her, finishing her sentence before she could.

“You won’t back away and pretend none of this ever happened? Because if you did I don’t think I could…”

His movements startled her suddenly and her voice died on her lips when she found herself flat on her back with him looming above her. Leaning down to her lips, he kissed her gently, punctuating his tenderness with a whispered “I love you.”

Moving again, he kissed her neck, whispering those same three words that were so small but meant everything. He continued down her body, every kiss emanating another flurry of whispered endearments that left her in no doubt of his growing commitment to her alone. Closing her eyes, she released her fears when he started a journey of kisses down her abdomen and surrendered to him completely, knowing that she would never again be alone.

Chapter Twenty-seven

They emerged from the hotel room an hour later, both relaxed and acutely aware that everything had changed between them. Sliding her hand into his, Sara smiled up at him warmly, no longer afraid that this love between them would dissipate once they were away from each other, and she knew that however difficult his departure would be for the both of them, she needed to be with him every second that they had left together.

Grissom placed his large bag on the floor with his free hand and pulled the door closed. The smile he gave her when he turned back towards her was one of total adoration. He felt like a teenager again and it felt wonderful. His eyes held hers as he bent down to pick up his bag, and squeezed her hand gently. “You ready?”

She nodded quietly, her lingering smile casting a wave of love to wash over his senses, and he leant in closer to her lips to kiss her briefly. They had come so far in the last few days and the bond that had always been with them had all but exploded into the beautiful relationship that was blossoming between them now.

They walked down the corridor, their hands still joined, and when they reached he hotel reception area, Grissom still refused to relinquish his hold on her.

“Hi, Gil Grissom,” he told the woman behind the desk, noting that she was the same one he had encountered on his first day here. Putting his bag down, he released Sara’s hand briefly to reach inside his breast pocket for his credit card. Once he’d retrieved it, he felt Sara’s fingers slip into his, lacing them together as she leant into him, her dominant display causing a warm flush to rise up his cheeks. Placing his credit card on the desk he smiled lightly. “Uh…I’ll be checking out today.”

“Oh,” the woman said shortly, a fake smile plastered on her lips. “I hope you enjoyed your stay with us.”

Grissom turned to the woman beside him and gazed down into her eyes, his smile portraying the emotions that swirled around inside his heart. “I did, thank you.”

The receptionist watched the burning heat between the two people before her and hurriedly printed out a receipt, then pushed it along with his card towards him. “Thank you Mr. Grissom, have a nice day.”

Tearing his eyes away from Sara’s, he reached out with his free hand to take the offered items and placed them into his breast pocket, zipping them inside safely. With a contended smile, he bent to pick up his bag and nodded a final goodbye before ushering Sara towards the doors.

That evening, Grissom opened the door to the quaint little restaurant, holding it open for the beautiful woman beside him. Sara smiled brightly, her eyes sparkling in the candle light that emanated from the surrounding tables.

When they reached the desk, Grissom took hold of Sara’s hand before addressing the man at reception. “Hi, we have a reservation, Grissom.”

Looking down at the computer screen, the young man smiled and called over one of the waiters. “Barrie, would you show Mr. and Mrs. Grissom to their table please?”

Grissom felt Sara’s hand squeeze his tightly and turned to her, offering her an adoring smile. “Shall we?” he whispered, his hand leaving hers to slide around her waist, coming to nestle in the small of her back.

Smiling brightly, she started to follow the waiter to their table and sat down when he pulled the chair out for her. “Thank you,” she acknowledged politely, her gaze falling onto Grissom when he sat down opposite her.

“If you would like to study the wine menu, your assigned waitress will be over shortly to take your order.” Barrie offered them both a polite smile, before stepping away from their table.

As soon as they were alone, Sara reached a hand across the table to clasp Grissom’s hand softly. “How did you find this place?” she asked with a smile, “I’ve been here for three months and still don’t know my way around!”

“I asked Andrew,” he grinned, his eyes sparkling as he spoke. “I wanted to bring you somewhere special and this place fitted the criteria.”

“Gil Grissom you are such a romantic,” she chuckled as she rubbed her thumb lightly over his knuckles. “Who’d have thought it?”

“If this gets out, I’ll know who snitched on me,” he grinned, their light banter filling his heart with a happiness that had evaded him for so long. Taking a moment, his eyes scanned over her face, drinking in the softness of her skin. Continuing on their path downwards, his eyes lingered over her long elegant neck then down to the low cut black dress she wore which showed a delicate amount of cleavage, then down to her thin waist. She was absolutely beautiful, and nothing could have prepared him for his body’s reaction when she had walked out of her bedroom and into the living room to face him.

“What are you thinking?” she asked softly, her cheeks reddening with the adoring scrutiny he was regarding her with tonight. Never before had she felt so beautiful in the eyes of another.

“I’m thinking about how much I’m going to miss you,” he answered honestly, his voice tinged with a little sadness as he spoke. “And I’m thinking that as soon as you return to Vegas that we are going to start living.”

“Aren’t we living now?” she asked softly, lifting her other hand to reach across the table to join his.

“Yes,” he told her huskily as his eyes reached into her own, bringing a passionate beauty along with them. “I wasted so much time trying to fight my feelings for you that I missed seeing what was really right before my eyes.”

“And what was that?”

Drawing in a breath, he tried to calm his rising emotions. “You Sara. If I’d have lowered my defenses for just a few seconds I could have seen what I was doing to you. I really didn’t know what I was doing, but I know when you left, that everything fell into place to make me realize what a fool I’d been.”

“It doesn’t matter now,” she soothed, tightening her hold on his hands as she spoke. “Somehow all the pain seems worth it now, now that you’re here and we…” closing her eyes against the burning emotion welling up inside, she took a deep breath before opening them again. “I promised myself I wouldn’t cry.”

“Honey please don’t cry,” he whispered softly. “I don’t ever want to lose you again.”

“You won’t,” she told him fiercely, thankful that the welling pools had started to dry away.

“I know,” he smiled knowingly, squeezing her hands one more time only to release her reluctantly when their waitress came to their table.

“Hello, I’m Judith. I’m your waitress for the evening. Would you like to order now?”

Picking up the menu, Grissom looked over to Sara who smiled brightly up at Judith to order a Ceasar salad, while Grissom ordered a steak and salad. Writing their order down on her menu pad, Judith picked up their menus and smiled again. “Would you like some wine with your meal?”

“Honey?” Grissom asked softly, his eyes dancing over Sara’s face as she turned to smile at him.

“Something dry,” she suggested.

“We’ll have some dry white wine please,” he told the waitress with a glowing smile, then turned his attention back to the woman opposite him, his eyes glowing with heartfelt tenderness.

Their hands snaked across the table again to link them together, their fingers entwined in each others touch. Neither spoke, both contented to bask in the others presence, only relinquishing their hold when their orders arrived twenty minutes later.

An hour and a half later, Sara gazed up at him from across the table as she nursed a cup of coffee in her hands. Their evening had been perfect, and the restaurant a beautiful end to their last night together. Grissom’s eyes caressed her own, his burning love reaching out to clasp her heart in outpouring passion that ignited her whole body.

“You ready to go?” he asked softly, his warm smile lingering over his lips as he spoke.

Sara nodded quickly, watching him as he laid some money on the table beneath their bill, hoping that he hadn’t seen the raw need for him in her eyes. They had broken through more walls and barriers in the last few days than they had managed to do in the three years since they began this painful dance. Now that she could feel him and close the distance to find the real Gil Grissom buried beneath the surface, she didn’t want to let him go.

Taking his offered hand, she stood up beside him and let him lead her away from the table and towards the restaurant’s exiting doors. When they stepped out into the cool evening air, she shivered slightly and tucked herself further into his warmth. She felt his heat immediately, reaching through to her skin to warm all the cold places that simmered inside her. She knew, more now than she ever had before, that he had healed all those hurt places inside her. The wounds he had created over the past year were sealing closed, his healing kisses chasing away all the pain.

And then he stopped, turning to her with so much love in his eyes she thought she might just burst from the emotions. Stepping back slightly, he slid his jacket off of his shoulders and stepped in close to her to drape it over her shoulders to seal in her warmth.

“Thank you,” she whispered, leaning closer to place a tender kiss on his lips. She felt his soft sigh when he lifted his hands to her face, his thumb gently stroking her cheek as he pulled back to look down into her eyes.

“Let’s go home,” he told her, his quiet voice masking the aching sadness they both knew would envelope them soon enough.

“Yes,” she nodded, reaching up to kiss him again before pulling away so she could slide her arm around his waist.

Grissom sighed beside her, delighted with the freedom to show her how much he loved her and not worry about the repercussions of being seen. Sliding an arm beneath his jacket over her shoulders, he gently pulled her closer to him as they walked back towards their car, both silently dreading the fall of tomorrow.

Chapter Twenty-eight

Soft moonlight filtered through the partially open blinds to bathe the couple in the bed in streaks of radiance. They had retired to bed as soon as they came in from the restaurant, their beautiful night marred by the fact that they would soon bear the pain of being apart once again.

Sara sighed heavily as she wrapped her arm around his torso, pulling her body closer to him. Moving her head onto his chest she listened to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat, content to wrap herself in his warmth for as long as she could.

“You awake?” he asked softly as he looked down towards the top of her head.

Sara’s lips upturned into a warm smile and she shifted slightly, lifting her head to look up into his eyes. “I can’t sleep.”

“Me neither,” he sighed, pulling her closer to him as he spoke. Her warmth seeped through his skin to caress his body and fill him with an enormous sense of peace. His fingers danced over her skin, gliding up her shoulders until he reached the silken strands of her hair, absentmindedly combing his fingertips through, all the while dreading the moment when he had to leave.

Sara let a contented sigh escape her lips and snuggled in closer to his chest. “Did the others know you were coming to see me?”

His hands stilled in her hair, her question sparking off the impending sadness that reached up to claim his soul. Lifting his shoulders slightly Grissom leaned in slowly to kiss her hair. “Only Nick.”

“Really?” a knowing smile lit her face as she looked up at him only to return her head to his chest and wrap her arms around him, hugging him tighter briefly before she relaxed her arms. “I bet that was a great conversation.”

“Oh it was,” he smiled at the memory, Nicks warning still very much in his mind. “He misses you.” Moving his other arm to her shoulders, he surrounded her with warmth to cocoon her in his strong embrace only to bury his lips in her hair. “They all do.”

Sara closed her eyes tightly fighting against the burning tears that had suddenly gathered there. “I bet Catherine would disagree with you. She was more than happy to let me know her feelings.”

“Sara,” he sighed softly before moving a finger beneath her chin to lift her face. When their eyes met in the darkness he could see the sparkling sheen of tears inside her eyes, and still the power of her emotions managed to break his heart. Leaning down, he pressed a soft kiss on her lips hoping that the gentle touch would banish the tiny ebbs of fear away from her, his lips providing the reassurance where his words could not. Feeling her relax beside him, he encompassed her in his embrace letting her seek refuge in his warmth. He hoped she understood by now that everything he had to give was hers for the taking, and nothing would change that.

Sara’s hand slid along his upper body, her fingers scraping enticingly through the hairs covering his chest. Sara still marveled at how much she craved him and not for the first time she found herself wishing that tomorrow wouldn’t arrive. Moving off of him slightly, she adjusted her weight and pressed an arm into the soft mattress to lift herself up.

 She could feel the burning heat rising up inside her body, and she realized in a heartbeat that she desperately needed to see his eyes. She drank in the sight of him, her eyes memorizing every inch of his bare torso, her hands joining in the worship of his body, all the way up until she reached his face. She lifted herself up higher, putting all weight on her elbow so that she should gaze down at him.

 His eyes met hers and in that one precious moment everything was understood, and she knew that memories from the past could no longer hurt her.

Wordlessly, they came together, their lips drifting closer as the magnetic pull between them fusing them as one. The gentleness of their kiss slowly became more demanding and the embers of passions only recently released began to flare into smoldering flames once more. Hopelessness and pure need fueled them further, along with the deep set longing that had kept them pining for each other for over a decade

Grissom groaned into her mouth when she increased the pressure of her lips, her kisses becoming more demanding in her bid to show him how much she needed this. Her body shivered slightly when his hands roamed her back, and groaned with desire as his fingers snaked across her skin. With skillful touches he set her on fire only to soothe the flames with his lips. The relief was short lived when Sara responded to him in every way, her hands partaking a journey of their own. When she raked her fingernails across his skin to elicit a soft whimper from his throat, he had no doubts that she knew exactly what she was doing to him.

When her lips left his to begin a tender trek down his throat, he used her distraction to gain the advantage and hooked her legs to lift her above him so that she was straddling his thighs. Pulling away from his lips, Sara found herself drawn in to his gaze and felt the burning love he held for her in every caress he bestowed upon her. Their eyes locked and so many words that had remained unsaid were finally spoken in silent communications. She had loved this man for an eternity and now she finally understood that he had loved her all along.

Unable to fight the pull of his lips anymore she sank down into his body and sealed them together in a kiss that poured out every ounce of passion. His hands left her shoulders to tangle in her hair as he pulled her in closer to their kiss, his burning need to be with her fueling the desire that flared between them. Unable to withstand her heavenly torture any longer, he flipped them over and smiled into her lips when she gasped with surprise.

“Make love to me,” she whispered when their lips parted briefly only to seal together just as quickly, the delicate touch becoming more demanding with every passing second.

“Sara,” he hummed as his body started to move within her. She urged him on, gently coaxing him in the soft whimpers that overcame her when he showered her with everything she had ever wanted. The whimpers became gasps, and the gentle movements became more erratic as they both strove for a release that no other lover could ever provide.

Lifting her legs, she pulled him in deeper, taking everything he offered. Their lovemaking brought them both to an emotional pique to go beyond the physical binds that held them together.

Throwing her head back against the pillows she groaned his name when he burst within her, pulling her over the edge along with him to float them both back down together. He collapsed against her, his shaking body sending wave after wave of love through her heart. Lifting her arms, she stroked his slick back and moved her neck to allow his seeking lips to take solace in the heat of her skin.

Sara clung to him desperately as she tried to forget that in only a few hours he would be taken from her life again and she would return to the lonely existence that had kept them apart. Lifting her hands to his face, she pulled his head up so that she could look into his eyes and confirm for herself that he felt their connection just as much as she did. When she met his eyes she found herself biting back her own flood of emotion when she caught sight of his tear filled eyes. He felt it too and that was something that would live with her forever.

Lifting himself from her body, Grissom moved to her side and pulled her closer towards him so he could hold her in his arms. He too didn’t want to think of the coming months without her and even though it was only another three months, it might as well have been three years; the separation would be just as painful either way. Sniffing back the sadness welling in his eyes he peppered her face with kisses in a bid to keep her with him always.

“I can’t let you to go,” she whispered softly as she buried her face into his chest. She had vowed to be strong and not make their parting any more difficult that it already would be, but she couldn’t help it. Tears flooded her eyes before she could stop them to consume her in quiet sobs that shook her body.

“I know, I know,” he whispered softly while he pulled her in closer to him. “We’ll get through this honey, I know we will.”

“I’m being so stupid,” she cried as she sniffed back the remaining tears that threatened to tumble from her eyes along with the rest. Lifting her head slightly she angled her chin so that she could look up into his eyes and was only slightly shocked to see his own sadness mirrored back at her. Her fingers shook as she stroked the single tear from his cheek and offered him what she hoped was a reassuring smile.

Grissom was a man who had always kept his emotions hidden from everyone but Sara had always seemed to slip through his defenses to see right through him. Now though, after everything they had shared he was finding it increasingly difficult to hide behind those same defenses that kept him concealed. Reaching up to her face, he slid his fingers across her skin and matched her smile. They would get through the distance just like they always had, but this time they both knew that love existed between them, they’d both witnessed the powerful bind that tied them together and simple distance wouldn’t be able to keep them apart again.

Lulling each other into silence, Grissom finally lost the battle to stay awake, his eyelids closing in defiance. Beside him, Sara lie silently, content to watch him sleep. Her eyes skimmed his face to memorize every feature, each new discovery bringing a fresh sheen of tears to her eyes. She had to be strong for him, she knew that, but here in the dark wrapped up in his arms, she allowed herself to grieve.

Some time in the night, sleep had overcome her and she had fallen into a deep cleansing slumber. Drawing in a deep breath she moved slightly to reach her hand across the mattress in search of the warm body beside her but was met with an empty bed.

Pulling herself awake, she sat up quickly and looked around the room. Grissom’s bag had gone and sudden fear gripped at her heart.

“Grissom…” she called quickly as she scrambled out of bed in search of her robe.

“Hey, where are you going?” His voice came from the doorway and she looked up to see him carrying a tray into the room.

“Oh God,” she gasped, her eyes flooding with tears as she watched him place the tray of food onto the bed. Letting out a soft whimper, she moved towards him to throw her arms around his neck, the urgency in her embrace causing him to pull her in tighter. “I thought…” she whimpered, “you’d gone.”

“Oh honey, I’d never do that to you.” His words echoed in her ears, his whispered promise causing her eyes to clench tightly closed to stop the tears from falling.

“What time is it?” she asked softly, her voice lost in his chest.

“We have two hours,” he whispered sadly, knowing the ache in his heart wouldn’t die away. Feeling her pull from him slightly, she lifted her eyes up to his and sniffed back the emotion in her eyes.

“You made me breakfast?” she asked quietly in a bid to add some humour to their situation, but neither laughed at the emptiness. Instead, Grissom slipped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her in close to him, unwilling to waste what remainder of time they had left together.

Sara breathed in the scent of his skin and wrapped her arms around him to hold him close to her. Neither spoke a word, no words could express the charged atmosphere that lingered around them, and as the food on the tray turned cold, they held each other until the time to leave came to pass.

Chapter Twenty- Nine

The airport was filled with fellow passengers when they walked into the entrance. Grissom felt the overwhelming presence of sadness creeping into his heart as they made their way further into the large area surrounding them. Squeezing Sara’s hand in his, he turned to offer her a sad smile noticing how her eyes held a glistening glaze, but was trying hard to conceal it in her typical Sara ‘I’m fine’ fashion.

“Why don’t you go and find us some coffee while I book in?” he asked gently, his affectionate smile causing her knees to sway slightly.

Sara’s eyes flittered around the airport to land on the hotel restaurant, skimming over the almost lonely tables and chairs, before turning back to him again. “You want a sandwich for the flight?”

Despite the emptiness inside him, Grissom chucked softly and reached out to pull her tightly against him. “No that’s okay sweetheart, I think the flight attendants will feed me.”

“Oh,” she smiled, her cheeks reddening slightly, “sorry, guess I’m a little wired.”

“I know,” he sighed softly, his nose nuzzling her hair. “Me too.”

She leant into his body, her own arms reaching around his waist to pull him into a quick hug before releasing him again. “I’ll grab us a table.”

He nodded silently as he watched her walk away from him, her own unique scent causing his heart to stir in sorrow. Grissom had no doubts in his mind that he had been shown the real meaning of love, and also had a glimpse of what he had been missing all these years. He didn’t want to leave her but he had a job to return to whether he liked it or not, yet still, he resented Las Vegas for the intrusion and for the first time ever, he didn’t want to go back to the lab and its empty existence.

Taking a deep breath, he turned towards the long queue that had formed behind the checking in desk and walked over to join it. Every step he took towards the desk took him another heartbreaking step away from Sara, and it hurt.

Sara sat at one of the small tables in the restaurant and looked out of the glass windows, even though her eyes registered nothing going on outside. Her mind drifted back to these wonderful past few days that she had spent with Grissom, and nothing else in her life had ever compared to the dream she had lived, for a while at least.

 He loved her, she knew he did, but even after everything they’d shared and all they had overcome, she still feared that his return to Vegas and to his life at the lab would eventually steal away the feelings he held for her. Could she survive being absent from him only to find she had nothing to return to when she eventually took her place again in Las Vegas?

Fear chilled her heart and she pushed the intruding thoughts to the back of her mind. If they were to have any kind of relationship in the future she had to trust his love. He had a tendency to retreat inside his own protective shell when things became too emotional, but he hadn’t ran from her this time. He’d met her head on and taken everything she had to offer only to give just as much back. Feelings like that couldn’t be forgotten could they?

Closing her eyes, she turned away from the window to return to the cup of coffee that was nestled between her hands. She couldn’t shake the empty sorrow from inside her heart, but at the same time she didn’t want to even try to hide how she felt anymore.

Feeling his nearing presence she looked up to see him coming towards her. She met his greeting smile with a bright one of her own, determined now, more than ever to keep the threatening tears from flowing. He didn’t need the added load on his heart that was already burdened with regrets.

“Hey,” he smiled as he took the seat opposite her only to reach out to clasp her hands from across the table. “My flight leaves in 35 minutes, and surprisingly everything on schedule.”

Sara’s heart sank. ‘Typical,’ she thought, why couldn’t his flight have been delayed for a while, ‘like a year or two’. Squeezing his fingers, she looked up to meet his eyes and smiled shakily. “Remind me why we are doing this again?”

“Sara…” his voice broke slightly as he looked away from her and down to their interwoven hands. He had dreaded this moment since the day he came here, but never in his wildest dreams did he imagine it to be so painful.

“Sorry,” she whispered softly, her thumb rubbing across his as she spoke. “Guess I don’t like goodbyes.”

Her words struck something inside him and he suddenly pulled his hands from hers to reach down to his bag. Lifting it up onto his lap, he met her curious eyes with a watery smile. Unzipping the top, he sifted through the bags contents, his fingers finally brushing against the item he was searching for. Sitting back, he met her gaze as he pulled out the book of sonnets she had left for him as her parting gift.

“Grissom,” she started, her heart racing inside her chest when she realized what he was holding. “I…”

“This is yours,” he told her softly, pushing the tattered book into her hands. “I want you to keep it with you.”

Sara’s eyes lowered to the book in her hands and lovingly ran her fingers over the battered cover. “I loved this book,” she admitted in a whisper, her voice so soft he had to strain to hear her. “This is one of the only things you gave me that reminded me of you, and when I was leaving it was all I had to give you.”

“But you gave me so much more,” he told her as he re fastened the zipper and placed his bag by his feet. Reaching across the table, he wrapped his fingers around hers. “If you keep this here with you I know for sure that you won’t forget.”

“I’d never forget,” she told him quickly, her head snapping up to meet his eyes with burning tears. “I couldn’t forget this thing we seemed to have had and that was part of my problem.”

“We’re merging onto the same path now, Sara. There’ll be twists and turns along the way, but we’ll travel it together.”

“Keats?” she queried, a tiny smile pulling at her lips.

“Gil Grissom,” he smiled, squeezing her hand as he did. “When you come back we’ll live every moment, no more hiding how we feel okay?”

“No hiding,” she smiled, nodding quickly. “We’re gonna be okay aren’t we?”

“I hope so,” he told her, the tone of his voice telling her he spoke the truth.

“Passengers for flight 295, departing 17.25, please make your way to gate number 4.”

Grissom’s head snapped up in disbelief. “That’s me,” he told her, his heart suddenly thudding too loudly in his ears as he stood to his feet.

“But…but it’s not time yet,” she told him as she leapt to her feet beside him.

Stepping closer towards her, he wrapped his arms around her body to pull her in to a powerful embrace and clung to her with the same desperation as she did him. They stood unmoving in their bid to stay together for a few minutes more.

“I have to go,” he whispered, his voice lost in her hair.

“I’ll walk with you.” Her words tumbled shakily from her mouth and she fought with every ounce of self control to not break down and cry. Pulling away, she took a deep breath and reached for his hand, clasping the books of sonnets tightly in the other.

Grissom looked upon her with absolute adoration and battled with his own treacherous heart to keep him from losing what little control he maintained. Slowly, they started to walk towards the gate, their feet slowing with every step that took them both closer to heartache.

Soon, Grissom was the last passenger remaining, and the attendant behind the counter looked over at the parting couple with deepening sympathy. Dropping his bag to the floor, Grissom turned towards Sara to pull her roughly into his arms, the power of his embrace burning with hopelessness.

 Moving back slightly, his hands came up to frame her face, their cumbersome movements deliberately slow as he came forward and mashed his lips to hers in a kiss that held none of the passion they had captured over their time together. His body surrounded hers, the sheer strength of their kiss causing them both to adhere to each other.

With a deep groan, he deepened their kiss, savouring the last few moments. Their tongues duelled frantically, binding them together in slow intoxication, linking them as one in their desperate bid to memorize each other for the lonely months ahead.

 Moving her arms around his shoulders, she moulded herself to him, the book in her hand still clutched tightly between her fingers. Their lips parted slowly, only to meet again and again with feather light touches, desperation etched in every touch that kept them fused together. Finally, when they heard the soft voice of the attendant urging them to conclude their goodbye, they broke apart only to embrace tightly.

 “I love you,” Sara whispered hoarsely, squeezing her eyes tightly shut as she stayed close to his body, reluctant, even now to let him go.

“I love you too,” he whispered back, his warm breath puffing into her hair. His body was shaking when he slowly disengaged his arms from around her waist, but still keeping close enough to touch her. Their eyes held as he picked his bag up from the floor, his free hand still keeping a vice like hold on hers.

“They’re waiting for you,” Sara whispered brokenly as a tear escaped to roll down her cheek.

“I know.”

“Don’t forget what we promised, okay,” she sniffed, her hand slowly untangling from his as she took a reluctant step away from him, knowing that he was finding it just as hard to say goodbye.

“I won’t. I’ll call you as soon as I can,” he promised, his own backward steps taking him just a tiny bit further away from her.

“You’d better,” her voice cracked as she spoke, unable to tear her eyes from his retreating form.

Holding up a hand he pressed his fingers to his lips and waved a silent goodbye, before turning away from her to hand over his ticket to the woman behind the desk.

Sara’s heart ached and her lips still tingled from his kiss, but still she couldn’t let him go, not yet. “Grissom.” Taking a few steps forward, she moved towards him.

Coming together, they threw themselves into each others arms, one last final embrace before time ran out and yanked them apart. “I’ll miss you so much,” she whispered, her words catching in her throat as she slowly pulled away to look up into his eyes.

“I already miss you,” he whispered, his lips finding her forehead to place a soft kiss on her skin before pulling away. Lifting his fingers to her cheek, he caressed her face. His heart ached with heaviness when he let his hand fall from her to step away, putting distance between them.

‘I love you,’ she mouthed silently as a lone tear escaped to carve a wet track down her cheek.

He smiled then, his face flushed with a rosy tint as he mouthed back the same three words, all the while backing away from her. Sara watched him turn and start to walk away, every step a dagger inside her heart. When she couldn’t see him anymore, she brought her hand up to wipe her eyes and began the slow walk back towards the exiting doors, pain dogging her every step.

Chapter Thirty

When Grissom returned to Las Vegas he managed to dodge many of Catherine’s shooting questions as to why he had a certain glow about him. He’d remained silent, choosing to conceal the truth for a as long as possible, unwilling to share his happiness with anyone else.

He’d called Sara as soon as he got back, relieved to hear that she was once again in control of her emotions and returned to her normal self. He’d also heard her voice tinged with sadness, one which mirrored his own, but he had still kept good his promise of not withdrawing inside his shell again.

If anything he had returned a better, wiser man, and he was determined to live his life with the woman who wanted to share it with him. Nothing else mattered now except getting through the next three months without her, and with her strength carrying him, he knew he could do it.

“Hey Grissom,” Nick grinned as he knocked on the door frame before stepping inside the small room. “Welcome back.”

“Thanks,” Grissom nodded, his eyes returning to the file in his hand.

“So did you see Sara?”

“Huh?” Grissom tried to feign ignorance and looked up into the younger man’s eyes with barely concealed delight.

Nick caught the gleam in his supervisor’s eye almost instantly and closed the door before taking the chair opposite him. “How’s she doing over there?”

“You know Sara,” Grissom murmured, hoping his act would carry through with this charade. “She’s fit into her new role perfectly and seems to be getting along well with her co-workers.”

“Come on Grissom, you know what I mean here.” Nick sat forward, pressing a question that had haunted him since he’d given him Sara’s address. “Did you guys put things right between you?”

“That’s personal Nick,” Grissom warned, his eyes glinting as he spoke.

“Dammit Grissom, I swear if you hurt her…”

“I didn’t hurt her.” Drawing in a breath, Grissom sat back in his seat and regarded the young Texan whose obvious affection for Sara flushed a twinge of jealousy through him. “I wouldn’t.”

“Glad to hear it,” Nick nodded. “So is she okay?”

“She’s fine,” Grissom told him with a smile as his mind conjured up an image of her sleeping beside him after their first night together. “She’s settled and happy Nick, and she’s not staying on in Maine.”

Nick sat back and let a puff of relief leave his lungs. “Thank God,” he breathed, “I really thought we’d lose her this time.”

“We haven’t lost her Nick,” Grissom told him with just a hint of a smile on his lips. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a mountain of paperwork to get through before shift.”

Standing to his feet, Nick headed towards the door but turned around before opening it. “You know, it’s cool that you two have finally figured out what to do about the tension between you.” On seeing Grissom’s head snap up, he grinned. “Relax, I spoke to her an hour ago and she had a sparkle in her voice. I just put two and two together…”

“And come up with three?” Grissom asked sarcastically, a hint of a smile tugging at his lips.

“Ah, not this time Griss. I got a good feeling about you two.” Opening the door, he walked outside before Grissom had a chance to respond.

Pulling off his glasses, Grissom stared towards the closed door and felt the instant fluttering in his chest. He’d have to be more careful if he wanted to protect their relationship from outside influences. Shaking his head, he turned back to the file that laid open on his desk feeling his concentration slowly slipping away.

Pulling his cell phone from his pocket he pressed Sara’s speed dial  number and held the phone to his ear. He knew she would be working, almost nearing the end of her shift, but he needed to hear her voice.

After three rings, he heard her. “Sidle.”

“Hey, it’s me,” he said softly, an instant smile reaching his lips.

“Hey,” she said cheerfully. “You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine, just needed to hear you that’s all.” Lounging back in his chair, he closed his eyes to let his memories take him back to Maine.

Sara chuckled before answering him, her obvious delight at hearing from him heard filtering through every word. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too, honey,” he smiled. “I have to get back to work now, but…”

“I know,” she told him. “I’m glad you called.”

“Me too. I’ll call you when I get home. Will you be awake?”

“For you…of course.”

He laughed softly and huffed out a soft sigh, “I have to go.”

“Okay.” After a few seconds, her voice lowered “I’d tell you, you know…but I’m not alone around here.”

“Well fortunately for you, I am,” he smiled. “I love you.”

“You too.”

“Talk to you later sweetheart.”

“Later.” The phone clicked off to leave silence in his ear, but he didn’t care anymore. If getting through the next three months meant calling her on the occasions when he had a quiet few minutes, then that’s what he would do.

Replacing the phone back into his pocket, he rubbed his hands over his face before closing the file on the desk. Standing up, he went in search of the rest of his team, finally pleased that work would consume him until the end of shift.

Back in Maine, Sara stared down at the cell phone in her hand with a silly grin on her face.

“Your boyfriend again?” Treyson asked with a teasing smile. “That’s the second time today, must be getting serious.”

“Oh you are such a comedian,” she groaned, a soft smile gracing her lips as she placed her phone onto the belt at her hips. “Haven’t you got tests to run or something?”

“Nope,” he grinned as he sat forward to rest his elbows on the table opposite her. “So tell me, what’s it like?”

Sara stared at him for a few seconds almost afraid to ask, “Uh ... what’s what like?”

“Oh you know, having a life,” he grinned. “You know I’m only jealous because I don’t have one.”

“What makes you think I have one?” she deadpanned, trying hard to keep the smile from his lips.

“Oh come on, just look at yourself,” he grinned. “You’re smiling and then there’s that gleam in your eye…”

“What, I can’t smile now?” she laughed, her friend’s obvious affection for her lightening her earlier sadness.

“Oh you can certainly smile,” he beamed affectionately as he pushed his chair back and stood up.

“Are you sure you haven’t got a hidden brother called Nick?” She asked, smiling. “Because you know, if you have a secret family tucked away in Texas I swear I won’t tell!”

“No, no and no,” he laughed, their light banter coaxing her from her seat to follow him towards the door and back to work.

Grissom walked into the break room to find his team converged around the table waiting for him. There was an unusual quietness about them tonight, one which was more disturbing than anything else. Looking around each face in turn, he tried to make light of their seriousness. “Did somebody die and I don’t know about it?”

“Uh…”Catherine started, clearing her throat before she spoke. “We sort of expected your usual stoic and uhm… closed-off Grissom, now you’re all…changed and all.”

Shaking his head in confusion, Grissom looked down at his attire as he tried to fathom what Catherine was trying to say.

“Griss,” Warrick spoke from across the table. “What Cath’s trying to say is that you look different, more relaxed.”

“Oh.” Grissom turned accusing eyes towards Nick who cast him a look that was just as confused. “Well, isn’t being relaxed a good thing?”

“Well, yeah” Warrick nodded, “we’re just not used to seeing you so…”

“So relaxed,” Catherine finished for him.

“Well all I have to say is that, yes I am relaxed, but I’m sure that will change as the night goes on.” Taking the papers in his hand, he handed a slip over towards Catherine. “You and Warrick have a DB in the Belagio, Brass will meet you there.”

Turning to Jared, he handed the younger man his own slip. “You’re solo, you have a dead girl at the Tangiers.”

“I’m solo?” He grinned, “cool.”

“Your supervisor speaks highly of you,” Grissom told him. “I think it’s time you had a case of your own.”

“Great.” Taking the paper from Grissom, Jared looked down at it and started to walk out of the room, a smile tinting his features.

“Okay what about me?” Nick asked expectantly.

“You’re with me, we have a floater in Lake Mead.” Handing the paper to Nick, he walked out of the door leaving the younger CSI with a hesitant smile on his lips. Shaking his head, Nick headed towards the door. Grissom’s attitude was changing, for the better.

Chapter Thirty-One

The subsequent weeks followed the same pattern with both Sara and Grissom calling each other whenever they had a spare few minutes during the day. It had now been almost ten weeks since they had seen each other, both of them trying but failing to have two days off together at the same time.

Sara’s cases were very few, but she spent most of her time helping Treyson tie up loose ends and go over some of the cold cases that still remained unsolved.

Opening one of the evidence boxes, Sara pulled out the sealed envelopes that contained bloodied clothes from a murder that happened Five months ago.

“What are you looking for?” Treyson asked quietly when he examined the written notes that came with the case.

“Well she was shot right?” Sara asked as she spread the shirt flat onto the table. Lifting it slightly, she poked her gloved finger through the hole.

“Yeah, her husband came in and found her lying on the kitchen floor, no sign of a struggle or sexual assault.” Picking up the file, he turned it around so she could read it for herself. “No motive, nothing was stolen.”

“What about the husband?” Sara asked quietly as her mind slipped into past cases that she had covered before.

“He was at work all day, his secretary confirmed his alibi.” Shaking his head, Treyson sighed heavily. “You know, some days I wonder why I do this job.”

Sara smiled sympathetically and lifted her eyes to meet his. “You do it because you want to help people.”

“Yeah…”

“You know, you remind me so much of Nick. He has a deep commitment to the victims and their families, and he feels as if he’s failed if a case remains unsolved.” Returning her attention back to the shirt, she leant in closer, a sweet smell invading her senses.

“What’s wrong?” Treyson asked as he came around the table to stand beside her.

“Smell this,” she offered, stepping aside so her could bend down to sniff the shirt.

“What is that?” he asked after rubbing his nose. “Smells like cheap perfume.”

“There was no struggle right?” Sara asked, her enthusiasm building. “Nothing stolen, nothing to indicate a home invasion?”

“No nothing.”

“Chloroform,” she told him quickly. “It leaves behind a sweet smell, and it could explain why she didn’t put up a fight.”

“Yeah…” Treyson nodded quickly, his own exuberance fighting its way through his words. “I’ll get on to it.”

“Oh and re check the husbands alibi,” Sara told him as she held the shirt up before her, her eyes lingering over the bloodied shirt.

Treyson watched her silently as her mind churned over the evidence. “If she was standing, she would have struggled,” she theorized. “These blood patterns fall to both left and right of the bullet hole, indicating that she was laying down when she was shot.” Replacing the shirt on the table, she turned to the photos from the scene and looked over them with scrutinizing eyes.

“So if she was knocked out…” Treyson’s mind joined with hers as a mental picture started to build. Flicking through the statements of both the secretary and the husband, he started to read aloud. “Trevor and I worked on some speeches for a convention we’re both attending in a months time. I was with him for most of that time, except for twenty minutes when I took a break.”

“So twenty minutes…” Sara nodded. “Could be enough time to drive home, kill his wife and return to work as if nothing happened.”

“No, we thought that too at the time, but he never logged out. His car was in the parking lot until the end of the day.”

With a heavy sigh, Sara closed her eyes briefly and could feel the burning pressure reaching up inside her shoulders. She wished Grissom was here, he always opened other avenues of investigation without thinking.

“Go and take a break Sara,” Treyson offered, “you look beat.”

“I’m fine,” she smiled, “maybe I’ll go and grab a coffee or something. Thanks Trey.” Walking out of the room, she headed out to the break room.

Grissom was signing some papers when he heard his cell phone ringing. Putting his pen down, he pulled his phone from his pocket and flipped it open. “Grissom.”

“Talk to me,” Sara’s voice groaned from the other end.

“Honey, you okay?” Sitting up straighter in his seat, all other thought fled from his mind.

“Yeah I’m okay,” she sighed. “I just needed to hear your voice.”

“Well in two weeks you’ll be home and you can hear me all the time.” His smile lingered when he heard her moan with contentment at the other end.

“Can I come home now?” she laughed, “I could really do with your arms around me right about now.”

Grissom had known Sara for a long time and he knew most of her moods. “Tell me,” he whispered, urging her to release the burden that weighed heavily on her mind.

“I’m working on an old case,” she told him. “A woman found shot dead on her kitchen floor, no sign of a struggle and the husband has an alibi. There’s a sweet smell on her shirt which I suspect may be chloroform. Treyson’s running that through now.”

“Was she assaulted?”

“No nothing. No bruising, no sexual assault.” Sighing heavily, she smiled into the phone. “I wish I was with you right now.”

“I wish that too,” he smiled. “Don’t let this case get to you Sara, you know as well as I do that some cases can never be solved.”

“I know, but something about this seems off, you know?” Taking a breath, she started to go through what little they knew about the husband. “He has an alibi, but there’s twenty minutes when she wasn’t with him, but according to Trey, he didn’t leave the building. His car was still in the lot.”

“And the secretary?”

“She said she was on a break…” Sara’s voice stopped mid sentence as another possibility swam through her mind. “Why didn’t I see this before?”

“You would have done eventually,” he grinned.

“God I miss you,” she told him quietly. “Are you alone?”

“Sort of, but not that alone, my doors open.”

“Well I’m alone,” she smiled softly, her heart aching, “I love you.”

Grissom’s face flushed slightly, he would never tire of hearing her say those words. “You too honey.”

“Call me later?”

“Count on it,” he smiled, leaning his ear closer to the phone as if he could keep linked with her for a moment longer. He heard her soft goodbye and waited until the line went dead before taking another breath, only then, did he close the phone and return to work.

Sara made her way back to the lay out room, ten minutes later, a new determination fuelling her movements. “Trey, check the secretary.”

Looking up, Treyson watched her, his triumphant expression mirroring the sparkle in her eyes. “You were right, it is chloroform, and there’s something else.”

“What?”

“Perfume.” Treyson pulled out a piece of paper from inside the open folder. “Our vic, Tracey Wilson was allergic to all kinds of perfume products.”

“So…was the secretary ever asked to give an alibi for her whereabouts?”

Treyson watched her silently, sudden awareness dawning along with the smile on his face. “She said she spent the whole time in her office, but there was no one to corroborate her story.”

“I guess we have a new suspect,” Sara grinned.

“I guess we do. I’m gonna go call Charlton and see about a warrant.”

“Okay.”

When she was alone in the layout room, Sara sat down onto the stool beside her and let long breath escape from her lips. She had two weeks left in Maine and for the first time since Grissom had returned to Vegas, she found herself aching for him.

The silence around her was soon forgotten when Treyson returned triumphantly. “Charlton is sorting out our warrant, you gonna come along?”

“No I’ll go through the rest of this evidence and see if there’s anything else.” She watched as he turned tail and literally floated out of the room, his previous depression at being unable to solve this case seemingly passed. Smiling, Sara searched through the rest of the evidence and pushed the thoughts of longing to the back of her mind.

Grissom was walking over to his Denali when his cell phone rang inside his pocket, and hurriedly flipped open the phone while he unlocked the door. “Grissom.”

“Thank you,” was all Sara said, her voice brimming with warmth.

“Why?” he smiled, “What did I do?”

“It was the secretary. She killed her boss’s wife because she was in love with him and he rejected her. She admitted it in like two seconds”

“Ahh jealousy…hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” Climbing into the Denali he pulled the door closed. “How are you sweetheart, you sound tired.”

“Yeah I am a little. We worked through to put this case to rest. I’m off tonight though.”

“I’ve just finished shift too, I’m on my way home.” Closing his eyes, Grissom imagined her face, and the warmth of her body next to him. “These last few weeks have felt like years.”

“I know honey, believe me I know.” After a short pause, he could hear her voice shaking as she spoke. “When I come back to Vegas, would it be a problem if I stayed with you…just for a few days until I get my bearings.”

“Sara…” his eyes clouded over with emotion and his voice softened. “You really think that after six months without you I have any intentions of letting you go back to your apartment?”

“I wished…”

“I know.” Looking up, he saw Catherine walking over towards her own Denali and quickly sat up. “Listen, I’ll call you when I get home okay?”

“Someone there?”

“Yeah Catherine, and you know she can sense stuff like this from a few feet away!”

Sara laughed lightly. “Oh God get outta there or she’ll hunt you down until you confess…I’ll talk to you later.”

“You will,” he smiled, “bye Sara.”

Closing the phone, he caught sight of Catherine watching him curiously and started the engine before she made a move to interrogate him on why he looked so happy. With a courteous wave, he pulled out of the parking lot and made his way home, knowing that his home no longer felt so empty the second he heard Sara’s voice. Soon she would be home and all his loneliness would be forgotten.

Sara was making her way past Andrew Dales office and stopped in the doorway to say goodnight.

“Hey Sara, good work on the Wilson case.”

Stepping into the room she offered his a soft smile. “Treyson did most of the work, this is all credit to him.”

“Funnily enough he said the same thing about you,” Andrew told her. “I know I’m wasting my breath here, but I wish you would consider staying on here.”

“I can’t Andrew,” she sighed, the heaviness in her voice straining through every word. “If you’d have asked me before…I mean…”

“We’re serious about Grissom, we would offer him a job to keep you here.”

“I’m serious too Andrew, and as much as I have loved being here and being a part of your team, I just can’t…” shaking her head slowly, she met his eyes with her own brimming sadness. “I miss him Andrew.”

“I know, and that’s why we’re letting you go early.” Andrew watched her with an amused expression as sudden awareness dawned in her eyes. Before she could ask, he grinned his infectious smile. “Day after tomorrow Sara.”

“But what about Jared?” Sara’s heart was racing as she sank down into the chair opposite his desk, her voice shaking with a mixture of hurt and excitement.

“He’s looking forward to coming home, I spoke to him a few hours ago and he’s happy to return.” Sitting forward, Andrew offered her another beaming smile. “His flight gets in 5.30 pm tomorrow night.”

“But won’t Cavallo be pissed that he’s leaving early?”

“No actually, it seems your Director is anxious to have you back, something about solve rates…” His voice trailed off when he saw her burst into a beaming smile.

“Does Grissom know yet?” Sara could hardly contain her excitement as she spoke, her need to share her news with the man she loved overflowing from her heart.

“I thought I’d leave that to you,” he smiled.

“Thank you Andrew,” she beamed as she stood to her feet, “for everything.”

“There’s another thing by the way. There’ll always be a job here for you if you should need a change of scenery.”

“That’s good to know,” she nodded slowly, her eyes misting with tears. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow,” he nodded. “Now scat and be sure to tell that boyfriend of yours how lucky he is!”

Sara’s answering smile was the last he saw before she pulled her phone from her belt and started to walk out of his office. Listening intently, he heard her delight as she almost shouted into the phone. “I’m coming home.”

With a heavy sigh, Andrew Dale closed the folder on his desk and decided to call it a night. Sara Sidle was a lasting burst of energy that had taken the hearts of every man in the lab. He would be sad to see her go, but knew that nothing could compare to what she had to return home to, and as much as he wanted her to stay, he wasn’t going to stop her.

Reaching the door way, he clicked off the light on his way out into the hallway and smiled. He felt good.

Chapter Thirty-Two

Grissom looked down at his watch for the fifth time in 2 minutes minutes. The Las Vegas airport was bustling with people, most of them obscuring his view, but for now, he didn’t really care. He only wanted to see one person tonight, one face that had haunted his dreams for so long.

Taking a deep breath, he tried to calm his racing heart. He hadn’t seen Sara for almost three months and he was finding it increasingly difficult to concentrate on anything other than her. He felt like a teenager again, totally besotted with the woman he loved, but it felt exhilaratingly good.

Sudden movement caused him to cast his  eyes back towards the crowd, scanning the sea of arrivals for her. Looking down at his watch once again, he noted that another minute had ticked by, one more second closer to being with her again.

His mind drifted back to the last time he had seen her face. She had been immersed in grief, their separation causing them both to fight to remain in control of their tempestuous emotions. He had left her behind, unable to turn back and look for her once he was through the barrier that aimed to lead him away from her. He knew then, that if he met her eyes, he wouldn’t have been able to leave her.

A surge of people came through the arrival gate to break him out of his reverie. He hadn’t realized until now just how desperately he needed to see her. They’d shared countless phone conversations and expressed words of love and longing in whispered confessions when neither wanted the other to hang up. When they eventually did break the conversation, either one of them would banish the silence and call when the other was sleeping, just to hear the warm voice at the other end.

Searching the crowd, Grissom felt the hairs on his neck stand on end and he knew instantly that she was here, somewhere in this airport. He started to walk towards the sea of people hoping to spot her.

“Hey.” Her voice came from nowhere and he spun around to find her watching him with a beaming smile on her face.

His heart leapt into his throat and he lunged for her, wrapping his arms tightly around her body as he pulled her into his embrace. “Sara…” he whispered hoarsely.

Sara dropped her bag to the floor and slid her hands up over his back, her fingers meeting at his neck. She clung to him, her need to feel every inch of him coursing through her body like molten lava.

They rocked each other, neither speaking for fear of waking from this beautiful dream. Moving slightly, Sara was unable to hold back any longer and moved her lips to kiss his cheek, peppering tiny kisses along his bearded face, all the while stroking the hairs on the base of his neck. She could feel him shaking against her, his own tenuous control slipping as he turned his head to finally mash his lips to hers.

With mutual understanding they merged as one, kissing each other with desperation, like long lost lovers finally returning. The people around them suddenly disappeared into the background, the chatter and bustle dying away leaving only the two of them.

Sara slid her tongue over his lips, her silent plea begging for entry which he granted almost instantly. He met her half way, his own body’s reaction causing chaos throughout hers, but still she couldn’t pull away from him. Their tongues dueled in a frenzied battle, both desperate to feel as much of the other as possible. Grissom’s hands slid over her back, his fingers massaging where they stopped, only to move onto somewhere else to begin the same process all over again.

The sounds around them soon started to filter through to their senses, alerting them to the other people in the airport. Sara whimpered into his mouth when he started to pull away, breaking their lips from the ecstasy she was immersed in.

“Sara,” he whispered again as he pulled her back into his chest to hold her against him.

“I missed you,” she told him, her voice hoarse as fresh tears built in her eyes.

“I know,” he breathed, his arms pulling her tighter. “Me too.”

Pulling back slightly, Sara looked up into his face, her eyes lovingly drinking every inch of him. “You look tired.”

“I am,” he smiled, lifting a hand up to frame her cheek. “But you’re home now.”

Sara could feel the tension between them, a tingling sensation that had held them together for so long. Lifting one of her own hands she slid it over his on her face, leaning into his touch. Their eyes held as she turned her head slightly to kiss his palm. “Take me home Grissom.”

His eyes burned with fire when he heard her words and silently loosened his arms around her, but not losing contact. Bending down, he picked up her bag and slid his arms around her back to nestle his hand on her waist, pulling her tightly into his body. “I’ve brought some vegetarian meals for you,” he told her with a smile.

Lifting her face, she graced him with an adoring smile and reached up to place a soft kiss on his cheek. “You did?”

“Uh hum,” he nodded, leading her out into the warm Vegas sunshine. “I thought we could go and have some real food when you’ve settled back into being here.”

“I’m settled,” she beamed, “believe me I am very settled.”

His smile widened when he walked her over towards his waiting Denali, and only released her when he pulled open the door for her to climb inside.

The drive back to his town house was made in a comfortable silence, both of them basking in the others presence. Reaching out a hand, Sara placed her hand on his thigh as they drove, her simple touch igniting them both with burning fire.

“Do the others know I’m back?” she asked softly, her voice cracking with the tension that coursed through her body.

“No, I thought you could tell them at breakfast tomorrow.” Glancing at her quickly, he turned his eyes back to the road and smiled. “I offered to buy breakfast after shift.”

“Honey, if that didn’t scream out to Catherine’s suspicions I think it will now!” Sara couldn’t help but laugh, her happiness to be back with him spurring her into blissful contentment, something she hadn’t felt for a very long time.

“Not if we’re careful,” he grinned. “How about you? Did you give Nick any hints that you were coming home?”

“Nope,” she smiled “and as much as I love him he can be pretty clueless sometimes.”

“A little like me huh?”

“No Griss, you wasn’t clueless you just didn’t know what to do.” Squeezing his thigh, she withdrew her hand and sat back in her seat to watch him.

“What?” he asked quickly without taking his eyes off of the road. He knew she was watching him because every nerve ending in his entire body was tingling under her scrutiny. When she didn’t answer, he started to smile, knowing she was playing with him.

“Nothing’s wrong,” she grinned. “Can’t I just sit and gaze at the man I love without having to explain it?”

“Well sweetheart if Catherine didn’t notice before, she will pick it up within a second if she catches you!”

“I’ll be careful.”

Grissom huffed out a mock sigh as he turned the Denali into his street. “I believe you,” he told her with his adorable half grin. Pulling up outside his house, he stopped the SUV and turned to look at her.

“What?” she asked softly as a small blush crept up over her cheeks. She couldn’t help but notice how his eyes lingered over her body like a man hungering for his final meal.

“Can’t a man look at the woman he loves without anyone getting suspicious?” His smile was becoming infectious and she found herself leaning in closer to him so she could press a soft kiss on his lips.

“Mmm,” she groaned when she pulled away. “I say you take this woman inside your house so she can kiss you without an audience.”

“That sounds like a very good idea,” he whispered, his lips still enticingly close to hers until he forced himself to pull back from her. Unclipping his seat belt, he opened his door and climbed out onto the sidewalk and then opened the rear door to pull out Sara’s bag.

“I can’t remember the last time I came here,” she told him softly when she came to stand beside him. Looking up at the building before her she allowed a sad sigh to escape her lips.

Grissom moved closer to her and slid an arm around her back, urging her to walk with him. He knew that almost every hurdle from before had been overcome, but that the odd one or two would still be stuck fast, just waiting to be knocked down. He’d never invited Sara over to his house before, he’d never invited her for a drink like he had the others, he’d never cooked for her, he’d never done a lot of things that he should have.

 Tightening his hold on her he leant over to place a soft kiss on her hair, mainly to reassure himself that she was really here. “Everything is going to change Sara,” he whispered softly. “I promise you.”

Leading her up to the front door, he unlocked it and stood back to usher her inside. She did as he bade, moving away from his body to venture into the house. Her eyes flittered around the room as she tried to memorize every detail. His house welcomed her into its folds, the décor distinctly Grissom, yet still it held a certain amount of sadness that lingered over her heart.

“Make yourself at home honey,” he told her softly as he came up to touch her arm from behind. “I’ll put your things in the bedroom.”

“Okay,” she whispered, turning just in time to see him making his way down the hall. With a heavy sigh she walked over towards the small couch that sat beneath the window and tentatively sat down on the edge. Looking up, she continued her observations, her eyes tracing the path of the room until they landed on a group of pictures that were displayed on one of his shelves. Standing up again, she walked silently over towards them to gain a better look.

Grissom came back into the room and saw her looking at his family photos. Moving closer, he slipped his arms around her from behind and rested his hands on her stomach. “My mother,” he told her.

“She looks a lot like you,” she told him with a smile as she leant back into his embrace.

“I think she’ll be very pleased to know you think that,” he told her softly. “She’ll adore you when she meets you, God knows I’ve told her all about you.”

His words sparked something inside her and she turned in his arms to face him. Lifting her eyes to his, she smoothed her hands up his chest to link her fingers at the base of his neck. “You talk about me?” She asked coyly, a soft smile lingering over her lips.

“All the time,” he whispered as he descended on her lips. Sara moaned into his mouth when he captured her lips, deepening their kiss before she had time to breathe. His tongue plunged into her mouth causing her to whimper with the sensations he was enticing throughout her body. Pushing herself closer to him, she buried her fingers into his curls and clamped his mouth tightly to hers.

Grissom was lost in her as she caused every ounce of self control to flitter away like the breeze. His body still reacted her in the same way as it had done only months before, and his mind remembered every inch of her skin with perfect clarity. He needed her now more than he needed to breathe and he pretty much knew that she needed the same from him. Without breaking the kiss he stooped down to pick her up in his arms, and walked them down the hall towards his bedroom.

Sara opened her eyes with a soft sigh as she rolled over onto her side. Sitting up slowly she looked around the room to find Grissom sitting on the edge of their bed pulling on his socks. “What time is it?” she asked with a yawn as she slowly laid back down onto the pillows.

Turning around to face her he met her with a beaming smile. “Hey honey, I thought you were gonna sleep all night.” Turning around he semi crawled back onto the mattress to place a soft kiss on her flushed cheeks before pulling back to look at her.

“Do you have to go to work?” she sighed sadly as she traced his bearded face with her fingers.

“Afraid so,” he sighed. Leaning in to kiss her again briefly, he pulled away to sit back up on the edge of the bed. “With Jared gone we’re short staffed.”

Sitting up again, Sara threw off the covers and crawled over towards him to embrace him from behind. Leaning closer, she pressed her naked body into his back and started to press tiny kisses over his neck.

“Sara…” he groaned, his body reacting to her touch with lightening speed. Everything else faded into the distance as she languished soft kisses over his skin, her gentle caresses worshiping every part of him that she could.

“We have time,” she whispered, her lips working their way up to his ear to gently suck the lobe into her mouth, the sensations causing him to shiver against her.

“Sara…” he whimpered softly, unable to resist her any longer. He followed willingly wherever she was taking him, knowing that the outcome would splinter his soul into pure unadulterated heaven.

Pushing him down, Sara eased her body over his, taking full advantage of his undressed state. Her hands caressed his skin, their scorching touch burning him with intensity, and when she dipped her head to kiss him he surrendered to her completely, allowing her to take control.

“I want you,” she whimpered softly as she hovered over his lips. Her eyes gazed into his, seeking his acceptance even after all of their times together. What she saw in his eyes gave her everything she needed and so much more and in one fluid movement she took him inside her body, fusing them together in ecstasy.

Grissom’s eyes closed when she sheathed him, her body speaking to his in ways that only lovers could. When she started to move, her steady rhythm building, he found himself matching hers only to increase the pace when his body cried out its need.

Their mouths meshed together  as they sought for release, their own private paradise calling out to them to release the passions and pull them down into its peaceful folds.

Flipping them over so she was beneath him, Grissom took control, bringing them both to peaks of passion with his powerful movements. Sara’s body glistened with beads of sweat as she pushed her head into the pillows, her soft gasps turning into groans that made up his name when she tipped over the edge to pulsate around him.

He soon followed, his own jerking movements causing him to gasp out her name. He collapsed on top of her, using his elbows as leverage to stop himself from crushing her. He gazed down at her with wonder, his breath fanning her face. “I love you so much,” he whispered, the words slipping over his tongue with ease.

Reaching up a shaky hand to his face, Sara stroked his beard lovingly. “I love you too,” she smiled. “I’m glad I’m here.”

“So am I,” he whispered, kissing her soundly on her lips. Pushing himself up, he slid out of her body and laid down beside her. “I have to work.”

“I know,” she sighed as she snuggled up beside him.

“You go back to sleep honey,” he told her softly, leaning down to place a tender kiss on her hair.

“Can’t sleep without you,” she protested, even though her eyes were already closing, but she forced them open again a second later.

Grissom sat back and watched her, content to observe every feature that only made him love her more. “I’m gonna go and grab another shower,” he whispered, “then I have to go.”

Sara nodded silently, her eyes watching his every movement. She was tired tonight, maybe more tired than she had been in a long time, and here she was in Grissom’s bed, his scent lulling her into slumber but she fought it with everything she possessed. Laying back into the pillows she closed her eyes and listened to the sound of the shower running.

When Grissom came back into their bedroom he was fully dressed. His eyes lingered over the sleeping woman in the bed and he felt something in his heart snap. He wanted to be under those covers with her and be curled up in her arms. Moving closer towards the bed he perched down to sit beside her.

“You going to work,” she mumbled, startling him as she slowly rolled onto her back so she could smile up at him.

“I thought you was asleep.” Leaning down, he kissed her lips softly, once, twice before pulling away from her totally. “You gonna be okay?”

“Yeah…” Pulling herself up onto her elbows, she smiled up at him. “You know I could come in and help out.”

“You could,” he nodded, “but how do I explain you coming into work with me?”

“I got home and called you to come and pick me up?”

“Okay…So I come to pick you up…how do I react?” He countered, knowing that they might just get away with this little ploy.

“You act like you’re pleased to have me back.”

“I am pleased to have you back,” he grinned. “I’m overjoyed to have you back.”

“Then let me come and help out tonight. The rest we’ll sort out later.”

“But you’re tired,” he started to protest, knowing that he was clutching at straws.

“I can sleep when we get home after shift, and I have to see Cavallo anyway…”

“Okay,” he nodded, “but if you’re tired you come home…deal?”

“I won’t get tired,” she promised him, a smile gracing her lips. Flinging the covers aside, she jumped out of bed to stand naked before him. “Give me ten minutes to shower and change, then I’m all yours.”

Grissom watched her, speechless. She left the room in a silent burst, leaving him to gaze in wonderment behind her, and he knew from this moment on, life would never be the same again.

Chapter Thirty- Three

Nick walked into the break room with Warrick, both of them heading straight for the coffee pot. Nick poured himself a coffee before filling Warricks empty cup, continuing their conversation as he did.

“I tell you man, she’s thinking of staying.”

Warrick shook his head calmly when he turned to his friend. “Sara wouldn’t do that, not without thinking about it first.”

“She sounded as if she’s thought about it a lot,” Nick sighed sadly as he sat down into one of the chairs placed around the table. “I think we’re gonna loose her.”

“Loose who?” Catherine asked as she came into the room, her eyes watching both men curiously.

Nick’s heart ached with tension as he forced himself to bite the sarcastic remark from spilling out of his mouth, so instead he took a deep breath and simply said “Sara.”

Catherine came over to the table and sat down opposite him. It had been no secret that she had probably been partly to blame for Sara’s sudden departure, and she had tried to make amends with her conscience. “I’m sorry, Nick.”

“Why?” he snapped quickly, his heated word slipping from his tongue before he had a chance to stop it.

Catherine drew in a sharp breath and turned to Warrick in the hopes that he would offer her some support, but he seemed unable to meet her eyes. “What?” she asked defensively, “I didn’t make her leave.”

“No you didn’t make her leave Catherine, but you sure made her life miserable around here didn’t you?”

“I apologized,” she retorted huffily as she shifted slightly in her chair. “Sara accepted my apology so why can’t you?”

“He does accept it Cath,” Warrick sighed, breaking through Nick’s words before he could deliver another angry response. Coming over to the table, he pulled out the chair next to hers and sat down. “Nick, Sara’s obviously happy where she is if she’s considering staying on. We can’t turn on each other now.”

Nick knew he was right, but it didn’t help the ache that travelled throughout his body. “I miss her is all.”

“We all miss her,” Warrick agreed, his eyes catching Catherine’s briefly.

“It’s quiet,” she nodded, still unable to admit that she had acted unprofessionally around Sara when she offered her her own personal views on the non relationship with Grissom.

Nick looked up at her sharply, his dark eyes piercing. Before he could offer a sufficient response, Grissom came into the break room with their assignments.

“We’ll be getting some help tonight,” Grissom announced as he walked over towards the coffee pot, all eyes following him. Turning around to face them, he couldn’t help but smile inwardly when he saw Sara approaching the open doorway. “As you know, Jared decided to leave for Maine early which leaves us short handed. So I’ve asked a friend of mine to help out for a while until we’re back to full staff again.”

“A friend?” Catherine asked with a slight smile, “last time you delivered a speech like that we got Sara…”

“Sorry to disappoint you there, Catherine,” a voice came from the doorway. “Guess you’ll have to put up with me again.”

Both Nick and Warrick spun around simultaneously, shock quickly registering with elation as Nick practically jumped out of his chair to go to her. She met him half way and leapt into his open arms.

“You’re back,” he groaned, rocking her from side to side. Pushing her back slightly he searched her eyes in the hopes that she was real and not some conjured up image that his mind had shown him. When she met him with a bright smile, he knew she was real and yanked her back into his arms, his tight embrace practically squeezing the breath from her lungs.

“Sweetie, need breath,” she mumbled against him, her elation quickly burning through to her eyes.

“Honey I’m sorry,” he whispered as he gently released her to frame her face with his hands. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming home, I’d have come to meet you at the airport.”

“And miss this?” she grinned happily as she covered his hand with her own. “I wanted to surprise you.”

“Nick, let the girl breath a little,” Warrick drawled as he practically pushed Nick out of the way so he could wrap his arms around her. “Good to see you girl,” he told her as he slowly released her.

“You too,” she smiled, squeezing his hand before releasing him. Her eyes scanned the room coming to rest of Grissom. Their eyes met and held across the room to cast hidden messages in every second of their gaze. She smiled slightly, her love for him conveyed in that tiny gesture, but true to her word, she withdrew her gaze and diverted her eyes back to Nick.

Catherine stood up to face her and stepped a little closer. Sara watched her warily for a few seconds, unsure of what to expect from the woman who had tried to drive a stake through her heart. “Catherine,” she nodded quietly.

The older woman stepped closer and met her eyes. Sara was surprised to see a sheen of tears pooling inside Catherine’s eyes, and wasn’t sure if it was because she had returned to Vegas or because she hadn’t decided to stay on in Maine. She was even more taken aback when Catherine pulled her into a gentle embrace, holding her briefly before stepping back again. “Welcome home,” she whispered softly, although her eyes conveyed how sorry she was for causing so much pain.

“Thank you,” Sara nodded, still unsure what to make of Catherine’s sudden friendliness. Finding Grissom’s eyes again, Sara took courage from his adoring gaze to turn back and catch Catherine’s arm before she retreated. “Thanks for your emails Cath, it meant a lot.”

“I meant it,” Catherine told her almost instantly, her hand reaching out to Grasp Sara’s quickly. “I really am sorry.”

“I know,” Sara nodded, a small smile gracing her lips. “I don’t hold grudges, and I don’t take it personally.”

Catherine nodded slowly, happy with Sara’s answer that basically let her off the hook. Releasing her hold on Sara’s hand, she looked towards Nick hoping he too would be able to bury her past mistakes and regain the trust they once shared. When she was greeted with his warm smile, she knew. Everything was how it should be now, the five of them once again rejoined to create the best team that the crime lab had.

Returning to the chair she so hurriedly vacated, she sat down and watched as everyone else joined her, their obvious joy at having Sara back amongst them showing in their eyes.

Grissom offered Catherine an approving nod before taking his seat beside Sara and started to go through the slips of paper he held in his hands. The moments passed and he reverted back into supervisor mode. “We have a multiple down town, all hands on,” standing he glanced back at Sara with a knowing gleam in his eyes before leaving the room.

Sara grinned as she stood up again only to be pulled into another tight hug from Nick. He released her just as quickly, his hand squeezing her arm before following Grissom out of the room. She watched them filter out one by one and finally allowed herself to take a deep breath. It felt good to be back.

 ***

The diner was relatively quiet when the five friends all sat around the table awaiting their breakfast orders.

“So did Greg catch you?” Catherine grinned, her words directed towards Sara who was sitting beside Grissom in the corner booth.

“Oh yeah,” she grinned. “He thought I was a mirage at first!”

“He missed you,” Catherine smiled.

“We all missed you,” Nick offered before turning his attention to Grissom, “Didn’t we Griss?”

“Huh?” he asked quickly, looking up at the faces across the table.

“I was telling Sara we all missed her,” Nick repeated.

“Oh,” he muttered, turning his head to gaze into the eyes of the woman he loved. “Yeah we did.”

“That’s good to know,” she smiled, catching his eyes before shaking herself out of their closeness.

Grissom felt it too, his body unwilling to listen to his mind as he fought not to touch her. Lifting an arm behind her, he rested it along the back of their seat, his fingers absentmindedly playing with the ends of her hair.

Catherine spotted the simple touch immediately but said nothing. A small smile graced her lips and she turned her eyes to find that both Nick and Warrick had noticed it too.

The conversation shifted back to Sara’s months away and she filled them all in on the happenings of Maine. Grissom and Sara seemed to gravitate closer, their bodies craving to be together. As she talked, Sara sat back into the bench giving Grissom full access to her shoulders. She knew it was becoming more and more difficult to hide how she felt about him, but her hands seemed to hand a mind of their own.

“So what about your boss?” Nick asked quickly as he tried to distract her from Grissom’s gravitational pull.

“Oh, he was a sweetheart,” she smiled in remembrance, “he actually offered me a job if I wanted to go back.”

“You’re not seriously considering it are you?” Nick asked her worriedly.

She turned to glance at Grissom and smiled then looked away again. Her hand slid from her lap and onto his thigh, delighted with the sharp intake of breath from his lips, and grateful that the table obscured the view. “I don’t think so,” she sighed, giving Grissom’s thigh a gentle squeeze only to pull it away again when their orders arrived. The conversation slipped into what had happened in Vegas in her absence and she found herself relaying everything that she had experienced in Maine.

When they had all eaten, Sara pushed her half eaten breakfast away and stood up quickly. Looking down at her companions, she smiled warmly, touched by their concern. “Be back in a minute.”

All eyes fell to her as she left, the conversation slowly returning to the light banter that occupied the table. A few seconds later, Grissom stood up and looked down at them when the conversation stopped. “Uh…” he pointed towards the washroom “bathroom.”

“Oookkkayyy,” Catherine drew out suspiciously when he followed the same path that Sara had taken only a few moments ago. “There’s something going on here,” she muttered.

“You noticed too huh?” Warrick asked with a smile.

“That depends on what you noticed,” she told him, her voice lowering into a conspired whisper.

“His hand was in her hair,” Warrick nodded, “you?”

“She had her hand on his leg.”

“No way!”

“Way…” Catherine grinned, leaning into his shoulder to nudge him gently.

“You’re kidding me right?” Warrick’s graveled voice fanned her hair and when she shook her head, her smile beaming, he knew it must be true.

“Guys…” Nick started, his voice dropping as he leaned closer across the table. “Listen, between us…I know some stuff…”

Sara was looking for something in her pocket when she bumped into someone in the hallway that led back to the restaurant. “Sorry,” she muttered apologetically. Her eyes traveled up a masculine body and met a set of deep blue eyes. “Hmmm, maybe I’m not so sorry.”

Wordlessly, his lips met hers, stealing the words from her. She returned his kiss with a forceful one of her own, meeting his tongue with equal vigor. Their hands raked over each other with blind possession as he backed her up against the wall. “I’ve wanted to kiss you all night,” he groaned, pulling his lips away briefly to hover over hers.

“Me too,” she whispered softly, lifting her arms to accommodate his roaming hands that had somehow found their way beneath her shirt.

“Sara…” he breathed, his groan sighing her name as his lips trailed open mouthed kisses down her throat. She moved for him, angling her head so that he could worship her skin only to whimper slightly when he forcefully stepped away from her. His eyes gazed over her passion filled gaze and his body answered. “I think we should go home before I embarrass myself.”

Looking slowly down over his body, Sara’s eyes suddenly found the source of his discomfort and stepped in to kiss his lips softly. “Then let’s go?”

“What do we tell them?” he asked, inclining his head towards the general direction of the door.

“That you’re taking me home,” she smiled.

Stepping away from him, Sara straightened her clothes and offered him one more smile before walking back into the restaurant to rejoin the others at the table. A few seconds later, Grissom returned and placed some money on the table for the bill. “You need a ride home, Sara?” he asked in what he hoped was a steady voice.

“Sure,” she smiled sweetly moving over to stand beside him. “See you tonight guys.”

“Later,” they chorused, mindful to keep watching eyes on the couple as they made their way towards the exit. Nick was grinning like an idiot when he noticed how Grissom’s hand slipped into the small of Sara’s back, and that simple act alone showed him more than anything that Sara would be staying in Vegas where she belonged.

“”I wonder when they’ll admit it?” Catherine mused as she sipped her coffee.

“Care to make a bet?” Nick grinned, nudging Warricks arm.

“I don’t gamble anymore Nick, but if I did I wouldn’t bet on those telling anyone anytime soon. I say we pretend not to notice.”

“Oh yeah, that’ll drive them nuts!” Catherine laughed. Looking down at her watch she reached over to grab her purse and almost leapt to her feet. “Listen, I have to go, see you later guys.”

“Later,” Warrick drawled, his smile lingering as he watched her walk away.

“It’s great to be back to normal again,” Nick mused.

“Oh yeah,” Warrick agreed.

“Wanna come watch some TV?” Nick grinned as he stood.

“Man, you need a girl!” Warrick laughed as he stood alongside him and slapped his arm while they made their way towards the exit.

Things were right again in their little corner of Las Vegas and as the two friends shared their light banter, elsewhere, two people came together once again to seal a love that had held them together through the passages of time, and all was right within their world once more….

End