EMAIL: [email protected] or [email protected]

 ***

Silence echoed in Sara Sidles ears as she sat in the locker room looking down at her shaking hands. Total undeniable silence that burned into her soul leaving a gaping wound so deep she thought she would never recover.

He had ignored her once again, her words leading out into open space, casting their pain into an endless void of darkness, as Grissom once more chose not to hear her.

Things had been so bad between them lately, she couldn’t help wonder if they would ever recover their once strong bond from the wreckage that her heart had become.

She knew she had hurt him, and how many times would she have to apologize and plead with him to make him understand? He’d told her to get herself a life, told her to have an interest outside of work, so she got one. Not the ideal life she could have hoped for because that would involve so much more, but she took what little she could just to try and make a difference. How could she have possibly known that a simple date between friends would lead to her whole life to shatter around her leaving her broken and torn and utterly alone?

Gil Grissom would always hold onto her heart whether he wanted it or not, she herself, unable or unwilling to ever ask for it back because there would never be any other man she would willingly give it to, but he had lied, all those years ago when she opened her heart and let him inside her crumbling walls he had made her a promise, a promise to keep her heart safe.

Sighing heavily, she stood shakily to her feet. No point in crying, she mused, because who would even hear her tears?

Grabbing her jacket from the bench she moved towards the door only to have it swing open suddenly, the force knocking her to the floor.

“ Oh god Sara,” Nicky gasped as he dropped to his knees to help her up “ Honey I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were in here.”

“ It’s ok,” she winced, pulling on his offered hand to climb to her feet “ I’m alright.”

Nick wasn’t so convinced as she tried to pretend, reaching out to cradle her face in his hands to look into her eyes.

“ I know you Sar,” he told her “ you can be straight with me, I know you’re not ok.”

“ I just fell,” she protested “ look…”

“ I’m not talking about the fall,” he told her, his hands dropping from her face to trace down her arms to link with her hands.

“ I don’t know what you’re talking about Nick,” she lied, averting her eyes away from his, unable to withstand his penetrating stare any longer.

“ Sara?” he asked softly, his finger reaching to her face to turn her head and eyes back to his “ You know you can tell me anything. I’ve seen this little dance you and Grissom seem to be doing and I know it’s hurting you.”

Nick’s words seemed to embed themselves into her heart, ripping the pain free to burst throughout her body bringing a torrid painful wave of emotion so strong that she had to grab his hands to stop herself from falling.

“ Not here,” she whispered, her eyes meeting his again to reveal the sheen of tears in her eyes “ I can’t do this here.”

“ Ok,” he told her, giving her hand a squeeze, refusing to let her go for a second while he grabbed his jacket “ where do you want to go?”

“ I don’t know,” her voice sounded so unlike her own right now, shaking, emotional and detached. Was that her who had just spoken those words or was it someone else, she wondered quietly.

“ Come on,” he told her as he opened the door to usher them outside into the corridor “ I’ll take you home.”

“ Not my place,” she whimpered, her bottom lip quivering as she fought desperately with her emotions, their inner turmoil causing havoc with her heart.

“ Mine then?” he asked softly, guiding her closer into his body, protecting her from the unwelcome prying eyes of their coworkers.

She made no protests to his touch, instead reaching into his warmth, soaking up his concern in an attempt to mend the cracks in her broken heart, if only for some temporary release from the bludgeoning darkness surrounding her entire body.

He clamped one arm around her shoulder until they reached the outside of the lab into the cool morning air, shielding her body from the onslaught of the breeze, keeping her safe from the demons that haunted her heart.

“ Come on,” he told her, guiding her over to his car “ we’ll sort this out Sar, I promise.”

“ I don’t think you can help me Nicky,” she whispered “ no one can anymore.”

“ Don’t say that Sar,” he scolded, as he opened the door for her “ nothing’s impossible.”

Leaving her side, he ran around the car to climb in, his eyes eyeing her cautiously as he started the car. He couldn’t remember a time when he had seen her so defeated and alone, and it broke his heart.

“ Sara,” he spoke again, pulling her attention towards him with sad eyes. “ You are really important to me, you know that don’t you?”

Sara gulped back the tears as he spoke, nodding her head slowly against the burning behind her eyes.

“ I am closer to you than I am to my own family, and I promise you that if anyone ever hurts you, I will personally make them pay ok? You may not be my sister by blood but you are my best friend and my sister by heart, and that gives me the right to protect you.”

Sara’s eyes filled with tears as he spoke, refusing to be silenced any longer as one tear followed another to make wet tracks down her cheeks, glistening against the paleness of her skin.

“ We’ll get through this Sar,” he told her, reaching out to squeeze her hand, “ I promise you.”

“ Then take me away from here,” she whispered through tears.

Without another word he drove them away from the lab and away from the man who had watched their entire retreat with worried, sad eyes.

Gil Grissom sighed painfully as he watched their exchange. He had seen her with Nicky, seen their closeness, a closeness that should belong to him. He was the man who loved her, not Nicky, not Hank.

His hands were shaking as he started his car, the call of home not so welcoming at this moment in time. As he pulled out of the car park he headed towards a small bar near his home, maybe forgetting for a while was what he needed to escape the mental torture his heart was going through right now, he needed a little escape from reality.

“ Can I get you something?” Nick asked her as she sank down onto his couch, her eyes fluttering closed.

“ No thanks.”

He regarded her for a long moment; her whole body seemed to slump in time with her ragged breathing as she fought desperately to control the emotions flowing from her eyes.

“ Tell me?” he spoke softly as he came to sit beside her, the dip of the couch gravitating her towards his waiting arms as she crumbled “ honey you can’t go on like this.”

“ I don’t think I can anymore,” she whispered, her rasping voice cracking under the intense strain of her heart “ I need more than he’s prepared to give me.”

“ He?” he asked as his hand came out to pull her closer to his chest as he rubbed her back “ you mean Griss?”

“ He doesn’t want me Nicky,” her voice cracked again, bringing with it another onslaught of fresh sorrow, washing away the tracks of the first “ I don’t know what to do.”

His hand stilled on her back as he felt the anger rising in his heart. Everything made total sense now, Sara’s anguish, Grissom’s mood lately and now this “ He doesn’t deserve you honey, after what he’s put you through, you deserve so much more.”

“ I don’t want anyone else Nick,” she cried, sitting up abruptly to look into his face “ I want him. I love him, no one else and I just have to get over the fact that he doesn’t feel anything for me.” Her hands were shaking as she moved them to her face to wipe the tears away, only to be replaced with more “ I’m a mess,” she sniffed.

“ No you’re not,” his hand reached up to her hair, combing his fingers through her soft strands “ look, I can’t pretend that I don’t want to go and rip that guys heart out for hurting you because I do, but I know that’s not what you want, but, whatever you decide I will support you all the way ok?”

Sara’s breath caught in her throat as she moved into his arms, closing the distance between them, taking all the warmth he offered.

“ Thanks Nick,” she sniffed, “ I just need you to hold me for a while,” her voice trailed away as she felt him pull her closer.

“ I’ll hold you for as long as you need,” he whispered into her hair tightening his arms around her. His heart roared angrily as her pain washed over him. Grissom had better have a damn good explanation for this, he mused angrily as he felt her settle against him, her body unable to fight the overwhelming fatigue any longer.

Grissom downed his scotch in one mouthful, the bitter liquid burning his throat as it slid down, providing a good deal of warmth for the coldness in his heart. Sara’s image clouded his mind, her smiling face erasing every other memory from his brain leaving only her as she once again took possession of his heart and soul.

She had always been a huge part of his life, but over the past few months their relationship had changed, opening a void so wide that he feared they could ever repair the damage already done.

Lifting the glass into his view, he regarded the remaining liquid with interest. How could something that tasted so bitter erase a lifetime of pain in one swooping mouthful? Waving his glass at the bartender, he indicated wordlessly that he needed another, just one more he mused sadly, then the pain would be erased, if only for a short time.

One more turned to another and another, until the alcohol in his blood stream numbed the pain swirling inside his heart, spluttering confessions from his tongue as he spoke to no one in particular.

“ I told her to get a life,” he groaned at a blonde woman who had come to sit beside him, her own pain similar to his own.

“ Yeah?” she asked “and she got one?”

His eyes found hers before looking away, the pain once again returning full force into his heart “ Yeah, she did, some guy called Hank. I mean what kind of name is Hank anyway? And you know what that bastard did to her?” His voice broke as he spoke “ He cheated on her, how could he do that? I would never do that to her, never.”

“ Sounds to me like you’re in love with this woman,” the bartender told him as he leaned over the bar to face the odd looking drinking couple.

“ Me?” Grissom looked up sharply, trying to focus on the man behind the bar “ She’s not interested in me.”

“ Have you told her how you feel?” the woman asked him.

“ I am a crime scene investigator,” he told her matter of factly “ I do not tell anyone anything.”

“ Well maybe it’s time you did,” she told him, standing shakily to her feet “ good luck there handsome,” she slurred “ I’m outta here.”

Grissom watched her as she left, returning his eyes back towards the barman and picked up his glass once more.

“ Don’t you think you’ve had enough?”

“ No I don’t,” he answered angrily, waving his glass demanding a refill.

Sara shifted in Nick’s lap, opening her eyes to slowly sit up. Her eyes drifted to her best friend who was deeply asleep with his head flung back on the couch, snoring quietly.

Smiling, she reached out to trace a hand over his fingers, rousing him slowly as he opened his eyes to face her sleepily “ sar? You ok honey?”

“ I’m fine,” she smiled “ I’m gonna head home ok? I need to grab a shower.”

“ Stay,” he smiled, “ I have hot water too.”

“ I know you do,” she grinned as she leant over to kiss his forehead “ I need to think things over.”

“ Ok,” he yawned “ but give me a minute and I’ll take you home, your cars there remember.” He reached out to clasp her hand “ you gonna be ok?”

“ I think so,” she smiled sadly “ I love my work, and that’s what I’ll concentrate on from now on.”

“ Honey you’ll always have people who love you, don’t forget that,” pulling himself off the couch he ran a hand over his hair to smooth down a strand that refused to cooperate.

“ Give it up sweetie,” she grinned “ it’s not gonna stick so why fight it?”

Her words warmed his heart as the old Sara resurfaced with her teasing words, the Sara he cared for so much.

“ What?” she asked as his eyes focused on her, the smile in them causing her to wonder if she had a huge zit on her face.

“ Welcome back,” he told her as he pulled her into a warm hug, holding her close, relief flooding his heart “ come on I’ll take you home.”

“ Thanks Nicky,” she smiled into his chest before pulling away to smile into his eyes “ I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“ Well lets not think about that shall we,” he smiled as he ushered them both outside to his waiting car.

The drive over was made in comfortable silence, both content just to listen to the radio until he stopped outside her apartment “ You gonna be ok? I can stay if you want me to,” he asked worriedly, unwilling to leave her side for a moment incase she might need him again.

Sara felt her heart jolt painfully in her chest with his words. She had to do this on her own, no matter how afraid she might be, no matter how abandoned and alone she felt, she had to get through this, just to prove to herself that she was strong enough.

“ I’ll be ok,” she told him, reaching out to grasp his hand “ if I’m not, I’ll be back on your doorstep blubbering like an idiot again.”

“ You’ll always be welcome, blubbering or not,” he told her firmly his own reassuring smile matching her own as she opened the door.

“ I’ll see you later,” she told him before she walked away, turning to watch him drive away before opening her apartment door to return to her lonely, empty walls.

The telephone was ringing loudly when she came into the living room; it’s shrill piercing through the emptiness. Throwing her keys on the table she snatched up the phone “ Yeah.”

“ Is this Sara?” a voice asked.

“ Depends who wants to know.”

“ I’m Brian, a barman over at Lucky stars, I have a friends of yours here, he’s pretty tanked.”

“ Uh are you sure I’m the right person? I don’t have a lot of friends here..”

“ He keeps talking about you and he gave me your number so it’s gotta be you. Look lady can you come and collect him, we close in an hour.”

“ I uh, what does he look like? This man?”

“ Mid four tees, graying hair, says he’s a crime scene investigator.”

“ Grissom,” she gasped, her mind swirling with images and worry “ Ok I’ll be there in ten minutes.” Slamming down the phone, she ran to the door, grabbing her keys along the way.

The bar was dark and smelled of cigarette smoke and stale alcohol as she walked over to the bar. Her eyes instantly met with Grissom’s slumped figure draped over the bar in an undignified fashion.

“ Oh Griss,” she soothed, her recent sorrow forgotten in an instant as she ran a hand through his hair, rousing him from drunken sleep.

 His eyes tried to focus on the person before him, until her shape and aura drowned his senses, “ Sara,” he gasped, pulling on her hands, propelling her into his chest as he held her tightly against him “ You’re here.”

Sara’s eyes closed tightly as he held her, rocking her back and forth in a near desperate embrace “ I’m here to take you home,” she whispered into his ear “ come on, let’s leave these nice people to close their bar.”

Pulling away from him slowly, she found her gaze locked with him, captured in his intensive blue eyes. Suddenly all the background noise seemed to fade away leaving only them, their eyes speaking a thousand silent words as his eyes focused on her lips.

Sara’s heart screamed out for her to make a move to reach in and kiss him, but she fought fiercely, unwilling to let his lips find hers, afraid that if she let him in now then tomorrow when he was sober then this whole thing would have been forgotten, leaving her once again broken and torn.

“ Let’s get you home,” she told him quietly, reaching an arm around his waist to walk him towards the door.

“ I missed you Sara,” his voice slurred “ where have you been?”

His words left a gaping hole inside her heart, tearing her feelings aside as she fought to keep her ever growing emotions from reaching her eyes “ I’m here now,” she whispered shakily, her voice betraying her tangled emotions before him and she was so glad at that moment that he was drunk. The last thing she needed was for him to see through her façade and see beneath the surface of her eyes, how much she still craved him.

He rewarded her with a lop sided smile, letting her guide him towards her car. He watched her every move, propping himself up against the car as she opened the door, watching her appreciatively.

“ You’re here,” he grinned, as if for the first time his brain registered that fact.

“ I am. NOW in the car,” she ordered, her voice caught somewhere between scolding and laughter. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t seem to stay mad at him when he was like this, and then when he obeyed her to climb into her car, her heart shattered.

The journey back to his house caused every nerve in her body to stand on end, coming alive with finely attuned awareness of his closeness. He kept his eyes focused on her, drifting in and out of sleep to awaken with a sleepy sigh as he gazed at her.

“ What’s wrong Griss?” she asked as she drove, his scrutinizing stare making her edgy.

“ You are perfect,” he whispered, his eyes drifting closed again bringing a welcoming release to the tenseness in the car.

Sara’s heart was racing, how could he say all the things she needed to hear when he was inebriated, when she knew deep down inside her soul that his words would mean nothing when the start of shift came around.

Sighing heavily, she pushed all thoughts out of her head. Right now she should get him home and then she could leave.

He was still asleep when she stopped outside his house, and she found herself watching him. Here he was letting her see his vulnerability, easing the pain inside just a fraction enough to give her the tiniest piece of hope that this dance between them would soon be resolved.

Her eyes drifted over his body, to fall on his hands. He had always had nice hands, she mused, when he was deep in thought at work she would watch those wonderful fingers work their magic and let her mind drift into a dreamy haze of desire as she imagined those hands over her body. The images in her mind caused her body to rain fire deep inside her core, the intensity closing her eyes, taking her away from the pain that haunted her heart of late.

“ Hey,” his voice broke her from her dream, jolting her back to reality as she realized he had been watching her all this time.

“ Sorry I was miles away,” she whispered, trying to calm her roaring emotions, “ lets get you inside.”

She was surprised when he didn’t protest, his whole body leaning into her as she led him to his house.

“ My keys are in my pocket,” he grinned, his eyes dancing with drunken mischief as he indicated for her to find them.

“ Oh, ok,” Sara’s senses once again peaked into overdrive as she dipped a tentative hand into his pocket, hoping and praying that she didn’t have to look too hard.

His eyes closed with a groan as she accidentally brushed against him, feeling the hardness beneath her fingers. Her first instinct was to snatch her hand away, but she couldn’t move. He held her captive with his body, willing her with his now open eyes to delve deeper, to feel the very essence of his desire in her hands.

“ I uh Griss,” she stammered, removing her hand quickly “ can you get me your keys, I can’t seem to find them?” Her heart was thudding painfully in her chest, burning her with crazy desire for the man who had always held her heart.

With a heavy sigh Grissom found his keys and put them towards the door only to stop suddenly and stare at her in utter shock “ I don’t believe it,” he groaned “ some bastards stolen my keyhole.”

“ Your what?” she asked, shaking herself out of her foggy brain to stare at him in amusement.

“ Call the police,” he told her, waving his hands around “ how the hell could they steal it? It’s mine, what good would it do them anyway?”

Suppressing a small giggle Sara reached out to still his hands, taking the keys from his fingers as she opened the door.

“ You found it?” he gasped, smiling down at her with total adoration “ see that’s why you’re so good, I knew you’d find it.”

“ Yes Griss,” she told him with a smile, her rapidly beating heart causing havoc inside her body. Leading him over to the couch she sat him down.

Sinking to her knees she started to untie his shoes one by one, pulling them from his feet to place them on the floor. She could feel his eyes watching her intently as she made her way towards the ridge of his socks to pull them from him, revealing his bare feet.

Sara’s fingers seemed to be acting on their own tonight, reaching out to slowly stroke his ankles, conflicting with her mind in one of the most intimate moments of her whole relationship with this man.

“ Sara,” he groaned, hunching forward to pull her up to him so she was kneeled between his thighs. Their eyes met and held as he moved closer towards her, taking possession of her lips with his.

Sara’s mind was swimming as he kissed her, his kisses causing her senses to overload with swirling passion as his tongue brushed against her bottom lip, begging for entry to deepen their kiss. With a groan, her mouth opened, granting him willing access as his tongue tangled with hers in one of the most erotic kisses she had ever experienced before in her life. Her mind was screaming for her to pull away, that he wouldn’t remember this tomorrow, that this would only make things harder, but she closed off her mind, letting her body revel in his touch, igniting a fire deep inside her.

His kisses were intoxicating, filling her mind with heated desire so strong she couldn’t feel her senses any more. Her whole body tingled with his touch, his fingers leaving a trail of fire over her skin as his hand brushed against her breast.

The sweet contact jolted her awake, breaking her whole system into a screaming frenzy when her brain finally registered what was happening. Pulling away abruptly, she broke their kiss, closing her ears against his whimpered protests.

“ Sleep now,” she whispered softly, guiding his shoulders downwards so he was lying on his couch, stroking gentle fingers over his heated brow before covering him over with a blanket as she watched his eyes flutter closed into a restless slumber.

“ I want you so much Griss,” she whispered sadly, her eyes filling with emotion as she sat down on the edge of the couch beside him, stroking his hair tenderly “ I have missed you more than you’ll ever know.”

With a heavy heart she stood shakily to her feet, his kiss still burning on her lips. This was the right thing to do, she decided, he might have wanted her now while he was like this, but tomorrow, when he awoke to find her asleep beside him, she knew he would be filled with remorse and widen the already gaping distance between them.

Giving him one last look, she searched for a pen on his kitchen table to write a short note on an old receipt in her jacket pocket to call her when he was ready to go and pick up his car. Then, if he did remember anything about this tomorrow, then maybe they could take that next step.

He mumbled something in his sleep as she stepped closer to him, torn in that split second between staying here to be with him or going home where she knew it was safe.

“ Sara,” he sighed her name, drifting from his sleeping lips causing her heart to spark into the deep loving depths she had always carried for him. She knew she had to leave him, it was the only thing she could do right now. He would wake up tomorrow and remember nothing of tonight, but she would remember it all, every tiny minute detail of every second here with him.

With a final look behind her, she opened his door and walked out, instantly feeling more alone than she had ever felt before in her life.

Sara, the next day waited for a call. It never came. Her mind thought of a thousand different scenarios ranging from him oversleeping to avoidance. Maybe he did remember last night; maybe he was so horrified that he had let her see his softer side that he was afraid to see her.

Pushing the nagging thoughts away, she made her way to her shower, hoping the doubts and insecurities she felt inside her heart would be washed away with the burning sprays of water.

Arriving at works later, she was surprised to see Grissom’s car parked in the car park, this in itself adding fuel to her doubts making the ache inside her heart burn deeper, bringing with it a range of agonizing emotions that were already tearing her soul into shreds.

Taking a deep breath she entered the lab, paying careful attention to how she portrayed her self-image, terrified that someone would see too deeply into her eyes and see her torment.

“ Hey Sara,” Greg called out from his lab, beaming a huge smile in her direction.

“ Hi,” her heart pounded inside her chest, act natural, she kept telling herself, but what was natural for her? If she didn’t look strung out and leaping in all directions then people would notice, if she acted normal and calm, that’s when it would become obvious that she was hiding behind a mask of pain.

Sighing heavily, she made her way towards Grissom’s office, wanting to get their first confrontation over with as quickly as possible before she could deny her heart any thoughts of his unlove for her.

“ I don’t know what to do Catherine,” she heard Grissom’s voice drifting through the door as she approached.

“ Sara has to know.”

 She stopped dead in her tracks, they were talking about her, discussing her without a care for her feelings. The betrayal hit her, smashing her already broke heart into a million different pieces.

She knew she should leave but morbid curiosity bound her to the spot, stopping her from fleeing to safety.

“ I don’t know what to tell her,” he said again “ I should have called her at least to say thank you for getting me home.”

“ This is a mess Gil,” Catherine sighed, “ if you have no feelings for her at all then you have to do something about it.”

Sara’s heart stopped, he didn’t love her, had no feelings for her at all? This information sprang her from her prison, allowing her to move away before she could hear any more damning evidence of his non-feelings.

Turning away quickly, she began to walk. Tears blinded her eyes as she made her way towards the locker room; she needed some space away from all this. She moved away so fast she failed to hear the remainder of the conversation.

“ What if I do have feelings for her Cath?” he groaned, laying his head on his desk “ She took care of me last night, I trusted her enough to get me home, and doesn’t that say something to you?”

Catherine smiled sadly as she reached out to touch his hand “ It does Gil, and it also means you have to tell her how you feel.”

“ I can’t do that, I don’t know how.”

“ Gil, if you don’t then you’ll lose her, are you prepared to take that risk?” she stood up to moved towards the door “ think about it.”

He watched as she left an empty space behind her, the words she spoke causing more that a few tremors to invade his aching heart. He knew she was right, but how would he be able to do that? Sighing heavily, he stood to follow in her path.

Inside the locker room, Sara looked down at the cell phone in her hand, her mind screaming for her to make the call that she had proponed for too long.

She was so preoccupied that she didn’t see the door crack open to reveal a very worried Nick watching her.

Pressing in the number, she moved the phone to her ear and waited as a tear rolled down her face “ Joey?” A sob escaped her throat as she held a hand to her trembling lips “ I..I want to come home.”

“ Sara?” the voice asked in concern “ sweetheart what’s wrong? You can come home whenever you want to, you know that.”

“ I’ll explain when I get there, can you call mom for me, ask her if I can talk to her? I’ll call you from the airport ok?”

“ Of course sweetie, listen if there’s anything I can do.”

“ You can,” she sniffed “ come get me from the airport?”

“ You know I will. Susan will be so glad to see you, she’s missed you.”

“ I’ve missed her too, and you,” she smiled sadly “ I need some time away from here, is it ok for me to stay for a while?”

“ This is your home too Sara, of course you can. Hey I can ask you to baby-sit the boys for us,” he laughed.

“ You know I will,” she told him “ how are they? The last time I saw Toby he was so tiny.”

“ Well he’s a lot bigger now, and he would just love to see his Aunt Sara again.”

Sara’s eyes lifted to find Nick stood in the doorway, her heart suddenly jolting in pain as she realized he had heard her every word.

“ I’d better get going Joe,” she said quickly, fear of her actions spurring her mind into overdrive “ I’ll see you soon ok, I’m heading out today.”

“ I’ll tell Susan, and Sara..”

“ Yeah?”

“ I love you, you know you can tell me anything. That’s what brothers are for after all.”

“ I know Joe, I love you too, see you soon.”

Shutting off the phone, she shoved it into her pocket.

“ You’re leaving?” he asked, his voice shaking with emotion.

Turning away from him, she nodded sadly “ I have to.”

“ No,” he told her firmly, coming further into the room as a tear escaped to roll down his cheek “ don’t go.”

“ Nicky please don’t do this,” she begged, her voice raised in a sob as she tried to control her emotions “ I need some space.”

“ So you’re running off to another man? How could you do that when you were so upset last night about Griss.”?

“ Joey is my brother,” the anger that rose inside her heart burst through the tears in her eyes “ I need to be with people who love me, and I’m sorry if that isn’t good enough for you,” snatching her jacket from the bench, she turned angry eyes into his.    “ Sara, I’m sorry, look, I’ll take you to the airport, just please don’t leave like this ok?” His voice cracked with tears as he saw the spark in her eyes slowly die away to simmer beneath the surface “ please?”

Sara regarded him for a long moment, the anger dying away just as quickly as it had flared. She loved him just as much as she loved her brother, but sometimes…sighing heavily, she moved into his arms, holding him close to draw in his warmth, giving him the answer with her embrace.

Slowly, Sara began to disengage herself from Nick’s arms, to pull away to gaze up into his sad eyes “ I’m going home to pack some things, but I need you to do something for me.”

“ Anything,” he nodded, swiping a tear away with his hand.

Pulling away from him, she moved towards her locker and pulled out her bag to delve a hand inside. Nicky watched with worry as she pulled out an envelope.

Feeling the paper in her hands, her eyes scanned her own writing, knowing what was written in this letter, a small token of her feelings written from a heart filled with pain. She could feel the tears prickling in her eyes again as she remembered writing the words, making her mind up to leave only a few days ago, before Grissom’s drunken escapades threw her heart and mind into turmoil once more.

“ I need you to give this to Grissom for me,” she sniffed, passing the offending white envelope into his hands “ I need him to know how I feel.”

“ Can’t you just tell him Sar? Talk to him, if he knew how you felt…”

“ He knows,” she told him, halting his words with her emotions “ he doesn’t want me, he never did.”

“ Sar, you can’t know that, maybe..”

“ No. I do know,” the tears pooling behind her eyes finally broke free to cascade down her cheeks, highlighting her face with sorrow as she heard his betrayal in her mind over and over again “ he was talking it through with Catherine,” her voice spoke bitterly, “ he doesn’t know what to do about me, so I’m giving him the easy option. I’m resigning.”

“ You can’t,” he gasped “ Sara please think about this.”

“ I have thought about this, I can’t take this existence anymore Nick, I need more than he’s prepared to give me,” turning away from him she pulled on her jacket “ I haven’t handed in my resignation yet ok.” Her voice deflated with her words, the unbearable pain inside her heart etching painful waves inside her soul, casting the doubts and uncertainties to fester beneath he surface. “ I’ve asked for a leave of absence for six months.”

“ Six months?” he gasped “, but that’s a long time.”

“ I need it Nick,” her eyes pleaded with him to understand “ I have to do this before I lose myself completely. You have to let me go.”

“ What if I can’t?” he asked sadly “ what if we lose the friendship we have now, I mean I’ll come visit when I can, but Sara..”

His words deepened her pain, cutting her so deep he could have embedded a knife in her heart and it wouldn’t have hurt so much “ I love you Nick, I won’t let distance come between us, you know that. You have been my best friend since I came here, the only one who made me feel like part of the team. But I need to do this for me now, I wish you could understand that.”

“ I do,” he told her, finding her with his arms again to shield her from her torment with his embrace “ I’m gonna miss you.”

“ I already miss you,” she whispered, before pulling away from him to make her way towards the door.

“ When are you leaving?”

“ Couple of hours.”

“ I’ll come and pick you up ok,” he told her as she left, composing himself before he went to confront Grissom with this news.

Nick stood alone in the now empty locker room feeling more lonely that he had ever felt in his life. Part of him knew she needed the break away; the other part of him resented the fact that it was Gil Grissom who had driven her to make this life changing decision. His eyes dropped down to the letter in his hand, knowing that this was something that would change all of them forever, whether they all wanted it or not.

Sighing, he made his way towards Grissom’s office, his heart aching with what he was about to do.

Wandering the hallways, Nick finally found his boss and coworkers in the break room, all three of them laughing about some joke.

As he watched them through the glass window, Nick couldn’t help feeling the anger welling up inside him. His life had been turned upside down and here they were happy and smiling. Unable to take anymore, he opened the break room door, his eyes still showing the tell tale signs of his emotion.

“ Nicky,” Grissom looked up, the smile falling from his face “ you don’t look too good.”

When he finally answered, Nick kept his voice flat from the nauseating rage that had started to build in the pit of his stomach        “ What the hell did you do?”

The room fell silent as the temperature in the room fell a few degrees cooler, the two men staring at each other with blazing eyes.

“ Excuse me?” Grissom asked, slightly confused “ Do what exactly?”

“ You bastard, you don’t even care do you.”

Catherine and Warricks eyes met worriedly  “ Uh guys, Nick, what’s this about?” Catherine asked, reaching a hand out to touch Nicks arm.

The eyes that turned to face hers were almost unrecognizable, sure enough they were Nick’s but the sorrow and anger in his their depths drowned all their colour away.

 “ She heard you.”

“ Who heard me? Nick you’re not making sense,” her voice took on a pleading tone, desperate to understand the anger in the eyes of her friend.

“ Sara, she heard the two of you, how could you Cath?” turning his head away, he found Grissom again, some of the anger dying away as he saw the worry in the older man’s eyes.

“ Where is Sara?” Warrick spoke up then, taking the question from Grissom before he had a chance to ask it.

Nicky stared down at the envelope in his hands again, the image becoming blurred in his eyes through the sudden invasion of fresh tears “ She’s gone,” he all but whispered, only to lift his head again, revealing the sorrow now trickling from his eyes.

“ What?” Grissom’s breath caught in his throat as he stepped towards Nick “ Gone? What do you mean gone? Gone where?”

“ She needs some time away,” he answered, his voice starting to shake with unspent emotion “ she wanted me to give you this.” Holding out his hand, he offered the offending envelope to Grissom, watching him intently as he took it with tentative fingers.

“ I um, I have to go,” Nick spoke softly as he backed away “ she needs me.”

“ Hey I’ll come with you,” Warrick called after him “ I wanna say goodbye to her.”

Grissom barely heard the voices around him, his eyes focused on the object in his hands. His heart thudded in his chest as he thought of what this meant, had he driven her away completely because he couldn’t show her how he felt about her?

“ I have to see her,” he said suddenly, looking up into the concerned eyes of Catherine who had moved to sit on the edge of his desk.

“ Maybe you should read what she had to say first,” she felt his pain right now, as if it were her own. She knew how much these two people cared for each other and at times she just wanted to get a hold of them both and shake them “ Look it’s just as much my fault Gil, she thinks I was talking about her, that makes me just as guilty.”

With trembling fingers, Grissom started to pull open the envelope, his heart screaming in surrender as he started to read.

                ‘ I need time away from the lab, and time away from this dance we seem to keep doing.

                  Sometimes I feel so close to you Griss, and then other times you push me so far away

                  I have trouble remembering if we ever had a friendship at all.

                  You have barely spoken to me in months and I just don’t think I can handle this anymore,

                  I can’t switch off my feelings as easily as you seem to be able to, so I’ve asked for some

                  Personal time, funny don’t you think? Me having anything remotely personal to deal with?

                  I knew you wouldn’t listen to me if I asked you, so my leave of absence request went in a few

                  Days ago, and has been approved.

                  I know you must dislike me right now, maybe you never did like me, I don’t really know

                  Anymore.

                  I need this Griss, and so do you. No more hiding from me when I need to talk to you, no

                  more pretense that I mean more to you than I actually do, because I won’t let you hurt me anymore.

                  Be happy,

                  Sara.’

Grissom’s eyes read and re read the letter over and over, trying to make sense of when his relationship with her had changed so dramatically. She needed to know how he felt about her; he knew that now more than ever.

Standing abruptly, he shoved her letter into his pocket, and made for the door.

“ Wait,” Catherine called, standing to go with him “ I’ll come with you.”

“ No,” he told her, his eyes closing on their own “ this is something I need to do myself, she needs me to do this.”

Catherine nodded sadly as she reached out to pat his arm “ Tell her everything Gil, don’t leave anything out ok?”

“ I intend to,” he turned away from her with a new determination in his heart.

Nick pulled up outside Sara’s apartment, arriving barely ten minutes after her. The moment to say goodbye had been drawing ever closer since she had told him of her intentions, and he knew that he had to support her, even though in his heart he wished she and Grissom would work things out.

“ Hey bro you ok?” Warrick asked him, watching worriedly as he sat motionless staring off into space.

‘No’ his mind screamed, but he silenced the cries, Sara needed him right now and he wasn’t about to let her down.

“ Yeah, I’m just gonna miss her that’s all,” he sighed, reaching for the door release.

“ I hear you Nick,” Warrick nodded, letting a long breath escape from his lips as he followed.

As they approached Sara’s door, Warrick lifted his hand to knock, but stilled with surprise when Nick took out a door key and opened the door.

“ You been holding out on me there Nick?” he asked incredulously.

“ That’s not funny War,” Nick told him angrily “ Sara is like a sister to me, don’t ever joke about this ok.”

“ Hey sorry, I didn’t think….”

Nick nodded, accepting his friends apology as he pushed further into the hallway “ SARA,” he called out.

He was met with the most beautiful soulful voice he had ever heard as she sang along with a song on her radio, unaware that she had two very amazed spectators.

As she folded up another sweater to fit into her case, she looked up and stopped suddenly, her voice dying on her lips to leave the singer in the background to continue unaccompanied for the rest of the song.

“ Uh, sorry,” her eyes shifted from Nick to Warrick, “ I didn’t hear you.”

“ Hey you have a great voice honey,” Nick grinned as he came further into the room to place a kiss on her head “ you need anything?” His hands stilled hers to take over the packing, needing to feel useful in some way, anything to keep her here for just a few moments longer.

She found herself watching his movements, his hands smoothing over her packed cloths before closing the lid to zip it closed. Sara could feel the tears welling up behind her eyes, saying goodbye was going to be one of the hardest things she had ever had to do before, but she needed to do this, she needed to feel. Reaching out a hand, she stilled his shaking movements, “ I could do with a hug,” she told him as the pooling tears started to spill over onto her cheeks, gravitating her towards his open arms.

“ I’m going to miss you so much,” he whispered into her hair, his own emotion bubbling to the surface to spill into her hair as he pulled her tighter, rocking her back and forth, his gentle rhythm offering her his continued love and support.

Warrick watched them. This whole situation seemed so unavoidable. Here she was, sobbing because she was leaving and the only thing that would make her stay was a man who was as stubborn as she was. His aching heart silently cursed Gil Grissom for creating the unbelievable pain he was feeling.

“ I can’t believe you’re leaving us,” Warrick spoke up, his voice unusually quiet “ and you wasn’t even going to say goodbye?”

Pulling away from Nick’s protective embrace, she moved slowly towards the other man in the room, his anguish becoming hers to mingle in with her guilt to build a massive concoction of destruction, leaving her body defeated.

“ I knew if I told anyone I wouldn’t be able to go through with it, but I need this Warrick, I’m not the same person I was three years ago.”

“ I know,” he whispered, his voice hoarse with unshed emotions as he grabbed her forcefully into his arms, crushing her to his chest as his arms wound tightly around her “ I’m sorry I wasn’t more of a friend to you Sara.”

“ You were a great friend,” she whispered into his chest, relishing his warmth until she moved away slightly to look up into his face “ you are a great friend, and don’t think I’m not going to miss you because I will.”

Warrick smiled into her eyes, the sadness inside reaching out to him, drawing him closer to her heart as he pulled her to him again, holding her close “ You had better write and call you hear,” he told her fiercely “ and don’t think you won’t get me and Nick visiting whenever we can.”

“ I’d like that,” she smiled into his shoulder as she pulled away “ but please don’t come to the airport, I can’t handle both of you sobbing into my shoulder.”

“ Hey I do not sob,” he grinned through the wetness in his eyes.

“ No?” she smiled through tears, “ you could have fooled me.”

“ What this?” he asked with a grin as he pointed to his eyes “ nah I just got something in my eye that’s all.”

From behind them, Nicky picked up her case “ I’ll take this out to the car ok? I’ll wait for you.”

“ Ok,” she nodded, following him with her eyes as he left, her heart aching once again as she turned towards Warrick. She met his eyes sadly, her emotions overflowing to roll unchecked down her cheeks “ I’ll miss you,” her voice cracked as she moved into his arms for a quick hug before moving away again “ walk down with me?”

He watched her sadly as she locked her apartment door behind them, to follow her down towards the car. Opening the passenger door for her, he waited until she had buckled up before he leant in to plant a soft kiss on her cheek “ Take care of yourself ok.”

With tears flooding her eyes, she held onto Warricks hand, giving it a gently squeeze “ I will, and you stay out of trouble.”

“ I can’t promise,” he smiled sadly “ you won’t be here to kick my ass.”

“ I will,” her voice softened again “ I’ll still be able to give you a verbal butt kicking over the phone.”

“ Ah that you will,” he sighed as he reluctantly released her hand to step away from the car, raising his hand to wave as they drove away, only then when she was out of view did his emotions rise from his eyes to fall down his face.

Grissom drove as fast as speed limits would allow, frustration setting in now after what must have been the fifth red light in a row.

Letting out a groan, he finally pulled up outside Sara’s apartment. His heart was screaming for him to go to her but he found himself rehearsing what he would say to her, over and over again in his mind. He needed to tell her the truth about everything, his feelings, what really happened that night at lady Heathers and the reason he had been so distant. He had to make her understand that he needed her in his life.

Spurring into action he was about to climb out of the car when he heard a tap on his window, causing his heart to lurch into his throat with unwelcome surprise.

“ Warrick,” he hissed breathlessly as he unwound the window “ what the hell are you trying to do to me?”

“ Sorry man,” he muttered, “ if you’re looking for Sara, she’s already gone.”

Grissom felt something give way in his chest, a painful crack cutting deep into his heart as he turned his eyes back to Warricks “How long ago?” he asked desperately, his voice shaking “ Warrick how long?”

“ Five minutes maybe,” he sighed, “ if you go now you can catch her.”

“ What about you?” Grissom asked, only now noticing the redness in Warricks eyes.

“ I’ll be fine, you go and get her back Griss,” he told him firmly, backing away from the window.

Needing no further prompting, Grissom drove off without a backwards glance. The burning need to see her fueled his actions, spurring him into breaking speeding limits that he wouldn’t usually break, but he had to see her.

He came across another red light and thumped the steering wheel angrily “ dammit it, change already,” he seethed, willing the lights to turn green as the sinking feeling inside his stomach began to spread through to his heart.

“ Come on, come on,” he hummed, tapping the wheel with his fingers impatiently, desperation filling his entire body as the lights finally changed to green, fear and painful need driving him into action as he sped away towards the airport, which was off the next turning.

Sara sat quietly with Nick as she waited for her flight. She had been fighting the tears ever since she climbed into his car. She could feel them now, burning inside her throat and stinging painfully in her eyes, but she pushed them away, banishing the wet pools from view.

“ Are you ok?” he asked her softly, reaching for her hand to clasp it against his.

She closed her eyes, if she didn’t open them then he wouldn’t see her tears, but no matter how much she tried to stop them, they came anyway, slipping from beneath her lids.

When she didn’t answer, he looked down at her. What he saw made his own emotions rise up into his eyes as he moved an arm around her, pulling her close “ It’s not too late to change your mind.”

“ I can’t,” she sniffed into his chest “ if I don’t go then I’ll never be free.”

“ Free of what?” his fingers brushed some hair away from her cheek that had stuck to her skin with the wetness on her face.

“ He slept with Lady Heather you know,” she whispered painfully “ he turned me away but he went to someone else.”

“ Sara, you have to talk to him, sort this out. He doesn’t want to lose you anymore than we do,” moving forward, he came to crouch in front of her knees to take a hold of her hands “ honey, when I gave him your letter I saw the pain in his eyes.”

“ I tried talking Nick, and he didn’t listen to me,” her voice shook with tears as she tried desperately to stop them “ I have tried to speak to him for months and all he’s done is ignore me and push me away. I’m tired of being on his string Nick, I need to be free of his hold over me.”

“ He loves you,” he tried again, anything to keep her from leaving, but only succeeded in causing more tears to cascade down her face.

“ I wish he did Nick, but I know he doesn’t. If he loved me he wouldn’t keep hurting me, and I’m done with it. I’m done with him.”

Her flight number to Chicago was announced over the loud speaker, pushing the dreaded moment of departure to the fore, bringing a fresh onslaught of tears to her eyes.

They both stood up to face each other, both of them crying as they moved into each others arms “ I’m going to miss you so much,” he whispered, pulling her tighter to him.

“ Me too,” she sniffed, pulling back so she could offer him a watery smile as she stepped away.

He watched her step back and tried one last-ditch attempt to make her stay, moving closer to take hold of her hands.

“ Please don’t do this Nick,” she cried softly “ this is so hard already.”

“ Then stay, don’t go. If it feels wrong then let me take you home and we’ll call Griss and you can talk,” he pleaded, his own emotions pouring from his eyes.

Grissom pulled up inside the car park and practically ran all the way towards her terminal. There were people everywhere, some of them blocking his path and he found it difficult to be civil any more.

That’s when he saw her, his Sara. She was crying so hard that it broke his heart. He could see her indecision and Nick’s reluctance to let her go and he found himself moving towards them, quickening his pace.

“ SARA,” he yelled, waving his arm frantically trying to get her attention but once again he was surrounded by a crowd of people blocking his view from the woman he desperately needed.

“ SARA,” he yelled again, louder this time hoping against hope that she would hear him above the noise.

Looking up, Sara looked over towards a crowd, she could have sworn she’d heard her name but she couldn’t see anyone she recognized.

“ I have to go,” she whimpered, holding onto Nick’s hands as she stepped back, fingertips touching until their hands fell to their sides.

“ No,” he pleaded through tears “ Sara please?”

“ I have to,” she shook her head again, backing away only to stop suddenly as she saw a familiar face emerging from the crowd, stopping her dead in her tracks as they stared at each other wordlessly.

The sounds around them faded away as their eyes held each other’s gaze, both unaware that they were slowly gravitating towards each other.

“ Sara,” he gasped, finding his voice on a whisper as a trembling hand came out to cup her cheek, his fingers relishing the smooth skin beneath his fingers.

Sara’s eyes closed as she leaned into his hand, her heart betraying her feelings in one gentle caress, leaving her dizzy with warmth.

“ Please don’t go,” he whispered softly, his voice faltering as he tried to keep the emotion from his eyes “ I’ll do anything you want me to do, just..” his voice trailed away when she opened her eyes, and he found himself delving into her depths, fighting to free her of the demons that haunted her heart.

“ Why did you do it?” she asked so quietly he almost didn’t hear her “ you and Catherine were talking about me, that’s not fair Griss.”

“ No it wasn’t like that.” His other hand came up to join the other, cradling her face “ I was scared I’d made a fool out of myself and I didn’t know what to say to you.”

“ Well how would you even know?” she asked as tears trickled from her eyes over his fingers “ you have barely spoken to me in months. What am I supposed to do Griss? When are you going to quit torturing me?”

“ I,” he closed his eyes, trying desperately to rethink his words “ I can only tell you I’m sorry and beg you to forgive me. Please just let me try Sara?”

“ And what happens when you conveniently decide to ignore me again? You blamed your distance on Hank before, well he’s gone so what’s your excuse this time?”

“ You know I’m not very good at this,” he told her, his voice barely a whisper “ I never know the right words to say and then when I do, they come out wrong.”

“ That’s not true,” her voice softened slightly, the hurt slowly dying away from her eyes “ since I met you.”

His eyes found hers, instantly recognizing his own slip that had at the time sounded so natural coming from his lips. It wasn’t until afterwards he’d realized what he’d said and by then, he was already lost inside her heart.

 “ Those words meant the world to me Griss,” she told him as her hands came up to cup his on her cheek, the uncertainty returning to her eyes, “ but you give me so much and then you back away from me like I’m some sort of leper.”

“ I know, I’m sorry. I don’t know what to do Sara,” he stepped closer so their bodies were almost touching “ All I know is that the thought of losing you terrifies me more than anything.”

Closing her eyes, Sara pulled away from his grasp to hold onto his hands as the final call came for her flight. No matter how much she had tried to banish him from her heart, she couldn’t. She had to make a fast decision, she could either stay here and work things out, if they could be worked out, or she could leave now, take a break away to think things through.

“ Sara, please don’t leave,” he tried again, tightening his hold on her hands “ whatever it is you want me to do I’ll do it, I’ll do anything, just..”

“ Griss,” she spoke then, breaking through his pain filled voice to take a step closer, capturing him with her tear filled eyes “ I need time.”

“ I’ll give it to you,” he told her, reaching out to pull her into his arms, holding her close to his shaking body.

“ I need to know you’re not just trying to keep me here with lies Griss. I can’t take anymore pain, don’t you think I’ve suffered enough?” She pulled away from his embrace to place a hand on his cheek “ You need to know in your heart if I am who you really want. You can’t do that with me here.”

Her words frightened him to his very core, spurring his heart into overdrive as it thudded painfully in his chest “ You’re the only one I want.”

“ Am I?” she asked sadly as another tear rolled freely down her cheek “ what about Lady Heather? I know what happened Griss and I don’t know if I’m ready to deal with this yet.”

“ Sara let me explain..” he started, until she placed a finger on his lips to silence him. He watched mesmerized as she moved closer, leaning up to press a gentle kiss on his cheek “ I have to go now.”

“ What?” he asked hoarsely “ Sara?”

“ Two weeks,” she told him through tears as she disentangled her fingers from his, “ I need at least that much to clear my head, and when I come back if you feel the same way, then we’ll talk.”

“ I will feel the same,” he told her, trying to keep the wetness in his eyes from surfacing as he desperately sought for control.

She watched him for what seemed like an eternity until she started to back away. Nick caught her before she could go any further, pulling her into a powerful embrace unwilling to let her leave without one final goodbye.

When he finally let her go, she smiled sadly up into his eyes then turned towards Grissom again and used her fingers to sign out some words he knew only too well and his heart burst into flame.

His whole body screamed for him to move towards her, anything to make her stay here with him forever, but he found he couldn’t move, instead raising his hands to sign back the words she had just etched into his heart ‘ I love you too.’

Their eyes locked and held once again, as the very final call for her flight sounded over the loud speaker.

Grissom watched helplessly as she stepped backwards towards the departure gates. Their eyes fixed on each other as she moved further and further away from him.

Nick came to stand beside him as she took one final glance back before waving a sad goodbye, disappearing behind the corridor of glass.

“ She’s gone,” Nick croaked hoarsely “ she’s really gone.”

“ I know.”

“ Is that all you can say?” he sniffed, turning to look at Grissom with an accusing remark until he saw the anguish in his boss’s eyes, “ I’m sorry.”

“ She needs this,” he nodded, more to himself than to the man at his side “ I promised I’d give her time.”

“ I wish it wasn’t so hard to let her go,” Nick sighed sadly, as he ran a tired hand over his face “ I’m really going to miss her you know.”

“ Yeah,” Grissom’s voice was shaking as his eyes fixed on the glass barrier where she had just departed from, his heart silently wishing that she had changed her mind and would come running back through any moment.

“ I think I’m gonna go,” Nick told him, suddenly uncomfortable with the emotions burning in his eyes “ I left Warrick at Sara’s.”

“ Go home Nick,” Grissom’s voice was almost inaudible over the noise of the airport, but he couldn’t bring himself to move away, his eyes still fixed on the glass barrier that had taken Sara away from him.

Nick watched him uncertainly, he stood so still, his eyes unmoving as if his sheer will alone would make her come back “ You gonna be ok Griss?”

“ Huh?” he asked as he turned to face the man beside him, the worry registering in his eyes “ Yeah, I think so.”

Moving away from his boss, Nick looked at him again “ You coming?”

“ I think I’m going to stay here for a while,” he said, his voice faltering as he spoke “ I’ll see you at work.”

“ Ok,” Nick nodded as he backed away, his own loss coming second now to hopelessness he felt inside.

Time seemed to slip away as Grissom sat in the same seat overlooking the airport. He knew he had to leave here soon, but his body seemed unwilling to comply, unable to break the final link that still tied him with Sara.

The seat beside him slumped as someone sat on the seat beside him, and he purposely avoided them, not wanting to get into some personal discussions with some stranger about what a fool he had been.

“ Did you mean it?” a woman’s familiar voice asked, causing him to turn around sharply almost colliding with her.

“ Sara?” he gasped, trying to keep control, but the more he tried the harder it became to restrain himself as the need to hold her became too strong.

“ Did you mean it Griss?” she asked again, her voice softening “ I sat on that plane and it suddenly hit me that if I left without talking to you then maybe we would never get our friendship back. Am I to late?”

Grissom’s heart fluttered painfully in his chest as he reached forward to take her hand “ I meant every word,” he whispered “ I don’t want to lose you Sara, never again.”

Turning her eyes away, she felt a tear down her cheek “ I’ve proponed my flight for six hours. I just needed to know if you..if we…”

“ Sara,” he spoke softly, moving a finger to her face, to turn her eyes towards his so she could see the emotions in his eyes “ I have been such a fool to ever let you think you were anything other than my whole world. I should have shown you a long time ago how important you are to me.”

“ You used to,” she told him, leaning into his hand on her face “ but you changed, you started pushing me away every time I needed you.”

“ I’m so sorry,” he sighed, leaning closer so their bodies were almost touching “ I didn’t know what to do when I’d started to become so involved in you. It became almost impossible to breath when I was around you.”

“ I don’t know what you want from me anymore Griss,” she whispered painfully “ I don’t know if I can cope with the pain you keep inflicting on me.”

“ I won’t ever hurt you again Sara, I promise you,” he turned to her now, his hands cupping her face “ please don’t leave.”

Her eyes closed through tears as they slid down her cheeks “ I don’t know if I can stay, what do I do Griss.”

“ Stay,” he told her, his own eyes growing wet with emotion as he scooted forward to envelope her in his arms, relishing the feel of her body in his “ I don’t know if I can handle being away from you for another second.”

His words melted her heart as she found her arms winding around him to pull him in closer so she could bury herself in his embrace, letting his love and warmth wash deep into her soul, healing the deep wounds that had grown there for the past few months.

Pulling away slightly, she moved so she could look up into his eyes, needing to see him, “ Did you sleep with Heather?”

His eyes widened at her question, unwilling to let the truth shatter their bond now. His eyes closed in answer, but before she could pull away he opened them to look deep into her soul, challenging her with a question of his own “ Did you sleep with Hank?”

“ No,” she told him “ I couldn’t, not when I felt so much for you.”

“ I’m sorry Sara,” he sighed sadly, knowing that she must really hate him after he had gone to another woman so easily “ I know I’ve hurt you.”

“ Grissom,” she whispered then, bringing his eyes to meet with hers “ Did you mean it when you said you loved me?”

“ Every word,” he gasped “ and I am so sorry it took me nearly loosing you to realize it.”

“ Then say it Griss,” she told him softly, her eyes pleading for the words.

His heart burst inside his chest, echoing the loving words through his body as they lingered on his lips as they had so many times before “ I love you,” he whispered.

Sara’s eyes fluttered closed as his words washed over her leaving warmth throughout her body as she felt his breath on her face.

Her eyes opened to see his eyes, so blue and so full of love she almost lost her breath “ I love you Griss,” she whispered “ I always have…” he cut off her words with his lips, sealing his promise of love to her always.

Sara was drowning, his kisses seeping into her whole body with a dizzying wave of passion as she opened her mouth to him, deepening their kiss.

One bruising kiss followed another until they finally pulled away for breath, both of them eyeing each other shocked with the feelings running through their bodies.

“ I don’t think I can let you go,” he whispered as he laid his forehead against hers.

“ I don’t want you to let me go,” she murmured close to his lips again needing his kiss like she needed her next breath.

He pulled back to look into her eyes, a smile dancing on his lips “ Does this mean?”

“ If you meant what you said,” she whispered against his lips, her breath lingering with his “ then I’ll go home with you now.”

“ I meant it,” he told her, stealing another kiss from her lips before breaking away again “ I want you to stay.”

Sara watched him as she lifted a finger to his face, trailing it softly over his lips “ How do we do this?”

“ We can date,” he smiled, kissing her again “ anything you want from me you can have.”

His answer seemed to satisfy her heart because she slowly stood to her feet to hold onto his hand “ Then take me home?”

“ But Nick has your keys..”

“ No,” she smiled, as she brought one of his hands up to her lips “ I want to go home. With you.”

Her words finally sank into his fuzzy brain as the images she projected made his heart soar with desire, sealing a promise of long ago to keep her heart safe from pain. So wordlessly, he took her hand, holding her close, while the other hand held her solitary luggage, and together they left the past behind………..