Human Nature
By Clara
Disclaimer: None of the characters in this fic are mine.
Spoilers: Minor spoilers for �Tale Of Two Parties'
Summary: Maria thinks about what she has and what she wants.
Author�s notes: When writing in a new fandom I always seen to start with extreme
angst, so here we are. Feedback would be greatly appreciated.
Rating: PG-13
Category: Angst, Romance
Couples: Max/Maria, Max/Liz, Maria/Michael
Archive: Take it if you want it; just keep my name and e-mail attached.
***
Have you ever lain in bed at night and just felt trapped by your life? Then you
start to think about what your best friend has and wonder what it'd be like to
be her or to have what she has? I guess its human nature, never to be satisfied
with what you have, always wanting what you can't have and never wanting what
you do.
I love Liz, really I do, she�s like a sister to me. But I watch her with Max and
they're so sure that they're supposed to be together, so certain that it's right
for both of them despite Max's supposed destiny. Then I look at what I have with
Michael. At times he can be so sweet, while at other times I feel like he goes
to such lengths to hurt me, I've always wanted the type of relationship where
the person you're with means everything to you, and there's no doubt in your
mind that they feel it to. But with Michael, I never know.
Of course, it's not totally Michael's fault I feel this way. I loved Max before
Liz even knew who he was and I hate that. I feel like she stole him from me even
though he was never mine. I guess it'd be easier for me to be around them if
these feelings were at least diminishing, but they're not. I had such an amazing
time with Max at Enigma more fun than I've had with Michael in a long time and
it just seemed to make my feelings stronger and more real to me.
There's not doubt in my mind what I want, just as there is no doubt that I'll
never have it. I want Liz to be happy and she's happiest when she's with Max.
While we danced on New Years Eve, he whispered in my ear that he felt something
for me he really shouldn't. Afraid that Liz or Michael would hear him even then.
That's what makes me so sure he'll never be mine. The number of people we'd hurt
would be ridiculous, we'd never be able to express what we felt openly without
feeling someone, somewhere, was judging us... So why doesn't this make me feel
any better? Because no matter how self sacrificing I try to be and how much I
suppress my feelings, they're still there. I'm committing this betrayal of my
best friend. I love Max Evans and there's not a damn thing I can do about it.