Confessions
By Clara

Summary: Truth takes time
Set: after Pledging Mr Johnson
Rating: PG
Pairing: Catherine/Gil friendship, mentions of Catherine/Eddie

Her Tahoe had broken down a mile from her home and the heavens had opened shortly after. She�d contemplated calling the lab and seeing if anyone was around the rescue her but then her mind had gone back to the fight she�d had with her superior and friend Gil Grissom the evening before and the repercussions of her actions. Suddenly it had seemed important that he not find out about any of this, although she had no idea why.

It wasn�t her fault the Tahoe had broken down but she wasn�t sure she was ready to face him again quite so soon after the discovery of Phil Swelco and Warren Barger sitting by his body, gun still in hand.

Shuddering at the thought of it she began to jog along the road, thoughts of bubble baths and hot coffee keeping her going.

When she reached her road, Catherine slowed down, breathing hard and stared at what appeared to be another Tahoe parked outside of her house, hazard lights on and windscreen wipers going. She knew who it was.

She continued to walk quickly up her drive as he jumped out of the car, bracing himself against the rain.

�What are you doing out here Grissom?� She kept her back to him, shoulders hunched against the pelting rain as she searched through her back for her keys.

�Why do you think Catherine? I came to talk to you.� She can tell by the tone of his voice that he isn�t impressed with her but it�s really not something she feels up to dealing with.

�Well, I�m not really in the mood to talk.�

She pushed her hair out of her face as she tried to fit the key in the lock. It wasn�t till that moment that she realised just how cold she was, as her shaking continued to make her miss the lock.

�Need any help?�

�No Gil I�m fine.�

He shrugged and glanced around. �Okay, but pretty soon your neighbours are going to wonder who you�re shouting at it.�

Catherine stopped then and turned to look at him. Had she been shouting? She really hadn�t noticed. Growling slightly, she moved out of the way and handed him the key. She watched as he opened the door easily and gave him a look before stalking past him into the hallway.

She pulled off her coat and shoes before going any further and just let them drop where they fell before carrying on to the kitchen and pulling a bottle of vodka and a glass from the cupboards. She didn�t bother with the orange juice and simply sloshed some of the clear liquid into the glass and drank deeply, shuddering as it blazed a path down her throat.

�Getting drunk isn�t going to help Catherine.�

She slammed the glass down and glared at him as she refilled it. �Maybe not, but it helps with the forgetting portion of the evening.�

She knew she was being irrational and completely out of character but she couldn�t seem to stop the anger that was bubbling up inside her and really, if he was going to invite himself into her home then he was going to have to deal with that.

�What do you want?� 

�You didn�t make him kill Swelco.�

She snorted and lifted the glass to her lips again. �I gave him the push though. You were right before; I shouldn�t have told Barger anything.�

A tear started to slide down her face then and she wiped at it angrily. �I should have known better.�

She tried to push him away when he reached for her, but in the end it was too much effort and she let him wrap his arms around her as the tears continued to fall. �You sympathised with him, you�re only human Cath. You didn�t give him the gun and you couldn�t have known what he�d do.�

She let out a shuddering breath against his chest. �I should of Gil, it�s my job to know.�

He shook his head. �Your job was to do the best you could for Wendy Barger. To find out what happened to her and make sure she was taken care of. It wasn�t your job to baby-sit her husband and make sure he didn�t do anything�he did this himself Cath, you can�t blame your self.�

She pulled away then and walked round to the other side of the counter, discreetly drying her eyes as she sat down on a stool. He waited for a moment before joining her. �Where�s Lindsey tonight?�

�She�s with Eddie.�

They both sat in silence for a moment, the mention of the mans name making them both think about the past and their exchange of words the day before.

�Catherine, I never told you why I didn�t tell you about him did I?�

She cleared her throat and before answering and tried to keep the disapproval out of her voice. �No, you didn�t.�

�It was my night off and I stopped by your house while you were at work to drop some papers off, I think Lindsey must have been at your mom�s�anyway, I saw another woman going in and Eddie saw me. He came down to the car and said he wanted to tell you himself, he didn�t want to put me in the position.�

Catherine could hear the sarcasm in his voice, they both knew Eddie wouldn�t have given a damn about any of the situations he�d put them in.

�Anyway, I agreed that if he told you, I wouldn�t get involved�I am sorry Cath. I just didn�t want to be the one to hurt you, I should have known he�d know that and use it against me.�

�I understand�I just�I can�t shake the feeling that things would have been better if I�d had prior warning, it doesn�t matter how untrue that is, nothing would have made finding out any easier�I never blamed you, you should know that.�

�I know.�

She sighed and looked across at him, unsure of whether she could talk about this anymore. �Do you want to use the shower first?�

He let her get away with the change of subject but made a note to revisit it soon, there were still things he needed to fill her in on so that she�d have the full story and finally stop blaming for Eddie�s selfish actions. �You go ahead; I�ll put the coffee on.�

She slid off of the stool and placing a hand on his shoulder. �We�ll be ok right?�

�Yeah we will�don�t use up all the hot water ok?�

Catherine smiled �Deal.�